// Skin-Deep | Chapter 6 //

Not everyone was the same.

Some are satisfied with a relationship that grows over time, others can accumulate love for someone they held no feelings towards. Some can live without love at all, as long as they had at least a friend. Victoria couldn’t think less of them.

It wasn’t Victoria who wished she could be like that though, her parents did.

Yet it was a loyal maidservant who voiced their concerns to her.

“Why aren’t you thinking this through?”

“I’m sparing us valuable time.” Victoria replies swiftly. “He’d end it with him within a year’s time. Maybe less.”

“Why do you think so negatively? You haven’t even dated yet, if you tried you may find you like him.”

She looked past the maidservant, knowing these would be the same words her parents would say.

She wanted to yell back that they needed to stop placing their hopes on her. “This shouldn’t be our priority right now.” Victoria replies. “We can start dating yes, but he’s going to realize sooner or later that I feel nothing for him. And yes, I could probably act the way like I’ve seen others do. But unlike Ryan, I don’t think he’d live with that. He isn’t that foolish, and even I can’t manipulate him that way.”

“Even if you think you cannot, you have to try.” She voices. “You have an obligation your parents, you cannot ignore that.”

Victoria shifts her eyes. She couldn’t deny her that.

She could try to convince them a thousand time why it wouldn’t work, why she knew it wouldn’t. She’s been honest this entire way instead of pretending for their sake, and it hasn’t done her any good.

They put her in the best dress they still had, fix her hair and makeup till she appeared her best. And when she sits in that restaurant, accompanied by Ryan, it’s as if nothing’s changed. Life is exactly the way it was once for her.

Strange to think that aside from the press and functions, they were rarely in the same room at once. All this time spent with them, she realized both sides had begun to learn things about the other they didn’t notice. It wasn’t appreciated. Her parents assumed she’d be obedient to every whim, she thought they’d leave her out of their politics. It was sad to be wrong.

Her parents continued to hope anyhow. That Ryan would be like any other man if they felt nothing towards one another, that he’d want her solely for her looks. A shallow courtship was better than none.

-

When Kris walks from a nearby grocery store with a few bags on hand, he orders a piece of bread from the bakery right next door. And to his surprise as he waits by the counter, he recognizes the young woman who sits outside behind the large window.

And when he leans forward, the young woman happens to meet his eyes and grins. “Kris!” Krystal says excitedly.

Kris offers a smile back. Krystal offers the seat across from her and Kris takes it, he doesn’t have to start much, she fills in the conversation with ease.

“I work across the street at that shop,” Krystal says when Kris glances at her uniform. “It’s tiresome working sometimes, but being able to buy your own things is nice isn’t it? I actually bought a bag, but because I wanted it!” She exclaims with excitement.

“Be careful with that.” Kris lightly says.

Krystal nods her head. “I’ll do my best, I won’t splurge on myself.”

“You can, just not often.” Kris corrects and Krystal gives another nod, she listened without much argument. “We’re not at the host club, you don’t have to listen to my advice. You don’t even have to pretend to know me.” She had another favorite in that club anyhow, they rarely spoke. That aside however, the last thing she may have wanted was someone from her past bringing up her former job.

His clothes, his dyed hair, earrings and his behavior caught plenty of passer-bys’ attention. She didn’t need those anymore.

Krystal’s demeanor doesn’t change, she understands the hidden context perfectly. “I’m not ashamed.” She smiles.

Who else understood them but each other?

Kris finishes his snack, “Don’t ever lose your optimism Krystal.”

Krystal gleams when her phone texts. Kris’s eyes dart to the phone, his memories bring back the dark alleys and wet pavement, when all he saw was a woman in an expensive dress speaking to Krystal that night. He realizes she was one from the party he had been to earlier.

The rules stated you never give your personal number to anyone, and right now Kris still carried both cells with him. Neither had her number, she never had his. There was still a chance.

“Krystal, can I check your phone?” Kris asks and Krystal hands it right over.

When Kris waits for the light to turn, he grasps his cell where the new number is entered. The thought occurs to him that her number could change considering her circumstances. All Kris could count on was knowing that she would never leave Krystal alone.

“Soojung!” A voice cries out and Kris turns around to see a girl in a similarly dressed uniform addressing Krystal. That must have been her real name.

