A few months pass. Kai's gone back to his usual depressed self. Although he denies it whenever Joonmyun's around, the fresh scars on his wrist tell the truth. Joonmyun tries his best to help Kai, but obviously he's got his own job and social life and he's busier than ever, especially with his and Kyungsoo's wedding which is coming up. All that planning takes some serious time.

Joonmyun was going to call off the wedding, postpone it maybe. He didn't want to rub the fact that he was engaged into Kai's face, though Kai forced him to keep the wedding going. "I promise to live until then," he had said. "No promises afterwards though."

Kai has lost all track of Luhan. The university didn't have any files on him, and even when he searches Luhan's name on Google and Facebook, his Luhan is nowhere to be found. And if anyone thought that he might have missed a profile, they would be wrong. Kai has stalked all of the profiles he's seen with the name Luhan.

It's like Luhan just disappeared off the face of the Earth. 

Kai sighs. "Hurry up and get the wedding over with so I can just kill myself already," he mutters, draping himself over Joonmyun's couch. Kyungsoo walks in carrying a tray of tea, his eyes wide as ever. 

"Sorry, I'm out of tea so I tried to split up my remaining amount the best I could," Kyungsoo says. "It's just that with the upcoming wedding and all, I haven't gotten a chance to go grocery shopping." 

Joonmyun leans over to press a kiss onto Kyungsoo's lips. "It's alright, honey." He goes back to his paperwork, filling out the forms and information. "I know how it feels. Between my work and our wedding... Where am I even supposed to make reservations for our honeymoon?" 

Kai sits and watches, feeling useless. "I'll go get some tea," he says. He can't really do anything to help the two, so he might as well just go grocery shopping. Maybe the fresh air will clear his mind, anyways. Kyungsoo and Joonmyun flash him grateful looks as they quickly grab a scarf for Kai to wear when he goes out. 

"While you're there, make sure to buy some beef, alright?" Kyungsoo pinches his cheek. "I'm going to cook us all a great dinner tonight- I think we're all losing weight with all this stress anyway." 

As the couple fusses over him, Kai forgets about Luhan for a second. Just a second.

<><><>

"Go check on him," Yunho says. "Just to make sure he's not depressed."

"He is depressed," Luhan sighs. 

Yunho shakes his head. "It's what you get for making him fall in love with you." Even so, Yunho can't help it but feel a twinge in his heart when he sees Luhan's eyes, full of sadness and disappointment.

<><><>

When Kai reaches the supermarket, he checks the list that Kyungsoo had written at the last minute. "Beef... Tea..." He mumbles the list to himself as he pushes the cart toward the aisle with candy. Though not on the list, candy would definitely be a nice treat after the dinner. He feels like he's being watched, so he turns around. Nobody is staring at him at that particular moment, so he shakes the feeling off and continues walking.

Luhan ducks into the candy aisle. That was close. He can still feel his heart beating quickly from his 'encounter' with Kai- not an encounter, really, considering it was just him staring at Kai's back. He doesn't know if his heart is beating from the rush of almost being caught, or from the fact that he saw the other half of his heart once again.

Kai reaches the candy aisle and stops, dropping the list when he sees the head of caramel blonde hair. Slowly, hesitantly, as if they had a connection, those chocolate-brown eyes look up into his. 

"L-Lu..." It's hard to say his name. Of course, Kai had spent many nights thinking up scenerios of how things would go if the two had met again, but he's most definitely not ready to actually experience his daydreams.

The caramel-haired boy is frozen in his spot, looking like he either wants to crush the boy in a hug or run away. Kai's about to say something else when suddenly that handsome older male steps into the aisle. 

"Luhan, there you are." A smile. The male puts his arm around Luhan's shoulder. "We should get going, shouldn't we?" Kai's heart breaks as those chocolate orbs break their stare into his own and meet the other male's eyes.

"Y-Yunho..." Luhan looks like he wants to say something but can't. "A-alright..." The two of them turn, walking away from the candy aisle. After a few seconds, Kai's mind finally unfreezes.

He runs, runs after the two. "Luhan!" He shouts. Luhan and the one named Yunho turn around. Luhan looks surprised but Yunho just looks a bit annoyed. "Is this what you want?!" He's causing a scene now, tears running down his cheeks as people turn to stare. But he doesn't care. Luhan's there, right there, right in front of him. He's barely an arm's length away, so close but so far away. "Look at what you've done to me," Kai says shakily. His voic e rises until he's yelling. "Did you ever care at all?!" 

When Luhan doesn't respond, Yunho sighs and pulls Luhan away, the two of them just walking, getting farther and farther. 

"AT LEAST TELL ME WHY!" Kai yells at Luhan, angry and desperate. 

