Seunghyun used to imagine his first day in his new job in Seoul would be nerve wrecking- meeting new people, adjusting himself to the new environment, learning new things, but instead, he found himself grinning like an idiot even before he reached the hospital. He was excited, but not just because it’s his first day. Seunghyun was on his way out to work when he found a white takeaway bag hanging on his door. A neon yellow post-it note was attached to it, “You said you missed American style sandwich” and in it was two stacks of salami sandwiches. Seunghyun thought his day couldn’t get any better, he just couldn’t wait for lunchtime to arrive.

As he walked to work- going through the mundane motion of swiping his passcard, waiting for the train to arrive and finally, sitting down in the train while staring blankly on the white takeaway bag, Seunghyun knew he shouldn’t be replaying what had happened during the past couple days over and over again in his head. He shouldn’t be thinking about how Jiyong wrinkled his nose when Seunghyun told him about the first time he had to amputate a leg. Or the expression Jiyong made when Seunghyun offered to buy him coffee (Jiyong is a tea enthusiast, to put it mildly). And, especially, not about how Jiyong randomly ruffled his own hair every now and then, which Seunghyun believes is the similar movement angels make upon descending from the heavens.

Seunghyun knew better than that, but he was clutching the white takeaway bag- something that Jiyong actually made for him, the tiny flutters in his chest had officially started a chaotic mess. Seunghyun could only sigh as he bit his lower lip trying to hold back a smile. Easily he can recall the way Jiyong’s lips curled upwards along with the angelic sound that came with it. There’s no point in lying to himself anymore. Not even the rumbles of the train could distract him from the sound of Jiyong’s laughter in his brain.

When he first stepped on the hospital lobby, Seunghyun knew he’s made the right decision to move back to Seoul. This is not what he’s used to in America but it felt right. He knew that he will need to adjust his everything from now on, but he’s willing to- he needs to do this. His friends in the States questioned his decision to move back here. Even his mother tried to stop him once, but it was his sister who convinced him, “You do what you need to do, Hyun. You’ve lived your life for someone else. It’s about time you do what YOU want to do.” Seunghyun has been steadily moving his way forward since then. And, today, when the Chief Resident greeted him in the lobby, he’s determined. And he is ready.

“So what made you decide to come back?” A new colleague of his, Seungri, is asking as they’re having lunch in the cafeteria. Seungri started his internship as a paediatric surgeon just a few months ago and Seunghyun thought he was the ambitious one- Seungri is a few years younger than him but he’s already a star candidate to be a Resident Surgeon in the hospital.

Seunghyun fiddles with his sandwich wrapper for a while before opening it slowly while Seungri swirls his chopsticks around in the cup of steaming instant ramen in front of him.

“Patriotism?” Seunghyun offers his best reply.

“Yeah, sure.” Seungri continues to attack his ramen, slurping noisily.

“Well, I just feel that I haven’t really got to know Korea that well. Just trying to get back to my roots, that’s all.” Seunghyun bites his sandwich slowly, trying to savour it for as long as he can.

“Yeah, says the one eating a salami sandwich,” Seungri snickers as he finishes his own lunch.

Seunghyun can only smile back- instantly replaying the moment when he read the handwritten note from his neighbour. Seunghyun doesn’t mind the teasing, Jiyong made something for him and it’s more than enough.

***

It is already dark when Seunghyun tracks back from the train station. His 12-hour shift ended faster than he’d expected today. Probably because he’s used to it by now. A week has passed since he started working and he’s already familiarized himself with everything and everyone he needs to know around the hospital. Seungri, in particular, has been a great help, especially when it comes to kids speaking to him in different dialects. Seunghyun grew up speaking Korean but he’s still not accustomed to the local dialects, particularly when they’re spoken by 4 to 7 year olds. And also for the emergency ramen stash Seungri has in his locker, which Seunghyun shamelessly took every evening, and every time Seungri just grinned at him, “It’s called being a real Korean to eat ramen everyday. Go nuts, man.”

Seunghyun stops by at the convenient store next to his apartment building, as usual, grabbing himself a can of warm coffee- he’s been so busy, he rarely has the time to make his own coffee anymore. He’s been coming home too tired to do anything and waking up too lazy to prepare anything. Seunghyun passes by the neatly arranged sandwiches in the store’s cooler, smirking to himself. The rows of perfectly stacked white bread in boxes never fail to remind him of Jiyong. It’s been a few days since he last saw his neighbour. It was snowing that morning and Seunghyun was about to leave for work. He didn’t any have umbrella with him so he decided to wait on the lobby for a while. That’s when Jiyong showed up, on his way to work as well. But Jiyong had an umbrella with him- an appropriately yellow coloured umbrella- Seunghyun’s favourite colour.

