On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Eleven Pipers Piping

Ten Lords-a-Leaping

Nine Ladies Dancing

Eight Maids-a-Milking

Seven Swans-a-Swimming

Six Geese-a-Laying

Five Golden Rings

Four Calling Birds

Three French Hens

Two Turtle Doves

And a Partridge in a Pear Tree

 

 

 

"Where were you last night?" Sungmin interrogated Hyukjae as the younger walked into the breakfast room. Sungmin was eating a plate full of sunny-side-up as he stared up with that question weighing in his eyes, a slight smirk on his lips. Hyukjae hoped the tall glass of strawberry milk that Sungmin was washing those eggs down with wasn't the last in the house. He needed a pick-me-up.

 

"I know. I'm sorry about that." The dancer had already heard a lecture from Jungsoo about missing his own after-party. He had come home after everyone had already left, around four in the morning. Jungsoo was sitting on the stairs and Hyukjae felt like a teenager all over again, except that he never skipped curfew back then. The older male had stayed up so late because he 'was worried' after hearing (through some unnamed source) that Hyukjae had been crying after the show. It took a lot to get Jungsoo to realize that Hyukjae just wanted to sleep and not talk about any of it, and now he had to wake up to deal with Sungmin's questions as well.

 

Sungmin just nodded toward an empty chair at the table,  turning the volume down on his iPad and letting it rest quietly but still brilliant with picture instead of closing the stream of the celebrity gossip channel.

 

"You want the rest?" He pushed the cup of pink milk across the table. 

 

"Hyung, I really am sorry. I just had a hard time yesterday and needed to get in my own head and away from everyone else."

 

"Really, it's alright, Hyuk. I was just kidding. I understand actually." Sungmin smiled softly. "You should--"

 

Sungmin suddenly stopped in the middle of his sentence and quickly turned up the volume on his iPad, holding it up so that Hyukjae could see as well. 

 

Something had caught his eye. 

 

"Breaking News: 

 

We have just confirmed what was reported an hour ago by our iWitness team about Kim Hyoyeon's riveting scandal."

 

The iPad was turned more toward Hyukjae and Sungmin gave a knowing nod.

 

The image went from a news anchor to a conference room with a black wooden podium and a plethora of microphones. Hyoyeon walked up the set of steps to the side of the stage and took her place at the podium. She had her hair in a bun at the back of her head with little ringlets framing her face. Her black suit made those long legs extend further than ever. 

 

A ticker along the bottom of the screen flashed KIM HYOYEON'S AFFAIR EXPOSED. 

 

"There have been many rumors surfacing the last few days, and I want to address these head on. Before any questions are asked, I need to make a few statements. First, the marriage between Aiden and I was not due to any betrayals. It was a mutual agreement reached after realizing we needed things that the other person could not provide. 

 

She cleared slightly and the manager beside her staved the outcry from the reporters for information.

 

Hyukjae stared dumbfounded, glancing over to see that Sungmin was completely unaffected.

 

"Furthermore, the rumors that I am engaged again are indeed true. However, I am not engaged to Aiden. Even though in our nation it will not be legally accepted, I am engaged to a Kwon Yuri."

 

One reporter shouted out a question louder than the rest. "Were you having with Aiden's Forgotton Flower co-star before the divorce?"

 

"We were separated but not divorced when I first developed feelings for Ms. Kwon."

 

"Why did you just now decide to confess all this?"

 

"Last night, a very special person reminded me that not everyone can have the love of the person they care for. I am so blessed to have that love and want my fans to see the real me before deciding whether or not they will accept Kim Hyoyeon back on the stage."

 

"What d--"

 

The screen turned black and the sound died. Sungmin set the iPad down and looked up at Hyukjae. 

 

Hyukjae kept looking down at the blank screen as if all sorts of answers would suddenly start jumping out at him.

 

"Hyung..."

 

"I found out last night after the show. I thought you would want to know."

 

"But..." He wanted to ask what it meant. He wanted to ask if this really changed anything. Instead he needed to think. He stood up and walked toward the refrigerator and then stopped and looked back at Sungmin. 

 

"When was the last time you checked your phone?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

Sungmin didn't answer. He just left the room, leaving Hyukjae standing there with that question. 

 

His phone. His phone was on the table in CSW Galleria's dressing room. 

