Six months had passed since Woohyun left.  Six months was a long time, right?  Sungkyu thought it was, their relationship had lasted barely longer than that so comparatively it was a long time.  Everyone who knew about the relationship seemed to think that by all rights Sungkyu should have been over it, whatever ‘over it’ was supposed to mean.

He wasn’t crying over it or cradling the sweater that Woohyun had left behind in his arms as he slept or anything like that.  He couldn’t say it meant nothing either that he hadn’t gotten rid of the sweater and he had to admit he wasn’t smiling very much, not as much as he was smiling when they’d been together.  There wasn’t a whole lot to smile about, life was good enough (aside from the still mending broken heart) and work was going well, Sungkyu went out with his friends and did all the things typical for young men his age.  

He was far from miserable but the simple fact was that he’d been so unbelievably happy before that when it was placed side by side with his current state of being... frankly it looked pathetic.  But Sungkyu wasn’t up for fighting against the natural progression of heartache.  Rushing it never helped and while it wasn’t like Sungkyu never intended to date again, like his well-meaning friends implied, he did think it was too soon.  

Six months and he could still recall the feeling of Woohyun’s kiss and the goodbye murmured directly against his lips.  It was far too soon.

No one agreed with him on the too soon thing and he was given one more merciful month of relative peace before he was shoved forcefully into the ‘getting over your ex’ process as outlined by Jang Dongwoo.  First item on the itinerary was apparently a makeover and Sungkyu had not been thrilled.  He could admit that he’d gotten a little slack with his personal maintenance but while Sungkyu had never considered himself particularly good looking comparing him to a dirty, shaggy dog had been excessive.

His hair was a bit long, he needed a trim and maybe he’d lost some weight but he still looked like himself.  

The hair salon was pretty far from where Sungkyu lived and it was dangerously hip.  More than that it seemed to have been staffed only with frighteningly attractive people, it made him wonder if Dongwoo had referred him here for the haircut or to hook him with one of the model looking stylists milling about.  If that was his intention Sungkyu was sure it wouldn’t go well because stepping into that place really did make him feel like a shaggy dog.

The man at the counter that helped him out was handsome, with a strong jaw and sculpted cheekbones.  And perfectly groomed eyebrows.  

On second thought maybe Dongwoo had sent him here to tell him he needed to try harder, how the hell would he ever find a boyfriend or girlfriend again when the competition out there was this well kept.  He brushed at his too long fringe a bit self-consciously.

“Do you have an appointment?”

“Yeah... for 2,” Sungkyu checked his watch, he was right on time.  Hopefully that meant he wouldn’t have to wait around in this warped space of trendiness and beautiful people.  

The handsome guy (that could have referred to any number of the men that worked there Sungkyu realised) gave him a little look, quirked one perfectly groomed eyebrow at him, “Your name?”

“Kim Sungkyu.”  

“Ah, you’re Dongwoo’s friend,” he commented, apparently recognising his name. It didn’t really surprise him that Dongwoo was friendly with the staff, he was the kind that never got self-conscious and tongue tied, unlike Sungkyu.  He just nodded in response and resisted the growing desire to walk right back out of this salon.

“Wait here for a second, I’ll get Sungjong for you.  He’s a junior stylist but he’s really skilled,” he smiled at Sungkyu before walking off, making him feel both better and worse.  Better because his smile was surprisingly friendly, somewhat at odds with his stoic impression he gave.  Worse because that guy was even more attractive than he’d thought and it wasn’t like he could feel any more plain.

He was browsing the shelf of hair product when a soft, light voice called his name and while he turned to look at the person addressing him Sungkyu found himself unable to respond properly.

“Hi...?  I’ll be taking care of you today.”  He sounded unsure, maybe because Sungkyu was openly gawking at him.  It took Sungkyu another moment to gather himself, nod, and mumble a thanks before following his stylist.  

He was attractive in a totally different way than the man that had spoken to Sungkyu first and while that first man was probably no less good looking than this man he hadn’t made Sungkyu’s stomach do weird flip flops and cartwheels.  This one, Sungjong, was beautiful, there was no two ways about it.  Sungkyu found it hard to look straight at him but at the same time when he did he found it hard to look away.

