I walked up the long dirt road toward the group home as I did once a month for the past year.  An entire year.  My baby was a year old now.  She looked more and more like him every time I saw her.  Sure she had my mouth and nose, but those eyes were like looking right at him.

            My fists clenched just thinking about him.  Every second of every day I think of her, but every now and then, he pops into my head too.  How could he just leave me like that?  In the beginning, he was so happy when I told him I was pregnant.  We’d been together five years, I stupidly thought we’d be together forever.  I stupidly thought my getting pregnant wouldn’t be a negative thing in our relationship. 

            But I was wrong.  I told him when I found out.  I was just shy of three months along and two days later, he disappeared.  Moved away.  To an unknown location.

            And I was left alone with an insatiable appetite and no money.

            Which was why I had to give up my baby.  My baby girl.  I couldn’t care for her alone.  My family lives so far away.  I couldn’t support her alone after he got scared and took off or whatever loser reason he had for vanishing.

            Not to mention, deep down, I just knew I couldn’t look at that baby and not think of him.

            I hurried up the cement steps to the group home.  The owners didn’t know who I was, I never told them that one of the little girls in the nursery was mine.  It was early afternoon, usually around this time, they let the kids have some playtime in the playground out in the back.  I strolled around back to hide in the trees, as creepy as I’m sure it sounded, to watch the kids play.

            It only took me a moment to spot her in the group.  She was on the swings, kicking her legs and throwing her head back, giggling the higher she pushed herself.

            Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I kept her.  Would she be happy?  Sometimes I want to take her back.  But I know, as much as I hate to admit it, she would be better off if another family took her.  At least for now, but soon I’ll make it and be able to take care of her.  To have a family.

            I paced back and forth in the waiting room.  I felt like my audition had gone well, but as I watched the four other girls who had already been chosen for YG’s new girl group, all I could think of were my mistakes.  What I did wrong.  What the other girls in the waiting room waiting for their names to be called did right.  I wanted this. I needed this.  If I could be a part of a successful girl group, I could make a name for myself.  I could build a life for myself.  Then just maybe…

            My eyes darted from the four girls getting to know each other on one side of the room to the girls sitting, nervously fidgeting on the other side.  I stood in the back so I could pace in peace.  The door flung open and that same woman with the clipboard came out.  She adjusted the glasses on her nose, looked down at the clipboard and then up at the room.

            “Park Ye Eun?”  I stumbled once and stopped pacing to face the room and bowed lightly in greeting.  My mind shut down completely.  The woman smiled, “Welcome to the Wonder Girls,” she said.

            The other four members of the group were first to start screaming excitedly.  The thought hadn’t quite sunk in yet.  I watched the girls still sitting begin to grumble as they gathered their belongings to leave.

            Four very pretty girls bounced over to me and began chattering animatedly.  I accepted hugs and nodded at whatever it was they were saying.  Tears blurred my vision and when I saw one of the other girls begin to cry, I let them flow from my eyes.

            I had a good feeling about this.  A very good feeling.

            About a week later, the five of us moved into our dorm.  Our group leader was Min Sun Ye.  One of the most naturally pretty girls I’d ever seen.  Kim Yoo Bin, Woo Hye Lim, and Ahn So Hee were our other members.  Sweet girls.  I already felt like we could become the best of friends.

            As our first concert approached, I grew nervous.  Like nauseatingly nervous.  Whenever I felt bad or scared about something, I’d go for a visit to the group home to see my baby.  She was three by now.  I’d been going a lot more since I’d become part of the Wonder Girls.  When practice got too hard, when I had to spend 12 hours in a recording studio, when I had to spend 14 hours in a dance studio practicing for a concert.  It was all worth it when I could see my little girl running and playing.

            I was hiding in the trees watching as my little girl played with another little girl.  They were sitting outside in the sun, each brushing the long hair of a doll and chit chatting the way only little children could.

