Before you slip away

Before you slip away from me

Slow down

The Story Left Untold by Every Avenue

Sunday mornings for Kyungsoo mean sleeping for the whole morning, and if Luhan, Yixing, or anyone else doesn't want to hang out with him, he proceeds to spend the rest of his day grocery shopping and learning a song or two on the guitar, an instrument he had just recently bought a few months ago.

But as Kyungsoo’s eyes open, checking the time, he realizes that it is still seven in the morning. He usually doesn’t wake up until noon. And worst of it all, Kyungsoo wakes up with the thought of Jongin lingering on his mind. Kyungsoo checks his phone for a text message from Jongin, but to his avail, there was none. He only got a text from Luhan, telling him that his boyfriend is visiting him, and that they are going to meet up in the coffee shop. Luhan also invites Kyungsoo, if he ever wanted to tag along and meet him. Kyungsoo doesn’t reply yet; he instead rubs his forehead due to the overwhelming emotions rushing through him.

After he is done visiting the supermarket, he finally sends a reply to Luhan, telling him that he is going since he had nothing else to do. Kyungsoo actually has two reasons, telling Luhan only one, and these were his two reasons: 1) Because he’s bored, and 2) Because he hopes to see Jongin. Kyungsoo feels that the second reason is pathetic, and he finds no reason to tell Luhan that.

Okay~ Heehee.1PM okay? You’re like my father and I’m your daughter and I’m going to introduce you to my boyfriend~ Ah~ I see that you got no other plans today, eh? Not meeting up with anyone **special**??

Kyungsoo doesn’t know why Luhan’s text message had to surround the word ‘special’ with asterisks, but he figures that this was Luhan he is texting, a 20-year-old frivolous guy who has way too much energy and dirty thoughts on his mind, which means that he is a guy Kyungsoo could never take seriously.

Kyungsoo replies:

No, I’m not. .____. See you later.

------------------

For the whole day so far, Kyungsoo hasn’t got the guts to text Jongin. He has so much to ask of him, he thinks that a mere text message wouldn’t be enough. He shakes off the worry he has and enters the shop. He’s a little bit late, appearing half an hour later, but Kyungsoo thinks that it would be nice for them to settle down a little before he appears.

Scanning the room, Kyungsoo looks for a guy with blonde hair (Luhan). He immediately spots him, because the shop not being so large, and Luhan’s hair is really bright. He looks at the person Luhan’s talking to--a normal-looking guy. He has black hair, and he is surprisingly tall. When he laughs, his eyes formed into two crescent-like shapes with the corner of his eyes scrunching up, which reminds him of Jongin.

“Hey!” Luhan enthusiastically says to Kyungsoo.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo replies, taking a seat.

“Hello,” Luhan’s boyfriend greets Kyungsoo with a smile.

Luhan clears his throat and his face changes to that of a stiff, unmoving soldier. “So, dad, I would like to introduce to you my--” Luhan’s supposed joke is stopped, because he bursts into laughter. Kyungsoo smiles, and he proceeds to look at Luhan’s boyfriend. The guy just smirked, like how a friend would normally react to his friend’s lame joke.

“But seriously,” Luhan stops his fit of laughter. “This here is Oh Sehun! He’s 18, and yeah,” Luhan’s head turns to look at Sehun as he gestures towards Kyungsoo. “Sehunnie, this is Kyungsoo. A co-worker and a friend.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Sehun replies.

They talk about normal things, and time is  ticking, but Kyungsoo never catches sight of Jongin. For the past hour and a half, Kyungsoo learns that Sehun is a smart guy. He is leaning more to the serious type, and his words are few. But he has a certain look, an appearance that is so distinguishable from all his other expressions that would only show up when he is looking at Luhan. Kyungsoo can’t describe it, but he’s sure that it is beautiful. Seeing polar opposites interact with each other is interesting. With a playful 20-year-old blonde guy whose voice and laugh are loud enough to fill the whole room, or enough for it to remain echoing in Kyungsoo’s thoughts, and with a smart introverted guy who loves computers and the internet--it’s a unique couple. And Kyungsoo thought Luhan was just kidding when he said that he felt like it was ‘true love,' but seeing the two of them now, it is indeed real. Though, Kyungsoo can't help butwonder if the two will ever break up. They may last for a few days, or maybe a few years, or maybe even forever. He feels bad for thinking about a couple’s break-up, but the thought just came to him. Suddenly, Kyungsoo remembers all of Jongin’s ramblings from just a few days ago. He must have really loved his ex, like how Sehun and Luhan currently feel for each other, and how Kyungsoo feels for Jongin. He wonders if there is a possibility that Kyungsoo could ever weigh love, to see which one loves the strongest. But he knows that there is no way of knowing that. How can something so abstract be measured so easily?

Kyungsoo sighs as he looks at the time. He proceeds to look at his cellphone.

At three in the afternoon, Kyungsoo is getting tired. He bids the two farewell.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” Luhan says, stopping Kyungsoo in his tracks.

“I’m not feeling that well. I think you guys should go have fun by yourselves,” Kyungsoo says, smiling as he turns back.

“Well, if that’s what you want. Get well soon,” Luhan says back, waving his hand good-bye.

