Title

The title is something that could catch readers' attention at a glance. For that, I'll give it to you. However, the slash that you placed within your title gives me the impression that you could not decide which title would be better for your story. I believe it would be a lot better if you chose one - either 'The Switch' or 'Switched Souls'. 

Another thing I want to point out would be the use of symbols in the title. I noticed you tend to do that for your stories. I would say as much as possible, avoid using symbols unless it has significance in your story (e.g. hieroglyphics, which definitely doesn't come into play in yours). Symbols in titles make them seem unprofessional, which is not an impression you want readers to have at first sight.

3.5/5

Description/Foreword

I would say the description does pique interest as to what is to come in your story. It doesn't give away too much, thus holding an adequate amount of suspense. Kudos to you for that!

However, I cannot say the same for your character profiles. Basically, I strongly advice against the use of character profiles because they always give away too much which spoils the whole suspense and character development. In your case though, I'll let it pass since your decision of portraying your story in a script format doesn't allow much personality to shine through. Even so, I have to say your character profile wasn't too well done throughout the chapters and not just in the foreword. You revealed too much of their backgrounds and personalities, leaving no space for character development and little for plot suspense. 

A sidenote: I would suggest reducing the font size of everything apart from the description and the character profiles. Having all those designs, large font information and credits, and bright colours just distracts your reader from your story.

3.5/5

Writing style

This section will be somewhat difficult to grade since your script format does not display much of what I can call 'writing style'. I personally feel that script doesn't allow a smooth flow in the story for readers. It doesn't allow you to properly develop the characters, be it actions or emotions. Scripts just don't have the same impact as stories narrated in prose. Readers may not be able to fully immerse in your characters. Plot also depends heavily on conversations, which sometimes cannot convey everything. 

The flow of your story however, is pretty reasonable. It's easy to follow your story and characters. However, your script format causes hiccups in the flow of your story. Sometimes, the story becomes a tad disjointed (if you know what I mean), because there is a lack of detail and description between dialogues. 

16/25

Grammar and Vocabulary

For this section, you didn't fare too well. Grammar, sentence structures and spelling was a tad 'shaky'. Vocabulary was not wide either, possibly because your story consisted of mainly dialogues. I'll do a chapter by chapter breakdown. Do note that I did not correct you whole description/foreword and I basically stopped correcting at Chapter 5. Anything you see from later chapters are only the more glaring mistakes that I felt needed attention.

Description: 

unfiail -- unfilial (probably a mere spelling mistake)

Chapter 1:

If you want just talk to me were friends right? -- If you want, you can just talk to me. We're friends, right? (Note that 'We're' is the short form for 'We are' which is what you want here.)

His really healthy -- He's really healthy (Again a common mistake. 'He's' is the short form for 'He is' which is what you need here. This occurs in subsequent chapters as well.)

"Keeper of the keys?" what a great name! -- "Keeper of the keys"? What a great name! (The definition of Kai's name doesn't include the question mark, so it should be placed after the close inverted commas. After the question mark, you should start with a capital letter. Note, the capital letter issue constantly appears, especially after an action by the character.)

Chapter 2:

Wines -- Whines (You're talking about the way a person talks, not a beverage. The meanings are vastly different. This spelling error occurs in later chapters.)

You always have felt -- You have always felt (Awkward phrasing in your original sentence.)

Its right in hands reach! -- It's right in your reach! (This sentence was really weird, but I'm pretty sure I captured the meaning in my rephrased sentence. Note again that 'It's' is the short form for 'It is'.)

Chapter 3:

he slowly led into stardom -- he slowly rose to stardom (Nothing much to say except that word use was just wrong here.)

leaving it Reserved, Cold and Isolated -- (I understand that you might have wanted to emphasise these words but capitalising them is unnecessary. If you want, you could have placed them in italics or bolded them.)

were is it -- where is it (Spelling mistake here.)

Thats all the for now (a/n under D.O's profile) -- That's all for now (Again the short form for 'That is' is 'That's'.)

informitive -- informative

stay quite -- stay quiet

Girls squeals -- Girls squeal ('Girls' is plural.)

you always miss out all the fun stuff. -- You always miss out on all the fun stuff. 

