“Tell him.”

“Ani.”

“Tell him.”

“Ani.”

“Ji Yong-ssi.”

“Yah! Quit pestering me in public. Are you begging for attention?”

“I just don’t understand why you won’t tell him.”

At this the younger male let out an exasperated sigh. It was true. Young-bae would never understand, no one ever would. With a of his teeth at the older man, Ji Yong took another dawdling sip of his tea. The two friends had been discussing a touchy subject, Ji yong simply refusing to discuss any further but Young-bae was relentless to push. He shouldn’t have told Young-bae, heck, he shouldn’t have gotten drunk that one night. It really wasn’t his fault, he was just having a bad day. Drinking was the only way to make his problems go away, even for a minute. But in turn that led up to Ji Yong confiding the very contents of his heart to a very good listener.

Anyway, ever since that little mishap Young-bae has been on his case almost every day. Even their little meeting today was obviously centered around Ji Yong’s little dilemma. He honestly had a good feeling he shouldn’t have come today and now that he was here he regretted not trusting his instincts. Regardless, Young-bae wanted to pass on some ‘good news’, that being a side subject in their little chat. Apparently Seunghyun and Bom had broken up and from Young-bae it sounded as if tides have turned tremendously. He was trying to convince the other boy that now was a good time as ever. “Come on man, you’re crushing on a dude for the last year. You’re single, he’s single. Just go for it. At least let him know how you feel.”

“Why don’t you just ask me to roll over and die?” Ji Yong groaned loudly as he slouched in his chair. He didn’t want to do it. The thought of saying those words out loud, let alone to another human being, well Ji Yong just couldn’t fathom how the situation would turn out. Odds were Seunghyun wouldn’t even feel the same way and avoid Ji Yong for the rest of his life if not be disgusted with him. A man loving another man? That just won’t do, not in their society at least. So why did Young-bae care so much? Why couldn’t Young-bae just leave him alone?

“Fine, I’m tired of this anyway,” Young-bae frowned while he pulled out his cellphone. He was dialing someone, leaning back in his chair as a small smirk slowly formed on his lips. From the mischievous stare Ji Yong was receiving he knew then that his hyung was up to no good.

The young boy while eyeing his hyung suspiciously asked slowly, “What are you doing?”

“If you won’t tell him . . . I will,” Young-bae answered simply as his smile widened.

“You wouldn’t dare,” Ji Yong muttered lowly, death written in his eyes as he glared at his hyung.

“Hello? Seunghyun? . . . Ah, it’s Young-bae,” said the older boy casually, all while keeping eye contact with JiYong across the table. “How are you? . . . Ye. I’m calling because I have something really important to tell you. I think you’re going to want to hear this one.”

Realizing this was no joke, Ji Yong leaned in and hissed frantically, “Hey! Stop this okay? It’s not funny!”

In response to his friend’s plea, Young-bae offered the phone to him, mouthing the words, “Tell him.”

For a second . . . Ji Yong actually considered it, a hand reaching out slowly but before touching the device it snapped back, the boy shaking his head sadly. He just couldn’t do it. Young-bae shrugged a bit too nonchalantly as he returned the device to his ear. Ji Yong feared he was a little too serious with this. “Hello? . . .Ye, so like I was saying . . .”

Desperate times, call for desperate measures. Ji Yong’s first instinct was to kick his hyung but it didn’t turn out as well as he’d hoped, Young-bae having surprisingly fast reflexes. He tried snatching the phone away but Young-bae dodged him just as quickly. This wasn’t turning out so well. Ji Yong was practically begging in soft whispers now. “Please, please, please don’t tell him!” This was too cruel. His life was about to be ruined if Young-bae even muttered such simples words into Seunghyun’s ear.

“Hyung, I know something you don’t know. Can you guess what it is?” Young-bae continued as he prolonged the torture. From the amusement glinting through Young-bae’s eyes Ji Yong knew his hyung was definitely enjoying every moment of this. “Would you like a hint? I can give you one.”

“Hyung please don’t do this now. I’ll tell him myself later,” Ji Yong offered as a compromise in one final attempt to stop his hyung.

Young-bae pulled the phone away from his ear, covering the microphone so Seunghyun could not hear his words. “Later as in today?”

“Fine, later today,” Ji Yong agreed quickly. His heart was beating like a jackhammer now as he watches Young-bae resume his conversation with Seunghyun.

“Ah, Seunghyun hyung I wanted to tell you that someone you know would like to meet you later tonight. I can’t say who but they’re pretty close to you and have something important to tell you.” By then Ji Yong had had enough and left the table to get some air, to calm down. He’d just barely avoided one catastrophe and now another one was coming his way so the nail biting cold was almost inviting then as he stepped out, a hand over his racing heart. He slouched against the stone wall, one hand searching at the bottom of his pockets. He’d found the small pack of cigarettes in his back pocket, pulling one out with his lips before closing the box. He had realized he was on his second pack today. Ji Yong knew smoking was a nasty habit but he’d only started because it was another way to ease the pain. By now he had ignited his bic lighter, letting the tip of the cigarette and the flame touch. After that he inhaled fully, pulling the smoke into his mouth with ease, feeling that familiar rush of pleasure he’d grown crave in moments of stress. He held onto it for a second before exhaling slowly through his mouth. A migraine was settling in the back of his head but he’d ignored it like all the other times. A few pain killers would solve the problem later anyway.

As Ji Yong dipped his head back against the stone wall, he looked into the endless abyss of the gray sky.

Seunghyun, I shouldn’t blame you for my actions but . . . look what you’ve done to me. I’ve come undone only because of you, laid out completely and at your disposal if you wish. Sometimes I wish you weren’t so oblivious and I wish you would at least be considerate of how you make me feel. Every time I close my eyes I can only see you and when you smile, my heart warms but aches painfully knowing you’d never smile for me the way you smile for those girls. Every day my mind is bombarded with endless memories of you. Did you know the way you laugh is like music to my ears? Or that when you stare back with those beautiful eyes I melt inside? You have no idea how much you’re killing me, how weak you make me and because of you I can never think straight. I even envy those girls who get a chance to be with you just because . . . I get jealous easily.

You are the prince charm and seduction is your art. I never thought you would but you’ve managed to claim my heart.

Should I tell you just how I feel or continue to carry this burden on my lonesome?

“Maybe I should just say goodbye,” Ji Yong muttered to himself as a droplet of rain landed on the tip of his nose. He took another drag then and exhaled slowly, watching the wisps of smoke disappear into the now moist air.

Young-bae appeared at his side then with a sad look on his face. He said, “You shouldn’t smoke Ji Yong-sshi.”

“There are a lot of things I shouldn’t do,” Ji Yong retorted with a sour laugh whilst thin wisps of smoke escaped through his mouth. He wanted to say more to Young-bae but bit his tongue. The last time he’d done that he was intoxicated and practically spilling his whole life story out. Besides, he felt it would be better that Young-bae didn’t know any more than he already did. He tried to change the subject instead, Young-bae already reading his mind.

“Here,” Young-bae said as he held out a slip of paper towards Ji Yong. “I have to go now, get back to work but I wrote everything down for you. You’d better show up for me okay? You better tell him too.”

Taking the paper in between his fingers, the smoker muttered lowly, “We’ll see.”