The fashion show was a week away. I knew if I tried to audition as I was now then I wouldn’t have a chance in being in the show or spending time with Jonghyun. The two judges for the fashion show auditions were the shallowest teachers in our school, Lee Seonsaengnim and Kang Seonsaengnim. Their favorite students were usually the popular good looking kids. I had Kang Seonsaengnim for my freshman year Geometry class. I got an A but she never seemed to like me that much. If I was to show up at the fashion show auditions looking the way I do now she’d most likely turn me down. And if I wasn’t good enough for her then Lee Seonsaengnim would surely turn me down next. I only had a week to change the way I looked. I was really hoping this could be done.

Since it was Saturday I begged my mom to take me to the mall.

“The mall, what do you need to go there for?” She asked.

“I have to get some clothes and a couple of other things from the stores in the mall”

“I don’t feel like going anywhere today, why don’t we go next weekend Kibum?”

“I really need to go today. There’s these fashion show auditions and I was thinking about trying out for it. So I wanted to get a couple of nice outfits and skin products to clear my face up.”

“Are you sure Kibum? I don’t mean to sound pessimistic but I don’t think you’re ‘fashion show’ material. I feel like you’ll only end up disappointed if you do this.”

“What do you mean?”

 “Oh, nothing. Let me just get my keys and then I’ll take you to the mall if it’ll make you feel better.” She said as she walked off into her room to grab her jacket and pocketbook.

What did she mean by “I don’t think you’re fashion show material”? You’d think mothers would support their children in anything they wanted to do. Well, not my mother. No matter what I did, it was never good enough for her. I was never good enough for her. She’d negatively comment on everything I did down to what I was wearing on a day to day basis. She’d always say, “Are you really going out in that? You sure you don’t want to change?” I’ve heard this so many times that now it takes me over an hour to figure out what I’m going to wear, no matter where I’m going. And it wasn’t like I had a lot of clothes. She’d always complain about what I was wearing but would never actually buy me anything.

                As I stepped into the car and we drove off, my mom’s comment kept repeating in my head. Was she right? Would all this just be a wasted effort? I had to push these thoughts to the back of my head. I WAS going to get in the fashion show. Not only to spend more time with Jonghyun but to also show my mother that she was wrong.

Once we got to the mall I stepped out of the car and began to walk toward the entrance.

“Don’t take too long in there. Call me when you’re finished. I’ll just wait in the car.” I knew she was going to leave as soon as I stepped foot into the mall. Why else would she tell me to call her when I was done? I just waved to her and continued into the mall.

There weren’t as many people in the mall as I thought there would be. Usually on Saturday the mall was packed with groups of teenagers hanging outside of the stores laughing with one another or buying things. I decided to go into a clothing store first. As I walked in I could smell the scent of new clothes everywhere. Employees were either folding clothes or helping out customers. I had to quickly walk over to a pair of jeans like I knew exactly what I was doing. Truth was, I hardly ever did clothes shopping. I would rather spend my money on books and that’s usually what I did.

I walked around the store some more to check out the shirts they had. The prices made me want to cry. Everything was so expensive.

“Hi can I help you with anything?” One of the workers asked me. I quickly analyzed everything about her. She was blonde, thin, and pretty.

“No thanks, I think I know what im doing.” I smiled at her.

“Well if you need any help don’t be afraid to ask. We have a sale on jeans this weekend, buy one and get the second pair half off and most of our printed shirts and hoodies are thirty percent off.” She smiled and then walked away  to help another customer.

Hearing this made me feel a little bit better. I decided to pick up a couple of jeans I liked, a few shirts, and two hoodies and walked into the changing room. There they had this big mirror. I began to try on all the clothes and looked up at myself. I wasn’t that bad looking if I just changed the way I dressed, fixed my hair, and didn’t have bad skin.

After I purchased the clothes I walked into a beauty store. It was awkward because I was the only guy in there. I went through one of the isles and searched for some facial things Jessica was telling me about. Jessica actually recommended this store to me. She said she usually went here to buy things for her face. She had beautiful skin so I had to trust her.

 In one of the isles I passed by all this makeup.  I knew a lot of girls at my school wore makeup. Would it be weird if I bought some? I decided to get just a couple of things to see how I would look wearing it. If I didn’t like it, then I wouldn’t wear it.

Once I was done with that I walked into a few more stores and got several more items of clothing and some new shoes. I even got a new haircut since my hair was getting too long. I spent all my money and was now ready to show everyone the new Kibum. I called my mother to let her know that I was done. When she was finally back at the mall I walked into the car and put all the bags in the back seat. I then sat in the front waiting to hear what she had to say about my hair. Nothing.

I didn’t know if that was a good sign or a bad one but I’d rather her say nothing than anything.

On Monday I went to school with my new clothes, new hair, and with a little bit of makeup on. (Nothing too serious, just some liquid concealer) I got a few compliments but that was it. They were mainly, “Kibum I really like your shirt.” No one said “Kibum you look really nice today” It was a little disappointing. When English class was coming around I was really hoping Jonghyun was going to notice something different about me.

Nothing.

This was starting to really depress me. Not even Jonghyun had said anything. He was too busy talking to Tiffany and Jessica about the fashion show. I guess to them that was more important. During lunch they all went to Lee Seonsaengnim’s room to ask about the fashion show. Too them it was a big deal. In the class it was just me and Jung Ah. I walked over to her and sat down as she ate her lunch.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing, just a little frustrated.” I sighed.

