Warning: Homophobic language and some angst in this chapter.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Six Geese-a-Laying

Five Golden Rings

Four Calling Birds

Three French Hens

Two Turtle Doves

And a Partridge in a Pear Tree

Staying up so late the night before had been a terrible mistake. Hyukjae rubbed the palms of his hands across the back of his neck as he rotated his head from side to side trying to wake himself up. Donghae had stayed up chattering, as slurred as it was, for at least a few hours. The first few times Hyukjae thought Donghae was finally asleep, the larger man yanked Hyukjae back to the bed. 

He couldn't complain too much though. Not when the only thing separating him from half- Lee Donghae was the blanket that he had tucked that drunkard under. Hyukjae sat on top of the covers despite how many times he pictured himself crawling underneath them and snuggling up to the other man. 

“Urghhh,” Hyukjae complained to himself as he closed the locker.

"See you, tomorrow, Mr. Lee." A trainee bowed and left the locker room. 

"Have a good night, Taemin."

Hyukjae glanced down at his watch. He still had enough time to make it for church as long as traffic was good. He quickly snatched his bag from the floor and rushed out of the room after Taemin and toward the elevator. 

"Hold the door," he yelled out and was relieved to see a small, pale arm poke out into the hallway. 

"Thanks, Taemin." He huffed once he boarded the elevator.

"Where are you going to that you are in such a hurry, Mr. Lee." 

"I'm going to see if I can make it to church tonight. I haven't had time to go in a few weeks." 

“Ah, I wish I had time to go. My dad always says that religion has no place in a successful man’s life, but I think he is wrong about that.” Taemin was a good kid and Hyukjae like the boy so as in a hurry as he was, the instructor figured he could indulge in a little conversation while the elevator took it’s precious time. 

“You should always listen to your parents but remember that you have to be yourself as well. Maybe when you get older you will be able to have more time to yourself and come with me sometime.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I’d love to bring you with me.” He smiled over at the young boy but darted through the metal doors when the ding signified that they had reached the lobby.

Traffic wasn't too terrible, but it was bad enough that when Hyukjae pulled up to the parking lot of the church, he had to fish around for parking spot. The lights shone through the stained glass windows and he could already hear the music playing as he ended up shutting the car off at a spot on the back side of the lot. He checked his reflection in the mirror just to make sure that he at least looked halfway respectable before stepping out onto the gravel and crunching his way up to an entrance near the back of the sanctuary.

Trying not to disturb the service, Hyukjae made sure to open and close the door as softly as possible, stealing into an almost full row in the rear. He knew the song that was being sung and was able to join right in with a quick glance at the projected lyrics on the screen. Although Hyukjae hadn't come in a while, he felt right at home as he always had in this place.

This was one of the few parts of his childhood he was able to cling to still. The only one that ever came to church anymore was Hyukjae's mother. His father and sister had stopped coming when Hyukjae was still in middle school. As much as Hyukjae hoped that he would run into his mother sometime, church providing a safe haven for the two to finally see each other, it never happened. She worked late on Wednesdays, and Hyukjae usually had schedules on Sundays. Eventually he had just stopped bothering to scout around the congregation for her bush of wavy black grayed hair..

 As he clapped in rhythm with the hymnal and sang along with the rest of the 600 voices ringing in the hall, Hyukjae remembered the last time he had actually seen his own mother. It was about two years ago at the supermarket. He had known she was avoiding him when he saw her hurrying to the checkout counter the moment he walked past the aisle she had been shopping in, probably for the kimchi she always used in all her recipes. He didn't want to make it harder for her, so he loitered around an aisle far in the back half of the store away from the registers. None of this had been her choice anyways. 

Using the sleeve of his sweater, Hyukjae wiped the tears from his eyes and hoped everyone would just assume it was worship, not a broken heart. 

"Room for one more?" A voice had asked from left of Hyukjae, and the redhead shuffled his feet to the side to make room for the newcomer. "Are you okay, Hyukkie?"

It was probably more of a triple take than a double take. "What are you doing here?"

"You mentioned it to me the--" Donghae dropped his voice to a whisper when the music became quieter "--the other day at the café. I told you that I might check it out." 

