“Jiyeon! No! Don’t get near me! No! Stop!” Jieun voice echoed loudly through the room.

Fears, terrified, sadness, pain are filling her voice. She shouted out loud, until become sore. Her voice cracked. Her breathing becomes heavy. Her eyes grew wider than usual. She looks like a mess, she is in chaos.

It was her voice that wakes Myungsoo up in the middle of the night. He quickly flutters his eyes open. It was 3 a.m. in the morning. He needs to force his tired body up from the bed and hit his head a few times before he could stand up. He is too tired to be awake, but Jieun voice surprises him. He look to his left, Jieun was no longer there.

He could feel it, his lover pain. Jieun was shouting crazily, she is in pain. Her heart is in pain, even Myungsoo could feel it. She is trying to run away but failed to do so. There is fear, inside her loud voice. Her voice was shaking or more likely trembling. Myungsoo could hear the noise of the rain pouring outside. The sky is crying too.

A flash of memory, rush through his mind. His heartbeat suddenly changed, it become fast and heavy. His breathing has become even heavier. His body was trembling so badly. No, he doesn’t want it to happen again. No, she needs to be alive. He can’t live without her. A flash of memory when she tried to kill herself.

Myungsoo couldn’t even think straight. He stood up on his feet, running to the kitchen with all his might. But before he could reach there, his footsteps stop. His eyes grew wide; pain hit his chest multiple times. The view that he could never forgot. This time, it’s almost impossible to save her.

Lee Ji Eun was holding a gun, holding it with all her might, pointing it straight to the wall.

Jieun was actually having a hard time sleeping. She keeps on tossing and turning, inside Myungsoo embrace. She feels very insecure, she feels anxious and uncomfortable. She took a glance at Myungsoo’s peaceful face. He seems to be having a nice sleep, after those sleepless nights. Memories keep on flashing back inside her head. She still remembers the incident, when he suddenly changed.

It’s not a lie that she has forgiven him. She loves him, too much. She loves him with all her heart. She can’t even bear trying to deny the fact. Because she truly does loves him. She too can’t live without him. People might think she is crazy, like how she used to think about those who are in love, but now she truly understands you. If you are in love, it means you are crazy, you need to enter a mental hospital.

Jieun was merely feeling thirsty at the time, so she decided to get some water to drink at the kitchen. Gently, she struggles to get herself free from his embrace. She misses him, as much as he misses her. But she fears him, she didn’t exactly know the reason, but she just fears him. After the incident, her fears grow even bigger. She fears him.

Jieun gently stood up, exiting his room. His room wrapped inside his scent. His smell, the mixtures of shampoo and sweat, she loves it. His scent give her lots of comfort, she feels secure. His scent let her know that he is there, he is there for her and that he loves her. His scent let her notice his presence.

Jieun give him a peck on his forehead, his lip suddenly form a smile, much to Jieun suspicion. She giggled a bit, caressing his hair, before rushing to the kitchen. Maybe, she should sleep with him more often, they are engaged though. Laying next to each other, merely just to give each other a nice feeling, just to exchange their unsaid feelings.

Stretching her body a bit, Jieun went to the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator, pouring it to a glass. The new glass that Myungsoo bought for her, after breaking her favorite things. He wanted her forgiveness, nothing else. Yet she can’t never get rid of her fears, her fears to her own lover.

Three knocks, that’s all it needs to get Jieun on her guard. However, even after shouting to let the guest identified himself, the knocks didn’t appear again. It just gone, no more knockings sound. She let it be, her tired body let her guard down. And the knocks get louder and louder, that it droves her crazy.

She could hear the creaking sound of the door, the old door that almost got broken because of Myungsoo. She looks up, just to see the terrifying figure. It was Park Jiyeon, drenched it blood and water, bruises was all over her face. A bullet mark was left on her chest, leaving a hole on her pure white blouse and leaving it stained with her own blood.

She was walking toward her, alone. That is what she thought at the beginning. But no, she was wrong, suddenly those people appear. Those who she kills on her own. She is a killer, she killed many people, and those people must have hated her. That is why they came back and haunt her.

Again, she could hear clearly what they are saying. They didn’t blame her at all. They didn’t bring any weapon. They are drenched in blood and wet because of the pouring rain. Bullet marks was left on their chest. Jieun could see them clearly. Thank you, the keep saying thank you to her. Not to forget, they keep saying it’s okay.

Jieun let her get closer, her body trembled. When an inch was all that left, they suddenly point a gun to her head. They all glared at her, fiercely. They trapped her inside their eyes, letting her drown inside. They keep saying it, thank you and it’s okay. Terrifying Jieun more and more. Worse, Park Jiyeon fingers keep on running through all part of her body. She keep her face close enough to hers, pushing Jieun’s head. She glared, fierce and cold.