Everyone looks at Suho with -- I am very certain you got this wrong and it should be Sehun instead of Suho.

Others cluelessly looks at him -- Others cluelessly look at him (no 's' because 'Others' is plural.)

a ordinary -- an ordinary 

EXO members drop their jaws -- EXO members' jaws drop (Phrase was wrong.)

an old women -- an old woman (One person - woman.)

Chapter 4: 

Looks on the ground -- Looks at the ground

Chapter 5:

friendly like personality -- friendly personality ('like' is redundant here.)

He's other half -- His other half (Now you got them swapped! Here, you don't mean 'He is other half', do you? So it should be 'His'. Mistake repeated in chapter 13)

Chapter 7: 

more prettier -- prettier ('more' is redundant as 'prettier' already encompasses the meaning of 'more'.)

his mistress -- the mistress (I know you meant well but when I first read it, it sounded insulting. It sounded like the president was having an affair and she was 'his mistress'.)

Chapter 9:

exACTLY -- exactly/ EXACTLY (please be consistent)

Chapter 12:

definately -- definitely 

Chapter 14:

Undress and quickly come in for dinner -- Get changed quickly and come for dinner ('Undress' means to remove clothing - basically the wrong word used.)

Are you finished bathing? -- Have you finished bathing?/ Are you done with your shower? (Your sentence was phrased with the wrong words.)

I would recommend you to use the spell check function on AFF and also re-read your chapters for mistakes before posting. If possible, you could also get in proofread to reduce the number of mistakes here. 

18/30

Plot and Characters

The plot is not exactly unique because I have seen stories like that where infants are swapped at birth for various reasons. The way you weave the plot can sometimes be rather predictable. Despite that and the somewhat crippling effect (my opinion) your script format has on the plot development, I would say that the plot is still good. The storyline is a tad cliche but I'll still give it to you for the little surprises that you threw in for readers along the way. As of now, the plot development isn't too strong, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt since your story is incomplete and your story has yet to reach its 'peak', or as most would put it.

One thing I must point out about your plot: I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that the Park family actually received the ultrasound results but Madam Park has no idea that she had a baby girl and not a boy. Ultrasound results are basically explained to both parents, especially the mother. There's no reason for Madam Park to be kept in the dark about the swap.

In chapter 6, how did Jiyeon know to recommend D.O to the President when she just met him and didn't even know his name? She wouldn't even know if he had talent. 

In chapter 12 and 13, how can Chanyeol know Krystal's exact health condition? As far as I know, she only mentioned 'weak heart' in her flashback, it's impossible that Chanyeol will know of her specific disorder.

Again, character development was lacking for the fact that your script format doesn't allow for proper, well-paced development of your characters' personality. Based on what I can pick out, your characters do have potential to be well developed if you ever decide to write your story in prose. Most of your characters have the imperfection and/or certain quirks that liven them (as you've described in your character profiles). However, I find some characters a little too stereotypical - Sehun is one for example. Another thing would be a certain air of similarity that I get from your characters. Through the way they converse and their actions, some of your characters seem alike in many ways when they really shouldn't - Victoria and Luna for example. A tip would be to immerse yourself in every one of your characters and feel for them, so that you can express them with their own unique personalities. 

16/25

Insights from reviewer

Overall, it was a rather enjoyable read considering I had no issues with reading through the entire story. I was, however, a tad dissatisfied with the script format and subsequently put off by the grammar/ vocabulary mistakes. It's great that as I read, I could keep up with your narration and yes, it did occasionally put a smile on my face, so great job for that! :) I hope you don't get discouraged by my review because I was basing it on the fact that the script structure was very limiting for your story development. Besides, I'm a pretty strict reviewer and I nitpick on every mistake in writing mechanics. Keep writing though! Your story isn't complete yet and it definitely has potential! :)

7/10

Overall grade: 64/100

-Admin Sehun

Title

For starters, I’d rather you have only one title instead of two titles with a slash separating them. It’s almost the same and though both seemed great, you only have to choose one. The symbols don’t really help the overall of the story either. If you really think it’s necessary and your story just can’t live without it, then by all means, go ahead. But in this case, I don’t see much of its importance.

