“Will he be okay?”

“Oh Ji Yong . . . My son . . . Why did this happen to my son?”

“We’ve managed to stable him for now. He’s pretty lucky in fact if I do say so myself. The metal made a clean cut through the front; if it’d been any further back he would have had a lower chance of surviving. Besides that, he’s sustained minor injuries from the crash. In a week or so, we should be able to release him but for now his body will need to recuperate on its own. I would like to speak with the family outside the room, in private.”

There are voices near and far and he registers few. The first to speak was without a doubt his older sister, Dami. The words that rolled off her tongue sounded forced as if she wanted to know something but at then at the same time she didn’t. He can feel some sort of pressure coming for the outside and coiling around his hand tightly. It must have been his mother whose soft voice followed after his sister. The doctor must have been addressing Dami with information on his condition then. He wanted to see them but his body still felt much too heavy, his strength depleted. Maybe they’d injected him with drugs to dull the pain and kept him sedated. He throat didn’t feel hard like it had after the car accident.

The doctor had said his condition was fine but what was it like when he’d been brought in?

“Honey, you’ll have to let go for a minute. Ji Yong will be fine while we speak with the doctor.”

His father is speaking now, his usual authoritative voice sounding exhausted and a bit hoarse. It’s clear he’s trying to pry the mother away from her son’s side. The pressure from her hand around his is unwavering for quite some time. Ji Yong can’t decipher his words but he can almost see his father being persistent, his mouth near the shell of her ear whispering softly to soothe her pain for the time being. The cocoon of warmth around his hand seems to break away and disappear completely.

His only connection to the outside world is now gone and suddenly Ji Yong is missing that sense of touch greatly. But the overwhelming wave of fatigue washes over him again. He is alone in the midst of darkness, waiting.

It’s cold here.

. . .

. . .

. . .

Suddenly he can hear something. A low hum of beeping that reaches his ears. The sound is unclear for some time, fading in and out, but he knows it’s there. It can only be the heart monitor.

“This is entirely my fault.”

“Hyung?” Ji Yong asks, his voice echoing off into the darkness but he notes it sounds strange. Actually had he even said the word at all? Never mind that. He had heard correctly though, had he not? That voice sounded so much like TaeYang and yet . . . That’s right. TaeYang was the last to speak with him just before it all happened. He was in a rush but he never made it there. He never made there in time to meet with Seunghyun and for some reason he felt he would never get another chance handed to him like that ever again. He felt cheated then. Like something he wanted so badly had been stripped away without a care. He wanted to scream where no one would hear him.

“Ji Yong . . . could you ever forgive me?”

Of course he could forgive TaeYang, none of this was his fault. No one could control how the accident played out and Ji Yong would never wish for someone else to suffer the same but there was still that underlying feeling of regret that made his heart heavy. He should have told Seunghyun a long time ago.

Time seems frozen in the confines of blackness yet he sits still, waiting for a sign. There is silence that shrouds him and he still remains. How long has it been? A day? Maybe two?

“Come on Ji Yong . . . wake up.”  That voice, deep and melodious as wind chimes, it makes his heart stir and fill to the brim with warmth. He can feel the corners of his mouth curl up and he wants to reply but he doesn’t. He waits and listens carefully again. “Please wake up Ji Yong.” It sounds different this time, closer but a change of tone. He stands slowly and begins to walk towards it absently.