 

Sungmin was holding out the keys to the Explorer when Hyukjae rushed out of the breakfast room. Everything felt too real and not real enough. 

 

Before he got carried away, Hyukjae halted. "Please don't let me get my hopes up." 

 

"Just go check your phone, okay? You'll figure things out from there."

 

 

 

Okay, so this isn't about whether or not Donghae loves him back. It's about the fact that Donghae can still be in Hyukjae's life somehow. Hyukjae convinced himself of this on the way to the Galleria. "You've been so stupid, Lee Hyukjae." He scolded himself in the rearview mirror. "This news about Hyoyeon shouldn't even change your opinion about Donghae. Why couldn't you have still been friends with him if he was really with Hyoyeon again?"

 

When he pulled up to the curb and jumped out of the SUV, Hyukjae expected to see a ton of upset text messages on his phone from Donghae. The other guy was probably completely clueless as to why his new friend had snubbed him. And from the way Sungmin made it sound, there was something important on Hyukjae's phone. Hyukjae couldn't help but let his mind wander just a bit. 

 

He jerked that handle to the front door of CSW Galleria so fast that if the door had not been locked, he might have jerked it off the frame. The next door was locked too. "Crumbly chicken poop!"

 

The only thing he could think of was that maybe someone had taken the phone over to the headquarters. He never came closer to breaking the speed limit in his entire life. 

 

 

 

"Has anyone turned in an iPhone with a cute monkey case on it?" The receptionist stared at him for a second, probably wondering if the monkey case was his and then wondering why a grown man would have a phone case with 'cute monkeys' all over it.

 

"Let me contact Lost and Found." She picked up a bulky grey phone and pressed a few buttons behind the counter. 

 

"I didn't know we had a lost and found." Hyukjae muttered as he tapped the toe of his shoe against the floor in impatience. 

 

The kindly looking young lady whose name tag read as Sulli hung up the phone and looked up at Hyukjae with a sloppy smile. "They said that they do have a phone with that description. You can go pick it up on the third floor."

 

Hyukjae mashed the 3rd button so roughly that he was surprised it didn't pop off the wall. Elevators never move at the right pace. The plaque on the wall, visible when one immediately stepped from the elevator, directed Hyukjae to the right. 

 

"Lost and Found, Lost and Found," he muttered as he searched every door or turn for some sort of sign. 

 

"Ah, Lee Hyukjae, just the man I wanted to see." The redhead was tempted to keep on going and ignore his boss, feigning a random spout of deafness. Ignoring a CEO isn't too smart though, especially one as emotional and sensitive as this one, so he stopped and turned around with a polite smile to see Choi Siwon with oil-slicked hair. This luscious locks look was really off-putting sometimes and made the man look a bit greasy. "I just wanted to tell you what a splendid job you did last night."

 

"Thank you so much." Hyukjae tried not to sound as if he wanted to be somewhere else no matter how much he did. 

 

"It's a good thing Lee Donghae was able to get the finances because I truly don't think that Taemin's father would have been convincible. It was just--"

 

"Wait. What did you just say about Donghae?" 

 

"Huh? You mean about him securing the outside finances for the show. With his influence and his own money, CSW's showcase was able to drop Lee Taemin's father as an investor and keep the solos. I thought you knew this."

 

Hyukjae only shook his head. This had to be what Jungsoo was trying to say on the phone early yesterday when he had called that stagehand's phone. How could this have been though? Why would Donghae be involved?

 

"Hm, that's a bit strange seeing as how determined Donghae was on saving your solo from cancelation."

 

"Mine?" Hyukjae bowed, shaken. 

 

Siwon nodded and clapped a hand on the shorter man's shoulder. 

 

This means that Donghae had wanted to see Hyukjae dance? But what about missing the rehearsal? And how did Donghae even know about the possible cancelation?

 

"I'm sorry but I have to go." Hyukjae didn't wait for permission or pardon but simply darted down the hall. A few feet further and he stopped to turn back, calling out. "Where's lost and found?"

 

"Last door on the left."

 

 

 

As soon as the clerk brought out the phone of Hyukjae's description, the thin fingers of its owner went right to mashing away at the power button. The battery was dead of course. 

 

He hoped that Jungsoo still kept phone chargers in all the vehicles as he almost sprinted back down the hall toward the elevator. When those metal doors opened, Kim Hyoyeon stepped out with a glowing smile. "Mr. Lee, what are you doing here?"