“We can walk together,” Jiyong offered, smiling. Seunghyun’s heart started to rapidly beating again.

“Are you going to the station?” Seunghyun wished that the other man would nod. And the other man did, still smiling.

Seunghyun held the umbrella as they walked cause he’s slightly taller. Jiyong echoed his footsteps, naturally leaning closer to stay underneath the yellow shelter. Seunghyun focused his vision on the slippery road, distracting himself from the strangely calming scent that’s coming from Jiyong. The smaller man repeatedly adjusted his backpack- casually slung on his shoulder- his side nudged Seunghyun’s arm whenever he tugged the bag. And for 5 minutes, they exchanged nothing but smiling glances at each other. When they reached the station, Seunghyun bowed slightly, “Thanks for the umbrella.”

“Don’t mention it,” Jiyong bowed back.

“And the sandwich too. They were delicious.”

“I’m glad you like it.” Jiyong grinned; causing Seunghyun’s heart stopped beating altogether at the sight.

And then they went to opposite sides of the platform, waiting. Seunghyun saw Jiyong looking back at him through the reflection on the tinted glass in front of him. They smiled to each other. Seunghyun boarded his train first and that’s the last time he saw Jiyong.

Seunghyun sipped the warm coffee slowly; dragging his feet lazily back to his building. Letting the bitter taste coats his tongue and embracing the warmth spreading down his throat. He’s thinking about Jiyong still, maybe he should knock on his neighbour’s door tonight. Be a nice neighbour and ask how he’s been doing. And maybe invite him over for coffee. Seunghyun scoffs, looking at the can in his hand. And just as he is opening the door to his apartment building, he can feel it is already being pulled to the other side.

Jiyong.

“OH!” They both exclaim at the same time.

“Hey I was just-“ Seunghyun stops his sentence, swallows the rest of his sentence, ‘thinking about you. Thinking about your smile. Thinking about your scent.’

“Seunghyun! I- “ Jiyong cuts his sentence too.

Seunghyun laughs, grasping the coffee can tighter. Jiyong laughs too, running his hand through his blonde hair.

“I was just knocking your door a few minutes ago,” Jiyong continues.

“You were?”

“I haven’t seen you for a while. I never really got your number and I wanted to know how your new job is.”

Seunghyun feels his heart thumps louder with each of Jiyong’s sentence.

“Now that I’ve said it out loud, I sound like a stalker. I’m sorry,” Jiyong blushes, but Seunghyun can’t be sure with the dim lights on this small front porch.

“You’re not a stalker. You’re just being a good neighbour that’s all.” Seunghyun takes another sip of his coffee, his throat suddenly dry.

“I’m just making sure you survived Seoul, that’s all.”

Seunghyun nods.

“Have you had dinner?” Jiyong’s proposition freezes Seunghyun’s muscles.

Seunghyun shakes his head.

“It’s getting colder here and I want to hear about your first week at work. So we can either go out to eat or go back to my place so I can-“

“Out. Down the road, there’s a good restaurant.” Seunghyun nervously mutters his answer. The last thing he needs right now- alone with Jiyong in a confined space.

“Okay. But you’re paying,” Jiyong winks at Seunghyun before turning to close the door. Seunghyun gulps the rest of his coffee, convincing himself that the wink meant nothing and that it is not the cause of his chest suddenly tightening right now.

***

Seunghyun swears that Jiyong must have excellent metabolism. There is no way that all that barbecued meat and vegetables and rice and side dishes can fit into the slim figure- not that Seunghyun has been observing the slight curve just above Jiyong’s waist every time Jiyong rubbed his stomach tonight. By now, Seunghyun already feels like a stalker- he’s been subconsciously taking mental notes of the little things Jiyong does- like how he pouts whenever he’s blowing on the sizzling hot galbi-meat or how Jiyong always rubbed his stomach indicating how delicious the food is. But he can’t help it. And he's been telling himself that it was impossible not to notice Jiyong’s clavicle showing when he was taking his jacket off earlier. It is not his fault that Jiyong is wearing only one layer of tshirt (and it’s white too) and that it clings perfectly on his petite frame.

“I am full.” Jiyong has this satisfied glee on his face.

Seunghyun glances at the empty plates on their table, nodding.

“Do you want to get ice cream on our way back?” Jiyong’s eyes light up.

“Wow, you still have space left in there?”

“It’s just frozen milk. Well, actually, it’s whipped up cream and sugar and maybe some flavouring but, yeah I can fit some ice cream in here,” Jiyong lightly pats his own stomach, grinning.

