In the painful month after they parted, the sense of hopelessness invaded his heart. It was after they met that Jiyong realized every little thing that happened in the world mattered to him. He was grateful to be born into this world. His heart that loved Sandara deeply too loved the world which she lives in. When he sees a flower by the roadside,he'd be reminded of the days when he had her love. Those times when he puts his head on her shoulder on a certain day. The setting sun that disappeared in the far end of the sea. Their love was so sweet. He wants to tell her everything and he still hoping she could take him back. He's become selfish since he met her, maybe even more selfish now that she's gone.Jiyong gave her space so she could breath, he's  keeping his distance so she can be free. And he's just  hoping that she could find the missing piece to bring her back to him once again.

There's been dishonesty. There's been lies. Even if he knew he had no intentions of hurting her, he's done it and that can't be changed. These punishments and suffering he knew well that he deserved them for he had made the love of his life miserable.But we all know,sometimes even if we know that we're doing the wrong things, we still do it because we know it needs to be done.Sometimes, he doesn’t use his head to think. He uses his heart, instead.In life there are times when we'll  fall in love with someone we shouldn’t love or break up with someone we can’t break up with and there are two types of regrets in this world. One is losing the person you love. The other is seeing your beloved lose happiness. So he had no choice because those two regrets were thrown at him so rapidly.But you know what breaks his heart the most? He knew the love is still present but the trust is gone and as much as he would like to fix it,the damage has been done.
 

Lord knows that he tried hard to fix it. The bad thing about it is that he was being a coward at the time. He tried to fight but in the end he had to let go. It's always the same scenario. That night she came crying in the bar, he was there. He came to apologize and explain to her but he was just too late.By the time he got there..Jaejoong was already cradling her in his arms.He knew he should've stepped in and took her away but he didn't want her to hate him more, he just couldn't bear it.

He wonders when it all began, when did she start losing her trust in him? Or maybe she never trusted him in the beginning. Everyone was right, he doesn't deserve to be called the "almighty Kwon leader" since he was just a cowardly child. It broke his heart whenever she got mad at him, it's always for the same reasons.She got mad whenever her "friends" told her that they saw Jiyong with another girl. What proof do they have? Her friends, they all have a way of twisting the situation and making it seem like Jiyong did something bad but worst of all is that Dara believed them. He tried to explain everything to her, he tried to tell her that he didn't do anything but she always think he's making up excuses to sway her. Every accusation and every argument caused Dara to lose her trust in him  and before he realized it he lost trusts in himself too.All those lies and all those accusation it started to get to him and he slowly started to believe in them. He now sees himself as a bad boy, the worst boyfriend,the cheater, juvenile idiot and the heart breaker. He was all of those things.

He didn't want to do anything anymore but he knew he had to be strong for the boys and the fans. If he had a choice we would throw away everything for her, even his love for music.He's been sitting in his dark room trying to decide whether he should call her, he's been fighting that urge to. As time passed by it became harder and harder. They see each other around, that can't be avoided since they were from the same company. Why does he want to call her? Well he wasn't sure either. Maybe to apologize? How shoud a guy, who doesn't know how to express himself, put his feelings across. Not like this..not like that either.He could no longer fight the urge so he nervously dialed her number. It rang for a long time and he was starting to lose hope. He knew she wouldn't answer.. But to his surprise she picked up.She was silent on the other line as if she was waiting for him to speak.

"Hey, I haven't called you in awhile.I just called to say I'm sorry. Makes me feel worse doing it this way.Honestly, I don't have anything to say, so I'm just babbling.I was wondering how you have been.." He waited for her to speak but she just kept silent, that killed him inside. "I was an idiot I know you'll never forgive me now. You know why I did those things right? Seungri told you everything right? I'm pretty sure he did.. You must hate me so much.. I know, I understand. I hate myself too. I'm so sorry. Please say something. Anything, you swear at me, call me hateful names, yell at me or say you hate me. Just please talk to me.. I've missed your voice."

He heard her clearing ."What do you want? You're drunk again aren't you? Jiyong you're being pathetic." She said to him coldly. He wanted that but it still hurts him whenever she talked down at him and acted this way. It makes him feel that they were really over.

"I know.. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry.." He said as tears started to fall. He didn't care if she could hear him cry. He deserved it, he made her cry a lot more than this.