            The only difference was, these days, I’d have to hide in the trees in a disguise.  Sunglasses, a hood, a big floppy hat.  I was thankful and grateful that the Wonder Girls was doing so well and we had gained so much popularity in the music industry this past year, but it made going out whenever I wanted wherever I wanted a difficult task.

            “Can I help you?”

            I gasped and whirled around.  Face to face with a young woman who worked at the home.  I smacked a hand to my chest and swallowed, hoping my heart would dislodge from my throat.  I adjusted the oversized sunglasses on my face.

            “N-no.  No, thank you.  I’m-I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to…”

            “Which one is yours?” the young girl asked with a gentle smile.

            Gulp.  I shook my head.  I couldn’t tell her the truth.  Blushing, I lied, “None of them.  I was just thinking of adopting.”  I spoke slowly to keep from stuttering and giving myself away.

            The young woman covered as she giggled, embarrassed.  “I’m so sorry!  It was just that you were looking at the children so adoringly.  I just assumed you were the mother of one of them.  Sometimes we get mothers who stop by to see how their children are doing,” she explained.

            Like me.

            “Oh?” I sounded with a nod, glancing back at my baby who had since switched dolls with the other little girl and was now pulling the doll’s hair back into a ponytail.  “That little one with the doll on the left.  She’s adorable.  Is she a good girl?” I wondered, hoping my voice didn’t sound too longing.

            The woman smiled and nodded as she watched my daughter play and chatter happily.  “Oh, yes.  She’s a very good girl.  Sweet, smart.  Her name is Min Sol.  She’s a real sweetheart.”

            I welcomed the sting of tears behind my dark Hollywood sunglasses. 

            “Why hasn’t she been adopted yet?”

            The woman smiled sadly.  “She’s a good girl, but most couples that come here are looking for babies.  Min Sol is three years old.  Too old for the majority of the families that come here.”

            “And what happened to her parents?” I asked.  What I really meant was what did the home tell her about her parents?  I wondered if he ever came by, announcing who he was, to check on her.

            “I’m not sure what happened to the dad, but from what I hear the mom was awfully young and unprepared, so she thought this would be best for her daughter,” the woman told me.  “She hasn’t come to check on her and since the father never came by, none of the paperwork for her has been done, we told Min Sol her parents died.  The owners feel it will be easier for the child once she is adopted.”

            My throat closed.  I suppose that would be best.

            “I should go,” I said, my voice cracking.

            “Well, if you were thinking about adopting, would you like to meet her?  She just loves meeting people.”

            Meet her?  Speak with her?  Talk to my little daughter.

            “No, not now.  No-no, thank you.  I should really be going.  Thank you for your time,” I blurted out.  Turning, I sprinted away before she could say anything more.

            Back at the dorms, I tried to act like nothing was wrong.  The girls didn’t know about my daughter or my frequent trips to the group home.

            “Unnie!” So Hee chirped, bouncing over to me as soon as I closed the front door behind me.  “Unnie, we’re going to be on Music Bank!  With Big Bang!”

            “Really?” I asked, kicking my shoes off and letting my dongsaeng drag me by the hand over to the couch.  I knew who Big Bang was, of course.  We were both up and coming idol groups and all, but we hadn’t spent much time with them.  They had incredibly busy schedules as we did.  It left little time for socializing with other groups.

            “Aren’t you excited?” a voice called from the kitchen.  I glanced up, the other girls came strolling in.  “If we have to break off into pairs with Big Bang, I’ve already shot gunned TOP,” Yoo Bin declared with a smirk.

            Sun Ye pouted as she flopped down next to me.  “Not fair!  Why do you get TOP?  I want to pair up with him.”

            “I’m the oldest, so I get first pick,” Yoo Bin reasoned.

            “But I’m the leader!  I should get first pick!” Sun Ye argued.