 

At first, Hyukjae had in mind to excuse himself quickly but then he remembered what she had just done. He broke out in a grin. "I had to grab my phone. Forgot it at the showcase last night. What about you?"

 

"I'm here to meet with Mr. Choi about signing under the company."

 

"Really? That's great. I saw the news this morning by the way." He nodded his approval. Living openly in this kind of society was never an easy task. He had a whole new level of admiration for the ballerina after what she had done. 

 

"I wanted to explain this to you last night. I know what it's like to feel that sort of conflict where love seems so painful and maybe even unattainable." 

 

 

 

He rummaged through the middle compartment and pulled out a thin black cord, jamming one end into the lighter charger of the car's dash and the other into the little port on the bottom of his phone. The time it took for his phone get enough of a charge so that it could be was excruciating. He had somehow built this moment into something bigger than it may have been . 

 

When it does finally boot up, the screen reads:

 

27 Missed Calls

 

123 Messages

 

The missed calls were from a whole bunch of people, including Donghae, who had been trying to get in touch with Hyukjae since the day of the rehearsal.

 

As he pressed on the little mail icon to view his messages, Hyukjae saw that 32 of them were from Donghae. He was almost tempted to read the ones from other people first, now too nervous to face any sort of disappointment he might find in Donghae's messages after having worked himself into believing something nearly impossible. 

 

When he tapped Donghae's name, the screen went straight to the last message. 

 

12.12.24 11:02

Ignore all the other stuff I sent. Just meet me at the coffee shop at noon and I will tell you everything you want to know.

 

Hyukjae swiped his thumb down the screen and watched the screen scroll up rapidly. It bounced at the top where he could see the messages from before that seemed no less swoon-inducing than when they were first received. Slowly he scrolled back down. 

 

12.12.22 15:33

I might be a little late, but don't worry. I will definitely be there. I wouldn't miss if you paid me.

 

12.12.22 17:48

I am trying to handle something and traffic is terrible. I might be a little late. :(

 

12.12.22 18:53

Going to be a lot late. Good news is: That thing I am trying to handle seems to be heading in the right direction.

 

12.12.22 21:32

Hae ish fnot sjhere ai'm thinka we msad e mistaksef, ihe is aksnot hersa ant 9a lasdie - H

 

12.12.22 22:57

I am so sorry. I know that's not enough. You are probably really angry with me right? Please don't be too angry ^^

 

12.12.22 23:18

That was Heechul who had my phone btw. He accidentally picked up mine instead of his after I dropped by his place to grab something. No idea what that text was about that he sent.

 

12.12.22 23:37

Traffic is still terrible. You are probably already gone aren't you?

 

12.12.23 00:06

Yep. Already gone. Please forgive me. I promise I will be there tomorrow night to watch you.

 

12.12.23 01:22

Heechul-hyung just told me what happened. I wasn't with him at 9 Ladies. He was just completely drunk. Like I said, he picked up my phone instead of his.

 

12.12.23 01:27

I would never in a million years miss your rehearsal to go to a place like that. Why would I want to watch that kind of dancing when I could watch you instead?

 

12.12.23 01:29 

I'll bring twice as many flowers tomorrow just to make up for this.

 

12.12.23 07:19

Hyukkie. TT___TT I'm starting to worry you are angry with me. 

 

12.12.23 08:24

What did I do wrong? Is it because of your rehearsal? I hope that you will listen to me maybe. I should have told you last night why I couldn't get there in time. 

 

12.12.23 10:55

Leeteuk-hyung told me you were upset with me. Please reply. Please...

 

12.12.23 11:14

I want to talk to you in person. Please let me explain. I think maybe what I did might not have even been worth it. At least if I went to your rehearsal, you wouldn't be ignoring me. 

 

12.12.23 11:26

I just wanted to see you dance in front of everyone.

 

12.12.23 12:18

You make it hard for me to wait until tonight

 

12.12.23 12:18

to tell you.

 

12.12.23 15:40

Yah! You won't even let me see you? Don't make me break this intern in half.

 

12.12.23 17:16

I'll explain after the show then? 

 

12.12.23 18:50

HWAITING!

 

12.12.23 22:12

You are beautiful.

 

Hyukjae double-checked the time-stamp through his watery eyes and realized the text had been sent right after his dance performance at the showcase. It was hard for him to keep reading because questions were everywhere in every word.

