About waffles and coffee
About Waffles And Coffee
About waffles and coffee
I opened my eyes and was confronted with dazzling lights, murmurs and the odor of many other people being around.
I didn’t know how I got here but I was without question standing in the middle of my hometown shopping street...
Did I walk here? Did I miss myself taking the train into town? Or did I stay here over night?
All these thoughts were running through my head at the same time and with the speed of an express train until there were stopped by a young man who bumped into my shoulder. I fought for balance and barely got hold of the edge of a garbage can, which was overflowing with all kinds of trash. After a few well formulated curses, I freed my hand from the gum which had been sticking on the rubbish bin before –and was now tenaciously clinging to my fingers-. Then I finally started to look around.
My first impression had not been wrong: There was the cafe I always visited with my friends when I was in town for shopping; right in front of the cafe was the wide, open place with the small fountain where pigeons and sparrows fought for the smallest space.
I made my way through the crowd, still slightly confused and kind of half-asleep, pushing people away and not caring about the angry shouts which were thrown in my direction.
The feeling of heaviness and fatigue remained as I reached the wide place where the two main streets interbreeded.
Autumn was slowly overtaking the scenery, making the leaves fall on your head and on the ground so almost every spot was covered with yellow, red or brown dots. A few people were already dressed in warm clothing, fighting against the cold wind which was blowing through the alleys.
When I looked around for another time, still searching for something which could ease my discomfort, it ultimately was a person which caught my attention.
A young man was standing near the fountain, his hair as black as raven feathers. His slim body was dressed in a trendy black jacket, so that the rim of his white turtleneck sweater was only slightly visible. He wore skinny blue jeans and black shoes with white patterns. But it wasn’t really his looks that made me notice him. What surprised me the most was that he was standing absolutely still on this loud and busy street; hands in his pockets and eyes fixed on the sky. But there was nothing interesting in the sky. No clouds, no birds, and the sun wasn’t visible too.
Curiosity won me over and I moved closer...
Silence followed my step. The world stopped. Pictures flashed through my head:
Five young men walking on a road with no visible end.
An ocean, filled with red lights.
Songs, music, melodies, rhythm.
Screams, cries, tears and then-
A smile.
The most beautiful smile in the whole world; a smile I would never forget in my entire life. And with the smile came a face: slender, with fair skin, dark eyes and dimples.
Now I was the one laughing.
“Park Yoochun.”, the name felt great on my tongue. I lifted my head and looked straight at the young man before me. I didn’t hesitate a second before I repeated the words louder. “Park Yoochun.”
The black haired man turned around and looked at me, his almond-shaped eyes full of astonishment and curiosity. I could not help but smile again. And the man smiled back while dimples decorated his slender face. I felt the sudden urge to touch this face, which seemed so familiar but yet so different. But my hand stopped in mid air, unable to move closer and overcome the last distance between us.
“You know my name.” The young man eventually said; his voice was husky and rather deep, sending soothing chills down my spine. How I loved that voice!!!
“Yes.”, was my short response.
“And you probably also know who I am.” It wasn’t a question, just an observation, but I nodded in agreement anyway. Yoochun looked at my still hovering hand and a grin spread across his face. He reached out and grabbed my hand tightly. I feared my heart would explode the very moment his skin touched my own.
“Long time no see!” I was even more baffled when he continued: “It’s nice to meet you again. If you have time, should we fetch something to drink there?” He pointed at my favourite cafe.
“But....But Yoochun-sshi.....I- I-...I could be a sasaeng fan.”, was all I could utter at that moment, my mind being totally blank. My new acquaintance just laughed and bent down slightly: “Is that the first thing you would normally say to someone you look up to and who you are dying to meet personally?” He didn’t give my a chance to answer. “Don’t worry. There are no such things as sasaeng fans here. Something like that doesn’t exist.” The black haired man winked conspiratorially and dragged me towards the cafe.