            “You have such a lovely voice, Sun Ye,” Yoo Bin complimented in a sugary tone, then smirked devilishly.  “TOP is Big Bang’s rapper.  I am Wonder Girls’ rapper.  We belong together.”  Then she cracked up at the play on Big Bang’s song title.  The others were laughing, too.  Even little So Hee was snorting back her giggles.

            Our leader crossed her arms over her chest and huffed.  “Anyway, the point is, this is going to be awesome.  We are going to perform with Big Bang!  They’re so popular and we’re pretty awesome, so this stage is going to be epic!”

            Hye Lim nodded, eyes wide with excitement.  Until she got a good look at me, I was trying, honest I was.  “Ye Eun unnie, are you alright?”

            Apparently that triggered something in the other girls and now the four of them had eight eyes glued on me.  Studying my face, looking for traces of anything to answer the question.

           “I’m just tired,” I answered with a nod.  “Really.  I swear.”  The girls continued to bore holes into me.  “Honest.”  None of them even blinked.  “Girls, I swear!  I’m fine.  Really.  I’m just tired.  I just need a nap.”  I forced out a laugh to seal the deal.

            “You do look kind of crappy, unnie,” So Hee stated with a doe eyed look and a nod.  I giggled.  The other girls shot her looks.  “What?  Oh, sorry.  I mean, tired.  Unnie, you look tired.”

            I patted the younger girl on her knee as I stood.  I said I was going to lie down in my room.  Take a nap.

            But I couldn’t sleep.  I couldn’t help seeing images of my little Min Sol playing in my head.  Did he ever think of me?  Or her?

            At rehearsal the day before our Music Bank performance, we’d finally get a few minutes to make small talk with Big Bang.  Yoo Bin was practically buzzing with excitement.  Sun Ye was a little huffy, but the girls got their acts together when it came to us practicing our parts.  Wonder Girls would have a part, Big Bang has a part, and then the ten of us come together to do a collabo part.

            I watched backstage while Big Bang did their own part of the performance.  I could see why Sun Ye and Yoo Bin were ready to claw at each other’s eyes over TOP.  He was quite the y rapper.  Little Seung Ri was a super cutie.  G Dragon was a real charismatic performer.  Fanning myself a little, I allowed myself to admit that Tae Yang was, ahem, some dancer.  But the one who kept attracting my gaze was Dae Sung.

            There was something familiar about him.  I couldn’t place it.

            Once our practice was over, the ten of us sat around talking and playing the ‘get to know you’ game in our waiting room.

            Yoo Bin and Sun Ye were giggling and flirting with an unsuspecting, but clearly welcoming TOP.  Seung Ri had materialized a deck of cards and was showing So Hee some tricks.  Hye Rim, Tae Yang, and G Dragon were in, what looked like, a very heated debate about something.  Tae Yang and G Dragon were clearly very headstrong about something that Hye Rim was not about to believe.

            I managed to get Dae Sung to myself.  We talked a little.  We were from the same home town.  The more I spoke to him, the more I just knew there was something about him.  His eyes.  They were so familiar.

            Min Sol’s face abruptly popped into my head.  When the connection clicked in my mind, I gasped.

            “Are you alright?” he asked, with an uncomfortable laugh.

            I shook my head.  “Dae Sung,” I breathed quietly.  Glancing around, I was glad we were sitting on the floor near the far wall.  Far enough not to be heard by the others.  “Dae Sung,” I repeated.  “It’s me.  You don’t recognize me.”

            His smile wavered, but he stared at me a second longer.

            “We were together for years,” I murmured.  I leaned closer to him and glared, shooting daggers at him.  “I was the mother of your child,” I hissed through gritted teeth.

            All color drained from his face and his mouth gaped open a bit.

            “Y-Ye Eun,” he stammered.  His arm lifted and his fingers reached out for me, wanting to touch my face.  I growled deep in my throat and slapped his hand away.  I cringed at the thought of someone catching my aggressive behavior.  I glanced around at the others, but they all seemed to engrossed in their own conversations to notice I was ready to strangle Kang Dae Sung.

