I picked up the coffee mug from the bench and took a long sip. Despite the cold weather and the snowflakes that fell right before my eyes was I not very cold, the coffee warmed a lot. I wondered how all snowflakes could look so similar yet be different. Was it really true that every snowflake was different? Who came up with the design for every single snowflake? If I had believed in god, I’d probably have thought it was him. But what god would throw a fifteen year old kid out on the streets and force him to live by his own? God, pfah!

Two days after my fourteenth birthday, my mom had disappeared to somewhere, leaving me without the very few things I had had. And since my dad was gone since long did I not have anyone to turn to, all my relatives lived either far away or was dead. I simply had to quit school and live on what other people gave me. Of course I had tried to find somewhere else to stay but needless to say, a fifteen year old boy wasn’t what most people felt like they were in need of.

I managed to get by however. The coffee in my hands for example, was a gift from an old man. It was not rare that old men gave me stuff, I had a feminine face and they either believed that I was a , since my clothes were worn and torn, or a girl, since I hadn’t been able to cut my hair for a couple of months. Even though these men's purposes were nothing but bad, I still had to feel a bit thankful to them, I'd probably not be around if it wasn't for them... But I couldn't say that I had a good life, I had lost a lot in weight and my hands were sore, all my clothes looked like they were found in a dump… And that wasn't really anything that I could do something about, then I'd have to sell myself. No.

 I sat on the bench for a couple of hours, what else was there to do? The ever so unique snowflakes fell and the ever so unique people passed by, no one even bothering to glimpse at me. Just a dirty person on a dirty bench in a dirty town in a dirty world. Heh. I wouldn’t look at myself if I was them so I couldn’t blame them. I spat in the gravel, the coffee was gone since long and the sun was setting, it was almost completely dark. The only thing I could see in front of me was my own breath, rising as steam into the chilly air, and an alcoholic on a bench next to mine. I decided to go and find a place where I could sleep for the night. McDo’ maybe? Or even a café?

My feet were numb and gone since long. I moved my ankles a little, it hurt when the blood flooded back into the ice-cubes on the bottom of my legs. Just a frozen people in a frozen city in a frozen world.

- heya kid! A fat and aged man with that one single ear ring that signaled money called out to me, what would you say about coming with me?

- I think not, I said calmly, I was used to this after a couple of months on the streets.

- I think yes, he said and I felt a pair of strong arms grab me from behind.

I tried to kick my kidnaper and screamed loud in hope anyone would hear, there wasn’t a person in sight, just snowflakes. My body wouldn’t kick the man in the way my brain told it to. No food for a long time and all the damned snow had got its impact of me. A lot more impact than I had thought, I realized as my legs gave in and the world around me became pitch black.

It was a bit warmer when I woke up the next time.

- are you even a boy or a girl kiddo? I was in a car, the man with the ear ring was driving.

- a boy, I answered and wrinkled my nose, a sudden stench hitting me like a fist.

- good, then you will pay more, he smirked, what’s your name? I could now see that he was smoking, expensive cigarettes.

- kibum, kim kibum…

- that won’t work, every ing person is named that… call yourself hmmm… kim kibum.. ki ki ki… key, it sounds… good, and they’ll remember you.

-they?

- they, and I know that you know just as well as I, who I mean.

I kept my mouth shut, just looking nastily at the old man. There was no point in arguing. The guy beside the “ear ring” reached into his jacket. The ear ring shook his head and I stretched up. Being shot was not my goal in life. We arrived outside a big house, looking like a hotel, in a couple of minutes. There was nothing that really made it different from an ordinary hotel actually, but I realized that it was here I was gonna spend some nights fore over. Or that that was what the men in the front of the car thought. As the doors unlocked, I summoned the little strength I had left in my body. I burst out of the car and out on the faintly over-snowed asphalt. I ran, as fast as my weak legs could muster. Which was not fast enough.

- and where are you going? A couple of strong arms reached around my stomach, one hand holding my chin and neck in a position that’d break it in matter of millimeters.