“Why? You look nice today. How come you’re not with everyone else asking about the fashion show?”

“I don’t know. I would like to be in it but I don’t think I’d get in.”

“I don’t really care much about that stuff. To me it’s all shallow.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Is that why you’re all dressed nice and got a new haircut?”

“Haha yeah, you’re the first person who noticed.” I chuckled.

“I guess I’m cool like that then.” She said jokingly.

I walked over to my bag and pulled out my lunch. Jung Ah and I just ate in silence until everyone returned to the class.

When everyone returned, Jonghyun sat next to me. It took me by surprise because he usually sat two seats down from me. I guess Jessica and Tiffany had something important to discuss with one another.

“Hey, Key. You look really nice today.” Jonghyun smiled and moved closer to me.

“Oh, really? Thanks.” I said looking forward at the teacher and not Jonghyun. I was giving him the cold shoulder.

Now you notice? I knew I shouldn’t have been reacting like this since Jonghyun and I were just friends but I couldn’t help it. I was hoping that he would have commented on how nice I looked at the beginning of class, not when it was three fourths of the way over.

“Yeah, really. We spoke to Lee Seonsaengnim earlier and she told us that we have nothing to worry about in terms of getting in the fashion show. Isn’t that great?”

“Yeah that’s really good.” I gave him a fake smile. I didn’t want him to see how frustrated I was. Why was the fashion show such a big deal? All you were going to do was wear nice clothes, walk, and show off how good you looked in front of the whole school. Jung Ah was right, it was shallow.

So why did I really want to be in it as well? Was it just to be with Jonghyun and to show my mother I could make it? Did I really not care about everyone thinking you were cool if you got into the show?

Once school was over I decided to walk home. I thought it was a good way to get my mind off of things even if it was extremely cold outside. I got a text from Jonghyun when I was halfway there.

“Hey Kibum, you okay? You seem a little distant lately. :(“

“Yeah I’m fine, just stressing from all this school work”

“Oh, well I think you should stop worrying about school work, it’s stupid.”

“Yeah okay, I’m walking home so I’ll text you when I get there.”

“Okay.”

I didn’t text Jonghyun when I got back home. I couldn’t. I knew he was going to bring up the fashion show and I didn’t want to have to think about it.

Later that night Jessica called me but I didn’t pick up. I didn’t feel like speaking much, I just wanted this week to be over.

***

It was now Friday, the day of fashion show auditions. They were going to be held after school. From what I heard, only a certain amount of people were going to be accepted. Unfortunately, I was hoping to be one of those who were accepted. I went to school feeling the most insecure I have ever felt in a while. Would I get in or would I be rejected? At this moment I wished that I could just fast forward through time to tonight so I wouldn’t have to go through all these anxious emotions.

Jonghyun and Jessica looked good as always today. In English, since it was Friday, the teacher just put a movie on because he knew most of us weren’t going to pay attention today. Most of the kids usually didn’t pay attention every time we had English class just because the teacher was a push over and didn’t do anything if you were talking during a lesson.

When it was time to head to lunch Jessica asked me if I could walk with her to the vending machine in the cafeteria. We walked down a few hallways and then into the caf. After Jessica got what she wanted we started to head back to the class.

“I’m so excited for today, I know I’m going to get in.” Jessica said with a glow in her eyes.

“Hey, I was thinking about trying out for the fashion show too.”

Jessica stopped and started to laugh.

“Hahahah, good one Kibum.” When she realized I was serious she stopped laughing and fixed her face as if she was unsure about something.

“You sure Kibum…… I don’t know.” She said with the same expression.

This hurt. Not even my friends thought I could get into the fashion show. Did I really look that bad?

“Haha you thought I was serious? Nah, I’m just joking.” I playfully slapped Jessica and gave her a fake smile as she joined in on my fake laughter. Soon we stopped laughing and continued to walk back to the class. The rest of the day I pretended like everything was fine. I talked and laughed with everyone. I knew if I didn’t, someone would ask me what was wrong and if that happened, I’d probably buss out in tears.

Once school was over, I walked to my bus and got on it. I wasn’t going to the fashion show auditions. I couldn’t take anymore disappointments. I just wanted to go home and lay in bed. As the bus drove away, I could feel tears trying to escape my eyes. I didn’t let them though. I never liked crying. At home I did exactly what I felt like doing and laid in bed. My eyes started to feel heavy as soon as my head hit the pillow.

An hour later I was awoken by my phone vibrating. It was Jonghyun.

“Guess who’s gonna be in the fashion show…..”

Not me

“They let dinosaurs do fashion shows?”

“HA HA very funny. What are you doing right now, you seem a lot better today.”

If only you knew Jonghyun, if only you knew how awful I felt right now. I didn’t feel like making him worry so I just pretended to be okay the whole night we were texting. Lying to people had now become natural to me.

Hey everyone, I feel like this is such a depressing chapter. Jessica is so mean, huh? Did anyone notice the new story picture I made. Yeah it's crap but it took me an hour to do so be nice. >.< I feel like this chapter was kinda crap too so i'm gonna make up for it with another chapter maybe tonight or early tomorrow, fair??? Hopefully everyone has been having an awesome holiday so far!!