"Are you crying right now? Well you should've thought about that before you lied to me. You're being so stupid right now, it's getting on my nerves. I'm giving what you wanted. In fact you should be happy that you're free from me. Now you don't have me controling you right? I know everything Seungri told me. But.. Why did you have to lie like that? You're just like all of them.. You thought I weak too.. You didn't have faith in me. I could've taken all of those. You're stupid.." She said sarcastically.



"Dara-ah, I'm really sorry."

"If everything can be settled by the word sorry, then I would've been able to beat you to death and get away with it. Your sorry fixes nothing.
 

"I know,  I was stupid. I'm the most stupid bastard. I tried to protect you the best way I can because I'm stupid.Rather seeing you get hurt, I'd rather suffer torture. It killed inside, all of those stupid facade. All I wanted was your happiness and safety."

"How are you going to protect me? Do you even know what it means to protect someone? You think decieving and lying is a way of comforting or protecting them? You 're quite naive. You have no clue on how to love someone, you don’t know how to show love, and you don’t know what it means to protect someone. You hurt people without realizing it.You love me right? But I guess you didn't have enough love to fight for us. You didn't love me enough to believe in me. I could've protected you and myself. You of all people should've had faith in me."

"I didn't realize that. I was being irrational at the time. Back I thought that if I swayed the attention from us, you would be saaed from pain. Those things and those lies I said. I said them out of jealousy and anger. I was jealous of Jaejoong since you trusted him more than you trusted me. I was afraid of giving you more reasons to hate me."

"If you keep running away every time you are scared, then you will do nothing but hide your entire life. Is that really, how a person should live their life? The only way you can get over this fear is by fighting. No matter how scared or afraid you are, you cannot win without fighting.You should learn to realize when you're wrong and apologze instead of lashing out."

"Dara-ah..I.." he said his words almost coming out as a whisper.

There were both silent for a while. She was extremely quiet that he thought she hung up on him.

"Yah Jiyong what's the matter with you?"

"Me, I'm the problem here because I'm hurting even though I don't have the right to. I love you. No matter how hard I try not to love you, no matter how hard I try to erase you… my efforts are so fruitless to the extent that I get angered by it.I wish I can just bear the pain that I'm feeling, that I can just ignore it. Because I was the one who asked for this right? I wanted all this. I wish I can tell you that I'm happy for you.. for him.. I wish.. I wish I could. But I can't'. I'm such a bad person because up till now I'm still hoping that you would say it's still me you love..Let it be me. just let it be me  again."

"B-but.. I love Jaejoong" Dara said with a shaky voice. She said those words as if she was trying to tell herself how she needed to feel. Was she crying again because of him?

"I know,Iknow that well.. You seem happier with him.. I'm sorry. He deserves you and you deserve someone like him.

"He was always there to protect me. And take care of all the pain you caused. You took me for granted Ji.." He could've sworn he heard her sniffing.

"Dara,is that what you really think? I was trying to protect you. It was all for you."

"But your facade, it broke me. It broke me as person." Dara finally said and she suddenly cut the call.

Jiyong was left feeling stupid and guilty. She was right, a bad jerk like him doesn't deserve a second chance. She already gave him four years of her life,  four years of happiness and to him being able to share laughter and happiness with her in those four years was enough. It's about time that she gets the happiness he failed to give her.It was time to let her go.

Letting go will never be easy,but holding on can be as difficult.Yet strength is measured not by holding on but letting go. If you are brave enough to admit defeat that's when you can truly call yourself a man. Love can be  expressed in many ways, it can be expressed through affection,loyalty,sweet words, fighting for the one you love,protecting them and the best of all is the being self less. It's when you love that person enough to put their hapiness before yours. That's when you know you truly love someone.It's being able to admit your mistakes and owning up to them in the end.Sometimes people mistake the meaning of love to happiness but we all have to know love isn't just about happiness and walking on cloud nine but it's also about strength,trust,loyalty and pain. You can't learn without pain.

"I love you so much Sandara Park. Please be happy with him because if he lets a single tear fall on your face I have no choice but to kill him. Have new memories with him,  happy ones. Goodbye baby." He whispered to himself as he closed his eyes. Healing his broken heart will take a long time but he must bear it. He needs to cope with it for her.

______________________________________________________________________________

(A/N)

So that's it for Jiyong's P.O.V.
Pardon me for the errors. 

Thanks for all the love and support guys. 

I hope you all keep your comments coming.
I hope you're all satisfied with the end since we all wanted Jaedara to prevail.

Again a big thanks to all my applers (daragon)  and theians (Jaedara)

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