The clock hanging from the wall above shows that it’s 3AM, Chaerin was too preoccupied by her thoughts to even catch a wink of sleep. It’s been a fortnight since the incident, yet the guilt within her never subsides. The exhaustion she felt was like no other, she tried to get to sleep three hours ago to no avail. She’s been packing her belongings in that space of time.  All Chaerin wanted now was an escape; to forget everything and just stop all these constant, ugly feelings. She always felt so greedy, full of lust, guilt and pain. Those shameful feelings of hers were all too sinful. 

Maybe she’s the one losing it, she has to be. The long hours between work, life, and the stressful times she’d had to wait around for him are giving ways to hallucinations. She can’t remember the last time she’s really had a good night’s sleep. But then he gives her a devastating, heart-stopping smile that makes her stomach flip, something only  Jiyong can do.

She sat on the floor holding herself, she wanted to cry her heart out but she refrained herself from doing so. Chaerin never felt so hurt and alone and ashamed before. She wanted to die; maybe that was her only escape. She looked around for an answer. The shiny object on top her dresser caught her attention. Maybe that was the answer she needed. Perhaps this was her destiny. Chaerin was happy that she had a glimpse of that happiness that she dreamt of as a little girl. She’d hoped Jiyong would be her knight in shining armour but those things only exist in people’s fantasies. Perhaps real happiness is a figment of our imaginations in order to escape the harsh reality of life. The razor was small but it was sharp enough to inflict damage. Red warm liquid flowed from her wrist as she slowly dug the weapon deeper into her wrist. It was so painful, but the pain was bearable compared to the pain she felt inside her.

She didn’t notice Jiyong enter the room, but he was very distressed to see her so upset.  He crouched next to her and pulled  her into a tight hug.  Her took the weapon from her and threw it across the room.  ”I’m so sorry, Chaerin.."  Struggling for composure, Chaerin looked up at him.
“Just leave me again. I don’t want this anymore. You’re getting married soon, I can’t do this. She’s too…too kind. Stop making me into a bad person Jiyong!” Chaerin yelled at Jiyong intensely pouring out all the emotions she’s been bottling up inside of her. She didn’t want to let him go, but because she loved him, she was doing what was right for him. The thing that’ll truly make him happy and she knew that wasn’t her. “I just want you to be happy that’s why I’m letting you go. If you think you’re going to hurt me that’s why you’re here, that can’t be avoided. So just leave...” 

She fought and struggled, trying so hard to escape Jiyong’s embrace but he was so strong that it was impossible for her to do so. Chaerin was helpless, she didn’t want him to let her go but her mind was telling her something else. This was wrong and she can’t let his go on. “Just let go of me, I hate you.” 

Jiyong gently pulled her chin up to focus her gaze onto his, he looked dead serious. She couldn’t quite grasp what he was thinking. He was showing no emotion whatsoever but his eyes looked so sincere and true. “No, you can say you hate me or anything but I’m never letting you go. I love Chaerin. I want to be the one to make you happy. I love you so much. ”

“I love you too, but…” Chaerin sighed, she felt helpless. They both loved each other clearly but he was already tied with someone else.

"I love you so much," he whispered once more as he pulled her into a passionate kiss, breaking away for a moment. "I’m so sorry about everything. I know it’s hard to believe, I didn’t want to have to hurt Sandara Noona and have her go through the pain but we spoke and we decided it’s best to end things. 
Jiyong was happy to be with Chaerin. This was all he ever wanted but he felt so guilty. He hung his head low pulling Chaerin closer, as he recalled what had happened earlier.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________
The coldness of the room, the emptiness; it all made her feel so empty and numb. It all happened so fast. Dara’s eyes stared off into the distance. She’s been awake for quite a while now, she woke to sight of Jiyong by her bedside; it looked as if he’d never left her side. This weird sensation in her was driving her mad, she wanted to kill him, she wanted to hate him but she loved him way to much all at the same time. It was hard not to curse at sky when things like this happened to her. Why was she the one being punished? Everything she had and everything she ever wanted were all but gone.

Jiyong woke up with a heavy feeling in his head. He was surprised to see her wide awake. She looked so angelic despite everything she’s been through, her beauty never faded for even a second.

“Jiyong..” She slowly grabbed his hands holding it up against her face as tears ran down her face. She heaved a sharp breath. “I told myself that I wouldn’t cry anymore. I wanted to be stronger for myself. But look at me. You always make me cry like this.” Dara joked as gave a lonely smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Let’s stop this now.. I’ve had enough. I’m so tired.” She said with such a soft tone, it was barely even audible.”

Jiyong couldn’t take in what she was saying. He didn’t want to believe it but most of all, he didn’t want her to be so kind to him even after all that he’d done. “ Dara, why are you doing this? You can’t back out. I’m here and I stayed for you. I’m marrying you. Isn’t that what you wanted? I don’t want you to get hurt because of me. It kills me to know that I’ve caused you pain and still am. I thought you wanted this but you suddenly decided that you actually don’t want to get married anymore? Dara this is unfair, isn’t this what  you wanted? With or without the child.. I chose to protect you. ” Jiyong grabbed Dara’s hand and held it close to his cheeks as he spoke with tears streaming from his eyes. 

“No, no please don’t get me wrong Jiyong. When I said yes to marrying you, I… I did because…because I love you and I still do… I do but it’s a lifelong commitment. I wanted us to be family. I wanted to raise my child in a happy family that I never really had. I didn’t want you getting tied into this; I know you don’t want this. I want to be sure that we’re both ready for this and that we both want this. I just don’t want to get married. I want to be married; I want to stay married because we both want to. I want us to last.”

“Dara, I love you, I’ve always cared for you from the start. I’m still willing to stay here just make you happy. Please… This is the least I can do for you.”

 Dara stared into Jiyong’s eyes; her eyes were a pool of pain. She looked so exhausted and hurt. The sight of it killed Jiyong, the pain eating its way through his heart. He felt like a bad person. “No Jiyong, I can’t.. Do you really love me? Wait don’t answer that… I don’t want to hear it all from you. I know, I know you don’t love me anymore. You might still care for me, but from the start I always knew this wasn’t love. It was all sympathy and you need to face it. You only got into this relationship because you’ve mistaken love for sympathy.” She paused for a moment.  Jiyong rose from his seat and cradled her in such a warm embraced that Dara almost wished that she could stop the time and stay in his arm for eternity. But she knew she couldn’t. 

“ Back then when Youngbae left, you were there beside me and you saw all of the pain I was left with. We’re so alike, in many ways. Our happiness, sadness, anger and pain are alike; the life we were born to live and even our personalities are alike. I figured maybe that’s why you stayed and looked after me, because you saw yourself through me. The old you, the one who thought that no one was there for him, that’s why you restricted yourself from finding the one who you’ll truly love because you didn’t want to leave me. You didn’t want anything that has happened to you, all those abandonment in your life; you didn’t want any of those for me. I always knew that all along but I was selfish. I wanted to keep you all to myself and I’m so sorry Jiyong.” She hanged her head low. Dara couldn’t dare to look into his eyes. She didn’t want to let go of him, but it was the right thing to do. 

“I’m letting you go now and promise me you’ll be happy. You don’t need to say anything. Just go, leave me. But before we end all this, I’d just like to thank you for everything you’ve done for me so far. Please let me just say this one last time because I know that once you step out of this place, you’re no longer mine. So I’d like you to remember that I love you, I love you so much.”