They lie on the riverbank for a while more, drying themselves and enjoying the silence, until the sky turns a brilliant shade of orange. Seohyun tugs Myungsoo up as the sun sets, dragging him to the rollercoasters, the scary ones that they have not yet rode on.

Myungsoo in a breath as he takes in the rickety metal tracks, the freefalls and the loop-de-loops. “I’m not sure if I can do this,” he whispers into Seohyun’s ear, and he is only half joking. But Seohyun chuckles and pulls him towards the line, whispering back a “I’ll be here with you” which manages to, surprisingly, put his heart at ease.

The queue is long but fast-moving, and during their wait Myungsoo stands behind Seohyun, her back pressed reassuringly against his chest and his arms wrapped around her torso. She tilts her head back to talk to Myungsoo, who has his chin resting on her shoulder. Sometimes they sway from side to side in silence, and Myungsoo tightens his arms around her every once in a while, just to make sure that she is real and here. He needs Seohyun to be with him while he braves this rollercoaster ride. He needs Seohyun to be with him while he braves through life.

They strap in and she holds his hand in anticipation. She’s been looking forward to this, he can tell. He grins at how excited she looks, and calms his slightly frazzled nerves. He’s never ridden on these things before—a life of poverty and neglect doesn’t leave much time for amusement parks—so it’s understandable that he’s jumpy. But Myungsoo will try to enjoy it anyway, for Seohyun.

There is a click and an ominous creak that nobody but him seems to hear, and they are off along the metal tracks. The carriage rides slowly at first, like a requiem, but steadily gains speed and is soon climbing the steep side of the first freefall. They are suspended for a moment on the very top of the curve, and Myungsoo takes everything in—the colours of the fair, the wind in his hair, the clarity with which he can hear the shouts of laughter from below. The city spreads out beneath him, tinted orange in the setting sun, and Myungsoo has never felt so liberated in his entire life. Everything is tiny from up here; the buildings are cardboard cutouts, the people toothpicks stuck to the ground. The world unfolds beneath him, endless stretches of land and water holding countless lives and limitless possibilities. In a world full of people, Myungsoo suddenly realises just how insignificant he is in the grand scheme of things. He lets out a silent sigh, turns his head and sees Seohyun, and smiles. Perhaps one person will not make a difference in a world as vast as this one, but that doesn’t matter. His world consists of just one person, and being with her, by her side and in her life, is enough for him.

Myungsoo’s eyes water as they freefall down.

--

He enjoys the rollercoaster ride much more than he expected himself to, and by the time they are instructed to unbuckle and exit from the carriage, his cheeks are flushed and his eyes are shining with excitement. They exit and make their way out of the crowd of people, and Myungsoo cannot stop a grin from spreading across his face.

“That was amazing,” he declares.

It is a good thing that his hand always finds hers, for at that moment she collapses, and if it weren’t for the strong grip he had on her fingers and around her waist, she would have all but crumpled to the ground.

He lets out a startled cry, whispering her name as her eyes flutter close-

The hand in his has gone limp and so has the rest of her body, and Myungsoo feels an uncharacteristic chill overcome him as the surroundings turn the colour of sepia. He shrugs her knapsack off her shoulders and hangs it from his before lifting her up in his arms and carrying her to the nearest bench. The crowd parts like the red sea. His ears are thumping and he cannot hear himself calling for her, even though he’s sure that his lips are moving, shaping into her name. His fingers tremble as he shakes her lightly, tremble more when she doesn’t respond. He vaguely hears people offering help, someone calling over a security guard and someone else trying to disperse the crowd. But he doesn’t hear anything, can’t hear anything, over the rush of blood in his ears as he concentrates on her face, pale and white. He picks up on the most ridiculous things in those moments of subdued panic. She had history in school today. Her hair is fanned out across his lap. She loves history. Her socks have little hearts on them. She loves the present more.

-and her eyes flutter open.

“Seo-“ Myungsoo chokes. Her eyes close again, then open. Close, open, close. Open.

“Sorry,“ she murmurs. “It’s the rollercoaster.” Her fingers find his and squeeze weakly. The grass cord ring stands out against her bony fingers.

“Sorry,” he murmurs back, although he’s not sure what he’s sorry for. His thumb her fingers.

‘Why are you apologizing?” she asks, and he gives a relieved chuckle. Slowly his senses start coming back to him. The world returns to its normal bright colours and Myungsoo realises the dizziness in his head is from him holding his breath.

He realises that someone is offering to bring them to the hospital, but Seohyun shakes her head adamantly and insists that she just needs rest. Myungsoo purses his lips, he himself wanting to bring her to the doctor’s, but instead gives her a piggy back ride to the bus stop and all the way home.

She wraps her arms around his neck to get a better grip, and he makes sure that her legs are tucked around his torso before they set off. Her fingers are trembling. He tilts his head down to blow hot air on them.

She looks at how their schoolbags are swinging from his shoulders and says, “Here, let me carry mine.”

He shakes his head and just kisses her knuckles.

“We must weigh a ton,” she argued. “You probably feel uncomfortable.”

But Myungsoo shakes his head, humming slightly to show that he is at ease. But his insides are churning because Seohyun is easier to carry than five year old Dasom.

--

Seohyun’s mother is, surprisingly, home when they return. Mrs Seo takes one look at her daughter, frail with half-closed eyelids, on Myungsoo’s back, and lets out a soft, “What happened?” Her voice is trembling.