And as Krystal entered the shop, Kris truthfully felt she could amount to more, but who was he to state such things.

She found her happiness, and that was something worthy to be envious of.

-

Victoria entered her home, well fed and rested, but still she leaned against the wall after changing into her clothes. Her parents hear the door but don’t come out, it was late at night.

It’s a smaller house they were now in, one her father inherited from an uncle but this was their first time using it. Victoria looks around and sees all the piled boxes.

“We may not have to unpack everything,” she hears her mother say.

Victoria waits until her parents fall asleep, and then walks back to those things, and begins to unpack just a bit more. She continues this routine whenever she had the chance, and slowly in case her parents noticed.

And when she figured she took out just the right amount, she lifts her bag and takes out a tucked folder. Under the moonlight by the window, she takes out a pen and begins to fill out each job application.

And when the moonlight begins to dim, Victoria knows it’s time to put them away, and sleeps for the night. She sleeps just a few hours and wakes up before her parents do, leaving promptly.

Victoria drops off each application and only had three left on hand. “Thank you for your consideration,” she smiles to the manager who meets with her within that high-end store. She gives a final bow when the manager leaves to the back.

“Is this what you’re reduced to now?”

Victoria turned around and sees Kris in front of a mirror, trying on a new jacket. “Sad, isn’t it?”

Kris checks himself over before bothering with a reply. “I assume you’re being thorough, in case your matchmaking doesn’t work out.”

“It won’t.” Victoria states rather confidently and Kris arches an eyebrow.

“Why is that?” Kris asks, he then smirks. “Never-mind, it’s obviously not my business after hours.”

If he spoke with her any longer, he might lose himself.

Before he has a chance, he feels her grip on his elbow and is forced into an open fitting room. The curtain’s dragged across and the two stand inside.

“Even if it is after hours, I won’t have you misunderstand.” Victoria says swiftly. “It appears you’ve heard about it then.”

“It’s difficult when all everyone can do is gossip. When they think their twisted words would catch my interest.” He hears them badmouth her name, ridicule and mock her circumstances. Nothing about her simple attire even brings out a look of sympathy, his expensive taste doesn’t intimidate Victoria in the least. In the worlds they lived in, appearance may have meant much, but held so little value.

And right now, it was the last thing on his mind.

Kris then shifts his eyes to the two other applications still in her possession. “You don’t see it working out at all?”

“I have my doubts.”

And when Kris’s eyes dart up and locks with her, it doesn’t take much to see how much she unveiled to him. She doesn’t bother to hide it.

“You’re falling for a living fantasy.” Kris states coldly.

Nothing about his behavior fazes her. “You are everything but a fantasy, but yes, I did fall for you.”

“Why not marry him? Don’t you think you’d be happier with someone like him?”

“No.” Victoria replies.

Kris knows she’s being honest, right now though, he’s hesitant to believe her.

And when his bangs hover above his eyes, Victoria stands tall and explains everything.

“I hold no feeling towards him whatsoever. He’s kind, naive, I’m sure he’d be a good husband, but I cannot force a love that isn’t there. I know that with him, no matter how much we know one another, I’d just realized how wrong for one another we are. If anything, I’d be kind and pretend that much wasn’t true for his sake.”

Victoria cannot see his expression, but she inches closer and speaks as clearly to be heard.

“I could be the doting wife for life, but then it’s a constant job to pretend you’re happy. It’s a life I’m tired of living.” She clenches her fists. “Aren’t you the same way? After every day, don’t you feel you’re only yourself at home?”

Kris, for a while, says nothing. Victoria tries to be patient and waits.

“...You sound as if you know exactly what you want. You must know yourself well.”

Victoria smiles, “Partly.”

Kris turns around and faces her, there’s that same determination that irked him most of the time. No matter how bothersome, Kris would have nothing less.

If he was going to give his all, he needed to know she’d do the same. This wasn’t a game, some conquest she needed to fulfill for the sake of amusement.

And as she reached for his hand that remained stubbornly against his side, she grasped his locked fist.

“I’d like to discover who I truly am. And I’d prefer it more, if that journey was made with you.”

There was no guilt in choosing him, no second hand thought or doubt lingering in her choice. It’s clear.