I was thrown down on the asphalt, the revolver guy standing above me. He spat in my face, melting the flakes already resting there.

- get up now or never, was his only words.

I bit my lip, iron. A small lump of blood contrasted against the grey concrete. Slowly raising up on my elbows, my arms hurted, but nothing serious, lucky or not.

I was brought into a long corridor.  The doors were numbered, 200 – 310. A red rug covered the roof and the walls, with orange-red oriental patterns, were lit up by torches between every door. It looked nice, not as I had expected. I could hear sounds though. And banging. There was no way that I had been wrong on my expectations on where I had been brought.

- room 245, hurry, The backslick pushed me forward, you don’t have the whole night, when you’re done, just stay in the room. We’ll get you tomorrow. And by the way... Our room is next to the entré, just so you know.

He turned around and went out of sight. I took one step forward, then another. I figured that I could escape out of the window when my “customer” had left. Hopefully. But hope is the last thing that escapes a human.

230, it was close, 232, I ran my hand against the wall, 234, the even numbers on the left. I counted them as I felt my hands become sweaty and my pulse increased. This was a once Kibum. Just one time and you’d be free again.  Suddenly a door to my right opened, number 241, just two doors before “mine”. A man, in his mid twenties came out. His white shirt was ed but his black jeans were looking as if they had just been pulled out of the washing machine. So This was how a customer looked then, I thought. Not too bad. The man had an aura of self-confidence around him, he knew he looked rather good, and the fact that he knew made him look even better. I was unsure what to do, so I promptly stopped. His before thin eyes became round when he saw my worn out figure.

- hey aren’t you a bit too young to be here? He asked.

- im fifteen, and I didn’t choose it myself , I muttered to him, wiping my lips. Not a lot blood, but more than I wanted.

- fifteen, I don’t think that’s… he mumbled then he seemed to get an idea, come here, he said and grabbed my arm. He had strong muscles and pulled me into the room that he had just gone out from.

- out! He called to the man in the bed.

I was thrown down in a chair and the man sat down on the bed after locking the door. It wasn’t a big room and since it was only used for , did it not have any decorations or pretty flowers in the window. A room but nothing more, white walls and a black floor.

- don’t look so surprised, I might buy but I’m not a complete bastard, the man laughed. I think fifteen is a bit too young to do this, he kept going, so the person you were going to will simply have to wait a night. Take of your coat, it’s really warm in here.

I realized he was right, I sweated under all my clothes. Since I lived on the streets did I always make sure to wear more than one shirt. To keep the heat during winter nights you needed much more than just that. I took of my jacket and a sweater. My bare arms were showed, but I still had two t-shirts on, it felt better though. The man stared at my arms covered by nailmarks, scratches and bruises.

- hey don’t they feed you here!? You’re pure bones. He seemed a bit shocked.

- they probably feed people here, but I live on the streets, I stated, I didn’t want to talk to this man about stuff like this.

- even though you’re so young! How come? He seemed even more shocked by now.

- dad and mom left, and I’m stuck here, I kept a short tone, he should understand.

- oh god.. he seemed ashamed, he rubbed his hair and pointed to the toilet.

-Use the shower if you want to, I think there’s a shirt in there you can borrow.

 I didn’t bother to thank and went in to the toilet. It had been some months since the last time I had taken a proper shower. I had washed myself in public bath houses and toilets but that was not even half of this. And the public baths cost money, which I rather spent on food. I let out a moan as the hot water ran down my frozen body.

The man was right, I had become thinner, I had always been though. My ribs could easily be seen, as well as my hipbones. I shampooed my hair and turned off the water after rinsing it out, I couldn’t get used to this. It probably wouldn’t happen again. I dried my hair with a towel that laid on the floor.

 The shirt the man had been talking about hung on a hook. I took it down and put it on, it was so big that I didn’t bother to wear trousers, underwear would do. I put up my hair in a ponytail and looked into the mirror. And looked away. Anger was building up inside me. I wondered what my parents would do if they saw me like this, the people that made me like this. People shouldn’t have to look like me. Sore. Hurt. Thin. Like a ghost. I went out of the toilet, the man made a face when he saw my thin body but tried to smile.

