Present.

Every evening, I sit in the only armchair in my living room, in front of the television. It's another part of the routine I've made to fill in the jagged edges and holes of my life.

Sometimes I fall asleep there, in that chair, but tonight, I'm flicking through the channels aimlessly.

"If you're looking for a good deal for a quality vacuum, look no furth−"

"Tired of hand washing? Well−"

"On tonight's show, we have−"

"We'll give you a lowdown of all the juicy gossip in−"

"In this week's news, the CEO of the once bankrupt company, I−"

I turn the TV off, rubbing my eyes. A sudden wave of exhaustion grips my body, and I find that all I want to do is sleep.

It doesn't help, though. When I close my eyes, I still see her face behind my lids. I see it everywhere.

Sometimes, I think I'm imagining things, but tonight, it's different.

***

May 30

Last year

I think I screamed in delight when I saw the rain outside my window. I don't even remember getting out of bed, but after what seems like seconds later, I'm running out of the bathroom− hair still dripping, with a towel wrapped around my waist−and rushing towards the window.

"It's raining," I breathe in amazement. "This is perfect."

I'm worried that it might stop raining if I don't get out of the house fast enough, so I don't linger at the window for too long.

In a flurry of hastily opened and closed doors, clothes and flustered movements, I'm walking out the front door, messenger bag slung over my torso. It's slightly heavier than usual, but the weight fills me with a tickling sense of happiness.

Today is going to be a good day.

Yoona isn't at the bus stop when I get there, but I don't mind; it means that I have more time to prepare. I rummage through my bag, peeking inside to see if the contents are safe.

Just as a smile curves my lips, I see movement out of the corner of my eye and straighten quickly. Footsteps−someone's running towards the stop, by the sound of it−are coming closer, and I'm hoping it's...

"Yoona!" I exclaim in an exhale of breath. "You're here!"

She leans over, hands on knees, as she catches her breath. "I'm sorry," she apologises. "I'm late."

A laugh bubbles out from my throat and I shake my head. "You can't be late on your own birthday," I say, winking.

A surprised expression flits across her face and forms a little pink 'o'. "You...remembered?"

Today, she's wearing white shorts and a light, flowery shirt with a high neckline. Her hair is curled and the top of her cheekbones are tinged pink, flushed from her rush to get here.

I didn't think it was possible, but she's even more beautiful than I remember. "Of course," I answer finally, realising I'm gaping at her. "I have something for you."

"You do?" She moves towards the bench and I shuffle over so there's room for her. "I feel bad. I didn't get you anything on your birthday."

"You got me a cupcake," I say. "Besides, you didn't know."

"You should have told me."

I shake my head. "You would have made a fuss," I say, laughing because I realise I'm doing exactly that. "Close your eyes."

She narrows her eyes suspiciously before obeying, squeezing her eyes shut and covering them with both hands. "Tell me when I can look."

I turn back to my bag, keeping one eye on her as I do so, and bring out the box first, then the small bouquet of peach blossoms. Apparently I have a fair bit of luck on my side, too, because the bouquet hasn't been crushed at all in the bag.

After I spend a few minutes arranging everything as neatly as I can on my lap, I hold out the bouquet. "Ta-dah!"

Her hands fly away from her face, and her eyes widen the moment they catch sight of the flowers. "Oh my gosh!" she exclaims. Her eyes land on the open box balanced on my lap, latching onto the cake inside, upon which are the words: Happy Birthday, Yoona! Stay lucky. "Luhan!"

My eyes round. "What? You don't like it?"

She shakes her head, and I realise that there are actual tears in her eyes. I want to wipe them away, but she gets there before I do, using the backs of her hands to dry her eyes. "No, I love it," she breathes. "It's just... you didn't have to."

"I know." I give her a lopsided smile. "But I wanted to." Because I love you.

She's still shaking her head as she accepts the bouquet. "Wow," she says. "I feel so bad."

"Don't," I tell her. "It's your birthday; you're not allowed to feel bad."

She laughs, and I do, too; it's only then that I realise how much I've missed the sound of her laughter. "Says who?"

"Me," I reply. "Oh, which reminds me..." I dig through my bag and bring out a single candle. I had been about to buy two number candles, a '2' and a '3', but then I'd thought just one would suffice.

