Review
60 seconds
60 seconds — by: b2stfw
Reviewed by Vanna0123
Title [3/5]:
It lacks orginality only because it's titled after the song. But, the title does grasp the reader if they did like the song/mv. Your story got creditbility because of the song. Niceee~
Foreword, Description [15/20]:
At first glance, it's quite bland. There are only quotes which can bore some readers. I did like how you zig-zagged the quotes in the foreward but to other readers, it may be confusing and weird formatting. The description was nicely done. Although there wasn't character descriptions, it was well put together because the character descriptions could have made it messy and made the story less interesting.
Appearance/Poster, Background, etc [4/5]:
The theme of the poster and background is nice. It helps the reader get into the mood and get the feel of the story before reading it. It wasn't as cliche as I thought the story would be.
Plot and Originality [13/15]:
You were very original. It was very touching to read. You showed the point of view of both characters. Although you brought in Woohyun, you didn't make him budge into the relationship between Haeun and Myungsoo. He was a minor character and stayed at that. There was a few awkward scenes like with the mother and the guys rubbing up on her. It was really random but you made it flow well and connect to the story. Your story was very out of the norm. The ending was really great and shocked me. I laughed, I really did. It wasn't so dramatic and seemed very realistic. You made Haeun seemed very evil in the end. Just saying.
Grammar, Spelling, Vocabulary, etc. [18/20]:
Error: "Hey hoya" I replied.
Correction: "Hey Hoya," I replied. Note: Make sure that you put a comma before the ending quotation mark. This is your habit throughout the story. Don't ever put a period there because it's grammatically incorrect. There are times you do tend to forget the question marks and stuff but, it's not that big of a deal.
There were a few moments when you didn't capitalize Hoya's name. There's something you also tend to do that is grammatically incorrect. There were a few awkward sentences that had semi-colons when they would do much better with periods.
Characters [9/10]:
Haeun and Myungsoo are shown well throughout the story. You can tell how they are from their speech, thoughts and actions. Although many minor characters came up, it was nice to see that they enhanced the story instead of ruin it. It was good to see that the minor characters didn't hugely impact that stories. Even though Hoya, Woohyun and your mother were minor characters, it gave us a better view of the characters' lives.
Flow [9/10]:
Although there were a few random spots, you did do well with tying everything together. It was weird reading Hoya and Woohyun coming up in different places.
Writing Style [12/15]:
It's unique and simple. Although you use a lot of simple words, your detail shows a lot of imagery. It helps us picture the view of the characters and their setting. You used short sentences like "I froze.", although short it was very impactfull and helped bring out emotion. The texting should be written in different font or at least be bolded because it was very confusing to read the text and then read the paragraph that interrupted the next text. You did put in random quotes in the middle of the story that kind of made me very confused because I didn't know if they were being said by the character or just random quotes.
Score: 83 out of 100 = 83%
Vanna0123's messeji:
I enjoyed reading your story. It's very out of norm. I do hope you keep writing one-shots just like this one :)
[FOREVER ALONE]
Review #9~!!! ☻
xoxo ♥ boy1a4.
thankyou so much!
Comments