Hyukjae didn't think Donghae was serious to begin with but just saying that out of courtesy, respect for stranger. Now, here he was, singing right along.

It was eerie for Hyukjae to see Donghae in this setting. At the coffee shop that night, they had talked about so much and did indeed end up on the topic of religion. Donghae hadn't been raised in church as heavily as Hyukjae had, but after the death of his dad, he was much more involved. Ever since his divorce earlier that year, he didn't have the heart to go back to his previous church and was on the lookout for a new one. "You should come check out the one at 6 Geese Lane." "Six Geese-a-laying?" Hyukjae chuckled under his breath remembering the misunderstanding. 

"Shhhh!" an older lady with bushy white curls turned around to scold Hyukjae for making so much noise. 

The boys simply looked at each other and snickered quietly together.

In this place, Hyukjae felt a little less nervous beside Donghae. He could focus. There was no need for him to be ashamed of himself in front of God. Didn't God hang out with es and crooks? "Why wouldn't God want to hang out with me then?" That was one of the last things he had said to his parents. 

"Because you are an abomination."

"Remember this holiday season, that Christmas is not about the gifts, family, or even love. It is about the birth of a savior, Jesus Christ. However, isn't Jesus about all of those things? Give heartily, cherish your family, and love each other as Christ loves." The reverend dismissed the service and encouraged the congregation to stop by the tables out in the lobby and donate to one of the causes being sponsored by the church’s charity committee.

"So, how'd you like it?" Hyukjae stood and stretched as he looked down at Donghae, curious what the boy thought of the service. 

"It's different than I'm used to, but I like it a lot actually." Donghae stood as well, gathering his coat in his arms. "You hungry at all? We could stop and get something to eat."

The redhead’s stomach growled before he could answer. “That sounds great actually." Hyukjae laughed and nodded as he followed the brunette out into the aisle and around the back of the pews toward a less crowded side entrance. He had already filled out his donation pledge through the church’s website a few days ago. 

"Well, well, well. You haven't changed at all, have you, Hyuk? You're even bringing your filth into the church with you now?" Without even turning, Hyukjae knew the voice. Donghae turned quickly though to see an middle-aged man with a woman just a bit older than himself and Hyukjae. 

"Hyukkie?" Donghae looked over at the redhead, who still refused to turn around and just stood frozen in place. 

"Is that what all the fags call you in bed now, Hyuk?" The stout man wore a look of disgust as he studied Donghae. 

"Dad, please. Let's just go." The woman finally spoke up, her eyes avoiding meeting Donghae's as she only looked at the back of Hyukjae’s head. 

"Sora," Hyukjae turned around, his gaze on the ground where he could see his own brown snow boots, Donghae's dress shoes, Sora's kitten heels, and his fathers well-worn brown oxfords that used to sit by the door every Sunday when the man had said he was too tired to waste time going to church with his family all those years. 

"Tell mom I said 'hello' please." Then Hyukjae turned again to walk away and Donghae, completely lost as to what was happening, moved to follow. Hyukjae felt guilty toward the man who was with him. He could explain to Donghae what was going on.

"Look at your father, you ing ." Hyukjae had started crying, not sobbing, just tears falling down his cheeks. He was afraid that the people inside the sanctuary would hear his father's voice echoing off the walls of the lobby. He was afraid that Donghae would see how hated and pitiful Hyukjae was in his own family's eyes and decide this drama was not worth the friendship. Most of all, he was afraid that he would be unable to stand up for himself and end up letting his father speak to him this way again after almost 10 years. 

A warm, soft hand took hold of Hyukjae's, and the redhead looked over at Donghae. The gentlest smile. 

"Mr. Lee," Hyukjae tried to keep his voice as even and courteous as possible as he didn’t bother to turn around and let his father see those tears. "I hope that you have a Merry Christmas."

As Hyukjae and Donghae walked out of the lobby leaving Hyukjae's bigoted father to spout whatever nonsense he wanted at their backs, Donghae squeezed that thin hand in his just a bit tighter. 

"Hyukjae," it was the first thing either of them had said since they walked out of the church and ended up at Hyukjae's car. 