No sasaeng fans? They don’t exist here? I looked around. There was nothing out of the ordinary........only the fact that the scenery was slightly blurry at the edge of my vision but I blamed it on the fatigue, which still hadn’t disappeared for some reason.
Meanwhile Yoochun had guided me into the cafe and was naturally bundling me onto my favourite seat. It was in a more peaceful corner of the first floor and you had a wonderful view of the fountain outside. I shifted on my seat while he settled down across from me, his chest clearly showing when he bend forward to move his chair in the right position. I couldn’t resist the urge to stare at his collarbone, which was even slightly visible through the fabric of his sweater, and my face was burning red with each additional second. I swallowed hard and fought the reflex to drool right in front of him. When my inner fangirl had finally calmed down, I found the courage to look up, only to find him looking at me too. He slightly tilted his head and eventually broke the awkward silence between us: “So, how are you doing?”
“E-...excuse me?” It definitely wasn’t my best day but it was really hard to not be confused by the way he was casually talking to me.
“I asked how you were doing lately.”
“Well, I think I’m doing alright?” It was more of a new question than an actual answer to his earlier demand.
“I see.” I knew that he wanted to say more -and that he didn’t believe me- but we were interrupted by a waitress before he could continue. Yoochun smiled at her and ordered two waffles, a black coffee for him and a cup of hot chocolate for me, before facing me again, this time with a more serious face than before. I could feel that he wanted to go back to the topic we were discussing but there was a question I was dying to ask him: “How did you know I like hot chocolate?”
“I know it because you know it.”, he said as if there wasn’t any other option.The situation began to displease me; not that I was actually angry with Yoochun, I was more likely really confused and irritated.
“You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?”
“Well, at least I’m the one being honest here.” I flinched at his words. We sat in silence again while the waitress brought our drinks. An action, which she apparently couldn’t do without sending flashy smiles to Yoochun. I in contrast just rolled my eyes at her -although I wasn’t behaving any different in front of him-. When she finally left, I immediately grabbed the cup before me and let the hot material warm my hands. My finger tips were slowly coming to life again and I let out a relieved sigh. Yoochun was still deep in thoughts when I started to speak this time, determined to finally open up to him: “Do you know the Twilight Saga?....Well, nevermind.....In the last book, after Edward turned Bella into a vampire she says something like I was just ordinary as a human, but now, looking in the mirror, there is a new me, and I think the reason I’m living is exactly what just happened to me: I wasn’t born to stay human my whole life, I was born to be a vampire.”, I looked up to see if Yoochun could follow. When he didn’t say anthing, I continued, “It’s super cheesy and I don’t remember the original wording, but I somehow can identify with what Bella said: Although it is getting harder every day to keep believing and to keep supporting you guys; I’m of the opinion that I was born to be your fan, to like you....” My voice grew faint and I mumbled the last bit of the sentence: “.....to love you. Although I don’t know which kind of love it is that draws me to you and your music.” I went silent again and stared at the table.
“It’s alright.” I blinked, startled by his fast answer. He didn’t seem to notice though, as he continued, while smiling warmly at me. “It’s alright to doubt, it’s one of the things which makes us all human.” His smile grew bigger. “It would be harsh of me and the boys to condemn you fans just because you doubt us at times. We know about it; all of us know that you do, I’m sure. There are also times when we doubt ourselves; not the decisions we made that day but our future and if what we do is equitable towards our fans.”
“Why do you guys think that you’re unfair to us?” I somehow regretted asking this question because Yoochun’s smile turned really sad after I uttered my thoughts. “Because we don’t tell you.”
When I looked into his eyes, I immideately knew what he was talking about. Now it was my turn to smile sadly. “None of us will ever push you to tell us what happened and what still is there. It’s just that we fear the worst case....”
“And that would be?”
Tears started to form in my eyes. “You hating each other. That’s what I fear the most; Hate and disdain among the people who were more than just brothers to each other.....And that’s also the main reason why I want to know how you think about each other so badly....after all what happened.........”
