V
The Painful Truth
It had been a bad week... An awful week. I had broken down and called my ex-girlfriend on her birthday... She had sounded fine... My calling her had left her seemingly unaffected... she had obviously moved on already...
Training wasn't going well either...
Boss YG had had no qualms about telling me how useless my dancing was and that the only two things I felt I was any good at were only barely passable as talent. My beat boxing was the best in the group and my rap skills were passable but when it came to being in the group... he said he had doubts about my debut...
"Hyung... you look pale are you sure you're alright?" YoungBae asked frowning one day after practice. He ducked his head attempting to look me directly in the eyes as I teetered light-headed on my feet.
"I think you should sit down~"
"No." I replied a little too snappishly through my half delirium "...no I'm fine I need to get this routine down."
I heard YoungBae sigh and turned to look at him...
"Hyung... This means everything to each one of us. We all dream of debut and we'd all do anything we could to achieve the goal..." He continued thoughtfully, he shook his head a little before looking up at me again. "But we're all in this together. I think the point is that we work as a team... as a unit and well... if one of us is pushing ourselves so hard we're about to pass out then we're not working together well enough... I guess what I'm trying to say is what affects you affects us all... so it's not considerate to go through everything alone."
I understood what he was saying... and I suddenly felt a lump forming in my throat... I rubbed my eyes as I felt the tears starting to form and my heart swelled...
Don't cry... don't cry you're supposed to be the hyung I thought berating myself as my treacherous tears betrayed me.
"I guess we should all sit down together and talk then..." I spoke, my voice slightly deeper than usual.
YoungBae smiled encouragingly and patted my arm. "I'm glad you're finally willing to let us in even just a little..."
xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo
"I like boys..." I spoke staring at the floor... my heart plummeted even as the words fell from my mouth. Daesung was sat beside me as he had promised and was rubbing my arm but...
Everyone was silent... I felt like I was going to pass out from the anxiety.
They probably think I'm disgusting like everyone else I've ever told... aside from her of course...
"But you had a girlfriend... How can you be gay?" Jiyong's voice finally broke the silence...
"I tried to like girls... I wanted to be what was expected of me... I cared about her but it wasn't... It wasn't right." I finished as the tears threatened to push out.
I leaned over my head in my hands.
"I'm sorry.." I spoke as my voice broke.
"Don't be sorry, you haven't done anything wrong. Well... you could have told us sooner... you can trust us but I understand why you were afraid..." Jiyong finished and suddenly I felt another hand rubbing my back.
"Hyung... It's okay, we're still brothers yeah?" YoungBae spoke encouragingly...
"So like... Do you think i'm fit? Do you fancy me?"Seungri's voice suddenly interrupted cheerfully.
Same carefree maknae as always... I thought looking up finally and laughing softly...
"Maknae..." Jiyong tittered tapping him playfully on the back of the head and smirked. "Everyone knows I'm the good looking one..." He looked at me in a way that made my insides curl up in terror... He looked at me as if he were a cat and I the terrified mouse...
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