It was embarrassing, especially when he almost tripped over a chair.

He sat down and Sungjong stepped up behind the chair.  Sungkyu thought he must have stopped breathing for a few seconds when the younger man passed his fingers through his hair carefully.  “How did you want it cut?”

He felt really stupid because he hadn’t even thought about it, largely because he’d been reluctant to even come here in the first place, had only come to make his noisy friend shut up.  Now Sungkyu was wishing he had put more thought into it and maybe worn a nicer shirt.

“Just a trim is fine,” he answered lamely and he couldn’t help but to notice how Sungjong scrunched his nose, delicate features becoming slightly pinched.  It was really cute and it made Sungkyu feel a fresh wave of embarrassment.

“How about some layers?  It’ll give your hair more texture.”

“Sure,” Sungkyu replied almost too softly to be heard.  “Whatever,” he continued a bit breathlessly, he wished he didn’t sound so flippant and uninterested but when Sungkyu’s nerves got the best of him it was always like this.  His brain was just too overloaded, he hadn’t come prepared to fight off this level of physical attraction.  It kept chanting at him, ‘he’s so pretty,’ over and over again like a deranged mantra.  Over all of that all Sungkyu could do was pray that he wasn’t being glaringly obvious in his interest.

Luckily Sungjong didn’t seem to pay any attention to Sungkyu’s unsteady gaze (he kept looking from his lap to their reflection in the mirror in front of him).  Sungjong was brushing Sungkyu’s hair carefully, rearranging his part a few times, brushing through his bangs, with a thoughtful look on his face.  Unluckily this didn’t give Sungkyu a chance to calm down at all.

“Have you ever thought of dyeing your hair?”  Long fingers worked through his hair and even though this guy was just doing his job Sungkyu thought his heart might have been fluttering.  He swallowed around the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat.  

“I used to dye it when I was in school,” he answered finally, relieved when he found that his voice sounded perfectly normal and casual this time.

Sungjong hummed softly as if considering something of great importance and Sungkyu felt his fingers brush at the skin behind his ears lightly.  “Would you consider dyeing it again?”

“M-maybe.”

His relief was short lived, Sungkyu heard himself stutter and he winced but Sungjong didn’t react and he could only hope the other hadn’t noticed it.  When he dared to glance at Sungjong’s reflection in the mirror again the other man was smiling, “I think you’d look good with red hair.”

Their eyes met for a moment through the reflection, leaving Sungkyu totally distracted, so it took him a moment to process Sungjong’s comment.  When he did he laughed, a bit abruptly, a loud barking laugh that used to make him feel self-conscious because his mouth was always huge when he laughed and his eyes disappeared into slits.

Woohyun told him once that he thought it was the cutest laugh in the world.

Sungkyu caught himself at that thought, clearing his throat a bit.  He smiled a bit sheepishly at Sungjong, again their gaze meeting in the reflection.  “I don’t think I could pull it off,” he finally said, he had nothing else to say and even if he had it would have been cut off because then Sungjong brushed long fingers through his fringe and pursed his lips.

“I bet you could.”

He wasn’t sure if it was an accident but when Sungjong finally pulled his hands back his fingertips grazed the back of Sungkyu’s neck, he was barely able to suppress a shiver.  He didn’t end up dyeing his hair that time but for the rest of the day all he could think about was Sungjong’s hands and his long, slim fingers.

Sungkyu hadn’t expected to fall in love this time.  Unlike with Sungjong where he’d seen it from a mile away or with Woohyun where he’d been half tempted to run from it, Sungkyu had barely noticed it happening.  It had happened slowly and gradually, by the time he noticed the feeling he was already there, the build up so subtle that he’d completely missed it until the words were at the tip of his tongue again.  

He didn’t say it though.