Kyungsoo steps out of the shop, his feet feeling heavy. It feels like he has to drag it around just to get by. He makes his way to his apartment, and his phone vibrates. It is a text, from Luhan:

You’re not doing so well? Please don’t get yourself into anything bad. Think it through, and ask yourself if you’re ready, and if he’s worth it. When you’re sure of it, then the rest is up to you… Cheering you on!!

The message catches Kyungsoo off guard at first, because for the first time, Luhan’s message isn’t sugarcoated with anything, it’s direct, and it actually makes sense. Kyungsoo has always thought that Luhan was reckless and that he never learns, but he’s wrong for judging him so quickly. He figures that even a guy like Luhan has some depth in him. He was a good guy, and Kyungsoo mentally apologizes to Luhan for thinking that he’s not a good guy. He replies:

I still don’t know what to do. I didn’t see him today. But thanks for everything. Maybe you’re a responsible person after all.

Shortly after, Luhan replies.

Damn right I am!! Do you swear eternal loyalty to your master Luhan now? I’m awesome, I think all of you should love me more. btw, I don’t mean to sound like a ert or anything, but Sehun wants to spend the night with me!! Oh, self-restraint, I need you now….hehehe what were we talking about again? Oh yeah. Good luck Kyungie!!

He also attaches a picture along with his message; it’s of him and Sehun. Luhan has his serial killer smile on with a thumbs-up, while Sehun is bashfully grinning. Kyungsoo smiles as he reads his friend’s sarcastic reply, and he sends Luhan something short:

Never mind. I take it all back. Sehun, it’s a trap, Luhan’s gonna eat u if you sleep there. And thanks. See you tomorrow.

----------------

When Kyungsoo wakes up from a nap, he realizes that it is almost nine in the evening. He reaches for his phone, but he has no new messages. Kyungsoo puts his phone aside and rolls on his bed. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since he last saw him, but Kyungsoo wants to see him. He never could’ve guessed that he could miss someone so much. From Monday until yesterday, each day felt so short. But today it feels like it’s lasting twice as long. What’s weird is that Kyungsoo, as much as he wants to meet up with Jongin, he doesn’t. He wants to talk to him, but at the same time he doesn’t. Kyungsoo buries his face in his pillow, wishing that yesterday never happened. He wishes that he haden’t sleptover, because maybe Kyungsoo would’ve given up on Jongin, because if he hadn’t visited him, maybe Kyungsoo wouldn’t feel like he and Jongin were actually close.

Kyungsoo touches his lips as he closes his eyes. The kiss that happened feels like it is such a distant memory now. He doesn’t know what he’s feeling anymore. The more he thinks about it, the more it hurt. For all this time, Kyungsoo had managed to ignore reality. Up until this moment, he pushed all his thoughts to the back of his mind--he ignored the fact that Jongin didn’t love him, he ignored the very real possibility that Jongin would never love him back; he ignored the fact that the memory of his boyfriend was still fresh in Jongin’s mind, he ignored the fact that he loved Jongin so much.

His life has taken a turn since he met Jongin. And yesterday, Jongin kissed him. He doesn’t know why, but when Kyungsoo tried to kiss him back, Jongin quickly withdrew. Yesterday, Kyungsoo promised himself that he would forget all about it, just as Jongin had asked of him. The more he wants to erase that memory, the more it remains in his mind.

He wants to see Jongin.

He doesn’t want to see Jongin.

Kyungsoo feelss scared. He feels excited. He feels guilty. He is feeling so many things he could barely even fathom, much less name; but he know one thing for sure: they are all directed to Jongin.

Should I give up? Kyungsoo asks himself. He seriously considers it for a while. If he were to stop hoping for a requited love, then they would end up being friends. They would end up being normal, good friends who like hanging out together. It’s not what Kyungsoo wants, though.

He walks around his bedroom.

And he later finds himself in the shop. He greets Chanyeol and Baekhyun, the ones who work the late night shift on weekends. Kyungsoo orders a cup of espresso and grabs a couple packets of cream and sugar. He settles down in a table that would fit two, and stirs his drink. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to give up just yet. He’s calmed down now. He tells himself that he needs to be more patient; the past week has been surreal enough as it is.

"You’re good company. And I’m willing to travel over a couple of places for you."

He remembers Jongin’s kind words and actions. It feels reassuring.

It is almost ten o’clock.

He drinks his cup of coffee slowly. He had brought a book with him, just in case he got bored, though he doesn’t read that much. Kyungsoo instead looks at the front door. He scans the room. He sees people come and go. He sees people’s happy faces, and he sees others who look grim. Kyungsoo notices people who are in groups, he notices a few couples, and he notices that there are people who are alone, like him. He realizes that so many different worlds exist in this coffee shop; so many things were happening right now. Everyone here has their own purpose, and Kyungsoo wonders what they’re going through. He wonders if anyone is feeling the same way he is feeling right now.

Slowly, he leans back against his chair and waits for the rest of the night to pass. 

a/n: .....okay ignore me and my feelings please nothing to see here!! i'm just figuring things out. then a decided to get back to reading, so i finished this book, and then i got that writing feel. i mean i felt like i wanted to write because for a while i was too lazy and i did not know what to write haha forgive me

anyway feedback is always appreciated! what do you think, what will happen next, blah blah. just dont ask why i'm so weird. pffft. okay. till next time :D