I stick the candle in the centre of the cake and look up, a satisfied smile curving my lips. I can't hear the sound of my own heart beating like crazy, because the rain is too loud, drowning out the rest of the world. It's almost as though it's attempting to contain the two of us in one little bubble.

She looks out at the rain, and as I follow her gaze, my eyes land on the coffee shop. "Do you want to go in there to eat the cake?" I ask.

Yoona shakes her head. "No. Let's just stay here, in the rain."

A few months ago, I would have corrected her. I would have said, "We're not really in the rain."

But I know better now. I know her better. And I know that we are in the rain.

"Okay," is all I say, settling myself in a more comfortable position and placing the box with the cake in it on the bench.

She slides around on the bench until she's facing me, crossing her legs on the cold metal. For a moment, she just stares at me, looking the happiest I've ever seen her. And in that moment, it's like the world and everything in it, including my heart, comes to an abrupt halt, and the only thing I have time to think is, I wish this moment would last forever.

I also really, really want to kiss her.

I swallow, looking away, and just like that, the moment ends.

My fingers fumble around in my bag, extracting my lighter. She's still looking at me expectantly and I smile slightly, keeping my eyes on her as I bring the candle to life in a single, fluid movement. "Make a wish, Yoona," I whisper.

Her eyelids slide closed, seashell pink against the pale ivory of the rest of her face.

A couple of moments pass in silence, and I swear that in those moments, even the sound of the rain fades away in my ears. It's just me and her.

When her eyes open again, she blows the candle out, clapping her hands together. "Can you do something for me, Luhan?"

"Of course," I answer without thinking. "Anything."

"Sing me the birthday song," she says softly. "Actually, no, it doesn't matter what song you sing. I just want to hear you sing."

"Ah." My cheeks colour and I rub the back of my neck. "You want me to sing?"

"I sang for you," she says.

"But that was..." I sigh, giving in when she tilts her head up, pouting. I guess it is her birthday. "What song do you want me to sing?"

"There's this song I really like," she says, her voice quiet, as though talking too loud will disturb the rain. "'In Heaven' by JYJ. Do you know it?"

I nod; the song had been one of my favourites some time ago. "That's the song you want me to sing?" I ask. "Don't you have a happier song?"

"I'd really like it if you sang that one."

I sigh once; after casting one more glance at her face, I start to sing.

She's going to the seaside again; the rain has subsided a little and she says she's brought an umbrella. I don't protest and simply nod; it's her birthday, so she should be able to do whatever she wants.

Even as I think that, I can't help the little ache that my heart feels.

I guess some part of me hoped that she'd have wanted to spend the rest of the day with me.

I push the thought away as the bus pulls over at my stop. Standing, I gather my belongings and smile. "Happy birthday, Yoona. Have fun at the seaside." My throat catches for a moment as it chokes on the three words I so desperately want to say. I love you.

Her eyes crinkle as she smiles back. "Thank you," she says. Her fingers are clutching the peach blossom bouquet close to her, as though it's a talisman that will ward away all evil. "Not just for today, but for everything. I'm lucky I met you, Luhan."

I wink. "All you need is luck."

She doesn't say anything in reply, so I turn to make my way into the central aisle as the bus doors open with a hiss.

But just as I'm about to leave, she throws her hand out and grabs my wrist, holding me in place.

"Bye, Luhan," she murmurs.

When I glance down at her, I see that there's nothing odd or out of place about her expression, though it takes me a moment to gather my thoughts and utter a goodbye; an ominous feeling has started to spread through me, one that I can't get rid of.

My heart is lurching in my chest, contracting painfully. I look back at her one last time before I get off the bus, trying vainly to memorise her face, her smile, the way she raises her hand in farewell as she usually does. The feeling doesn't go away.

It's only after I get off the bus that I realise what's causing the feeling.

Yoona had said, "Bye, Luhan."

In all the time that I've known her, she has never once said, "Bye, Luhan", or anything of the sort.

She'd always said 'tomorrow'.

But today, she didn't say 'tomorrow'.

I wonder if I'm just overanalysing things. 

***

A/N: Longer chapter this time! ^^ Hope you liked it :) 

If anyone is interested, here is the song Luhan sang to Yoona: In Heaven - JYJ