            “You remember me now?  How dare you leave me when I was pregnant?  How dare you act excited when you were just going to vanish?  You’re a low life, good-for-nothing, useless excuse for a man!” I spate hatefully, my teeth clenched so tightly, my jaw hurt.

            “I’m so sorry, Ye Eun,” he whispered.  Then he lowered his gaze from me and actually had the decency to look ashamed.  “Let me explain.”

            “You never once even visited our daughter.  Oh, wait, that’s because you don’t even know where I left her.”  I scooted an inch closer to him.  “I should kill you for what you did to me.  For what you did to her.”

            “I deserve whatever you do to me.  Would you like to hit me?  Go ahead.  We’ll step outside so the others won’t see,” he offered, already getting to his feet. 

            My hand darted out and I yanked him back to the floor.  “Later I might take you up on that offer.  First, you give me your so called explanation,” I demanded.

            “We were just out of high school when you got pregnant.  I loved you and I wanted to be excited, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I couldn’t be a father!  I couldn’t take care of you and the baby.  I could barely take care of myself.  I’d be a terrible father.  A failure.  I couldn’t do that to you.  So…”  He swallowed hard and looked away from me.  Suddenly quite fascinated with his sneakers.  “When the opportunity came up for me to begin training to be a singer, I jumped at it.  I moved to Seoul.  I stayed with my aunt and uncle.  I trained with YG.  I wanted to become something.  I swore I’d find you and the baby again once I’d gotten myself together, but then time just passed and Big Bang took off and…”  He shrugged, his eyes taking on a faraway look.  “I just…life just happened.  I’m so sorry.”

            I blinked rapidly to compose myself.  He did the same thing with Big Bang that I did with the Wonder Girls.  He wanted the same things I did.

            “Do you ever think about her?” I asked with a quiet sniffle.

            “I think about our baby, I think about you, every day,” he confessed.  He frowned thoughtfully.  A moment later, his face lit up.  “Her?  You had a girl?  Our baby was…I-I have a daughter?”

            With a sigh, I nodded.  “Min Sol.  She’s three now.  She’s in a group home here in Seoul.  I visited her once a month.  More often these days.”

            Overwhelmed, he grabbed me by the hands and clasped them in his own.  “Where?  Please, take me with you the next time you go.  I want to see her!”

            I bit my bottom lip.  I still wanted to be mad.  I wanted to pound on him.  I wanted to slap him in the face.  But he looked so excited.  So happy.  So sincere.  “The home told her that her parents were dead.  It would be easier for her for when she gets adopted.”

            A look of horror washed over his face.  He dropped my hands and wrapped one arm around his middle and bit down on the thumbnail of his other hand.  “Adopted?” he repeated around his thumb.

            “No one wants her.  She’s too old.  Everyone wants babies.  She’s already past toddler.”  My eyes burned.  “I don’t want her to grow up feeling like no one ever loved her.”  Dae Sung shook his head frantically.

            “She won’t!  We’ll get her back.  Big Bang and Wonder Girls, our groups are so successful!  We could take care of her now!  I-”

            “Hey!  Are you guys coming?” Sun Ye called.

            Dae Sung and I glanced up and looked toward her voice.  The other members of our groups were at the door, ready to leave.

            “W-where?” Dae Sung called back, scooting away from me to give us a casual air and break the tension anyone within a 50 mile radius of us could feel.

            “Dinner!” Tae Yang exclaimed.  He motioned us over.  “Come on!  We’re going out to dinner together!”

            “Ok, we’re coming!” I said with as big a smile I could muster.  Dae Sung walked close to me as we headed over to our awaiting friends.

            “We’ll talk about this later,” he promised almost silently as he brushed past me.

            We were pretty good at pretending.  Not a single person in either group could tell what Dae Sung and I were going through.  We laughed, ate, talked and no one suspected a single thing.