With his free hand, Hyukjae covered his face and hoped that Donghae wouldn't say anything else. The crying came too fiercely though and he finally let go of Donghae's hand to sob into his own two. This pain had been here for years and having to deal with it so suddenly after a decade was not something Hyukjae had been ready to deal with at the time.

Nothing else was said. Donghae simply pulled Hyukjae against him, and as usually happens when someone hugs a person in pain, Hyukjae curled into the embrace. 

This was Hyukjae's life. He loved his family more than anything, but they could not love him back. He often wonders if maybe everything would have been better had he not come out to his family that Christmas day so many years ago. Could he have lived his life like that, lying? 

Sungmin had warned him beforehand that Hyukjae's father would not be okay with it. When Hyukjae's father found out that his brother's only child was a 'homo', he had actually tried to forbid Hyukjae from speaking with Sungmin and wanted to turn the whole family against the 14-year-old boy. The naive Hyukjae had believed that his father could not possible treat a son of his own the very same way.

"I always hoped that I was wrong about you."

"Dad... why is it that you really can't accept me?"

"It's disgusting, Hyukjae. You are shaming your entire family."

"Mom?"

She was silent. She always had been and always continued to be. 

"I'm sorry." Hyukjae apologized, half to Donghae for his being an emotional wreck, half to his family.

Donghae simply rubbed Hyukjae's back through the thick coat with one hand while the other ran fingers slowly through the back of Hyukjae's hair. 

If Hyukjae had lied back then, he would have been without one type of love. Like this, he would still be without another type of love. Trading kinship for companionship?

"I'm sorry." Hyukjae pulled away and started wiping his face with the ends of his sweater that he had balled around his fists. 

"What for?" Donghae puffed out a ball of hot air into the chilly air. 

"That you had to see that. And I might have just gotten snot on your coat." Hyukjae laughed through his remaining tears, his blotchy cheeks bunching up and forming wrinkles around his eyes. Donghae laughed louder. 

"My coat will be fine. And I am perfectly fine as well." Donghae helped Hyukjae by smoothing away some of the hair that hung into his eyes, stuck to eyelashes with tears. He opened his mouth as if he was about to ask something but then closed it again. 

"I will be okay in a minute.” Hyukjae answered the unasked question. "That was my dad," he quietly stated the obvious as he leaned back against the side of the car. "The girl was my older sister."

"Ah," Donghae  nodded, shifting to stand beside Hyukjae and leaning against the car with his back. 

"Thank you." Hyukjae knew that he was partly responsible for his own bravery back there but also knew that Donghae had a huge part. A part the man shouldn't have been obligated to play.

Kicking his feet as he looked down at the gravel, watching the lines being drawn, Hyukjae tried to think of something to say to make this situation seem less than what it was. He didn't want Donghae to think that being friends with 'the gay guy' meant having to pretend you're gay when the belligerent father figure shows up.

No 'you're welcome', Donghae simply took Hyukjae's hand in his again. It was almost hot against Hyukjae's icy-cold one. 

"Hyukjae?" Sungmin knocked softly three times on Hyukjae's door. 

Hyukjae had ended up telling Donghae he didn't really feel like eating anymore and Donghae had understood. 

"Come in,” Hyukjae sat up against the headboard and set aside the manga he had been reading. He had only been back about 10 minutes and knew his eyes would still look puffy from crying. He just hoped that Sungmin wouldn't ask.

Munching on a choco pie, Sungmin slipped through the door and made his way to the foot of Hyukjae's bed, sitting down and dropping crumbs everywhere.

"You're making a mess, Hyung." Hyukjae leaned forward onto his knees to sweep the flakes of brown chocolate from the comforter with his hand.

Sungmin swallowed the last bite and let out a sigh to cushion his next words. "I got a call just a couple minutes ago from Sora."

"Oh? Hyukjae looked up to meet Sungmin's eyes, trying to hide the explosion of pain inside of him with nonchalance. "Everything okay?" 

"She wants me to give you her number." Every word fell through the air and landed on Hyukjae's ears with a clunk. clunk. clunk.