“Sometimes I forget that you’re a food critic and that you eat for a living.”

“Technically, I’m a chef- well, I was for a few years anyway- and technically, I don’t criticise. I simply comment on the food I’ve eaten so far.”

“Technically, your digestion system is already hard at work now and I wouldn’t suggest you eating more unless you want stomach cramps.”

“Screw technicalities,” Jiyong sniggers.

Seunghyun raises both of his hands, giving up, “Okay, but I’m not paying.”

“Deal,” Jiyong winks again.

The two men let the quietness of the night surrounds them completely as they are walking back to their building; both are too busy enjoying the icy treats in their hands. At least Jiyong is, Seunghyun is too busy stealing glances through the corner of his eyes- observing Jiyong enjoying his ice cream, reminding him of the happy faces of his young patients.

“You like ice cream that much huh?”

“Who doesn’t?” Jiyong retorts back, almost squealing.

“People with severe sinus problems. Lactose intolerant people but this depends on the type of ice cream. People with sensitive teeth.”

“Excuse my ignorance, Doctor Choi,” Jiyong rolls his eyes, sticking his tongue out as he does.

Seunghyun thought Jiyong couldn’t get any cuter, and boy, he couldn’t be more wrong.

Jiyong suddenly shifts closer, his arm pressing against Seunghyun’s, finishing the last bite of his ice cream. He mumbles as he does, “It’s cold.”

Seunghyun clenches his fist- holding back the urge to grasp the shivering shoulder next to him. He can feel their knuckles brushing each other. Jiyong is just cold that’s all.

Lucky for Seunghyun, they’ve arrived back to their building in mere seconds after that. Seunghyun opens the door for both of them. He feels Jiyong’s shoulder brushing lightly against his chest. Seunghyun is unsure now- is Jiyong sending him signals? Suddenly he feels like he’s 17 again, when he was flirting for the very first time and here he is, 8 years later, he’s still not better at it.

“You’re working tomorrow?” Jiyong is standing next to Seunghyun, waiting for the elevator.

“Day off. Thinking about sleeping in actually.”

“Lucky you,” Jiyong gives him a smile.

The elevator door opens, Jiyong walks in first. Leaning his back against the wall. And something prompts Seunghyun to do the same. He leans back next to Jiyong and closed his eyes, still keeping a distance. When he feels something weighing on his shoulder, he knows it’s Jiyong. His neighbour is resting his head on his shoulder. Seunghyun stops breathing- he’s not dreaming. Jiyong is resting his head on his shoulder, making the most adorable sound Seunghyun has ever heard as he yawns.

“I’m tired but I don’t want to sleep just yet.” Jiyong muses.

Seunghyun is frozen. He doesn’t believe that this is actually happening. He tries to convince himself one last time- Jiyong is just being friendly. Maybe he just feels comfortable around Seunghyun.

“You want to stop by my place and get some coffee?” Jiyong is now leaning on Seunghyun, head still resting on his shoulder.

And just like that, something warm spreads from Seunghyun’s chest. Causing his spine to tingle, causing his toes to curl, his lips caught between his teeth- threatening to make the widest smile Seunghyun has ever made. He knows Jiyong has to work early the next day. He knows Jiyong doesn’t like coffee. Seunghyun is a doctor; he’s trained to think of contingency plans and possible scenarios but his brain refuses to cooperate this time. He can only think of how much he wants to wrap his arm around the man next to him, tugging the blonde messy hair closer to his own chest.

But he doesn't want to be too forward, so Seunghyun just nods, “Sure.”

Jiyong walks out from the elevator first, Seunghyun follows- already missing the weight that just left his shoulder.

“Do you mind if I wash up first? 12 hour shift,” Seunghyun shrugs just before Jiyong opens his door.

“Sure. I’m not going anywhere,” Jiyong bites his lips.

“I’ll knock,” Seunghyun subconsciously walks backwards towards his door, smiling.

When Seunghyun finally goes into his own apartment, he rests his head against the door. Still reeling from whatever it is that just happened- Jiyong was resting his head on his shoulder, Jiyong was leaning against him.

Seunghyun snorts to himself. He is indeed turning back into his 17-year-old self. Nervous before a date. If he can even call this a date, that is.

His brain is telling him to run into his room, quickly take a shower and then runs back to Jiyong’s place. But, no, he wants to savour this. He wants to let it simmer first- his heart is intensely fluttering, he needs to calm himself. He is putting his bag down on the sofa when he hears someone banging on his door. Must be Jiyong, no one else can access this floor.