“I can’t tell you what you want to hear.” Almost black orbs looked at me with so much vulnerability, sadness and conflict, that I had to hold back the tears again.
It was always like that!
In the end all we could do was to believe; to keep the faith and hope till the end. But it was getting harder with every day: The continuous clashes amongst the fans, the disbelief and hatred which was shown towards both sides (the current DBSK and JYJ), the way the latter was treated by broadcasting companies and the other medias in South Korea.....
“....it makes you tired, helpless, angry and utterly sad.....And when I finally get to see you on TV, I’m still sad because I see how skinny all of you have become. Sometimes you have dark circles under your eyes, or your face is sunken in, or your stage outfits are way too wide to really fit you.....But what I miss the most, is your smile. Your honest smile, that was like the sun for all of us.
Whenever I see you, singing to your hearts content, my chest clenches and hurts and I feel so helpless-...” I was interrupted by a rather desperate voice: “Enough!”
My vision was blurry due to all the tears I was shedding. Because I couldn’t see Yoochun, I got quite the shock when smooth fingers caressed my cheek and wiped away the salty traces. “Don’t cry! The last thing we want to see is a fan crying in front of us, BECAUSE of us. It’s alright if you cry with us, but, PLEASE, don’t cry when we’re the cause.....It’s difficult enough when Junsu, Jaejoong and I are hurting.”
“I’m sorry.” Was what I answered between sobs.
„그냥가요. 상처는 시간과 치료. 우리의 시간은 다시 올 것이다.“ ***
I blinked a few times, suprised and amazed by the fact that he had spoken in his mother tongue. Meanwhile Yoochun continued: “Although I run risk of repeating myself; don’t give up. As long as the fans believe in us, we can continue to believe in ourselves. Without the fans, there wouldn’t be JYJ.....or DBSK.“ He paused for a moment, a bit taken aback by his last words. I unabashedly tried to dry my tears and eventually reached out to take his hands into mine. Blushing a little at the fact that I was holding the hands of my idol/bias, I looked up at him and smiled my best gummy smile to cheer him up. “I promise, I will never give up until the day I die or you personally tell me to do so!”
“Personally?” Yoochun tried to suppress his laughter but it was in vain. I was quite satisfied with myself because I managed to make him smile again. I pulled my hands away from the warmth of his long and slender fingers and leaned back into my seat. Much to my own surprise, I couldn’t hold back a yawn as I sank into the cushions. This did not seem to escape Yoochuns attention and his facial expression got softer whereas he had a somehow knowing look on his face. “It’s time for me to go. It’s been long enough and you need to get ready.”
I blinked, trying to stay awake and focused. But my eyelids got heavier and I yawned again. Yoochun just smiled gently and finally rose from his seat. “See you next time.” He patted my head one last time before walking out of the cafe. There was still so much I wanted to ask him but the moment I got up myself and began heading after him, he wasn’t there anymore.
And then, everything around me started to get blurry and finally vanished.
I opened my eyes and all I could see was a white, plastered wall. I sighed heavily and rubbed my eyes.
It had all been a dream.....
"Yesterday and tomorrow, though I’ve thought about it all day long
I can truly feel the difference between then and now at 25, my age
I will now put this pen down.
But my heart it at ease right now.
Because I am able to feel the love of our fans……
I’m thinking of sharing the load I have kept in my heart all this time.
Though nothing is ever easy, my heart is at ease.
I’m happy because we have our fans for our family,
I’m always thinking of you all……
I love you.
So could you believe in us till the end.
Could you tell us that you love us.
We’ll work hard till forever, so could you stay by our side.
Because we still have you
And you still have us
I promise, that I’ll show you everything eventually."
***Translation: It's alright. Wounds only heal with time. And our time will come again
(I hope it's correct since I only used google translator~~~ :''D)
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