 

12.12.23 22:18

I am still speechless after seeing that.

 

12.12.23 23:10

I'll be waiting for you in the auditorium. Please just give me a chance. 

 

12.12.23 23:41

Still too upset? Did you see me in the audience? Could you see me in the fourth row?

 

12.12.24 00:06

Hyo just said you were crying and then left?!

 

12.12.24 00:10

Meet me at the party at Leeteuk-hyung's? ^^;

 

12.12.24 00:12

If you don't want me to come then, tell me now. Otherwise, I will be there. >_>

 

12.12.24 02:51

Just come back safely please. I'm worried.

 

12.12.24 03:16

You will probably come as soon as I leave. I need to tell you something though. I think you misunderstood a lot. That's my fault for not telling you sooner how I felt. Sunny is just a gossiper. Hyo and I are just friends.

 

12.12.24 09:36

Minnie-hyung just told me you lost your phone. Please find it soon and see all this. Call me spoiled, but I want to see you or at least hear from you. Don't hate me for not explaining it all.

 

 Hyukjae re-read the last message again, his chest tighter than the grip he held on the phone. 

 

12.12.22 11:02

Ignore all the other stuff I sent. Just meet me at the coffee shop at noon and I will tell you everything you want to know.

 

A glance at the clock on the car's dash. It was already 1:34 PM. 

He had long missed the noon meeting after running around everywhere to get his phone and having to stop for those few conversations with Hyoyeon and Siwon.

 

"Mother of pickle juice!" He stomped his foot against the floorboard like a child and slammed his fist on the steering wheel. 

 

Looking back at the phone, Hyukjae pressed the call button and then started to make his way out of the parking lot of the CSW headquarters.

 

The ringing eventually ended with a voicemail message followed by the tone. 

 

"Hae, it's me. Please. I'm on my way. Please still be there. I'm sorry. I'm stupid."

 

He had to hang up before he started crying on this guy's voicemail and then really made a convincing case for being thrown in the loony bin. 

 

Still half unsure of what was happening, Hyukjae drove toward the little café once again.

 

He dropped enough coins in the meter for 2 hours, in case Donghae was still inside, before running into the little shop. The bell tingled overhead and Hyukjae realized he was out of breath as he looked around the room. 

 

An elderly man with a newspaper and glasses halfway down his nose sat in the table that Hyukjae had sat at the night before. He had his back to the window, not caring what was going on outside. 

 

At the table Hyukjae and Donghae had sat at that second night, a woman with a shoulder-length bob and a pointy nose had her hands intertwined with those of a man even thinner than Hyukjae. 

 

Scattered throughout the room were plenty of people, but no Donghae. 

 

"He left half an hour ago." Henry had popped out of nowhere to greet Hyukjae who was still standing by the entry way. 

 

"Where did he go?" Hyukjae was even more out of breath than he had thought. His words came out full of air. His need for oxygen had nothing to do with running. He just couldn't figure out how to breathe. 

 

"You might be able to catch him up at his place. I think--"

 

Hyukjae was out the door before he could hear the rest. 

 

The doorman said that Donghae had already went out again. "He was walking. Said something about that, uh, what's his name? Kim Heechul?"

 

The hotel where Heechul stayed wasn't too far. Hyukjae took off running again, narrowly dodging a little girl and barely maintaining his balance as he hit an icy patch on the sidewalk. 

 

The elevator once again made everything take way longer than it needed to take. Hyukjae dashed out through those clunky metal doors and nearly rammed his way through Heechul's door. 

 

"WHO THE HELL IS BANGING ON MY D--" Heechul swung the door open before he could finish screaming about some harebrained intruder. He was standing in a silk bathrobe with floral patterns and had his hair pinned up in a way that made Hyukjae arch a brow. He half suspected that Jungsoo was somewhere inside and had asked Heechul to dress up like this. His hyung was into weird things sometimes. 

 

"Is Donghae here?" Hyukjae didn't forget his manners as he bent at the waist in a bow.

 

"He just left." Heechul stepped out of the way and motioned for Hyukjae to come inside. 

 

The visitor just stood there in the doorway with no time for going in and having long chats. "Do you know where he went? Please, I need to know."

 

"Not sure." The elder must have found something about this moment hilarious because he let out a hair-splitting cackle. "Are you two done being stupid now?

 

"Huh?"

