“How would I know if you are not lying again?”

“You have to trust me, of course. I will come.” He said playfully.

He is drunk.

She ended the call.

“Such a fool.” She cursed herself.

She should have known. He didn’t love her anymore like he used to. Fame robbed his love of her. She doesn’t recognize him anymore. He changed too much. He didn’t love her like he used too. He wasn’t the same person who pursued her love restless like he did few years ago. That flame in him had fade out.

How long had it been?

The last time she met him, he was drunk and occupied by his colleagues who look obviously wanted him, desired him. The female singers, she knew their look. She was disgusted. They want to own him. He is the new fame sweeping talent that earned his prize after his hard work. How he is so desirable, so young and valuable in their eyes.

They are wrong, no one can own him. Yet she did own him. She used to but he’s already gone from her grasp.

He is gone.

He always told her. She was his muse. He wanted to create all the greatest love song for her. He wants to be the best composer. He wanted people to cry, to laugh, to smile whenever they heard his songs.

She sighed.

He won’t come. It’s their anniversary. Their five year of coping up together. He convinced her, he really love her when they were in first year high school. It was an unexpected thing that happens to her life. She used to admiring him from far.

He is like a bird, a pretty one that sings so beautiful. She had seen many who had been heartbroken, trying to win his love. No one owned him. He had his wide wings. He had talent. He can fly far than everyone else.

Yet, he fall in love with her. He fell in love with her.

She was scared that he will probably hurt her but she is convinced. She was young and he was a hot blooded youth. Full of passion and dream. She almost believed him when he told her that their life was connected by the red string and no one can cut it.

No one but he never told that it could fade.

She pulled her shawl closer. The field was empty. He was supposed to be here. He promised that they will meet by the field every single year at the date. He will sing a song that only she will hear it. He told her that the moment he missed the date, he will break up with her. He promised it because he would never miss it. She promised him that she will always be there. She will be his muse forever.

He chanted his love oath like a love. He promised that he won’t ever love anyone else like how he loved her.

She remembered it. The day they graduated, he got a letter from a famous company. They wanted him, they wanted his songs and she followed him to the city. He worked hard to get to his place right now and she always supported him. She got work as illustrator and writer for a publishing from home. It was enough for her, it was convenient.

She threw away all she had so that she could be with him and she never regretted the college acceptance letter she hid in her drawer, college that she would never attend.

She got to stay close to him and take care of him. He was a hardworking person. She admired it very much. She loved to see him so focused in his work. How he will smile whenever they shared a hot chocolate in the middle of night, working until dawn. He will hurriedly run to his workplace and return back the moment he stepped his feet outside the door to stole kiss from her while she will smoothed his messy hair and he will run to catch his train.

She would work at home, a small apartment they managed to get with the small income. They were completed with it. They had home and each other even if it means they won’t have enough to eat, she was happy to be taking care of him.

She was always worried about that. He was so thin. So tall and she will have to make him eat on time every time.

If she had to leave him, who will make him took his meal on time instead of consuming his work only. She shook her head at the thought of leaving him. It was easy to say that, to say that she will leave him.

It will be hell for her. She couldn’t leave him, no matter what happen. She couldn’t live without him. Even though it will mean to wait for him every night and not knowing when will he get home and not knowing if he still love her or not. She missed him, that person who loved her so much. Not the person who spend his time resting whenever he came home, whether he is drunk or not.

She forgot already since when he stopped kissing her. He stopped telling her those words she longed to hear. He forgot her birthday. It was okay. He had a big day, he win an award for a song he composed that day. He was so happy and she was happy too.

He forgot she planned to celebrate his birthday and he went home 4 in the morning, drunk as always after celebrated it with his famous production team. She sang his birthday song, while tucking him to sleep and smile at him when he woke up, make ruckus of her birthday man. She made him the important person because he is. No matter if his love wasn’t flaming hot anymore for her.

He is still that important to her. She shivered as she saw the sun rising. It was six in the morning and the field was cold and she knew he won’t be coming this time. She was disappointed this time. Her leg almost gave out. It was so cold and she picks up her bag and her cell phone which was lying on the ground.

She dialed her brother. He will be there if she needs him. If was quite a long since she met him, she regret it that she gone mad at him when he told her that she doesn’t deserved that person last time.

“Gege.”

“Li Xia.” His voice is soothing.

“I missed you, Kris.” He paused.

“I missed you too, Alexia.” He is smiling, she knew from his voice.

She choked on a sob.

“I am coming home.” She mumbled softly.

“Where are you?” He sounded so comforting.

“At the field.” She mumbled as she walked to the road, the road she always with him when they went back home.

This time she is alone, cuddled in her shawl and not in his arm.

“I will come and get you. Stay there.” His voice were lacing with worries.

“No, I will be home by myself. Don’t worry.” She wiped tears coming down.

“Of course I will worry about you. You are my only didi.” He is supposed to be mad at her.

Kris supposed to be angry with her. She disappointed him when she refused to be working for the parent company and leaving him alone when she went with that person.

“Gege…. I love you. I….I am sorry, Kris.”

She turned and saw light from a car blinding her vision. Her leg wobbled and it was so fast. Only few second until it happen. 

She blinked her eyes and all she can see was the sun rising so prettily to the sky. The red and oranges shades, so pretty and she never can catch it accurately for the book she illustrated for. The sunset on the last page is like the happy ending.

Everything is coming to an end that she never wanted.

Her cell phone lay on the ground. The screen broken to pieces and she regret it. Regretted it that the last thing she saw before everything went dark wasn’t him and Kris.

She was afraid, so cold with only warmness that came from her blood, staining her pretty blue dress. She wore it for him, for their anniversary. Her head aching and her fingers are numb.

“Jinyoung.” Her blood stained lips murmured his name.

The sky was so blue and she can almost see him, spreading his wings up and far away from him.

Kris… the field…promise…Jinyoung…. She is his muse…and everything jumbled in her head... memories swirling around. She is going to die, so regretful.

She knew the promise broken. She won’t be his muse anymore.

“Jinyoung…”

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