When I turned 15, that’s when I realized that my love for my own brother was no joke. I tried to convince myself that it was just a familial love but no matter how I do it, my heart doesn’t befriend my mind.

            Myungsoo-oppa and I go to the same school so we go to school and go home together. He was very popular. Every time we arrive, girls squeak like some high-pitched mice and his locker would always be full of love letters and presents in which he did gladly throw away directly, of course, with my help. Everyday was a routine; arrive to school, sigh, throw presents, go to class, refuse confessions then go home.

            One day, while we were walking from school, I saw a puppy that was about to be hit by a car. Without any warning, I ran and saved the puppy. The car was honking endlessly but did not bother stopping. I thought that would be the end of me but fortunately, my savior had flown down from the heavens. Oppa had ran to me and successfully dragged me away from the road in a split second. We fell on the roadside with me above him, since he protected me from hitting the ground. I felt his heartbeat going berserk. I quickly sat up when I noticed that our position was awkward. He then scolded me infinitely. He bombarded me with lectures that I haven’t even had experienced with umma. “I’m sorry.” That was all I can say. Then while I was about to cry, I felt arms hugging me all of a sudden. It was Myungsoo-oppa’s.

            “Don’t ever make me worry like that again. I thought I was going to die.” He looked like he was going to cry and I don’t want that. I want to see him smile so I tried to lift the atmosphere, “Why are you going to die? I was the one who was going to be run-over.” I felt his hug tighten and he chuckled, “You won’t understand.” “Come on. Let’s get you safely home before you do anything rash again.” He smiled as he got up. “I’ll carry you.” He said. My eyes widened with what he just said. He waited for me to climb his back. “What are you waiting for?” he asked, vexed. “Oppa, I’m okay. I don’t need you to carry me. I can still walk.” I tried up excuses. “Just shut it and climb on.” He grabbed my wrist. My heart beat palpitated like there was no tomorrow. “But—I’m really fine. What’s the use of my feet if I don’t walk?” I said. “I’ll let you walk later. Once we treat that wound on your knee.” He pointed out. I didn’t notice that I had one but that is not a valid excuse for me. “It’s just a small wound. I can perfectly walk.” I stopped him. He stared at me for a moment. His eyes were saying, ‘Just follow me or I’ll get mad’. I gulped. I could perfectly apprehend what he was trying to say and of all the things I hate, I never want to make him angry at me. I sighed and climbed on his back.

            Myungsoo grinned as they were walking. On the other hand, I was too full in calming my heart. ‘Kim Minra! You can’t like him! Stop it now!’ I thought to myself. Frankly, I was also uncomfortable with the fact that the people we passed by kept gazing at us. I’m not the type who likes too much attention. That was not helping me at all. The walk to the house was taking longer than it usually takes. Okay, fine. He was carrying me after all but nonetheless, why do I feel that there’s another intention why it was taking so long. Ugh! I can stop assuming now. I know I can never be with him and he doesn’t like me that way. So I should stop before it hurts me.

            That night, I thought about my feelings. Truth is, every time he smiles, my heart beats faster than it usually does. I knew I loved him and I still do but how can fate be so harsh? I know that I can never be with him. He’s my brother and I can’t do anything about that. Oh, God. Why did I fall in love with my own brother? Of all the mundanes here on this planet, why him? Why can’t I have the one and only person I really want?