 

"I've been watching you two avoid telling each other how you felt since that first night at my party. It's about time you guys get over whatever is up your and just get to the fun part already."

 

That was too much. Tears slid down Hyukjae's face, one at a time.  

 

Heechul continued talking, mostly to himself,  "….which, coincidentally, the fun part includes putting something up your . I assume it will be your because you just totally look like you are going to bottom. You act like it too. Donghae isn't very good at taking control in situations though so it could be you that puts something in his ." Hyukjae had continued to cry and it seemed that Heehul finally noticed in the middle of his monologue on , "Oh god, wait no, don't cry. Oh lord. I don't know how to deal with crying." 

 

"Hyuk," the boy looked past Heechul to see Jungsoo standing in a robe (suspicions confirmed). 

 

"Hyung, I really want to be with him and I--"

 

"You need to tell him that and not me, not Heechul, certainly not every bellhop in Seoul."

 

"Where is he?"

 

"How about you check your damn phone every once in a while?" Jungsoo gave him a pointed look again. 

 

"I did this time." Hyukjae cried harder, speaking through his own tears of frustration, exhaustion, and anxiousness. "He didn't answer."

 

"Have you checked it to see if maybe he called you back, Hyuk? Or are you just going to run around the city until you bump into him?"

 

The redhead's thin hand was already reaching into his back pocket to pull out the phone. 

 

2 Missed Calls

 

1 New Message

 

He glanced back up at Heechul and Jungsoo, his tears slowing. It struck him that he might be the last person to ever know things in every situation, especially this one. Those two in their bathrobes had the most devious grins as they nodded for him to check the messages. 

 

12.12.24 13:56

I'll come see you at Leeteuk-hyung's place?

 

Hyukjae once again looked up at the two men in robes. 

 

"Look," Heechul put a hand on his hip for exaggeration, "Don't just stand here all day and keep us from our roleplay." 

 

A dash toward the elevator but then Jungsoo called out from within the suite. "Call him first, you . Don't just chase him all over town."

 

Once on the other side of those metal doors, Hyukjae used the elevator ride to try and ring Donghae again. No time for thoughts. Just do. He needed to see him. 

 

"The person you are trying to call is unable to come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the tone."

 

All sorts of expletives that Hyukjae would never say aloud crossed through his mind as he walked quickly through the lobby to his car outside. As soon as he turned his key in the ignition, he caught sight of his phone lighting up out of the corner of his eye. 

 

Incoming Call: Hae

 

"Where are you!?" He had snatched the device so quickly from the passenger seat that he almost hit himself when he brought it to his ear.

 

Donghae chuckled on the other line. A sort of laugh Hyukjae really hadn't heard from other man yet. It was nervous. "You really have to get a better hang on this whole cell phone thing, don't you?"

 

"Yah, please! Where are you?" Hyukjae was holding the phone with his shoulder, a hand on the gear and another on the steering wheel. He was ready to meet Donghae wherever in the world that man was. 

 

The other's voice grew less teasing. "I'll meet you at Cheomdang Park."

 

 

 

Of course traffic would be at its worst today. 

 

 

 

The Explorer had to be parked three blocks away from the main entrance to the park. It seems a lot of old folk wanted to sit on benches and feed birds that day.  As Hyukjae ran down the sidewalk, he noticed so many people were heading in the same direction. When he reached the entrance and saw the banner hanging from the archway that read 'Eleven Pipers Piping', he remembered that today was Christmas Eve. Cheomdang Park turned into a Christmas caroling playhouse on the 24th of every year, and this year Seoul had invited a famous Japanese group of incredibly talented pipers.  Hyukjae had been planning to visit the show for months. 

 

Right there in front of the musicians, Hyukjae could see Donghae standing at the rear of the crowd. 

 

"LEE DONGHAE!" The man turned around along with half the crowd. 

 

That smile that Hyukjae had become enchanted with appeared on Donghae's lips.

 

With feet that refused to move, Hyukjae just continued to yell, "PLEASE DON'T HATE ME FOR MY FEELINGS."

 

Donghae broke out into a laugh and started walking toward Hyukjae. The thin man wondered why it was taking so long for that stupid guy to get over there and his word-vomit was starting to worsen. "I CAN'T HELP THEM. THEY JUST HAPPENED." 

 

"Stop yelling already, pabo. I can hear you." He was 10 feet away, and Hyukjae took the other man's not having run away as permission to advance.

