Words: 1139 words
Summary: There are days when Kris felt like quitting this reality, and those days had been especially hard on him, with sweat trickling down coarse skin and muscle tightening at simple gestures, but those days are also the days when he felt the sense of belonging, if not, warmth with some love coming from the eldest of the twelve.
Notes: i wrote this because i'm in a desperate need to get my leader!kris feels out. also posted this on tumblr and lj

Wu Yifan does a great job at keeping his M members under control and in line, and he did an even greater job of controlling everyone when teamed up with the manager hyungs, but once they flew back to South Korea to reunite, it’s a whole new story. Chen had unleashed the inner Jongdae and became even more ravenous after teaming up with the beagle line and Luhan is just as much influenced by the three, and Tao had joined the maknaes Sehun and Kai and became as whiny. That is still fine though, with Suho in charge, and the addition of two more managers made Kris finds it to be a normal task after all.

However, what threw him off was the timeless training, countless strains that pushed not only his physiques to the limits, but tested his mental ability to withstand the pressure put forth. It’s not like Kris isn’t used to this, do recount the harder trainee days where the path was vaguely outlined because nobody knows if they are going to eventually debut or not, and the whole concept was just gambling your lifetime waiting for un-promised fame. But now that he actually grasped the fame, tired was coming in the form of thinking about others; younger members, fans and staffs first. It gets him weary at first, but Kris should be able to handle that. He’s not made the duizhang for nothing.

Kris is constantly worrying, worried that he is not able to satisfy the fans’ need, match the company’s and s’ expectations. He is also insecure of himself, very on that subject. Although it is true EXO was formed based on their looks, and Kris pretty much tops everyone else on the list, he does not want to be known only for his model-like composure. He could and should be proud of it, but spending a good decade on fame based on looks is not entirely good because he wonders if people are going to remember him for what he actually contributed during the era.

He envies Lay for his obvious talents and passion in this media field, and the ability to play the piano by himself so gracefully. He finds the vocal line endearing for being able to hum beautiful melodies, and practically glares every time Sehun and Kai showcases their powerful moves, their sinfully flexible body. Kris also finds Chanyeol’s passion for rapping and music to be admirable, and asks himself whether if he could ever reach the same level Chanyeol is.

At nights, Kris lay under his blankets thinking about himself, and the reality he’s facing. Some nights he’d sneak out of bed, careful not to wake sleeping panda Tao and exited the room. He’d make his way into the kitchen and heat some water. The dorm would be dark and the door to Suho-Jongin’s room would be open and small snored would be audible. While waiting for the water to boil, the leader would trace careful steps to said room and close the door, because sometimes Jongin sleepwalks when he’s tired and that’s the least Kris could do to prevent.

The heater clicked, indicating the water has been boiled and Kris took a packet of instant coffee and fix himself a mug and added two cubes of sugar. He moved to the island and sat on the stool.

He didn’t know what to think; he’s just enjoying coffee as it is and occasionally sighs out of nothing.

It’s not long before he felt a warm hand applying careful pressure on his shoulder and he turned around to a smiling Minseok.

“Can’t sleep?” the latter asked and invited himself to Kris’s mug of coffee. “What about you?” Kris asked in return and narrowed his eyes as Minseok brought the mug close to his lips before drinking it. “I didn’t remember offering you my coffee,” Kris continued. “Ouch. I’m hurt. I offer you my stuff all the time you know,” Minseok pretended to clutch his aching heart. Kris let out a small chuckle and kicked Minseok in the shin.

“So,” Minseok started, “why are you up at two in the morning? We have schedule at seven tomorrow.”

“You mean today.”

“Whatever.”

Kris took a sip of his coffee and looked at Minseok’s face, dim lights casting dancing shadows on his distinct round features. Minseok is very different from Kris, at so many aspects and levels. Minseok is short, chubby at certain parts and does not speak four languages like Kris often plays out during interviews. Kris breathed and asked, “are you satisfied with yourself?”

Minseok seemed to be lost for a while before breaking into fits of laughter. Kris seemed confused and Minseok struggled to keep himself composed again.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Why do you think I’m on strict diet and danced twice as much?”

“Because you’re passionate?”

“You’re so dumb. I’m trying to get your model-like figure also, you know?”

Kris paused and eyed Minseok warily, realizing his figure. Minseok might have smooth and firm biceps but other than that, yeah he could have easily be the one with the least physical attributes and Kris thought he might’ve asked the wrong question. So he tries again.

“Do you think I have other attributes that qualified me as an EXO?”

Minseok let out a knowing chuckle and grabbed the mug to take a sip of the now less than quarter full liquid again.

“You’re clumsy, that’s one thing. And stupid, that’s another.” Kris frowns. “But you’re also one of the most firm leaders I’ve ever encountered.”

Kris looked up. “You think so?”

“Please, we all know so. There is no way Joonmyun has total power over Jongdae, Baekhyun and Chanyeol. And Chanyeol totally look up to you as his role model.”

Kris was about to ask more but Minseok placed a hand over his shoulder and effectively put a stop at the words coming from the former’s mouth. “Don’t worry too much about it, you’re gonna get as old as Joonmyun and I can’t even begin describe how annoying it gets when he worries about stuff.”

Minseok stood and left for the bedroom and Kris glanced at his empty mug. Maybe he has yet to learn how to remember that not all burden is on him, and not all expectations are made to be fulfilled, and when one of those times comes again, Minseok is ready to come and share a cup of coffee at two in the morning with him.

xx,

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[a/n: guys, drop some words if you want any scenes or shots because i'm running out of ideas and i really need to get over my writer's block. i'm desperate guys! bye bye lovelies~]