fish tank;

Kyuhyun reminds him that tomorrow they have school and that they should go, like now, if they still want to catch the sun rising on Seoul's cloudy sky; tells him that weather in Paris is nothing nice or special this time of the year and the drizzle over their heads is a sign of the approaching rain.

It's a little cold and a little damp for Sungmin, but he puts a hand inside his pocket and grabs Kyuhyun's arm with the other one, "Let's stay five more minutes. Nobody waits for me at home."

He closes his eyes, and when he opens them they're in a solitary apartment, slumped in a huge, white bed. Sungmin looks out the window and sees the top of Eiffel Tower.

He sticks the tip of his tongue out and the inner line of his lower lip. He looks at Kyuhyun from under his eyelashes and, in this light, Kyuhyun looks so beautiful, so fragile that for a bare moment Sungmin really, really forgets to breath properly.

Kyuhyun wears a blue blouse that's two sizes bigger, so when he sits up from the bed, the fabric slips off his shoulders, revealing two skinny collarbones covered in a thin layer of pale skin. Sungmin inspects the way his short hair grazes his neck, three inches above a red spot. He falls back on the mattress, letting his body to sink in its confines while Kyuhyun walks to the window and stretches his fingers in front of him, drawing something on the glass.

Through barely opened eyes, Sungmin thinks he sees a heart sign, and then a 'S'. A question tingles the roof of his mouth, but he doesn't dare to put it because who knows what will Kyuhyun say. 

"So, what if we don't go back?" Kyuhyun asks him.

"That's impossible," Sungmin tells him.

"Why is that?"

"Because?"

Kyuhyun doesn't turn around, but Sungmin knows from hearing the loud breath he takes that he's probably rolled his eyes too, in annoyance. That he's probably upset or even worse, sad, so Sungmin tries make things right by walking to Kyuhyun and hugging him from behind, putting his ear against Kyuhyun's ribs in an attempt of hearing his heart beat. The fabric is abrasive against his cheek but Sungmin rubs on it from time to time, trying to take something from Kyuhyun's own scent; a faint smell of cheap perfume melts in the pungent one of a laundry detergent, making Sungmin think that Kyuhyun smells like home. That as long as he has Kyuhyun next to him, breathing into him, pressing against him, Sungmin is right there, right in the center of his childhood dream where the sun shines so hard that Sungmin blinks eyes at it.

Kyuhyun takes one of his hands and rubs it. "Every time you can't find a good reason, you only say 'because'. But, really now," and he pauses to turn around, catching Sungmin's head with the palms of his hands, "Why can't we leave all that behind and stay here, you and me?"

He can't see Kyuhyun's face that well when he presses forward and their noses bump, but the quick breath is there.  "Because we're not real, Kyuhyun. We don't exist, like, as one."

He lies, he knows he does, but when Kyuhyun tilts his head to the left, just a little, and brushes his lips against his own, Sungmin thinks he's losing his mind. A breath, a skip of a heart, and Kyuhyun pulls at his chin, forcing his mouth to open up a bit.

"You drive me crazy," Kyuhyun says, blowing the warm air inside his mouth. Sungmin knows how it feels.

*

He's outside Kyuhyun's school half an hour before the classes end, rubbing on his hands to warm them up a bit because he's forgotten the gloves on the bed and it's so cold outside that he might freeze until Kyuhyun shows up. It has been snowing since three hours ago; staring at the reflection in the foggy windows of some shops across the street, Sungmin looks like an old man forgotten by time. Smiling, he shakes off the snow from his coat. He wonders when will spring come to town when Kyuhyun comes out of school and runs past the crowd to reach to him.

He doesn't have time to react when Kyuhyun grabs him by his hand and Sungmin finds himself running the alleys of Seoul. The wind bites even deeper in his flesh and Sungmin would like Kyuhyun to tell him what the hell is happening.

"Sooyoung waits for us in a pub, hyung, and she's been there for a while" Kyuhyun tells him trough rushed breaths, but at that Sungmin stops running. He pulls his hand back and Kyuhyun almost slips on the ice, but Sungmin catches him on time and helps him to stay up.

" What did you say? That Sooyoung waits for you, and me?" His brows furrow and Sungmin looks angrier than he wants to, "Since when do you make plans that involve me without me knowing about them?"

Why are you so angry, Kyuhyun asks him, and Sungmin simply replies, " Go and date your girlfriend, and leave me alone."

He pushes Kyuhyun away and closes his eyes so that tears won't fall. When he opens them again, Sungmin blinks away the stranglehold heat of a desert and his cheeks color up in an instant. He looks around and realizes he's on a huge pile of sand, that the sharp pebbles pierce through his skin.

He pretends he doesn't see Kyuhyun when he shows up next to him.

"Why the hell are you so mad at me?" Kyuhyun yells at him when Sungmin takes off his coat and lets in on the sand. "Isn't she your best friend?"

