---February 23, 2012---

By the time Chaerin and Minzy arrived at the cemetery most of the boys were already there waiting out front for them, they greeted each other warmly and chatted idly as they waited for Himchan and Dara.

It was strange that Himchan was late he was usually the first one here but she supposed it must be Dara as she was always the last to show up often coming shortly before they were about to leave, she couldn't stand to be here too long.

Though she felt bad for thinking it she hoped that Himchan failed to bring her with him, it was hard accepting Yong Guk's death for everyone and the healing process had been slow.

Every day they had to endure the absence of their friend, but not on this day. 

Today was not a day for grief or mourning it was the day they spent together to celebrate the life of Bang Yong Guk and all the good times they shared, Dara didn't understand that.

She was too frail, just the mention of his name made her cry and the sight of his grave always made her hysterical which brought everyone down.

It brought back all the pain and sorrow that they didn't want to deal with then Chaerin would have to be strong for her despite the fact that she was falling apart inside; she had to hold it together when the others couldn't.

That was her burden the one that he had left her with.

"NOONA!!!" Chaerin was pulled away from her thoughts at the sound of the familiar voice.

"Z-Zelo!" The tall boy bounded over and pulled her off her feet in a crushing embrace. "Zelo!!! I missed you too buddy but you're crushing me."

"Sorry Noona." He scratched the back of his head smiling sheepishly and she beamed up at the boy.

"My God you've gotten even taller, will you ever stop growing? And what happened to your hair!?" He crouched down on the ground in front of her as she reached to let her get a closer look at the pink mop of hair.

"I dyed it again I wanted it red like my Hyung's was but the dye I bought was cheap and most of the color washed out." She shook her head at him in awe at how much the boy had grown he had only been 2 years old when she first met him, 11 when Guk had passed, and now he was going to be sixteen.

He was Yong Guk's half-brother they had different mothers but that never mattered to Guk, Zelo was his baby brother and everywhere he went Jun Hong was right by his side.

Zelo idolized him she remembered how that worried Young Guk as he had never exactly been a model citizen and he was always afraid his baby brother would pick up his 'bad habits'.

In a way it was a good thing, the day they had found Zelo unconscious after taking some assorted pills Bang had hidden in his room was the day he stopped popping pills for good and started to take a serious look at the example he was setting for his younger brother.

After their father left them Jun Hong had been more like a son to Yong Guk than a brother, they were all each other had and he made Yong Guk a better man.

'And now what did he have? A memory and a broken home.'

"Noona, what's wrong?" He asked worriedly noticing tears that begun welling in her eyes, the rest of the group turned to look at them.

She laughed a hand over her eyes, "Nothing, it's just you're making me feel so damn old."

"Who are you telling?" She turned around as the rest shouted greetings to Himchan, he was alone.

She waved and he nodded in acknowledgement, "So let's do this thing." Himchan declared loudly marching into the cemetery.

They all followed him.

He was the leader, that was his burden.

They all had one, a role to play, after Yong Guk had gone; even so the eight of them together couldn't fill the void that he had left behind.

Reaching the grave they silently got to work Young Jae and Jong Up spread out the blanket and started sorting through all the items that had been brought, Daehyun was taking out the food and drinks, and Minzy held the flowers and decorations while Chaerin and Himchan cleared off the gravestone.

Then the best part, the part she looked forward to each year.

They sat down and talked about everything that had been going on in their lives and for a little while it was almost like it was, back then.

Hours past and the sun began to set, reluctantly they realized that they would have to head home soon Minzy had to work and Chaerin thought she would have to leave early but she was very grateful when Jong Up offered to give her a ride.

Then Young Jae and Daehyun took Zelo with them after Himchan insisted because he didn't want him walking home this late to which she agreed much to Zelo's dismay.

Then they were alone they stood in silence for a time until he turned and walked a short distance away, she didn't turn even when he spoke. "I am gonna swing by and grab Dara. I'll take my time so you can talk."

She nodded to show that she heard and with that he took his leave, she crouched there staring at the piece of engraved marble and it gently.

It had been a long time since she had gotten to be alone here with him, somehow every time she tried someone ended up tagging along and she could never speak freely and say the things she needed to say.

'I'll have to thank him later' she noted absently before taking a deep breath. "Hey, Guk it's been a while since we talked like this I think I might've forgotten how…heh."

"Um, well things aren't so great right now I lost my apartment and had to move back in with my mom. Minzy's crashing there too. I am still waitressing, unfortunately, my dad was kinda right; a fashion degree isn't the most practical career choice but I'm not giving up yet."

After a long pause she continued, "It hasn't all been bad though, my grades are still good I even got a scholarship it wasn't that big, but it's something. Jae Rim and I are still doing good we've been going strong almost a year now and….and uh…I'm doing alri--"

Her chest tightened painfully and she inhaled sharply.

She couldn't say the words, she couldn't lie; not to him in life or death.  "Dammit Guk…I'd be lying if I said that losing you... was something… I could handle."

That was it she could feel all the pent up emotions of pain, anger, guilt, and grief, as they raged inside her.

Knees buckling under her, she dug her fingers into the earth her whole body was trembling as the tears ran down her cheeks the tiny droplets splashing onto the carved marble.

She had no idea how long she at their hunched over his grave but when she was finally able to get her breathing under control she got to her feet and dusted herself off.

She felt better, much better she smiled wearily and wiped the last traces of tears from her face. "Thank you, for everything."

Then turned and walked away.