And unlike the many who look at him with hesitation when they declare their emotions, or with obsession, she with a level-headed mind, chose him.

Her fist relaxes and he slowly intertwines his fingers through hers.

“I know you’re afraid to trust me,” Victoria murmurs quietly.

“I’m unsure.” Kris corrects. “The last thing I want is for you to think I was just another mistake.”

When his hand moves, Victoria’s afraid to think Kris is pulling away from her. Instead he presses her against the mirror with both arms entrapping her, resolved in what he was set to do.

“I never want you to regret, to even think I’m no better than that guy.” He says coarsely. “I’m going to spend every day proving I’m the best decision you’ve made.”

Victoria lifts her head. “How are you going to start?”

Kris doesn’t take a second’s hesitation and leans in.

Victoria turns her head. “I want you to understand. Ryan and I are still dating... Let me end it cleanly with him first.”

“No.” Kris insists to Victoria’s confusion. He doesn’t back away, still holding her close. “If you do it, he’ll think you ended it prematurely. If he does it from his own accord, he won’t bother you with second chances.”

Kris grasped the strands of her hair as he placed them around her shoulder, pressing his forehead against hers.

Now all they had to do, was wait. And then Kris makes his promise.

“When you end it clearly with him, I’ll make you mine.”

-

In that aspect, it turns out Victoria was wrong.

Ryan ends it with her within three month’s time.

-

It’s a world of hypocrisy he steps into as the doors open, welcoming him into the maze-like room. The red carpet covers every inch of the room beneath the leather seats and rectangular tables. There’s little decoration, but each with a purpose, paintings and photos that help to encourage and bring up conversations, glasses that reflect and feed their vanity and the smooth surfaces that they easily place their hands upon.

Encouraged smiles, shifted eyes, a relaxed and free stance.

There he was among them. A world of leisure.

Still, it’s only so brief. And when Kris steps out every morning, his days and nights feel more distinct each time. And his personas begin to split, it wasn’t so hard to do so now.

He still carried two cells, he still drank more than anyone should consider. And when he enters his apartment, he’s helped by a second person who carries him to his bed.

“How many bottles tonight?” Victoria asks.

“Too many.” Kris groans and Victoria laughs. He feels her hands soothingly cradle his cheeks.

“Don’t turn on the lights,” he warns her and she smiles deviously.

“Fine, tonight I’ll be kind then.” With a gentle pat against his cheek, she stands up and grabs her bag, already out the door. She’s dressed in her uniform and prepared to start her shift for the day.

Victoria by then, needed a second job to fill in the days she had off from the first. From helping customers find matching outfits to cooking meals on other days, her days begin to mix together. These may not be ideal in her parents’ eyes, but she made do.

For a former politican’s daughter, Victoria remained headstrong.

Victoria had stained hands by then, and her friend welcomes her.

“You should wear gloves,” Krystal adds worriedly as they wait by the bus stop, tapping her boots against the sidewalk’s edge. Victoria smiled, holding up her hands as she sat beneath the plastic, admiring her working hands.

“They said a woman’s hands is her biggest pride.”

Kris held them close despite their appearance and massaged the cream into her skin, ”Don’t neglect them.”

Tonight, he’d probably reprimand her for the same. She’d counter right back, though both are too stubborn to change sometimes, neither can ever claim to be perfect.

He continues the business, there’s no leaving for him. He engages conversations, feigns love for them all. She has little to worry about unless they preferred a superficial thought.

She understands, and offers an illusion with her parents who assume she’s been dejected as they have, left with so little fortune. She still helps them as much as she can, whatever thoughts they had of her, a filial daughter she remained to be who continued to learn about her parents each day. It was progress, they were no longer strangers.

Its those illusions they both give a rest and take on a different role.

There’s no price to each kiss, each contact, each word exchanged. Everything is more than face value, and he finds it’s worth more than anything. She smiles as she rests by his side in those early mornings, a gentle hand welcoming home. Her stained hands are brought into his grip and he brings it to his lips, keeping her by his side before they both return.

He was hers. Beneath the thin surfaces, there’s a burning truth they’re both aware of and accept willingly.

It’s a thought he embraces, and keeps forever. And together, they are free, boundless.