 

Now that his feet had started working again, he was suddenly upon Donghae and had two hands at the other man's cheeks, holding this man, no longer a stranger, there to make sure this wasn't in his head. 

 

"People are going to think you have a mental--"

 

Hyukjae knew it was probably presumptuous of him, but Donghae looked like he wanted to be kissed. Maybe Hyukjae just wanted Donghae to want to be kissed. The actor's lips were softer than Hyukjae had imagined them to be. Softer than the impression they left in the candlelight that night on the couch. The thought of people staring did cross Hyukjae's mind, but he had no idea if they were or not because his eyes were shut tight the moment he had went for it. 

 

Those warm hands that had held his quite often were now resting on his hips, and he felt Donghae's head tilt a little more. Hyukjae's thin fingers were soon off of the other man's face as his lanky arms draped over broad shoulders. 

 

He then remembered everything he wanted to say and pulled away from the kiss but not from the embrace of Donghae's arms around his middle. The other man's lips followed his though, and he smiled against them as the continued their first kiss. 

 

"Please," he had moved his mouth away in order to hold Donghae closer against him as he whispered in the reddened ears, "can I apologize for how stupid I am? In my defense I was born this way."

 

Donghae's arms tightened as his laugh was heard close to Hyukjae's equally reddened ears.

 

"I want to be by your side." It was too cold to be crying, but Hyukjae couldn't help it. 

 

"Let me get you out of here before you end up on the front of all sorts of tabloids." 

 

Instantaneously, Donghae had let go of Hyukjae only to take him by the hand and pull him out of the park. The choreographer saw the paparazzi that Donghae must have spotted second ago as the two or three scumbags with cameras started flashing as many pictures as possible of the man holding 'Aiden's' hand. 

 

They ended up in Donghae's Hummer and were out on the road in a second. 

 

Hyukjae looked over to watch the other man. They both just sat in silence as traffic passed them by or got left behind, that's not important. 

 

"I promise that if you don't care for me like this, I can be your friend, too. I won't run up to you in a crowded city park and kiss you every time I see you." 

 

Turning down a side street, Donghae only laughed quietly to himself.

 

"I know that you probably think I am a difficult person, but really I am just too simple and don't think about all the possible situations."

 

Still only laughter. 

 

"Oh my God, I left the Explorer at the park!"

 

At this, Donghae's laughter burst out much louder. "You are just going to blab all day, aren't you?" 

 

Hyukjae pretended to zip his lips and toss the key out the closed window. Then he reached around on the floor for that imaginary key, rolled down the icy window and tossed it out. Donghae just shook his head and rolled his eyes as he continued snickering. When he pulled down into the parking garage of his building not much later and was sure that no one could see them or take their picture, he put the car in park, turned off the engine and got out of the vehicle. 

 

The passenger blinked and took this as his cue to get out as well, but when he opened his door, Donghae was standing in front of him, blocking his only exit. "I still think you have misunderstood so much."

 

Hyukjae looked down at his hands in his lap as he sat sideways, his feet dangling toward the outside. Donghae's finger was against the underside of the well-cut jaw, lifting Hyukjae's chin. "You really think that I would ever want anything less than for you to be yourself?"

 

No words. 

 

"If you want to run up to me in front of all of Seoul and make out, I would be honored." Donghae's sly grin was short-lived. "I don't think of you as difficult or simple. I just think of you. A lot. Day and night."

 

Something must have been in that drink Henry had made for Hyukjae the night before because the man was unable to respond with anything but leaning forward to press his lips to Donghae's again. The feeling was all he could accept. Words were too much and caused his head to spin. Not spin, but whirl. 

 

 

 

The apartment was warm, and Hyukjae was nervous from the very first step he took inside. Okay, way before he even took that step. More nervous than the first time he had been here. Donghae's coat was dropped on the floor, and the man then went off into the kitchen while Hyukjae untied his own boots and set them off to the side. He hung his coat on the rack to the left that Donghae seemed to not know about. 

 

As he entered the kitchen in his socked feet, it took an effort to not just stop and watch Donghae from the doorway. The broad-shouldered brunette was turning knobs on the familiar water heater when Hyukjae turned around walked back into the living room. 

 

The blinds had been left open and Hyukjae could see the city covered in ice spread out below. 

 

"Do you want anything to eat?" 

