LXX

Myungsoo was nervous when he had dinner with Seohyun’s parents. He’s always been the quiet, slightly dangerous sort, and prior to that day, he never thought that he would be that tense. But he supposes that’s what meeting the parents of the love of his life can do to his nerves. He’s never had to think about how Seohyun would feel if she were made to meet his family, for he simply doesn’t have a family. Not one that he treasures and cares about, anyway. He’s never had to worry about Seohyun being intimidated by his father or bullied by a brother, because he doesn’t have a family. He’s never had to think about these things, not until Seohyun voiced out her desire to meet his mother.

Now, he’s standing outside the brick building that he promised himself he would never step into, Seohyun’s hand held tightly in his, a grim look on his face. She glances up at him worriedly, but he doesn’t give her that reassuring smile that she has grown so accustomed to, the one where his lips thin and curl into asymmetrical arches. Instead, he fixes his eyes on the door to the building, taking in the security patrolling the place and the faint hum of electricity running through the barbed wires. He thinks about how Seohyun’s parents might kill him if they find out that they’re several hundred miles outside of Seoul, that he took her to a place that is meant for criminals.

Seohyun squeezes his hand, and it is only then that he tears his eyes away from the building and tries to pull the corners of his mouth up into a smile. It is a Herculean task, and he only manages a shadow of a grimace. She is in a blue dress and he can see the bones jutting out of her shoulder, can see the angle of her elbow, all skin and nothing more. They don’t exchange words, but Myungsoo pulls Seohyun into the building before he can change him mind. He doesn’t want to think of what awaits him inside; he just wants to get Seohyun out of the sun before she becomes even paler than she already is. She doesn’t look well today— she hasn’t been looking well—but she insisted on coming, and here they are.

The interior of the building is slightly less depressing than the outside, with cream walls and a fully functioning air-conditioner. Two guards sit at the reception desk, and Seohyun pulls Myungsoo towards them before he can think of turning around and walking out the doors.

“Hi,” Seohyun says bravely. “We’re here to see someone.”

Myungsoo is a bit stunned, because Seohyun hardly talks to strangers. She is shy and precocious and afraid of upsetting people. For her to want to speak so boldly to someone she doesn’t know must be taking a lot of courage. Myungsoo doesn’t know why, but he feels a surge of feelings rise into his chest, a mixture of pride and bravery and reassurance, that just about sweeps away the horrible memories of the past that were clouding his mind before. Seohyun is here, Seohyun is now, and the past, while important, doesn’t matter as much with her by his side. He takes in a deep breath and squares his shoulders, wrapping his arm around Seohyun’s waist when he notices that she is trembling slightly. But he’s not sure if he’s supporting her or himself.

He gives her mother’s name to a guard, and the guard smiles.

“You’re the son, then.” It isn’t a question; it’s a statement. Myungsoo doesn’t have to answer anything, but he nods all the same, just for something to do to quell the sudden rapid beating in his heart.

The guard gets up from his seat and motions for them to follow. He leads them down a series of hallways and into a long room that is sectioned into booths. Each booth is separated into two by a glass panel that runs through the middle of the room. There is a man in the room, sitting forlornly at one of the booths. He is staring at his shoelaces, and looks up when Myungsoo and Seohyun enter.

“Wait here,” the guard says. “She’ll be out in a moment.”

They take a seat at one of the booths. He has his hand wrapped around her waist. She is still shivering.

“Are you cold?” He murmurs.

She shakes her head, but he shifts all the same, moving his arm so that it rests on her shoulder, angling his body to form a curve of warmth for her. She leans into his shoulder and smiles. She knows that there are many things going through his head right now, feelings that he doesn’t know how to understand and memories that he has yet to tell her about. But she doesn’t say anything, choosing instead to just be there for him when he needs her to be.

A door on the other side of the room clicks open, and Myungsoo raises his eyes. There is a shuffle, a clink of metal, and for the first time in years, he sees his mother.

Seohyun stands before he does, quivering slightly as she loses her balance before he steadies her with a hand on her back. She bows at the woman before her, a woman she doesn’t know but whom she desperately wants to get to know, despite Myungsoo’s reservations about her.

“Mrs Kim,” Seohyun greets.

But Mrs Kim doesn’t have eyes for the thin girl before her. Her gaze is fixed onto Myungsoo, whose hand is still on Seohyun’s back, ready to catch her in case she falls again. is opened slightly, in surprise and amazement and growing wonder.

“Myungsoo…” She mutters her son’s name as if she cannot believe that he is before her eyes. Seohyun tugs at his shoulder, pulling him up as he tries to get a hold of himself. He doesn’t know what to say, and so he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want to look at his mother, and so he stares at the tiny crack on the wall, a small fissure near the foot of the door. He might have agreed to Seohyun’s request to come visit, but now that she is before him, the rush of emotion that he tried so hard to suppress, the frustration and hatred and anger, comes rushing back in full force.