Seunghyun hurries to answer the door and he’s greeted by Jiyong’s panic face.

“Jiyong, what wrong?”

“It’s Jae. He’s on the floor. Unconscious. I tried waking him up,” Jiyong is breathless. His voice starts to tremble, nothing but helplessness in his eyes.

Seunghyun instinctively runs to Jiyong’s apartment, “Call the ambulance!”

Jaeyong is lying on the floor near the sofa when Seunghyun comes in. The small man is shirtless, only has his leather pants on. He is lying- chest down, his face is pale. Seunghyun gently flips him over, checking his pulse- it’s weak but it’s there.

Jiyong saunters closer, his voice still trembling, “Is he okay?”

“I can feel his pulse but his temperature is too low. I need to-“ Seunghyun abruptly stops talking, immediately performs CPR on Jaeyong.

Jiyong is standing near them, his small hands cupping his face, “The ambulance is on their way. I called them before I called you.”

Seunghyun pinches Jaeyong’s nose, pulls on the chin and starts the procedure. He blows his air into the trachea. Jaeyong’s lips feel rigid and cold against his. And then rhythmically pumps his hands on the unconscious man’s chest. He does it several more times, checking the pulse after several attempts. It’s still weak. Seunghyun notices Jaeyong’s lips slowly turning blue, there’s not enough oxygen in his blood- Seunghyun keeps pumping his hands over the chest.

“They’re here!” Jiyong shouts from the door. Seunghyun didn’t even realize that Jiyong left but he’s glad that the paramedics are here.

Seunghyun quickly informs the officers what had happened- how he found Jaeyong.

“Asthma,” Jiyong mutters, his hand is still clasping over his mouth.

“Excuse me?” Seunghyun looks up, he sees tears on Jiyong’s face.

“Jae has asthma. Severe asthma.” Jiyong swallows hard, he tries to stay calm.

The paramedics nod at the information and then continue the CPR using the oxygen tube. Seunghyun assists them, still pumping the chest.

Suddenly, Jaeyong coughs weakly, his chest is heaving. Seunghyun stops, he checks the pulse again, “Jaeyong, can you hear me?”

Jaeyong lets out a weak whimper.

One of the paramedics grabs the stretcher nearby, “We need to take him to the hospital.”

“Seoul National. I work there,” Seunghyun helps the paramedics lift Jaeyong onto the stretcher.

And it all happens very quickly. The paramedics are taking Jaeyong away into the elevator with Seunghyun next to them, discussing the possible causes- since no one was there when it happened. Seunghyun doesn’t even realize that Jiyong isn’t behind him until the paramedics ask who’s going to be going with them to the hospital. Seunghyun has to let Jaeyong go by himself; he needs to check on Jiyong.

As Seunghyun has predicted, he finds Jiyong still on the same spot where they left him in the apartment.

"Hey, you okay?" Seunghyun kneels down in front of Jiyong. The still-shaken man is sitting on the floor, hugging his knees close to his chest with his back against the sofa.

Jiyong just nods. He wipes the traces of tears on his cheeks.

"This has happened before, hasn’t it?"

Jiyong nods again. His lips trembling, holding back the tears that starts to form on his eyes again.

"Ji, what's wrong?"

"He went into a coma the last time this happened. His brain was severely deprived from oxygen when we found him and he was in a coma for a week."

"But we got him back this time," Seunghyun slowly moves closer, he can no longer resist the urge to tug Jiyong into his embrace this time. And so he does.

"It is going to be okay. Alright?" Seunghyun softly caresses the head that's pressing against his chest.

"He did drugs."

"What?" Seunghyun ducks his head, his eyes searching for Jiyong’s

"Jae used to do drugs but he told me he quit. But I don’t know anymore."

Seunghyun holds him closer, he gives the trembling shoulder a gentle squeeze- making sure he knows that someone is here for him. He would probably have reacted the same way if it was his sister he found lying unconscious like that. He can only assume it feels worse if it’s his twin brother.

“He needs you now, you know,” Seunghyun whispers.

“Will you come with me? I don’t think I can do this alone anymore,” Jiyong looks up, Seunghyun sees the fear radiating merely inches away from his own eyes. His heart shatters at the sight- those eyes were mischievously winking at him just minutes ago and now, there’s nothing there but fear.

If Seunghyun kisses him right now, it would be the perfect ending to a perfect date. But life is not perfect. When something this painful intrudes, we make do- we overcome with what we have and hope for the best. So instead, Seunghyun pulls Jiyong deeper into his embrace, hoping his answer would provide enough comfort for now, “Of course. I’m here for you.”

------