Review #1 BangBangVIP @ Vanilla Sky
[One-Shot] 6 Words That Hurt
Story title: 7/10
- It's a fairly decent title. Just looking at it, makes me curious as to what those six words will be. When I got to those six words...epic.
Forewords: 7/10
- Since it is only a one shot, there's not much one can put in the forewords without giving away the entire one shot, so with the forewords I think you did a pretty good job.
Appearance: 6/10
- I seen in the request form that you noted the poster was made in a rush. With fair warning I think it's only fair that I don't take off as many points as I was going to originally. Although, you also could have requested a poster and waited until you received it to request for a review, which I suggest you do if you are going to request for another review that way you don't get many points taken off and you can get a higher score.
Plot: 11/15
- At first, I thought this was going to be like, a sappy romance story but you totally shocked me with the end results. As sad as it was, I loved it.
Flow: 10/10
- The flow was nice. There was a week's time skip but it wasn't bad enough to completely mess up the story and throw me out of whack.
Originally/Creativity: 10/10
- I gave you full points for this mainly because of the ending. I didn't expect those to be the six words at all.
Spelling/Grammar: 7/10
- There were a few times where words should have ended with an 's' but they didn't.
"..one of the most wanted bachelor of KyeWon High" One of usually means there are more than one so instead of bachelor, it should have been bachelors.
"It was one of my favorite..." Again with the 'it was one of' meaning there was more than one she liked. Favorite should be favorites in this.
" hurting you weren’t my intentions" with this one, there are a few ways you could have phrased it and it be correct, such as " my intentions weren't to hurt you" or "hurting you wasn't my intention."
"...collided with the car you and JongHoon was driving.” Because it was a past event, and it mentions two people, her and JongHoon driving, was should be were. If you had had only put JongHoon it would be fine. You could have also put .." the car you and JongHoon were in" and it would have been fine.
Writing style: 10/10
- Everyone has their own writing style. Yours was easily readable without confusion at all. So good job.
Characterization: 10/10
- Again, with one shots there's not much in the way of characterization, but as far as it goes I think your characters were well rounded.
Enjoyment: 5/5
- I really enjoyed it. It wasn't as long as I expected but it was still really good. The ending caught me off guard.
Sub total: 83/100
Bonus: 6/6
- It's a fairly decent title. Just looking at it, makes me curious as to what those six words will be. When I got to those six words...epic.
Forewords: 7/10
- Since it is only a one shot, there's not much one can put in the forewords without giving away the entire one shot, so with the forewords I think you did a pretty good job.
Appearance: 6/10
- I seen in the request form that you noted the poster was made in a rush. With fair warning I think it's only fair that I don't take off as many points as I was going to originally. Although, you also could have requested a poster and waited until you received it to request for a review, which I suggest you do if you are going to request for another review that way you don't get many points taken off and you can get a higher score.
Plot: 11/15
- At first, I thought this was going to be like, a sappy romance story but you totally shocked me with the end results. As sad as it was, I loved it.
Flow: 10/10
- The flow was nice. There was a week's time skip but it wasn't bad enough to completely mess up the story and throw me out of whack.
Originally/Creativity: 10/10
- I gave you full points for this mainly because of the ending. I didn't expect those to be the six words at all.
Spelling/Grammar: 7/10
- There were a few times where words should have ended with an 's' but they didn't.
"..one of the most wanted bachelor of KyeWon High" One of usually means there are more than one so instead of bachelor, it should have been bachelors.
"It was one of my favorite..." Again with the 'it was one of' meaning there was more than one she liked. Favorite should be favorites in this.
" hurting you weren’t my intentions" with this one, there are a few ways you could have phrased it and it be correct, such as " my intentions weren't to hurt you" or "hurting you wasn't my intention."
"...collided with the car you and JongHoon was driving.” Because it was a past event, and it mentions two people, her and JongHoon driving, was should be were. If you had had only put JongHoon it would be fine. You could have also put .." the car you and JongHoon were in" and it would have been fine.
Writing style: 10/10
- Everyone has their own writing style. Yours was easily readable without confusion at all. So good job.
Characterization: 10/10
- Again, with one shots there's not much in the way of characterization, but as far as it goes I think your characters were well rounded.
Enjoyment: 5/5
- I really enjoyed it. It wasn't as long as I expected but it was still really good. The ending caught me off guard.
Sub total: 83/100
Bonus: 6/6
-I shouldn't give you bonus points for making me cry, but it's rare for a story to make me cry so I will. Thanks for requesting. ^^
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