Review3: CoolerThanYou
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Title/Poster: 8/10
The title is creative. There's space for interpretation. As of now, I still don't get the meaning behind the title. I hope that you'll unravel its meaning to your readers as the plot goes on.
Poster... Hmm... I don't really know what to say because I'm not an artistic person. It does give a dark and mysterious feel but it doesn't give off the horror feel.
Poster... Hmm... I don't really know what to say because I'm not an artistic person. It does give a dark and mysterious feel but it doesn't give off the horror feel.
Description/Foreword: 8/10
The quote in our description attracted me to read. And I think it's actually sufficient enough to encourage a reader to click the next button.
Adding another paragraph may be good as a summary, however, I believe it's giving away too much of the plot. So, somehow, a person's interest may be reduced after they finished reading that part. Usually a description should only cover the first chapter, at most, to the second one. If not, your chapters may become repetitive.
Character charts. I've no problem with it.
Adding another paragraph may be good as a summary, however, I believe it's giving away too much of the plot. So, somehow, a person's interest may be reduced after they finished reading that part. Usually a description should only cover the first chapter, at most, to the second one. If not, your chapters may become repetitive.
Character charts. I've no problem with it.
Grammar/Spelling:15/20
Bear in mind that 'Infront' is 'in front'. And 'Its' refers to the belonging of an object or an animal while 'It's' means 'it is/it was'.
If your speeches end without stating who's the one that spoke, ending with a full-stop or exclamation mark or question mark is all right.
Eg "Let's stop somewhere." But if they end by stating who's the one that spoke, a full-stop cannot be used. If you want to use full-stops, this '...' is possible.
You stick to past tense all the way, it's fine. It is advisable to stick to past tense if you're weak in grammar so let's say, you're on the right track.
As a whole, your writing is coherent.
If your speeches end without stating who's the one that spoke, ending with a full-stop or exclamation mark or question mark is all right.
Eg "Let's stop somewhere." But if they end by stating who's the one that spoke, a full-stop cannot be used. If you want to use full-stops, this '...' is possible.
You stick to past tense all the way, it's fine. It is advisable to stick to past tense if you're weak in grammar so let's say, you're on the right track.
As a whole, your writing is coherent.
Story's Plot:10/15
I can't believe there's reception in the forest. (Sorry, my country is too small to have forests so I don't know. I may be wrong in thinking like this.) And the manager is such a heartless dude for worrying whether Minho could pay him back rather than being anxious about all the idols' safety.
The flow of your story is relatively consistent and I like it. I'm a thriller lover so this story stands in my favour.
The flow of your story is relatively consistent and I like it. I'm a thriller lover so this story stands in my favour.
Writing Style:14/20
Yes, starting a chapter with speech is one of the many writing styles. There's not much variation of sentences though.
At times, I find that your descriptions are lacking and sometimes, they're redundant.
In the second chapter, I think in order to build up more tension, you would like to have more description on the oddness of the forest. Eg atmosphere. Maybe, talk about how strange it is when you can hear the rustle of leaves but there's no wind. Or that such a pretty flower has no scent. Why was the flower so important?
Vocabulary, Vocabulary! Head over to dictionary.com and use the thesaurus. You're reusing the same words frequently eg 'worried'.
At times, I find that your descriptions are lacking and sometimes, they're redundant.
In the second chapter, I think in order to build up more tension, you would like to have more description on the oddness of the forest. Eg atmosphere. Maybe, talk about how strange it is when you can hear the rustle of leaves but there's no wind. Or that such a pretty flower has no scent. Why was the flower so important?
Vocabulary, Vocabulary! Head over to dictionary.com and use the thesaurus. You're reusing the same words frequently eg 'worried'.
Characterization:6/10 (There's still room for improvements.)
The plot hasn't been developed in a way that I can say much about it.
Onew—a chicken lover— is a cliched character. However, if you go more in depth as to how this chicken lover would cause trouble or help someone it's good enough.
Jonghyun is a singer and a cool guy. This hasn't been reflected in the story much other than the fact that he's popular with the ladies.
So far, Minho and Taemin's characters are the most defined, according to your character chart.
Key hasn't quite... argued... yet.
The f(x) members are the most undeveloped so far.
Bear in mind who are your main characters and develop them well. If what you state in the character chart really portrays the characters in your story, it's fine to be there. But remember, it may be against you sometimes.
Onew—a chicken lover— is a cliched character. However, if you go more in depth as to how this chicken lover would cause trouble or help someone it's good enough.
Jonghyun is a singer and a cool guy. This hasn't been reflected in the story much other than the fact that he's popular with the ladies.
So far, Minho and Taemin's characters are the most defined, according to your character chart.
Key hasn't quite... argued... yet.
The f(x) members are the most undeveloped so far.
Bear in mind who are your main characters and develop them well. If what you state in the character chart really portrays the characters in your story, it's fine to be there. But remember, it may be against you sometimes.
Originality:4/10
I've read stories like yours but don't worry, I don't mark down on how common a rather is. Rather, I pay attention to how you, as an author, deliver this piece of writing to your potential readers. Sadly, it doesn't stand out from the rest.
Reader Reaction/Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
It would have been better if only Taemin could see that creature and his reaction caused many mishaps. Yet, no one believed him for seeing something and simply settled to blame him.
Some last words from the reviewer:
Check through your work before posting. I believe that some mistakes are genuine errors. Use more adjectives and adverbs. It helps with descriptive writing. Well then, good luck with this story and if you've any doubts, feel free to ask me.
Total: 68/100
This review was done by one of our awesome reviewer junyoshi! Remember to leave a thank you comment to the reviewer!
Thank you for requesting at URRS! :3
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