“It’s okay, Jieun-ah. It’s okay. You left me dead.” She said.

“It’s okay, I won’t blame you. It’s your fault after all.”

“Thank you, you shoot me. You are responsible for my death.”

“Jieun-ah, it’s your fault. I won’t blame you.”

Jieun run, as fast as she could. She grabbed a gun, from the drawer at the living room. Something Myungsoo forget to place it back to its original place after the incident. She grabs it tightly, pointing it at Jiyeon. No, at all of them, precisely. One by one, she pointed at them, alternately.

“Jiyeon! No! Stop! Get away! Stop!” Jieun shouted on top of her lungs.

Myungsoo’s eyes grew wide, wider and wider. He can’t even believe what he is looking at. The sight terrifies him. How badly injured is she? She is holding a gun right now, pointing it seriously, she isn’t playing right now. The fierce look in her eyes, tell it all. She is not playing around. She is scared, she is terrified, and she is trapped within her own fears.

“No! Stop! All of you! Get away!” she shouted again, after calling Jiyeon’s name multiple times.

She is holding a gun. Myungsoo can’t believe it. Gun, something she would never hold. She… Myungsoo… How badly injured is she? Is she that much terrified? She would never hold a gun, no matter how badly terrified he is. Guns are Jieun enemies.

Jieun is scared of guns; it’s not something he could deny. Every time she holds a gun, her hand would tremble, her body would shake, her heart would be hurting, and she would turn weak. She never kills a man, that is the truth, but she never accepts that. She keeps on blaming herself on people deaths. She never throw a bullet, she never let a bullet flew to the air, she never shot. Even as an agent, she never kills a man. She is scared of guns.

Now, she is holding a gun. It would be impossible to safe her. Park Jiyeon, the name she keep on shouting, is not someone who is alive. Jiyeon is no longer alive, she died on a mission, a mission she did together with Jieun. She dies, because Jieun’s lack of resolve. That day, if Jieun could just encourages herself and shot the man, Jiyeon would be alive. No one would be dead. But Jieun just stood there, terrified to let a bullet flew and hit the man chest. In the end, it was her best friend, Park Jiyeon that becomes a sacrifice.

“Suzy! No! Don’t!”

Myungsoo eyes grew even wider. Suzy is also no longer alive. It was one of his colleague, she used to has a huge crush on him. Sadly, he couldn’t reply her feelings, since they both are agents and Myungsoo was in love with Jieun. Suzy died, when he decided to ran away with Jieun. Suzy died, protecting them, to let their love begins. She sacrifices herself, for the sake of his happiness. The truth is, Jieun could safe her, but again, her lack of resolve trapped her. Suzy died, right in front of her eyes. Suzy died, tragically, her body turns into ash, after being shot multiple times.

Myungsoo couldn’t belive it. Jieun eyes were puffy-red, she is crying. She let all her tears and worry, her anxiety and fears to blend and let it flow. Black circles under her eyes, her messy hair, her sore, her cracking voice, her trembling body, her trembling fingers, her frozen hand. She didn’t even move from her spot. She looks terrible.

“Stop! Please! Stop! Go away! Don’t disturb me!”

Myungsoo encourages himself to approach her, gently. This time, if he would be able to safe her, he won’t ever hurt her. He won’t ever let her suffers like this. No, she would never let her feel pain. He would do anything to let her pain disappear. He would even sacrifice himself. Looking at her figure right now, cause his heart to ache so badly.  

“Jieun-ah.” He whispers calmly.

“Jieun-ah!” He shouted.

Jieun suddenly pull the trigger, trying to shot nothing but a wall. She though Jiyeon was standing there, and Suzy trying to chook her. She thought Jiyeon was about to kill her and Suzy was about to chook her to death. She shot, Myungsoo covered his ears, preventing the noise to echoed loudly inside his ears, but nothing came, it was empty. The gun was empty.

“Jieun-ah, calm down. Jieun-ah, they’re not here.”

Jieun suddenly turn, looking at him. He tried to gazes through her dark, pitch black eyes. A glimpse of light that usually sparks inside her beautiful brown orbs is nowhere to be found. He gazes through her eyes, gently. She replied his gaze, with a fierce and terrified looks. She is badly terrified. Myungsoo wanted to hugs her so badly. She need him, he knows that more than anyone else.

“You! Stop! Please! Go away!” She shouted at him, pointing a gun straight to his face.