My angel is getting farther and farther away from my grasp, Kai thinks miserably, dropping to the ground. He watches as the two men walk away, not once looking back. The feeling in his heart right now just makes him want to tear it out completely. He forces himself up and runs to the bridge as fast as he can, pushing himself to run faster, faster, faster. The wind blows his hair and clothes, freezing his cheeks as the tears dry. Somewhere back there, he lost the scarf that Kyungsoo had wrapped snugly around his neck. 

Leaning over the bridge, he yells as loudly as he can. Again and again, he yells, warm tears making their way out of his eyes and freezing as soon as a gust of wind hits them. His voice fades every time, getting softer but still harsher.

"I hate you, Luhan. I hate you!" He yells into the water, the nearby traffic drowning out his screams. It's even worse knowing that what he's saying is a complete lie. "LUHAN!" He yells louder, hitting the bridge's rail with his clenched fist. "LUHAN!" He drags out the boy's name as he screams, his voice cracking during the last syllable. Kai's throat is raw and he can taste blood, but he continues to yell Luhan's name over and over, not caring the least bit about his well-being.

The worst part of all this is the fact that Kai has no idea what went wrong and what has happened. Was it just a fling the whole time? Were there any genuine feelings on Luhan's part? It kills him on the inside, ripping his heart apart. 

He hits the bridge's rail over and over, the pain spreading through his fist and up his arm a reminder that he's still alive. Even though he's alive, he's alive without Luhan. 

<><><>

Kai runs back to his own dorm, opening the door. He finds Luhan sitting there calmly, waiting for him. 

"How the did you get in here?" He hisses angrily, clenching his fists that are numb from pain and cold. 

Luhan turns and smiles. "You gave me a key, remember?" It's eerie how the boy doesn't seem to react to Kai's anger, but it just builds Kai up more. 

"Who let you think that you could just walk in without a care in the world?" After you left me, are the unspoken words. 

Luhan sighs. "Look, you don't have to beat yourself up over me." He shrugs. "Just get over it, alright? What we had was nice while it lasted, but honestly, in the long run, do you think it would have added up to anything important?" 

Kai's heart is eaten up by despair. "W-What?"

"Let's face it, it was just a fling between the two of us. We don't mean anything to each other and we never will. Some things are just meant to be let go of," Luhan adds.

Suddenly Kai's grabbing Luhan's collar and pinning him to the wall. He brings his fist back to punch Luhan, but then he sees the chocolate orbs he loves. There's something about them that he can't decipher, and it just hurts. All of his anger melts away into sadness, and he wraps the boy in his arms, not caring that it's just one-sided love. Luhan stands there limply, not making any move to hug Kai back. All this just hurts even more.

"Can I just have one more night?" Kai begs. He doesn't even care that he's begging now. For Luhan, he'd do anything.

Luhan's eyes soften, and he reaches toward Kai. The two of them are so close- there's barely any distance between the two. Luhan can almost feel Kai's hand on his when he draws back, his eyes widening. He pushes on Kai's chest, sending the latter backwards. "S-Stop, Kai. Don't make this any harder than it needs to be."

"Make what harder?" Kai's crying now and he doesn't even care. He reaches his hand out to the delicate boy with the doll-like features and tries to touch him, but Luhan jerks away. "Please, explain." His voice cracks, the broken tone dissipating in the silence. Now that his perfect doll is standing right in front of him, Kai's pain is magnified by what seems like a billion times. His heart hurts; his throat hurts; he just hurts. 

Luhan only shakes his head. With that, the caramel-haired boy turns and leaves, the door clicking shut. 

Frozen for a few seconds, Kai wills his brain to function and yanks the door open, nearly ripping the door out of its hinges. He runs after the boy, trying to find him in the already-dark night, but in vain. Luhan has simply disappeared, like he had done so before. Kai slams the door shut, fierce tears stinging his eyes and cheeks. His fingers flutter over the doorknob, because it's the last thing that Luhan had touched- it's the last trace of him.

Later that night, after showering, Kai looks at his reflection in the mirror, staring into his reflection's eyes. He knows that the eyes are the windows to the soul. When he stares into them, all he can see in his soul is Luhan. 

And he can't stand it.

He screams out, his throat beyond raw- burning, as he slams his fist into the mirror. The glass shatters, and Kai draws his fist back, panting. he sees himself in the cracked reflection, ragged, tired, his hair wet. Kai wipes his tears furiously and pushes his bangs out of his forehead, smearing blood onto his own forehead and in his hair while scratching himself with the little pieces of glass lodged into his hand.

The events of that night play in his mind as he's in bed. The scene of Luhan turning away and leaving him, leaving everything, plays over and over. And Kai swears that in that moment, he saw the faintest hint of tears threatening to spill over in the boy's glossy chocolate brown eyes. 

Hey guys! Sorry for late updates hehe.

Anyways, I haven't had the time to thank you all individually and reply to all the comments, but OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU ALL.