calling Minny-
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Reviewed by zining
Title: [3.5/5]
I could tell it was time travel immediately- I’m not sure if that is your intention. You linked the story back to the title throughout the story, but I found the title not explicitly explained throughout the story. Even when I finished the last chapter, I still couldn’t understand the title. A good effort, though. Unique title, a search on AFF made yours come up first. :)
I could tell it was time travel immediately- I’m not sure if that is your intention. You linked the story back to the title throughout the story, but I found the title not explicitly explained throughout the story. Even when I finished the last chapter, I still couldn’t understand the title. A good effort, though. Unique title, a search on AFF made yours come up first. :)
Foreword & Description: [7/10]
Grammatical mistakes all throughout the foreword. Sometimes I find myself re-reading the sentence a few times just so I can be sure that I got the meaning right. I was going to complain about the different coloured font, but it wasn’t bright and popping like turquoise or something so I’m letting it go. Your foreword itself is okay. Not the kind that will make people go WOW or something but enough to grip attention, especially for fantasy/time travel lovers. ^^
Appearance: [4.5/5]
Need I say this? Your format, design and everything is perfectly neat and very pretty. I don’t really understand the poster, though, but my compliments. :D
Plot: [10/15]
First, your story is nice. It certainly had enough in it to keep the story from falling short throughout all your chapters. Honestly, I kept wondering about Suho, and the time, secrets, guardians, all those little links and hints you threw in your story and that kept me reading.
But I was disappointed, because you never really did reveal anything. It was all terribly confusing for someone like me who wanted some sort of explanation. Maybe something like Alice In Wonderland? I don’t mean something like an explanation, more of something for me to hold on to. I read a fantasy fiction that didn’t even explain their concept of ‘Time’. But it made sense- so I wasn’t confused, while yours was just like, time stopped. And then full-stop. Get me?
Another factor of your story that failed to pull me in was the lack of something in every chapter. Just something. Like, I was reading it, but I was just reading it. Literally, I was reading it, but just the words. There is something that’s stopping me from feeling anything at all. For example, when you wrote that she realized she was in another person body in 1999, and not her own child body. I understood it, of course, but the way you said it was just, okay. And later on when you said stuff like she raised her hand to touch the air and all that, it just wasn’t explained deep enough for me to feel anything. Why did she want to touch the air? What is trying to do? Why did she burst into tears? What exactly, other than crying, was she feeling?
Another part is I still don’t understand how the ‘Whispers beneath the clock’ is actually used throughout the story. You said stuff like secrets not meant to be uncovered and all that but what was the secret? What did she have to encounter to reveal? What??? I had the totally blur face while reading your story. Sure, I enjoyed the whole context of the story- how she time-travelled and met Suho, but I never understood the links, or anything else. >__<
Elaborate, Elaborate, Detail, Elaborate, Describe somemore.
First, your story is nice. It certainly had enough in it to keep the story from falling short throughout all your chapters. Honestly, I kept wondering about Suho, and the time, secrets, guardians, all those little links and hints you threw in your story and that kept me reading.
But I was disappointed, because you never really did reveal anything. It was all terribly confusing for someone like me who wanted some sort of explanation. Maybe something like Alice In Wonderland? I don’t mean something like an explanation, more of something for me to hold on to. I read a fantasy fiction that didn’t even explain their concept of ‘Time’. But it made sense- so I wasn’t confused, while yours was just like, time stopped. And then full-stop. Get me?
Another factor of your story that failed to pull me in was the lack of something in every chapter. Just something. Like, I was reading it, but I was just reading it. Literally, I was reading it, but just the words. There is something that’s stopping me from feeling anything at all. For example, when you wrote that she realized she was in another person body in 1999, and not her own child body. I understood it, of course, but the way you said it was just, okay. And later on when you said stuff like she raised her hand to touch the air and all that, it just wasn’t explained deep enough for me to feel anything. Why did she want to touch the air? What is trying to do? Why did she burst into tears? What exactly, other than crying, was she feeling?
Another part is I still don’t understand how the ‘Whispers beneath the clock’ is actually used throughout the story. You said stuff like secrets not meant to be uncovered and all that but what was the secret? What did she have to encounter to reveal? What??? I had the totally blur face while reading your story. Sure, I enjoyed the whole context of the story- how she time-travelled and met Suho, but I never understood the links, or anything else. >__<
Elaborate, Elaborate, Detail, Elaborate, Describe somemore.
Originality: [ 13/15]
The time travel thing is not extremely unique, but unique enough on AFF. I liked how there was actually another reason behind the time travel other than romance itself.
The time travel thing is not extremely unique, but unique enough on AFF. I liked how there was actually another reason behind the time travel other than romance itself.
Grammar & Punctuations: [ 14/20]
You need a beta-reader.
Characterization: [7/10]
Eunji and her father are like, dating. Really cute interactions, but her father, is really like her boyfriend. Also, it seems like she matured when she was 6 as rather than she was 16. When she’s 16 she stamps her foot on the ground and when she’s 6 she falls in love with someone.
Okayy.
And there are some things that don’t add up, I never knew a 6 year old could be as eloquent and independent as Suho. No seriously. I want to be able to go to a sweet shop and come out with chocolates when I am 6. ^^ And the mother of Eunji, there isn’t enough impact on her role here. And wow, Eunji has super memory, and her mother doesn’t change scarves throughout the year.
Story Flow: [ 7.5 /10]
Choppy areas not explained well like when you were trying to describe bring her to the past. I get the feeling it’s supposed to be dramatic but it falls short. When Eun Ji sees her mother, recognizes the scarf… the whole thing made me a little awkward. >_<
Overall Enjoyment: [ 8/10]
Loved the time travel element, but sometimes things got a little skimpy here and there. Your story would have been so much better fleshed out, better than it is now! I liked your writing style, that clean, sort of third point of view writing style though, perfect for these sort of fics.
Bonus (decides by reviewer): [ 5/5]
I’m in one of my sarcastic, mean moods today. Sorry! Despite all these points I pointed out, your fic isn’t that bad as a whole. I was just nit-picky in areas. In some areas, your distant writing fits perfectly but in some areas, describing is a must! If there isn’t anything stopping you, then I say write, write, write! Let your emotions take over your writing- full control. You have a knack for bittersweet romances, I’d think.
Practice makes perfect, because your fic was good. My favourite was the ideas, like how the whole fic- without Eun Ji realizing it- was about letting go of her mother- and finding Suho- but as I have been harping on for so long, this fic would have made a more powerful impact on me If I could have felt Eun Ji’s despair.
Total: 75/105
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