To: Cherry Blossom

Do you know what's the thing with us, baby? We are too far away. Even if we hold hands, even if we wait next to eachother at Starbucks, getting pushed into eachother by thousand of people, even if I feel you in my arms, I can't never grasp you. It's like I'm running in circles, trying to catch you, and when I think I got you, you get further away, laughing right in my face. I feel pathetic. I am sitting at our favorite table, from our favorite place, and everytime a person enters and the ring bells, my heart stops. Since when I became so anxious? I thought of yearning before, I thought of pain, I thought of grief, but I never thought of what it would happen to me if we would ever break up. It's actually funny, because we didn't break up. I won't admit in front of you that I actually feel you did break up with me. I won't admit it, so don't push me. These days I've been constantly drinking. I felt like I should confess. I would die a thousand deaths to see that look of concern mixed with disgust on your face; that look you have on everytime I get drunk. I wonder what look do you have now, while reading this email. Are you weighing my sincerity, searching for clues? Must probably yes, the Sherlock in our relationships was always you. So, Sherlock... cut the chase. I am tired. I swear that I could even hear your sighs in my sleep, your soft snores, and you know how light of a sleeper I am. Are you sure you weren't there? Are you sure you even left? Did you leave me, literally? Are we playing a cat and mouse game right now?, because I am not talented enough to play nor Tom, nor Jerry. It's kind of funny, though. I am a dancer, I should be good at doing artistic stuff. I should be able to play this little charade of emotions; but I cannot. I can't 'play' my feelings for you. I cannot turn them into a cheap street play. I know that, because I felt my muscles freeze everytime I saw you; like I was in an inducted coma. And I have to ask you... Why did you decide to wake me up? Why now? Maybe it was my fault that I didn't see all the signs you were giving me. I didn't see them. I didn't see the messages from your friend; the friend who sent you messages every morning at 3:00am, messages you always saw at 3:02am. I also didn't see your new interest in clothes and make up. Neither did I see the new collections of lipsticks. I also didn't notice the new fragrance of perfume, a fragrance that you used to hate: lily. "It was a gift." You said. I didn't see all of these, I didn't. Therefore, please treat me as a blind man, who didn't notice the sand dissipiating. A man who forgot to turn the hourglass upside down. Will I be too pathetic if I tell you to come back? Not to come back to me, you know I never forced you to anything, beside accepting that bouquet of lilies, on our first date. I want you to come back so I could gift you some spoken letters. Maybe you could gift me some spoken answers. Silence isn't an answer. Not for me, not for us... I will be waiting for you.

P.S. I still.

9 a.m. Tuesday, 4thMarch 2014. Email sent.

To: Gray Puzzle

Still.

12 a.m. Tuesday, 4th March 2014. Email Sent