            During dinner some time, Dae Sung managed to write a note and slip it to me.

            Meet me tonight at midnight, line 3 subway stop exit 5 at the Han river.

            That night, I met him.  He was pacing outside the subway station exit.  We hid in a closed playground and talked for hours.  Got to know each other all over again.  I’d missed him.  I still loved him. 

            I told him that, too.  He said nothing.

            We’d agreed on continuing to keep our secret until we could figure out what to do.  Speak with our managers.  Talk to our band mates.  Perform on Music Bank.  This weekend, we would go see Min Sol.

            I was a little mad that I’d allowed myself to confess to him and he’d said nothing.  Not a damn thing.  He barely acknowledged my confession.  I was good at hiding my feelings though.  I was calm and cool.  I acted as though he and I were just acquaintances.  Fellow idols.

            We met at the group home that Saturday.  Both decked out in idol disguises, I was cold toward him.

            He exited the subway station and I immediately began walking toward the home.  I didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t know how to act.  My heart hurt.  But if he wanted to see Min Sol, if he was going to help me get Min Sol, I’d act however I needed to.

            “Wait, Ye Eun, please,” I heard him plead from behind me.  I continued stalking forward until he grabbed my wrist and whirled me around.

            He fell to his knees, grasping my hand.

            “I know you’re mad at me.  But-but your confession just caught me off guard.  We were together for so long and then you got pregnant and I left and…”  He looked up at me and sighed.  “It’s a lot to handle, but this past week, the way you’ve been treating me so coldly.”  He hesitated and shook his head.  “I’m sorry.  I want this.  Please believe me.  I can make this work.  I can make us work.  I love you, Ye Eun.  So much.  I love you, too.  I’m financially stable now.  I’m an adult now.  I know we agreed on talking to our managers and figuring out how to keep our secret, but you know something?  I don’t care about any of that.  Forget our managers.  Forget the fans.  Forget anything but us.  You, me, Min Sol.  I’d give up everything for us to be a family.”

            He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a silver band with a square, purple amethyst popping out of it.  My legs turned to jelly and I dropped to the ground in front of him.  He smiled.  Holding the ring out to me, he continued, “You told me when Min Sol’s birthday was.  Her birthstone is amethyst.  That’s why I didn’t get a diamond.  Ye Eun, marry me.  Let’s be a family.”

            “We can’t just give up on our bands.  We can’t just let everyone down like that.  We can’t-” I choked out.

            He slipped the ring on my finger and cupped my face in his hands.  His lips inches from mine.  “Whatever you want.  We can make it work then.  We won’t give anyone a chance not to accept us, then.  We’ll make it work.  Just marry me.  Let’s go in there and start the adoption process to get Min Sol back.”

            Staring into his eyes, I believed him.  I lunged forward and crashed my lips onto his, digging my fingers into his hair.  I saw stars behind my eyelids.  I felt what he said.  I felt his promise.  He really would make everything ok.  He meant what he said.  He’d make this work.  He’d convince our managers and our band mates that this was what we wanted to do.  Now that I thought about it, Big Bang and Wonder Girls fans were rather dedicated.  The merging of two members from two of the hottest bands in Korea could actually turn out to be something really, really good.

            I smiled into the kiss.  He pulled back a little.

            “Is that a yes, then?” Dae Sung asked, pecking me once more on the lips.

            I nodded.  “Yes.”

            “To everything?”

            I nodded again.  He grinned and kissed me once more.  “First thing’s first, let’s go get reacquainted with our daughter then.”

            “Step one in becoming a family,” I murmured.

            “Yeah,” he replied pulling me to my feet.  He slung an arm around my shoulders.  “A family.”

For: Joanne200969

By: ZoE aka ret097

A/N: I'm soooooorry it took so long, life got a little crazy and I kept drawing a blank but I tried really hard on this so I hope you like it :)