Even though Myungsoo had been the one that initiated their relationship Sungkyu wasn’t sure ‘I love you,’ were words that the younger man would have wanted to hear.  Sungkyu wasn’t sure he was ready to say those words again either, so he held back.  He would say it when it felt right, that was what he told himself.

It went on for weeks.  Every time Myungsoo laughed at something Sungkyu did, every time he held up his camera with a smile that was half shy and half teasing, every time he snuck up behind Sungkyu and just rested his chin on his shoulder, every other moment they spent close together Sungkyu thought he could feel the words half formed inside him.  But he wasn’t sure when it was the right time to say it.  

It was one of those moments, actually it had been a night filled with those moments starting from when Myungsoo had spilled pasta sauce all over himself while making dinner until this moment with the two of them lying lazily in bed together not even a breath in the way between them.  He thought maybe it would be okay to say it then, curled against each other with their breathing almost perfectly in sync but something was still holding him back.  The words were there, half formed and growing heavier with each passing second.  Sungkyu kissed Myungsoo’s shoulder lightly as if he could spell his feelings out that way, one kiss after another.

They spent a lot of time like that, trying to convey something deeper with touches and kisses, Myungsoo because he didn’t speak well and Sungkyu because Myungsoo wasn’t speaking.  He thought maybe these touches that warmed to the point of burning might give him the courage to break that silence, more often than not though it was just distracting.

Not this time, Sungkyu thought but he might have thought that before as many times as he’d thought of telling Myungsoo that he loved him.  Myungsoo slid his hand up Sungkyu’s , touch warm and light, it settled at the back of his neck and pulled him down into another kiss.  After that it wasn’t long before any form of thought became horribly blurred, smothered by the warm body pressed to his.  Sungkyu lost track of his thoughts until they stopped moving against each other, until Myungsoo was settled in his arms and their breathing slowed to something more even and in sync.

Maybe now was the time, when they were lying so close like this.  It was as if this was their natural state, half curled against each other.  Myungsoo was looking at him as if he was the only person that mattered, the only person that existed.  He did that a lot but it was only in these moments that Sungkyu could really appreciate it, that it felt natural rather than overwhelming.  He smiled and touched his forehead to Myungsoo’s lightly.

The words ended up disappearing again because just the sound of their breathing in the quiet room seemed perfect.  It wasn’t until Myungsoo was asleep by his side that Sungkyu’s mind started racing again, reminding him that he’d once again missed his chance.  

“I love you.”

No one would hear him but he said it anyways, he wrapped his arms more tightly around Myungsoo’s waist and whispered it into his skin until he fell asleep as well.  He woke up a few times that night, found Myungsoo still sleeping against him, his face lit by the city lights that never went out completely, it made his heart ache.  He wanted nothing more than to say those words to Myungsoo, even thought about waking him up just for that.  He couldn’t though so he just went back to sleep.  It wasn’t restful.

That was how it was with Myungsoo, the feelings made him both happy and helpless.  It made him toss and turn at night, restless and disappointed in his own lack of courage. It was in the morning that those feelings would fade a bit, he would wake up and Myungsoo’s arms around his waist tightly as if to hold him still and close.  Most morning anyways.

He woke up to a flash and the noisy click of a polaroid camera.  Myungsoo was straddling his stomach, holding the camera in one hand and a polaroid photo in the other. Sungkyu yelped.

“Wah...you took a picture of me sleeping?”  He rubbed at his eyes for a moment only to hear another click and see another flash.

“That was the fifth one,” Myungsoo said with a laugh.  It was impossible to even pretend to be annoyed in the face of that laugh and that grin even with another flash and click.  

“Stop!” Sungkyu protested even as he laughed, twisting to hide his face from Myungsoo.

He set the camera aside, stretching out beside Sungkyu instead like they had last night.  “You look cute when you sleep though.”  He pressed a kiss to Sungkyu’s shoulder, light and playful, and Sungkyu wondered if he was trying to spell something out as well.

“See?”  He could feel Myungsoo’s nose pressed to the back of his neck, as if to hide his face.

It was a photo of the two of them, taken while Sungkyu had been sleeping, Myungsoo smiling at the camera, innocent and sweet.  