Your title, however, is quite attractive-minus the double title and the symbol. It would attract a lot of readers as it implied that you have a cool storyline to follow that awesome title.

3/5

Description/Foreword

The first part of the description really attracted me but I couldn’t say the same for the next half. Your description/foreword is pretty unorganized and the size of it all is quite too big for attracting your readers and if the readers lost interest at your foreword then how will they continue to read your story?

Another important thing to remember when writing your description is to not give too much away or else your readers will lose interest and decided it’s something they’ve read over and over again. It’s advisable to give away a little and pique the interest of your readers and let them go “omg I must read this story or I’ll die” or something like that. You should look back at your description and think from another person’s perspective whether or not they’ll enjoy it.

I’d also prefer for the graphics to be of a much smaller size as it ruins the whole image of your story and made your description longer than necessary.

3/5

Writing Style 

To be honest, it was really hard to review as it was in script form. There wasn’t much conveyed writing in script form and readers won’t feel connected to your story. I think it’s quite a shame that this was in script form as you could have done better writing the usual way. I saw your other story and I thought that your writing was quite good-minus the grammar mistakes and misuse of certain words-but you’ve got skill. The spacing needs some work too. This is very important when writing in any type of form. Your spacing between paragraphs are very important as it would differentiate from one time setting to another. Putting too much or too little space between two settings is a problem. Just two or three push of the spacebar should be enough. Having a divider also works wonderfully.

You should organize your author’s notes too. Placing it too close to the contents of your story could really put some readers off.

10/25

Grammar & Vocabulary

I’m sorry to say that I’d have to give you low points on this one. There were a lot of words misused and tenses way out of their supposed time. My colleague has already diligently pointed out your mistakes so I hope that you’d correct it. Grammar mistakes and improper use of words will make your story an eyesore. Please read your story again after you have written it twice or thrice as mistakes are easily overlooked. If you’re lazy to do this, then you can hire a beta reader to correct your mistakes.

15/30

Plot & Character

The plot of the story was pretty common in terms of abnormality. A situation that has been used a lot of times in other fics, I’m afraid. Nevertheless, it’s not wrong to use it and add your own flair to it. And the flair was there just not bright enough to give a distinct feel to your story.

I didn’t think the character introduction for each chapter was attractive, given the big images and fonts whereas the whole chapter is just a tad smaller than the intros. I’d usually rather figure out a character by myself as the story develop and get to know their likes and dislikes and their quirks rather than being told straight up about it. But that is based on my opinion and I understand that it differs for everyone else so it doesn’t really affect the reviewing. The character intros are somewhat significant as writing in script form gives the story a bit of a handicap on developing the character as a whole.

There are times when your plot contradicts itself so to avoid this from happening you’d have to read your story again when writing a new chapter. This is important if you ever did leave out a few small yet important details.

One more thing I’d like to point out is to focus more on the main couple’s storyline then going head first to the side couple’s storyline. As I read your story, I couldn’t find a lot of kaistal moments since you tend to focus more on the supporting characters like d.o and jiyeon. It’s fine to do that but not at the beginning of a story. It’s better if it was in the middle of the storyline than at the start as readers need to get a good grip at the main characters first before understanding what’s going on between the supporting ones.

13/25

Insight 

I’ve seen your story before while browsing through the Kaistal tag but I only skimmed through quickly. Now that I looked at it the second time, I’ve seen the improvements you made towards your presentation and I’m pleased. I hope you’ll take into consideration both of our reviews and fix what you can. It’s not really that bad to use script form in writing. I’ve read some authors who writes this way and still managed to hit me right there. You certainly have potential and never give up on writing. Keep on writing as that’s the only way to be better at it aside from reading a whole lot more books and keeping a dictionary close. Don’t be afraid to write in prose. I have a feeling that you might be better at it than you think :)

6/10

Overall:  50/100

- Admin Sulli

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