A year passed after I finally accepted that I have loved Myungsoo-oppa yet instead of getting further away, my feelings started growing for worse. Actually, I had been trying to avoid him so that I won’t fall deeper for him. This had been going on for a few months now but he always catches up to me. God, why are you punishing me for?

            There was once when I had woken earlier than usual and quickly left the house before Myungsoo-oppa could finish. “I’ll be going now.” I tried to stay cool and then headed out the door. “Oh, aren’t you going to wait for Myungsoo?” umma asked. “Uhm, no, not today. I have to do something before class starts. Bye.” I made an excuse. “Take care then.” She smiled as she continued watering the garden. I quickly walked away from the house. As soon as I arrived the intersection, I slowed down and breathed deeply. Suddenly, a person spoke. “Why are you leaving me?” Myungsoo-oppa appeared out of nowhere. I staggered a bit and it was visible that he had scared the life out of me for a second. “Yah, why are you suddenly appearing anywhere? I’ll get a heart attack if you always do that.” I changed the topic. “Ah, mian. But you did not wait for me. Why are you leaving me alone?” he asked again. “I have something to do before class.” I replied, trying not to show the lie on my face. “You know, we could’ve gone together as long as you told me.” He said. “I didn’t want to disturb you.” I answered as short as I could so he won’t detect a loophole.  “I’m always open even if you disturb me though.” He stated. I kept quiet as we continued walking to school. “Yah, why are you not saying anything?” he hit my arm. “Aish, what would I even say? I don’t have any comment that’s why I didn’t say anything.” I hit him back. “You should talk more. To me.” He finally said. I didn’t say anything again. My mind was occupied with what was happening. It was another memory that would eventually become painful in the future. “Arasso.” I answered without thinking. The walk was awkward but he tried his best lifting the atmosphere.

            “You know, I noticed that you are avoiding me these past months.” He opened up. I flinched a bit but I had to think of something—quick. “Am not.” I blurted. Aish, I should’ve said some reason but I can’t think. Stupid brain! Just when I need you most! “Yes, you are. You always try to leave me and you walk away when we meet in school.” He disagreed. Was I that obvious? Ugh, eotteokhae? “I am not leaving you. It just happens that I have been busy these past months and it’s not like I have some reason to bother you in school.” I denied without thinking of my words—again. “Honestly, I’m sad. You’re growing up too fast and you don’t think of me anymore.” He placed his arm around my shoulders. I was shocked with his actions and inevitably, my eyes hooked his. My mind started exploding at the sight of his close-up face; my heart was endlessly shaking; my body was frozen. “Hey, are you okay?” he worriedly asked. I snapped out of my paralyzed state and directly answered, “Yeah. I’m fine and I just want to let you know that I don’t want you to be sad.” He smiled. Yes, the smile that has brought me to heaven for how many times. I missed seeing that because as much as possible, I didn’t look at him these days. The wall I started building immediately broke to pieces. The feeling that I’ve been trying to bury had uncovered itself from the ground. The statement that I use to stop myself from loving him was erased from my mind and the plan I’ve been doing had been burnt to ashes. All of that was easily done with his smile. I hate myself for being so weak. All of my efforts to stop myself from loving him had gone to waste. Why can’t I just stop loving him?

            From that day on, we started going together again. I didn’t want to but my body does not obey my command. Slowly, once again, I was accepting the fact that I am letting myself fall for him again.

            One night, I had a hard time sleeping so I decided to drink some water. I headed to the kitchen but as I passed the living room, I overheard umma and appa talking about something. It was something serious. It was something that changed my life.