I love you too.

It was spelled out right there, under the image of them together and on his shoulder.  

It had ended too soon, that was what Sungkyu always thought when he thought about Woohyun.  He hadn’t believed it would last forever or anything (or maybe he simply couldn’t let himself believe those things because it seemed too perfect) but with Woohyun he thought it could have lasted…longer.  That they would have been together for more than those few months.

Thinking back it was always something bittersweet, something wonderful that he could never regret but painful in how it had ended so suddenly and quickly.

He thought about Woohyun a lot.

I miss you.  He had sent the message one night when he was a little bit drunk and horribly lonely.  He’d spent a few minutes trying to remember what the time difference was between Seoul and where Woohyun was and then realised he no longer even knew what time it was in Seoul.

Woohyun would message back, he always did even though they had decided against a long distance relationship, even if it was a few hours later sometimes.  Sungkyu just really wanted to see, ‘I miss you too’ on his screen, hopelessly and irrationally.        

The response came hours later, Sungkyu was more than a little drunk by then, he was listening to the CD Woohyun had given him as a gift on his birthday, one single song looping endlessly.  He hadn’t noticed the significance when Woohyun gave it to him until he explained.  It was the song that had played when they first met.  Listening to that same song on repeat Sungkyu wondered when he would meet Woohyun again.

The response that came, it wasn’t what Sungkyu had hoped for.

Shouldn’t you be sleeping?  You’re asleep now, right?

He almost typed in the same thing again.  ‘I miss you’, he missed Woohyun so desperately.  He wanted to tell him that, but it seemed like something that was as obvious as it was pathetic.

I’m awake.

There was no response for a long time, he was sure that meant that Woohyun was staring at the message he’d received because Woohyun wouldn’t have walked away.  He’d always been the one that took Sungkyu’s hand and pulled him along without caring who was looking.  He missed seeing the smile on Woohyun’s face when he looked back at him, he missed the sound of his voice.  Woohyun used to send him disgustingly cute text messages, he missed those too.

You shouldn’t wait for me.  Go to sleep.

That was when they really broke up, not at the airport with their goodbye kisses and barely withheld tears.  That goodbye they’d still held onto each other like lovers, kissed and said ‘I love you,’ like it was a fact that wouldn’t change.  Maybe Sungkyu hadn’t dared to believe in forever but that didn’t mean he didn’t hope for it.  It was really stupid, he hadn’t asked Woohyun when he would be back because he knew Woohyun wouldn’t be able to answer him.  So he hadn’t asked and kept hoping even as they pretended to break up.

I miss you.

This time and that first message what he’d really meant was probably ‘I love you,’ but it was something that he couldn’t say to Woohyun anymore, not with them like this lives so far apart.

The response came quickly, this time Sunkgyu hadn’t been hoping for anything.

I know.

Maybe it meant that Woohyun knew because he was feeling the same thing, hopelessly and irrationally.  That they were both still too in love with each other to really let go as cleanly as they’d planned.  Maybe these past two months of them messaging back and forth without face or voice had been them trying to make it work in spite of the distance nevermind what they’d decided.

It couldn’t work; they knew that to begin with.  Because they were too in love to maintain both that love and that distance but they had to try but maybe if Sungkyu had realised they were trying he would have tried harder.

There was nothing they could do about the distance so the only thing left was to end it, painfully and suddenly.

Good night.

He cried over it that night (because it was finally settled), lying alone in his bed with one hand curled in the fabric of the sweater that Woohyun had left behind.  Sungkyu didn’t cry very often, he hated the feeling, so he told himself that after that night he would stop.

Ah...I'm not completely satisfied with how this part came out so I might rewrite it eventually but for now here it is?  I wrote it with the intention of making it seem like it could loop...if that makes sense?  Like you can read it to the end and pop right back to the top like it's a cycle.  I guess I'm just trying things out. 

Anyways I'm sorry and hope that it isn't too disappointing.  Oh and Hoya cameo, because I adore Hoya and his eyebrows.