“Jieun-ah, calm down! I’m Myungsoo, I’m Kim Myungsoo, your lover.”

“No! Stop talking! You are just an illusion! You’re an illusion! Stop! P-Please! Stop bothering me!”

An illusion, she thought he is merely an illusion. She has forgotten him, she didn’t know him anymore. She thinks he is merely an illusion, an illusion that she made up herself that keep on haunting her. She desperately needs to get rid of those illusions, she need to get rid of him.

It actually hit him hard, the fact that she couldn’t recall him. She didn’t even try to recall him. He has lost his spot, his base, on her heart. His heart aches again, knowing the fact that she only acknowledges him, her lover as an illusion. She has forgotten him. It’s a relief, she didn’t seem to be wanting to kill herself, she only wanted to get rid of those illusions.

“Jieun-ah, try to remember me. I’m Myungsoo, your lover. Give the gun to me, Jieun-ah.”

“Stop! Or I will shot!”

“Jieun-ah!”

“Stop!” she pulled the trigger, but again nothing came out. It was unloaded after all, it’s empty. Thankfully, it was empty, or Myungsoo would be dead by now.

“It’s empty, Jieun-ah. Unless you loaded it, nothing will come out. Give it to me, Jieun-ah. I’m not an illusion.”

“No! You’re an illusion! I need to get you out of my head! Myungsoo will be upset again because of me! I’m already burdensome to him! Please, don’t make him sad anymore.” She pleaded.

Myungsoo wanted to cry, she feels burden because of him. She is sad because of the incident. She didn’t want him to be upset. He thought he is protecting her, but actually he’s just giving her a whole lot of problem. She is sad; she changes this way because of him. He’s at fault.

“Jieun-ah, I’m Myungsoo. Let go of the gun and let me protect you. It’s unloaded, you can’t protect youself with it unless you loaded it.”

“No! Myungsoo is asleep! I need to protect myself! I would be a burden if he needs to protect me again.”

“Load the gun, then. Jieun-ah. Don’t hurt him; he would be hurt badly knowing you have held a gun.”

“I need to protect myself! You’re merely an illusion!” Jieun shouted.

Slowly, her hand reaches the corner. Much to Myungsoo surprise, the bullets was there. On the table, at the corner. She was reaching for it, to load the gun and protect herself. She is terrified, she is sad. He is upset, he is hurt, and he is guilty. The broken has gone more broken, more broken until the word repair is forgotten.

Jieun loaded the gun, within a second. She pointed at him, but then turns around and pointed at the wall. She was desperately calling Jiyeon names and then Suzy. Three shot that is all, the sound of the bullet being release to the air echoed through the dark night. But it’s like she failed to shoot them.

“No, don’t get near me!”

“Jieun-ah, put the gun down.” Myungsoo said, trying to stay calm despite the fact that he is very much anxious.

“No! Stop talking! You’re an illusion! An illusion can’t talk! Die! Die!” She shoots but missed, she purposely missed that. She is the best shooter in the world; there is no way she could missed for real. She stops, pointing the gun at him.

“Shoot me, then. I know you have a heart, Jieun. You can’t never kill someone.”

“You’re just an illusion! You can’t die!”

“Then shoot me, Jieun. I’m Kim Myungsoo.”

“Then let me shoot myself.”

Jieun turns the gun around, pointing it at her own head. Her hand are no longer trembling, her body is no longer shivering. She was devastated to kill herself. Myungsoo freaks out, he shouted when he sees her pointing a gun to her own head. This is not the first time he saw her doing this, she has done it, multiple times before.

“No! Jieun, don’t!”

“Why? If I just die, this whole illusion will disappear. This is happening, inside my head only.”

“Kim Myungsoo will be very upset!”

Her hand tremble, and she let her gun down. She no longer points the gun to her head, she simply froze. Myungsoo keeps on shouting at her, yelling at her, desperately trying to convince her to get her conscious back. Trying hard to convince her not to kill herself, not to hurt herself.

“Please, stop talking!”

“Jieun-ah, put the gun down!”

“I said stop talking!”

The loud sound of bullets being released from the gun echoed through the dark night. The dark night has turn pitch black and hopeless. Silence fills the room as multiple gunshots echoed.

Silence.

A/N

This chapter is longer than expected. I’m sorry if this chapter is boring. Hope the angst is intense enough. To be honest, I feel like this story isn't gaining much attention. Well, I can't hope so much sine this is the first time I wrote fanfic. I think this is the best fanfic I have written so far! I hope you will leave more comments for me, not to forget subsrcibe. Again, Comments and subscribe! Thank you!