Dear Kibu...Key,

   I...I don't even know where to begin. My mind is running in so many different places that I can't even begin to distinguish what's real and what's not anymore. I feel like I'm in a dream, and no matter how hard I want to wake up and escape, I just can't, because this isn't something that I can merely ignore or let pass on by. Key...I wish you were here. But more than that, I wish that you had told me. I wish that you had just been honest with me instead of just running off and leaving me behind to fend for myself in a battle that I can't even fight fairly in. Fairness is what's lacking in this entire thing Kibum, and fairness is what I want. It's what I so yearn for more than anything right now.

   It's not fair that I have to sit here and ask all of these "if"'s and "why"'s to a person who isn't even here to answer them. It's not fair that I have to be here, alone, wondering where you are each and every night, crying myself to sleep because of how much I miss you. And most of all, it's not fair that you left me without hearing my side of this entire thing, without even giving me a chance. I feel betrayed Key. I feel angry. But no matter how hard I may try, or no matter how many times my mind may tell me to, I can't be angry at you. I refuse to. Because at the end of the day, no matter how hurt I may be, I know that my feelings aren't the ones that have mattered in this situation, and because of that fact, I feel so selfish.

   I feel so selfish that I have sat around for so long, able to smile, as you have been hurting on the inside. But more than that, I feel selfish in the fact that I was so concentrated on my own life that I was unable to see what was blatantly right in front of me. I feel so stupid, but more than that, I feel like a hypocrite because of the fact that I claimed to have known you so well, when in reality, I never could have even guessed what was wrong with you every time that I would catch you crying, or in deep thought, to yourself. I used to feel that we were so close, almost like one being, invincible, but now...now I don't know how I feel. I'm lost, and I don't know what to do with myself, Key. I don't know how to feel, and that scares me to death. 

   It scares me so much that I don't even know how I feel about you. It's almost like I can't feel. But even through all of this, there is something that I can say for sure that I know;

You shouldn't have left, Key.

   You shouldn't have left, and it's breaking my heart that you did. My palms are sweaty, my knuckles are white, and my heart feels like it's bleeding. I'm crying through these words, Key. Crying for you to come home. Crying for you to run into my arms with no regrets or hurt. Crying for you to come back to me, Key. There's nothing more in this world that I want than that, Key. Out of all of the wishes that I could recieve, I would trade the world in exchange for having you back. I would give anything, and I mean anything, for you to come back to me, because without you, I'm broken, Key. Whether it's love or simply to have you sleeping in peace next to me, I need you to be with me. Call me "desperate," "pathetic," or whatever you want; I don't care. I need you, Key.

   I need you to be by my side no matter what. I need you to be there for me when I need comfort. And most of all, I need you to know that I love you. Whether or not it's in the way that you want, I don't know, but this I do know, Key; that I love you. I need you to know that, Key. I need you to know that if the world ever turns their back on you, I will be by your side holding your hand. I need, and yearn, for you to know that even if you feel like God, or nobody else, loves you, I love you. There are a lot of things that I don't know, but I do know that I can be your rock, Key. I just want to feel you again, to protect you in the way that you need to be protected. I hope that you have truly let that wall down Key, because whe...I mean if, I ever see you again, I want to be able to see the real you.

The you that you have been so afraid to show me.

The you that can heal all of the hurt that I feel in my heart.

The you that can dry my fallen tears.

And most of all, the you that I can feel in my heart after reading of how you feel.

   Only then can I know, Key. Know how I truly feel about you and what this tight feeling in my chest is. Whether it truly is hurt, regret, and betrayal, or whether it's the love that you want out of me. I both want and need to know Key. I need to know that you're okay in order to want to feel again. Each and every night I have been praying for your safe return. Bummie...please come back. I need you. I want you. Bummie...

I love you. Jjongie loves you, with all of his heart, and Jjongie wants you to come back home.

Key...please heal my heart. Please bring it back to me, I beg of you. I need it just as much as I love, and always will, love you.

Bummie...please come back to me.

Return my love.

The one who needs you, 
Jjongie.