“Kyuhyun studied music, like me. I think everyone expected him to take off into stardom. Frankly, I was surprised that he took an interest in me at all. We were preparing to graduate when he asked me to help him compose a song for our graduating class.”
“I remember hearing it at the ceremony.” Sungmin smiled, “It was beautiful.”
Jongwoon was pleased, “Well, we worked hard on it. It was fun. I had a crush on him, who didn’t?”
Sungmin laughed.

“I had no idea he’d confess right after we sang. In front of everyone.”
Sungmin smiled thoughtfully, “I remember the girls screaming was deafening. Then we went to dinner and that’s when you and I met.”
Jongwoon nodded.
“Was it love at first sight, Woonie?” Sungmin teased.

Jongwoon grinned, “Well, I know when I saw you, I thought that you were so handsome and also very cute. I was shocked when Kyuhyun told me that you were a stuntman.”
Sungmin laughed, “I remember wondering what Kyuhyun was thinking coming out like that, in front of everyone.”
“I think it was his way of telling his parents.” Jongwoon said soberly, “They weren’t exactly pleased that their dear baby boy was gay.”

Sungmin reached across the table and squeezed Jongwoon’s hand.
“So then… what happened?”
“I think it was the pressure. Kyuhyun’s a talented musician and at the time, he was fresh out of university, being courted by entertainment companies and newly exposed as gay… his parents were on his case, his manager and then there was me.”

“I’m just too tired.”
“That’s what you said last weekend.”
Try as he might, Jongwoon couldn’t keep the disappointed whine out of his voice.
“I worked really hard today, Jongwoon, I get tired. I just want to go to sleep.”
“Why can’t you just come over here to sleep then? At least I’d get to see you.”
“Jongwoon…”

“I’m starting to forget how you look.” Jongwoon joked feebly, “I miss you, Kyunnie.”
“I miss you, too, Woonie. I just… look, I… I have a few hours next Tuesday, I’ll come over, ok? I’ll take you to dinner. Does that sound good? To your favorite place!”
“Really? I mean- it doesn’t have to be my favorite place. We can go where you like…”
“Anywhere is good, I promi-oh.” Kyuhyun paused.
He cursed.
“Woonie, I’m… I forgot, I promised my parents that I’d go help them with something that day.”

“…”
“Woonie- I’m really sorry, I completely forgot.”
“Mm.”
“Woonie, I really- I’m sorry, I-“
“It’s fine.” Jongwoon replied briskly, “Your parents come first.”
“Jong-“
“They always have.” He hung up the phone, too angry to continue the argument without screaming or more likely, crying in frustration.

A few moments later his phone rang.
The caller ID showed Kyuhyun’s smiling face.
Jongwoon wanted to throw the phone but hit ‘Talk’ instead, intending to reply to Kyuhyun sharply.
“What?”
He grimaced, the word coming out more sad than sharp.

“Woon, please listen to me for once!”
“For once!?” Jongwoon repeated angrily, “All I do is listen to your excuses!”
“I’m not making excuses! I made the promise to them first!”
“THEN KEEP IT.” Jongwoon barked.
“Why are you getting so angry about this?”
“How can you ask me that?” Jongwoon’s voice cracked, “You’re my boyfriend, aren’t you? You asked me out and I said yes and then I never see you? You’re forever canceling our plans, you never tell me what’s happening and you just expect me to accept it-“
“I’m trying.” Kyuhyun said and the calm voice he had only made Jongwoon angrier.

“Mostly I was angry that I could only cry in frustration and expose all my emotions while Kyuhyun kept a straight face about everything.” Jongwoon admitted to Sungmin.
Sungmin looked surprised, “I thought I was the emotional one in this relationship.”
“You are.” Jongwoon said fondly, “But its… how do I say? I love that I have a visible effect on you and you can see the effect you have on me. Kyuhyun often hid those emotions from me. He seemed to think that showing what he thought was ‘too much’ emotion was a weakness.”

“Are you really trying? I go days without hearing from you. You promise to visit me or to meet me somewhere or that you’ll be free and I spend all week anticipating and at the last minute you cancel, Kyu- I’m so tired of it.” Jongwoon swallowed hard, trying to talk past the lump in his throat.
“What do you want from me?”
Jongwoon had to laugh, “I want my boyfriend to talk to me. I want to see him. I want to spend time with him. I’m- I need you, Kyuhyun. If we’re supposed to be together than I- I actually need to be together-“
“Then- then what, you want to move in together?”

“No- no, I don’t!” Jongwoon sighed deeply, “I think that would be a serious mistake.”
“Why not? We’d see each other a lot more-“
“Kyuhyun, we can’t go a week without arguing about something, do you really think that moving in together would be a solution? We’d be stuck together, both too stubborn to give in first-“
“Then why the hell are we dating if we can’t even get along?” Kyuhyun interrupted coldly.

Jongwoon quieted.
He didn’t want Kyuhyun to hear him crying. He tried to wipe his cheeks and nose quietly.
“Jongwoon.” Kyuhyun said after a long, pregnant pause, his voice soft, “I didn’t mean…”
“I know why I’m still here, Kyuhyun.” Jongwoon said, proud that his voice sounded so normal and calm, “I’m in love with you and I keep thinking that it’s going to be different next time. Next time, Kyuhyun will put me first. I keep repeating that to myself. That’s why I’m still here.” His voice cracked at the ‘here’.
“W-why are you st-still with me?” Jongwoon wanted to kick himself, he was losing it.

Kyuhyun was silent.
“Wh-why did you ask me out-“ Jongwoon’s voice broke then and he sobbed into the phone.
Another long pause.
“Kyuhyun.” Jongwoon said finally.
“I have to go.” Kyuhyun murmured, “I love you, Jongwoon.”
“As much as I love you?”

Kyuhyun didn’t answer, choosing instead to hang up the phone.

“I couldn’t stay in that night. I couldn’t be alone. That’s how I came to be at the bar when we met for the second time.”

“Kim Jongwoon-ssi?”
Jongwoon looked up into the bright, smiling face of the man he’d met nearly two years ago at his graduation, “Ah- Lee Sungmin-ssi?”
“You remembered!”
“You’re hard to forget.” Jongwoon smiled wanly, his eyes feeling hot and tired.
Sungmin furrowed his brow, “Is everything okay? You look very… tired.”

“Tired.” Jongwoon nodded slowly, before his face crumpled and he dropped his gaze, “I’m- I’m sorry, Sungmin-ssi.” He mumbled between soft sobs.
Sungmin reached over and put his arms around Jongwoon’s shoulders, “It’s fine- it’s okay, Jongwoon-ssi. I know we don’t know each other well but… well, you’re Kyunnie’s boyfriend and that means we’re friends! So if I can help at all, please tell me how.”
Jongwoon sobbed again at the mention of his boyfriend.

“Oh- I’m sorry” Sungmin gasped, “Did you and Kyu-?”
“I- I don’t- kn-know.” Jongwoon shook his head against Sungmin’s shoulder, “We had- a- a fight.”

Sungmin held the man for a long time before Jongwoon began to calm down.
“This is so embarrassing.” Jongwoon murmured and Sungmin almost didn’t hear him over the gentle roar of the crowd.
“We can go somewhere else and talk.” Sungmin suggested.

“I- oh god, you must be here with someone, right? You shouldn’t be here with me- I’m so sorry-“
“Aish, Jongwoon-ssi, you’re my friend. Let me help, huh? Let’s get out of here.”


--

TBC