inspiration: 1, 2

music

jongin/junmyeon

~800 words

their first vacation. the sea is loud, the sand quiet, the air sharp. jongin doesn’t know why they go to the beach when it’s still cold enough to be autumn outside instead of somewhere more fitting, but he can’t really complain. anything but being bused around all day into pounds of makeup and itchy stage clothes is enjoyable.

they’re all together, and jongin thinks it’s nice. most people think it unusual, when they find out exo is taking their first vacation as one, not even bothering to break off into groups of three or four. but they all like each other just fine, have learned to live with each other for the past three years and one vacation with each other isn’t going to make them hate each other. it really is nice, jongin thinks again as he watches lu han threaten to kick sand at sehun, the younger flinching then wailing something about his new shoes. zitao looks like he's having the time of his life just staring out into the soft sunset, and he doesn't miss the way wu fan awkwardly stands at a distance, looking at the younger like the younger looks at the sunset.

a smile eases its way onto jongin’s face as he turns his head back to the ocean, staring out at the vast expanse of blue and grey with a sort of longing to just jump in and never come out. it seems like a good idea, to disappear into the ocean and stay there until his skin becomes coral and his hair the inky black of the deepest depths the sea can provide.

but he doesn’t. someone stops him, a warm hand on his cold shoulder amidst the billowing wind. he supposes he’ll have to settle for the salt water in his hair and the sand, granulated and small, between the creases of his palms.

“kind of lonely over here, don’t you think?” it’s junmyeon, coming to check on him, just as usual.

and just as well. jongin appreciates their leader, his concern for every little thing that could possible be concerning. “it’s too loud,” jongin says.

junmyeon nods, knowing exactly what jongin means. he pauses before answering. “they’re really excited to be here. they want to go buy souvenirs tomorrow.”

jongin hums. he doesn’t really care what they do, when they do it. as long as they do something he’ll be okay.

there’s another pause; jongin wonders what junmyeon is thinking about. does he want to run away to the sea, too? they could always go together.

“jongin, are you okay?”

yes. yes, hyung. don’t worry about me. go play with chanyeol and minseok and jongdae. don’t worry.

“no.”

junmyeon nods. he nods more than he should, then grabs jongin’s hand and laces their fingers together so that the contrast of their skin is like that of black and white in the swollen evening sun. “that’s okay,” he says. “that’s fine.”

jongin can feel junmyeon trembling, and he’s fairly sure it’s not because of the chilly weather. “hyung?”

junmyeon hums, not trusting himself to speak. jongin doesn’t blame him.

“have you ever thought about the ocean? how big and deep and endless it is?”

“i suppose. once or twice.”

“i have. just today, right now. it’s supposed to be scary, right, hyung? we don’t know what’s in it, what we could discover, and that scares us. but why?”

junmyeon is silent. the grip he has on jongin’s hand has tightened. “i don’t know,” his voice is quiet. “maybe we’re afraid that we’ll fail, or we’ll find something that we didn’t want to find.

“but it’s like us, right?” jongin doesn’t know why he’s asking so many questions when he’s answering them himself, but he guesses it’s because he just needs to talk. junmyeon is always there when he needs to talk. “we threw ourselves, all twelve of us and so many more, into a vast ocean of talent and competition, just hoping that we surfaced above the waves and didn’t drown in the process.”

“that's true. and what happened?”

jongin looks at junmyeon, then back to the water. the other ten have moved down the beach a little, the sound of their rambunctious laughter fading with the sound of crashing waves on jagged rocks and smooth sand. the wind tousles their hair, the taste of saltwater heavy on their lips. their palms are sweaty, the humidity seeping between the minute, almost non-existent space separating them. (maybe that’s why the sea is frightening, jongin muses; too much space.)

“we came out on top. we’re riding the waves and letting the tide pull us wherever it wants to go,” jongin finally answers, and it’s almost as if junmyeon had forgotten he’d asked a question at all; he looks up to jongin with a hint of surprise in his dark eyes.

“and i found you.”

junmyeon’s thumb sweeps over the back of jongin’s hand in a gesture of acknowledgement. of reciprocation. of love. it was worth it.

there’s no reason to be afraid of the sea, of space, of things unknown. you never know; you may just find exactly what you weren’t looking for.