- hey! I know I look bad, you don’t have to try to hide it…

- it hurts me, he said silently.

- it hurts YOU? Imagine the pain I have to endure, I said, almost spitting on him.

- that’s what hurts me the most, that you HAVE to endure it, you shouldn’t, he said, now looking straight into my eyes.

- don’t pretend you care, I said harshly, no one really does. It’s just that empathy makes you look good in front of others, I looked away quickly, looking at this man made my uncomfortable.

- I do care, and I don’t see those “others” you’re talking about, he said, in such an honest voice that I couldn’t answer. I thumped down on the chair again.

He sat there looking at me for some minutes. Completely silent, I felt embarrassed after speaking to him like I had and I couldn’t meet his eyes. My hair dried quickly in the warm room and it didn’t take long until I got sleepy. I yawned.

- why don’t you take the bed? he asked, there’s room for two, and as I said, I wont do anything… you’re a bit too young for me.

- yeah.. uhm… thank you… I mumbled and went to lie down next to him on the bed.

- I don’t even know your name, the man said, and mine is Jonghyun for your information.

- call me key, I said, remembering the name I had been given by the hallicks, it sounded pretty cool actually.

- nice to meet you key, although it could have been under better circumstances, jonghyun said.

 Now that I laid down and he sat up next to me did I get a glimpse of his body, he was very muscular and hadn’t bothered to button his shirt. Not that I cared. But he did have a nice body. I hoped that he wouldn’t take advantage of me but if he did, well it could have been worse.

- nice to meet you too, I said, almost meaning it.

- hmm.. key why don’t you go away, I mean, you must have some relatives to live with?

- they all live a couple of hours away, and how would I get the money for a train ticket? I asked, but it was not a question, there was no way I could get that much money. Money for food for a day, maybe, but a train ticket, come on…

Jonghyun didn’t answer, he laid down, facing me. He looked into my eyes.

- I feel so bad for you… he said and pulled me up for a hug.

At first I was a bit frightened he would do something. I tensed and prepared to knock him but when I realized that he wouldn’t do anything, I relaxed. He blew his hot breath on my hair, making me even sleepier. He put me down slowly, lying down next to me.

- when I was fifteen my dream was to become a singer, I guess I didn’t realize how lucky I was, he mumbled with his eyes wandering into space with a faint smile on his lips.

- why don’t you sing something? I asked, I really wanted to hear him sing.

He thought about my question for a second, thinking about a song to sing, Slowly opened his mouth, and sang.His perfect tones did soon fill my ears. His voice was naturally soothing, I felt calm and like i was home again just by hearng him sing. The song was about someone who had a crush on someone… but since I had spent the last year trying to survive rather than fall in love did the words not matter to me very much. It was his voice that mattered and god, I could have listened to him forever. The song did sadly end, far too fast. I turned my head to look up at him with eyes pleading for more. He smiled back with eyes filled of tears.

- sorry… he mumbled.

- it doesn’t matter, I whispered as I fell asleep.

When I woke up in the morning was I alone. I looked around in the room but it looked just like yesterday. I felt disappointment flood over me, but why was I disappointed, really? As I sat up I heard a sound coming from the front of my shirt. There was something in the pocket. I took up the paper and out fell a letter and some money.

“’Key, I had to leave early. I’m sorry. I couldn’t just leave you here though, without hope. I didn’t have a lot of money left but it think it will be enough for a train ticket. Go to your relatives and live with them. I hope we can meet again when things are better.
Jonghyun ”

 

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A/N - First chapter done! Feels good ^^
I hope you liked it :) I wrote this fic about a year ago so it's filled with smaller mistakes... I tried to correct them as well as I
could, but it's hard ^^' The snow is acctually falling outside my window right now and that's how I came up with publicing
it. Stay tuned!
Love / Kiikimi