Year Three:
Throbbing Vigilance

He panted, breath coming out in small white puffs as he jogged out the door. The sun was barely out, painting the world in a soft blue as it did every morning. Much of the neighborhood still lay warm under their blankets but Hyukjae couldn’t stay in bed no matter how hard he tried.

Because today was the first day of junior year.

Be it paranoia from last year or his tendency to worry more than he should, Hyukjae found himself waiting on the park bench an hour early for class. He would glance up at the tree, as if doing so would conjure Donghae out of thin air and tell him not to worry, that he wasn’t going to disappear again.

Five minutes passed. Ten. Fifteen. Thirty.

Hyukjae’s frown only grew deeper.

- - -

He was an .

He knew that.

Although he did apologize the next morning and Donghae did forgive him before he barely even said a word, Hyukjae couldn’t help but feel that something was wrong. Even the memory of Donghae jumping around, his sparkling eyes and his excitement that afternoon made Hyukjae wince and want to stab himself in the eye with a pencil. In fact, if he were in Donghae’s shoes, he would have spent all night thinking of ways to get back at that of a ditcher.

But Donghae just shrugged it off as if it were okay, as if Hyukjae didn’t notice his red nose and tired eyes—probably from waiting too long in the cold, as if he were just a random friend Hyukjae could ditch whenever he wanted since he didn’t matter all that much anyway. Donghae should have at least gotten angry.

Instead, he became distant.

He drew back into the shell Hyukjae thought only existed around other people. They still spoke, and Donghae still waited for him by the tree every morning but even at the slightest sound of his friends’ laughter in the hallways, Donghae would smile sheepishly and push him their way. He would protest, but Donghae would insist that they were his friends for so long, it’s only natural that he goes with them.

Donghae said it was okay but the sight of the brunette standing alone in the hallways whenever Hyukjae looked back didn’t seem very okay. 

He groaned, already in a potentially sour mood after searching through classrooms and buildings for him. Hyukjae felt his heart drop to his stomach earlier when the class lists for junior year were released and the amount of Lee’s in his class dropped to just him and Sungmin.

He spent a large chunk of his break looking for Donghae, only to come up empty-handed.

“What,” Hyukjae mumbled and kicked a rock, “Is disappearing on the first day of school some sort of hobby now?”

The distant sounds of students laughing and speaking loudly with each other did nothing for his growing headache and just as he was about to lie down on the bench, a backpack was dumped dangerously close to his fingers.

“So I didn’t make it to the class I wanted this year.”

Hyukjae looked up to curse at the stranger, but was met with a stupid wide grin he knew all too well.

“Donghae,” He scanned him from head to toe and squinted, “Why do you have egg yolk splattered all over your head?”

“It’s not egg yolk!” Donghae laughed loudly and Hyukjae felt his lips twitch into a smile because only Donghae would actually think he was being serious. “It’s hair dye!”

“Well, you could’ve fooled me.”

Donghae laughed again and spent the next few minutes trying to calm himself down, before dropping down beside Hyukjae, their shoulders almost touching.

“Where have you been, idiot?”

“Why?” Donghae smiled slyly, “miss me?”

He laughed again and Hyukjae tried to scoff but ended up just staring because the dirty blonde hair gave Donghae an edge he wasn’t sure he could place.

“Just answer the question.”

“My mom’s an otaku like me.” Donghae grinned sheepishly, “You know, those anime fanatics?”

“I know what an otaku is. And you’re still not answering my question.”

“Yes, well, she woke up today convinced that the way the sunlight hit me made me look like one of her favorite characters and before I knew it, I was being dragged to the nearest hair salon. It felt like my scalp was burning.” Donghae said with a sigh, “It was terrifying.”

 Hyukjae manages to scoff this time, “I see where you got your crazy.”

“I suppose the blonde does make me look a bit unreal, huh? Like I just walked straight out of a manga?”

“Watch your head—it’s inflating and you might float right off the ground.”

For an intense moment, Donghae is silent and Hyukjae turned to find the blonde’s face closer than he’d anticipated. Donghae’s eyes roamed his face and before Hyukjae can process how he felt his skin burn under his gaze, Donghae breaks into a wide, almost cheeky grin.

“I suggest you stay away from my mom.”

“Because she’s a nutcase?”

“Because you’d make a great Luffy.”

Hyukjae wasn’t given time to react as Donghae dashed away, laughing madly and rambling something about the school bell in his weird accent. He shook his head and followed at a slow pace, convinced that was the best way to annoy the overexcited blonde who probably kept looking back at him.

He wondered if he should tell Donghae he left his backpack on the bench.

He also wondered when he started smiling because his cheeks kind of hurt.

- - -

The sky was a beautiful shade of blue that day.

He had this strange fear of breaking his neck if he bent it too much so he lay flat on his back, his packed lunch centered on his chest and his eyes trained on the clouds above.

Donghae tried to justify his meals on the rooftop with feeling too enclosed within the walls of the school but really, he would have stayed inside if he had someone to eat with. Being there and staring at the open sky taught him that without people there to witness it, the loneliness wasn’t as bad.

But then, he also learned that having a taste of having someone around and losing loneliness, only to have it thrown back at you worsened the pain tenfold.

Donghae knew that it was silly to think that someone like Hyukjae would bother to spend more time than necessary with a new and probably insignificant friend like him. Surely, Hyukjae had groups of friends, people to meet and places to go to during break. Donghae already told himself that he was alright with being that occasional friend he would bump into, chat with and leave before things would get awkward—more so now that they were in different classes.

He told himself he was satisfied with being the first person Hyukjae would see before getting to school, that he was happy with just racing the bell and running with him to class.

So Donghae did not understand why he smiled so wide his face felt like it would break in two when Hyukjae came to eat lunch with him on the rooftop that day, and on the next, and on the next, and on the next.

It was then that he learned that the sky became an even more beautiful shade of blue when someone is there to see it with you.

- - -

Hyukjae frowned at the noise of female giggles and chatter from behind them. He and Donghae were walking to the park after school, bags flung over their shoulders and neckties loosened.

“What’s with the face?”

“Their giggling irritates me.” He answered in a low voice.

Donghae glanced back to see who Hyukjae was talking about and had coincidentally locked eyes with one of the girls. He immediately straightened but peaked again after a while, and was shocked to see all of them looking now. He waved weakly.

The giggles evolved to shrieks and Hyukjae grunted.

“You’re not helping the situation.”

Donghae frowned in confusion and watched with weary eyes as they wriggled away, almost tripping over each other.

“What did I do?” He almost pouted and Hyukjae rolled his eyes before slinging an arm over Donghae’s shoulder and dragging him forward.

“Let’s just go before we catch their cooties.”

“So that’s their sickness?” Donghae asked with wide eyes and Hyukjae had to pull him away before he could send another worried glance in their direction.

They spent most of their afternoons like this, meeting after class and walking together to the park where Donghae would constantly try getting him to climb up the tree and Hyukjae would always refuse because he knew of the blonde’s weird obsession with him looking like a monkey. They talked about school, and pet peeves, finding out who had the more annoying set of classmates in which Hyukjae claimed he would have already killed himself if not for Sungmin to keep his sanity in check and Donghae claimed that he had already killed himself, this was his ghost speaking.

Hyukjae laughed at that.

It wasn’t long before Donghae was invited to his house where his mom fell in love with him at first cheek squeeze.

“Mom, let go.” He dropped his bag on th