To: Cherry Blossom

Being in the same place for days it's what people call 'holding on'; being in the same place for months it's what people call 'routine'; being in the same place for years is what I call 'stubbornness.' Watching the cherry blossom every year is beginning to feel stuffy. I am wondering if things will ever change. If our yesterdays could become tommorrows and if this present will become a long forgotten past. I wish it was that way, but reality is cruel and we have to accept it. Our life is a chain of effects; effects of our mistakes and actions. It's like a rollercoastor in which nobody invites you in; you are simply pushed in by God. Nobody asks for your consent. The hardest thing is to feel the effects of your mistakes. We, people, tend to be blind and conceited. We have something that is ours and instead of cherishing it, we destroy it in the most childish way. We keep searching when we already found what we were looking for because we are too ed-up to see how really ed-up we are. I am sorry for cursing, I know how much you hate that. I guess people never heal, and neither do I. What makes me different from the rest? We are the same filthy crowd that steps on remnants only to reach the most stupid and useless thing ever: happiness. It scares me that I am aware of myself cursing though; this means you're not here with me anymore. I swear that I taste your scent more than ever, though. Your touch lingers upon my skin like it never did before, and I am day by day a second closer to catch it and keep it forever. These days I've been thinking about life more than I did in my entire existence. What am I doing? Why am I living? Why am I not killing myself? Sorry, I'm not intending to scare you. I am just sharing you a piece of my mind, like you always wanted me to do. "Jongin, you are like a puzzle. And I am afraid that the pieces are shrinking instead of increasing." You said that. I recall it so well as if it happened two months ago when you were buying that soft peach dress that I love so much. I think it suits your pale skin colour so well. I could even smell the fragrance of your peaches perfume when you wore it and I don't recall you putting any when when we left from home. The dress is still in the cloest, you know? I think it waits for you, just like I do. But, shh! That is a secret. Don't tell anyone, okay? The funny thing is that it really happened two months ago, after you bought that dress and after I told you that I burnt my studio down. You got scared and I got scared too, watching you getting scared. Confusing, right? More exactly I was scared of you thinking bad things about me. I am not a good person, I know that, and many may also cathegorize me as being bad, but you know that in your eyes I wanted to be the best. You didn't let me explain that day, you jumped to conclusions throwing the puzzle excuse at me. I found it an excuse, yes. Why do people run away when they found a puzzle instead of solving it? No, actually... Why did you ran away after meeting an unsolved puzzle called Kim Jongin? Couldn't you find a solution for me too? Am I that undecipherable? I adored to pull down every leaf of your existence, with every touch, but you let my leaves dry, waiting for you. As of today, I have no idea where are you. My leaves are already on the ground, you know? Can't you hurry and pick them up? It hurts to be so in front of these strangers. Damn, I don't want us to re-write the mail history of '50 Shades Of Grey', you know how ing much I hate that book, but... Could you reply me, so I can be sure that you are fine?

P.S. Ditto.

1:15 a.m. Monday, 3rd March, 2014. Email sent.

To: Gray Puzzle

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4:15 a.m. Monday, 3rd March, 2014. Email sent.

Hello~ So my 2 lovely subscribers probably didn't expect for the story to actually be like this but I got inspired by a book I am currently reading. I hope you enjoy~