Myungsoo says “She fainted” at the same time as Seohyun’s “It’s nothing, mom,” and her mother, by default, trusts Myungsoo. She knows exactly how her daughter is, always compliant and never wanting to make her parents worry. Her mother knows very well that Myungsoo’s world revolves around Seohyun, and trusts him at this instance for this very reason.

“Oh, darling,” her mother whispers, making way for them as Myungsoo brings Seohyun up to her bedroom. Her eyes are filled with panic. “You can’t-“

“I’m okay, mom,” Seohyun says hurriedly. “I just got dizzy from the rollercoasters, that’s all.”

“The d-“

“Myungsoo will bring me upstairs,” Seohyun interrupts again. Her mother opens , but her eyes burn with more worry than she will ever be able to voice, and she says nothing in the end, nodding instead as Myungsoo climbs the stairs to Seohyun’s room.

He kicks the door to her room open, drops their bags on a chair, before laying her softly down onto the bed. She murmurs in appreciation when he tugs the blankets up to her chin, smiles when he drags up another chair so that he can sit next to her. He captures her hand in his, tracing the light blue veins beneath her translucent skin. Her fingers are freezing.

“I’m sorry for ruining our date,” she says softly. She is disappointed; the carnival was like a little piece of peace for her, somewhere where she felt light and carefree. She loved time with Myungsoo, and even though they saw each other frequently, never got tired of being with him. She loved the feeling of her hand in his, of resting her head on his chest, of burying her face into the crook of his neck. Moments with Myungsoo were always magical, something she could never get enough of. Being with him at the carnival only heightened the sense of joy and tranquility that she felt whenever she was with him, and she was deeply frustrated with herself and her body for cutting the time short.

He shakes his head. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He smiles as he tries to cheer her up. “We’ll just have to go on more dates in the future.”

The prospect of that makes her slightly less frustrated, and she smiles and nods in agreement. She turns on her side and holds his hand to her, hugging it to her chest like it were her lifeline. Her eyes droop once, then twice, and Myungsoo chuckles. “You should rest.”

She nods absentmindedly and murmurs, “Stay with me?”

He uses his other hand to brush her hair away from her face, pulls the covers snugly around her body. She is already sleeping when he drops a kiss on her forehead and whispers lightly, “Forever.”

--

Myungsoo wakes up from his slumber a few hours later, rising stiffly from his position on the chair and stretching. The sky outside is dark. He works out a few kinks in his muscles before realizing that Seohyun is awake and looking at him, a small smile on her face.

“Thank you for staring at me,” he teases, chuckling when she looks away in embarrassment.

“What time is it?” He asks, taking off his blazer so that he is more comfortable.

“Nine,” she replies. It’s only been two hours since they got back. He frowns.

“You should be sleeping more,” he says, reaching up to feel her forehead.

“I’m fine, Myungsoo,” she says quietly.

They sit in silence for a while before her mother enters suddenly, carrying a tray with water and food.

“It’s late,” she says, handling Myungsoo a towel and some clean clothes. “You should stay the night.”

“I couldn’t, Mrs Seo-“

“Stay,” she commands, pushing him towards the bathroom. “We have dinner and a guest room and it is no trouble at all.”

He makes his way to the bathroom, but not before he catches Seohyun picking up a bag of multi-coloured tablets.

Myungsoo showers and brushes his teeth with a spare toothbrush, and returns to Seohyun’s room hurriedly. She is gulping down water, looking somewhat distressed. Her mother stands at the side watching her. The bag of multi-coloured tablets is gone, and Myungsoo wonders if he’d imagined them.

 Her mother leaves and they eat dinner together, enjoying the peaceful silence.  She goes to wash up and for some reason he feels like he should follow just to make sure that she doesn’t faint in the shower. But he takes a deep breath and tells himself to calm down. Nothing is going to happen. He tries to drum that into his head. It’s a good thing that it is a Friday; they don’t have to worry about school.

When she returns, looking healthier after a meal and a bath, he pats the space on her bed and she climbs in.

“There’s room for the two of us,” she whispers softly, and Myungsoo bites his lip. There is a moment’s hesitation as he tries to listen for her parents before he climbs in. She sighs in contentment, snuggling up to him. He wraps an arm around her and inhales the scent of her shampoo.

“Thank you,” she says.

“Thank you, too,” he says, and they laugh quietly. It’s been a scary day for him, but at least he gets to end it with her in his arms.

He stares into space as she drifts off into sleep, thinking about the carnival and the grass ring which now lies on her desk and about the bag of multi-coloured tablets he caught a glimpse of earlier on in the night. He thinks and thinks and thinks, and wraps his arm around her tighter. Myungsoo has never given much thought to gods or to higher beings of power, but now he prays to whoever is up there to please never take Seohyun away from him. It’s been a trying day. He tries to quell the small, rising wave of panic in his chest by remembering the first time he met her. The memory puts a small smile on his face.

Later, when the moon is bright in the sky and she is soundly asleep, he slips quietly out of her bed and makes his way to the guest room. Just in case her father comes checking on her in the night. He doesn’t want to incur any more misunderstandings, especially since he’s been doing a good job so far of making her parents like him. It doesn’t matter that he’ll be sleeping a few doors down instead of beside her, anyway, because he’ll sneak back again in the morning, and he’ll be there when she wakes up.

He gets into bed himself, and tries to sleep. Although his eyes are burning from tiredness, he has to wait for what seems like eternity before he drifts off into slumber.

_______________

Hello lovelies, thank you for waiting <3