"You know what annoyes me the most?" Sungmin tells him when he gets up," That you live with the impression that you can play me and Sooyoung as you wish," and the sun burns his eyes a little more. He walks away from Kyuhyun and lets the sand to seep through his clothes when Kyuhyun bumps into him again.

"Why are you like this?"

"No!" Sungmin screams at him, "Why are you like this? Who the hell gave you the right to treat me like a toy, ah?"

Kyuhyun does nothing when Sungmin pushes him to the ground and starts punching him in his chest until he gets tired. A slow inhale, and Kyuhyun catches his wrists, pulling his head on the crook of his neck.

"I didn't... I din't know you think that about me... I..."

Sungmin trembles and tries releasing himself from the grip, but Kyuhyun is too strong, he's too weak when it comes to this boy, so he gives in. 

Kyuhyun's eyes are calm when he lifts Sungmin's head and holds it in his hands. "Forgive me, okay?" 

Looking better, Sungmin thinks he sees the flashing lights of Seoul in Kyuhyun's black eyes, the heat of summer in skinny arms that comes now through a small kiss in the corner of his mouth. He'd say something, whisper him something about how beautiful his eyes are when he looks at him, how warm his mouth is. That maybe they love each other, but just not enough.

Seconds pass, and then,

"Let's go back."

*

"Are you sure you don't want to date her? I mean, she's exactly your type: small, big-eyed and disgustingly cute."

Sooyoung nudges him in his ribs and she almost knocks her glass down when she gets pulled back by Kyuhyun. The bar is loud with all the people crowding it for the new year's celebration and the music rumbles inside his ears like a broken chainsaw; Sungmin covers them for a moment and coughs just to see if he still hears.

"Well?"

Sungmin looks at the way Kyuhyun takes the glass and empties it in a gulp. "You shouldn't force him to date your friends if he doesn't want to," he says, gazing at Sungmin from over Sooyoung's shoulder. 

"Hey, don't be like this," Sooyoung says back, hitting him playfully in his chest, and Sungmin's throat closes up when Kyuhyun kisses her hair, slowly, the way he kissed him too a night before. He wonders if it's time for him to go because it's awkward seeing those two like that, and when Sooyoung puts her long fingers in Kyuhyun's hair to kiss him, his heart suddenly aches. It shouldn't, he thinks.

But then Kyuhyun tilts his head to his left and Sungmin notices that his eyes are not even closed, that his eyebrows furrow when she brings him closer. It doesn't even look like a kiss from where he stands, more like a peck, and Kyuhyun subtly pushes her away.

"I thought you like her," Sooyoung says, leaving nothing to question, "And you look so good together. Really now, don't you want to go on a date with her?"

She talks so much tonight that she's almost annoying, that Kyuhyun almost rolls his eyes behind her. She missed you so much, Kyuhyun's told him before meeting her, but all Sungmin can think of is how her girly voice sounds fake and irritating, overshadows all the noise in the room. At one point, she starts nudging him again, vowing that from now on to never ask nothing from you, but please just this once, go out with her, it'll be fun, she's such a nice girl and I'm sure you'll enjoy your date, and he'd like her to shut up.

"I don't want to get married, Sooyoung," he explains to her, colder than intended, and the light stops from playing in her eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Sungmin shrugs, "Nothing."

Sooyoung lifts her eyebrows and the corners of stretch a little. "It sounded awkward. Like," and she starts to gesticulate, hands waving in the air, " I told you to date her, not to marry her." Her sharp nails are coral pink and the wrists of her hands are so fragile that they might snap in a second. 

Sungmin lowers his head. He realizes that Sooyoung has left the table and ran to the bathroom after telling him that, damn it, Sungmin, how you make everything sound bad.

They walk in two on the way back home, and Sungmin slips his hand in the pocket of Kyuhyun's jacket to intertwine their fingers.

"I don't know why I said all that," Sungmin tells him, and Kyuhyun squeezes on his hand to assure him everything is alright.

Some lampposts flicker along the way, and in the dim light is difficult to walk straight even if Kyuhyun holds on his hand so hard that it almost hurts. 

"I should have just kept my mouth shut. She's probably mad at me now."

"She'll be okay," Kyuhyun says, "It's not like you have to date every of her friends, right?"

He smiles at that. "She did force me to do that."

Kyuhyun smiles back, wrapping his fingers around Sungmin's to keep them warm while the snow starts falling from the sky. There's ice on the asphalt all the way from the pub to the porch of Sungmin's house, and the approaching cold makes the warmth of Kyuhyun's skin meaningless but Sungmin squeezes back even harder as to assure himself that this isn't some kind of a weird dream, another of his fantasies.

That this is reality, that is Kyuhyun's mouth that's soft beneath his at night, Kyuhyun's neck he's kissing and Kyuhyun's knees bumping into his own. He buries his nose in the fabric of his shirt and tries, really, to inhale the scent of belonging to everything and anything that's Kyuhyun until there's nothing more to inhale and Kyuhyun falls asleep on his pillow. Later one, Sungmin lets himself drift into sleep next to him.