 

Hyukjae swiveled around and swallowed at the image of Donghae standing on the other side of the living room. Without knowing, Hyukjae had wandered over to the window and stood separated from the other by the entire room, furniture and all. He shook his head and smiled gently. 

 

"I'm not really hungry, but thanks." Out of all the things they could be talking about, they were standing here discussing their stomachs. In that case, Hyukjae wanted to tell Donghae about the butterflies in his and ask if that was okay. Was he allowed to feel this way? He still wasn't sure. 

 

This was more disorienting than when he first realized he was attracted to men. Love was so much more wrecking than . 

 

"You can watch something on television if you want to while I cook something up."

 

"Donghae, I'm--"

 

"I know you said you weren't hungry, but you should eat more."

 

Hyukjae nodded even though that wasn't anywhere close to what he was going to say. "After we eat, can I talk to you about something?"

"I'm sorry."

"I need to tell you about something."

"I'm sorry that I couldn't be there."

 

They were talking at the same time about things that were similar but not the same. Hyukjae quietened down and nodded for Donghae to go ahead. 

 

"Jungsoo had called me--that was the person on the other line that day. He told me about the funding. I wanted to fix it for you."

 

Hearing it from Donghae was so different than hearing it from Choi Siwon. "I'm the one that should apologize for overreacting and never even checking my phone."

 

"You really do have to take care of that issue." They both laughed for while, only be interrupted by the BIP BIP BIP of the water heater declaring its task complete.

 

 

 

The cider had two cinnamon sticks in it this time when Donghae handed it over to Hyukjae. They ended up on the couch together talking about things that mattered but weren't important. 

 

"I've wanted to tell you that I liked your fancy grey hair last night." 

 

Hyukjae almost burnt his tongue from lifting his mug too high too suddenly when laughing at the weird comment. 

 

 

 

"What's the name of that coffee shop by the way?"

 

"Mochi House?"

 

"Eh?" Hyukjea had turned sideways, "Why are there little leaves on the corners of the tables then?"

 

"Ah, well Henry is actually from Canada and has this weird obsession with Maple leaves, I think."

 

 

 

By the time they had both drank two cups of the hot brew, the rumble of Hyukjae's belly reminded them both that the food had never been made.

 

"Ramen or rice?"

 

"I figured someone with a kitchen as nice as yours would give better choices," Hyukjae joked as they stood and both meandered out of the living room. 

 

"That's all I really know how to make." 

 

This wasn't surprising in the least. 

 

 

 

Before enough time passed to make it seem possible, the sun outside the windows had started to set. Hyukjae knew there were still so many things to say, but he had no idea how to say them or if they really needed to be said. 

 

"Donghae, I should get the Explorer home before Jungsoo-hyung worries about where I am."

 

"He knows you are with me. And the car's already been taken care of." They were both leaning against the kitchen counter but on opposite sides of the room as Donghae finished a cup of tea that Hyukjae had declined. At this rate, Hyukjae was beginning to suspect he had been lured to the apartment just so that Donghae could drown him in food and drinks.

 

"W-well, maybe I should get home before it's um too dark and the ice and stuff and..." Donghae started walking across the space between them so that nothing was between them anymore but a measly half a foot. 

 

"You could always just stay here tonight."

 

That cursed blush was back, and Hyukjae's eyes were on the floor. He could see it this time when Donghae's hand took his own. "Are you going to talk to me about what you really want to talk about, or do you just want me to try and guess what is going on in your head? I'm not letting you leave without fixing whatever it is that I've done to hurt you so badly."

 

"I," he didn't look up, not yet, "You can't get angry, okay?"

 

He did look up in time to see that Donghae nodded. 

 

"You didn't hurt me, Donghae. This was all my own fault. I couldn't help myself."

 

The rest was stuck in his throat. 

 

He was thankful when Donghae saw this and spoke up instead. "Are you angry that I didn't come to the rehearsal?"

 

The redhead shook out a 'no', the fringe of his unsettled bangs shimmying across his forehead. 

 

"Is it because I didn't tell you about Hyoyeon? Sungmin-hyung told me about the misunderstanding."

 

Hyukjae shook his head again, much slower this time. 

 

"Is it because you think I can't see how you feel? Because you think I can't return those feelings?"

 

As Hyukjae had intended to look down, Donghae's lips caught his own, stopping everything. Even a heartbeat or two.