AN: Hi guys^^ I actually wanted to update this a bit earlier today, but I got distracted by chocolate apples :D They are yummy~

Kibum was walking home slowly, not wanting to meet his mother. He knew that if he got home when she was still at home, she would try to avoid even greeting  him. As much as he grew to be indifferent about the woman he had to call his mother, it still made him upset every time it happened. Because it had happened before. Many times...

Kibum would try to convince himself that everything was fine. That his mother was just simply busy and that's why she didn't notice him saying hi as he entered their house, even though she was in the kitchen, only a few meters from her son. Even if he knew that it wasn't true, he tried to live like that.

Because as much as Kibum thought that he didn't need anyone in his life, he was wrong. The needed his mother and he needed his father as well. Many times, he would go to bed, thinking that maybe his mother would go and give him a goodnight kiss or check out his painting. Many times had he cried himself to sleep when he realized that she wouldn't come.

From the outside, Kibum was a bitter person. He was silent and rude, skeptical about anything and everything. But in reality, he was like this because despite having everything that money can buy, he never felt loved... His mother had never kissed his forehead before he left to school, he had never heard the words 'I am proud of you, son' from either of his parents' mouth.

Kibum thought that in a way, this was what he deserved. He was a boy, but not masculine, so his father couldn't even think of taking him out to teach him how to play football or any other sports when he was small, but he wasn't a girl either. This meant that his mother couldn't talk with him for hours, giggling about pointless things, or talk about fashion.

So in spite of hating his parents, Kibum blamed himself for how they acted towards him.

Sometimes, it made Kibum feel worthless. Like now, as he was walking slowly, sometimes looking up at the sky. He sighed when he reached his house. He walked to the door and opened it, muttering a greeting, though never getting one back. And his mother was home. He knew it because he could hear the sound of the television from the nearby living room. He kicked off his shoes and put down his coat, sighing when he said hi once again, a desperate attempt to at least hear a few words from his mother's mouth.

Kibum didn't need anyone, yet this happened every single day. He didn't know why he still thought that there was a chance of his mother changing for the better and taking a liking to him, yet he still tried. And every single day, he would go up to his room with a single, black tear falling onto the ground.

He sighed as he entered his room and threw his expensive backpack on his bed. The colorful, king-sized bed would often make Kibum feel lonely. Because there was no one who would share it with him, no one who would sit on it with him and talk about some random things.

But then, Kibum would realize that even if someone would be there with him it would be because of his money or his looks. Not because of who he was.

He snorted as he recalled when Jonghyun tried talking to him a few hours before. It was obvious that the elder either wanted his money or his body. And Kibum wouldn't give either of them to him, no matter how handsome he was. Because yes, Kibum had to admit that the elder male was attractive. He could understand the girls that fawned over him. He could understand the pitiful looks in their eyes when Jonghyun just looked at them.

But it didn't mean that Kibum would ever talk to the popular boy again. He knew that he had to avoid him since he didn't care about him.

Many times, Kibum asked himself about why he sometimes still had to talke to people who didn't care about him. He knew that it wasn't worth it. They weren't worth it. If Kibum would have been able to decide it, he wouldn't have gone to school, he would have just locked himself into his room, far from the people who 'admired' him. Who he couldn't trust.

Of course, his mother was different since... She was his mother! She was supposed to be his support, his friend... But he wasn't either of them. She was just a rich woman that let him live in his house.

Then again,maybe, just maybe Kibum didn't want to get too close to Jonghyun because he knew that the elder was something else. The looks he often got from the elder were different. His eyes usually held an expression Kibum had only seen on TV or when some random people would talk to each other. He wasn't sure what they were, but sometimes they would almost be enough to make Kibum want to be a bit closer to Jonghyun. But he never allowed himself to do so, because Jonghyun was just a popular boy, just like the others...

The boy stepped to his desk and sighed sadly when he noticed a piece of paper on it. That piece of paper was the List. If he ever needed anything, he had to write it on the List, and in two days, his mother would get it for him. Or one of her servants, Kibum wasn't sure, because usually the things he asked for were on the desk when he got home.

A bitter laugh left his perfectly pink lips as he grabbed a pen and started writing on the list.

'Some money for clothes, a new set of paints, a new backpack...'he wrote, and couldn't stop himself for writing one last word down, even though he erased it the moment he realized what he had written. It was impossible for him to ask for that.

And as much as Kibum was fine on his own, he hated it. He hated how no one would ever give him that one thing he needed... The only thing that he had been yearning for since he was very small. Because the last word that had been written on the list was 'love'.