“Myungsoo,” Seohyun calls gently, and it’s only then that he responds, lifting his head to look at her.

“Your mother is here,” she says, lifting one hand and placing it on his cheek. “She called you.” There is a mixture of kindness and patience in her eyes as she prompts him to respond. He turns, closing his eyes for a brief second before opening them again. He’ll do this for Seohyun, he decides.

And so he opens his mouth. “Mom.”

His mother’s eyes shine, and Seohyun sees them filling up with tears. But Myungsoo doesn’t know this; he’s still staring at that crack on the wall. The man sitting a few booths down looks at them curiously.

“Let’s sit,” Seohyun suggests, and sit they do. There is silence as Myungsoo’s gaze shifts to the space between them, to a strand of hair that lies a little ways to the side, as he tries to concentrate on the feeling of Seohyun’s small hand in his and not at the fact that his mother is staring so hard at him he feels as if she were trying to bore a hole through his skull.

“Myungsoo,” his mother calls again. “Myungsoo, it’s been a while.”

He doesn’t answer until Seohyun nudges him. He knows he’s acting like a child, but he cannot, will not, bring himself to look at the woman before him.

“Yes,” he says reluctantly.

“Myungsoo,” she calls, like she cannot get enough of saying his name, like she is trying to remember how it feels like on her tongue. “Myungsoo, I mi-“

Seohyun lets out a tiny sneeze, and Myungsoo’s arms immediately encase her in an attempt to generate some warmth, his attention all on her.

“Is it too cold?” He asks. “Let’s leave.” But she shakes her head, sneezing once more and trying not to shiver, pushing him slightly away to get him to look at his mother. Mrs Kim had grown silent, and Myungsoo unintentionally looks up at her to find that she is looking at the two of them observantly, like she just realized that Seohyun was in the room as well. She is gnawing on the inside of her cheek, something that Myungsoo used to tell her not to do when the two of them were still living togeth—

 Myungsoo shakes his head, hugging Seohyun closer to his body. The other man in the room gets up to lower the temperature of the air-conditioning, and Myungsoo nods at him in thanks.

“We’re here to visit,” Seohyun says softly.

“Who are you?” His mother asks her. Her tone is quiet, curious. Maybe a little envious.

“My name is Seohyun, and I am Myungsoo’s girlfriend.”

I am Myungsoo’s girlfriend.

It’s the first time she’s said it out loud, and he cannot keep the smile from appearing on his face. He tries to hide the obvious show of happiness and pride, but his mother has already seen it. He attempts to fix his face back into the stoic blank slate that it was before.

“It’s nice to meet you, Seohyun.”

There is silence after that, before-

“I missed you, Myungsoo.”

Myungsoo tries to focus on Seohyun’s presence, on the scent of lavender in her hair and her slightly chipped nails, tries to block out the memories of his dismal childhood, of returning from kindergarten to either an empty home or a house filled with strangers, of opening the fridge and finding nothing but beer, of the heady scent of blood and alcohol and the pain that comes with the shock of the first beating, a precursor to many more beatings to come. Of running away from the only family he had to join a band of brothers that in the end did more harm to him than good. He tries to suppress these memories, and he fails.

“I can’t do this,” he decides, standing so abruptly that the chair he was sitting on scoots back and rocks precariously on its hind legs before falling over onto the floor. Seohyun glances at it, then at him, mouth formed in a tiny ‘o’. He reaches down for her hand and pulls her up gently. “Let’s go.” He doesn’t spare his mother a second glance, just helps Seohyun with her bag and turns around to leave.

 “I love you, Myungsoo,” his mother calls in a desperate attempt to stop him from leaving, to apologise, to right the wrong that was his childhood. But he doesn’t reply, only grips Seohyun’s hand tighter and pulls her out of the visiting room, despite her attempts to get him to turn back.

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Hi guys, I'm alive and really really sorry for not updating like I promised.

I currently have six ongoing fics (R2R, What Could Have Been, Demons, Just A Brother, Abandon, and Shroud), and am planning another (although I really shouldn't). To make myself update regularly, I'll be adopting a schedule for my updates. There will be updates from me every week, in the order stated above, and I will update at least once a week, more if I can write on time. I feel really bad for not updating as regularly as I would like, because I'm facing quite a lot of problems in life right now and the ideas and words don't come to me as easily as they used to. Still, like I've always said, I'm not abandoning anything. There are still many things Myungsoo and Seohyun will go through in this fic, and I thank you for waiting patiently for updates on the couple and for still wanting to read my story/ stories.

Thank you so much guys <3