Part 3

 

Kangjun couldn’t believe it. Earlier he received a text from M. Han who asked to move in with Rome for few days, due to Maru’s cold. TK already got it from him and they were to scared of him catching it as well, for that reason, they wanted  him out of the dorm. And at the same time, they asked him to help Rome with his Korean which wasn’t fluent. The 2 boys were eating in the kitchen. The mood was so awkward, nobody was talking. They suddenly heard a noise coming from outside, which made Kangjun Jumped off.

Rome: No worries … my neighbors has kids … sometimes they are too loud.

Kangjun: I see … by the way, I am sorry M. Han imposed me to your place …

Rome: I don’t mind, I’m glad I can help.

Kangjun: Thanks you … about your Korean, I think you are totally fluent when you speak … so we will only focus on your writing. I brought 2 books that we will , mostly exercises to work on the spelling … 3h per day should be enough, 2 times a week.

Rome: 3h ? You are joking …

Kangjun: I’m dead serious !

Rome: You really think I’m gonna spend 3h studying? no !

Kangjun: Please don’t make it hard for me … you have to. 

Rome: 2 hours.

Kangjun: It’s 3h ! No discussion!

Rome: 3h is too much … I don’t want to …

Kangjun: Don’t be such a baby …

Rome: It’s because you are not at my place.

Kangjun: Yes I am ! I have to 4 hours of mandarin 3 times a week.

Rome: Why ?

Kangjun: M. Han thinks that it will be a good idea, since we will eventually go promote in China … one of the member have to know Chinese to seduce the Fans over there. WE need to meet their expectations.

Rome: Kangjun … you are a really cool guy but sometimes … you are so … never mind !

Kangjun: No ! Go ahead ! You think I’m heartless ?

Rome: Forget it ! It doesn’t matter anyway …

Kangjun: What do you want me to do ? I care about this group as much as you do ! That’s the path I chose !  We all chose it … we can’t be the best band out there if we are lazy or ‘’ok’’ ! Being ok isn’t enough! Why can’t you understand that ?

Kangjun yelled at him, once he realized it, he stood up from his chair and walked away.  Rome followed him in the living room.

Rome: Look I am sorry … I didn’t mean to judge you. More than anybody, I want our band to be successful but … you need to learn how to relax …

Kangjun: I can’t …

Rome came closer to him, making Kangjun back away.

Rome: When I said that I don’t want to study for 3h it’s because I know myself … I have trouble focusing on studies since I was in middle school. I always been more artistic … you undertstand?

Kangjun sighs hearing this .

Kangjun: I’m sorry I yelled at you … I’m very sorry … and I just want to help you, I know how they look down on you or think you don’t deserve to be a leader because you are Australian … I just want you to get better.

Rome: And I really appreciate it … we can start studying for 2h and half and … later do 3h if it needs … deal ?

Rome smiles at him.

Kangjun: Deal ! Thanks and I’ll give my best to help you.

Rome: Cool !

Kangjun: By the way … about what I told you last night …

Rome: Yes …

Kangjun: I … I … , he was looking at the floor , he was trying to talk but no sounds was coming out.

Rome: You said that you love me … did you mean it?

Kangjun: Rome … right now everything is a mess … If I think of you … I cannot focus on the band and this is a problem for me. And on another side, this could ruin the band if anything was gonna happen again between us. So as much as I want you … I can’t let anything happen again.

Rome: You sure about it ?

Kangjun: Yes !

Rome: My turn to speak now. I am in love with you … the past few days been like hell, trying to get you out of my head. But no matter how I tried, it didn’t work. I would have taken a risk for you, but I guess you cannot do the same.

Kangjun: What about the band … have you thought of the others? And everybody who has been working so hard in the label? All the people who would lose their jobs because of a scandal ? Wake up leader !

Rome: I did think of it …

Kangjun: Then you should agree with me ! Dating in secret will not work if that is your solution.

Rome: Why not …

Kangjun: Because soon or later, the truth always comes out!

Rome: But right now, aren’t we alone?

Kangjun: Yes but … we have to study. Time is money.

Rome: You are such a contradiction …

Kangjun: I am only human. Sorry to not meet yours expectations.

Rome: You know what ? I give up ! You’re right! We should only focus on the band and that’s it ! It’s a doom love and … it can’t work out ! The band has to come first.

For some reasons, it pisses him off to hear Rome say that. Like if his feelings were nothing to him. At this moment, he felt a pain in his heart. He brought his hand to his chest. Rome noticed it:

Rome: What’s wrong? Are you ok?

Kangjun: Yeah … sorry … I’m just gonna use your washroom.

Rome: Sure !

Kangjun: Please, prepare some papers and pencils and start to read the book, I’ll be right back. He left very fast.

Once in the washroom, he took 2 pills to calm himself down. He was alone in this house with Rome …

‘’ What a nightmare … but I have to be strong! C Clown has to come before my own happiness … I can do it ! ‘’ he said to himself.

………………..

 

 

The study went well. Rome was trying really hard which make it easier for him.

Kangjun gave him a text full of mistakes that he has to correct, looking at each word and write on the side the proper spelling. While he was doing this, Kangjun was doing the same exercise but in Mandarin. He was so into it that he didn’t noticed Rome looking at him.

‘’Kangjun … if only we could be together … how can I forget  you ? ‘’ He thought.  Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t notice Kangjun’s cell beeping.

Kangjun: Time is up!

Rome: Huh?

Kangjun: Time is up ! Time to correct what you did! He said stopping the alarm.

Rome: What ? ! I’m not done …

Kangjun: Too late …, He said taking away Rome paper from his hands.

Rome: So unfair!

Kangjun: I know, I know … ok , let’s see what you got.

Few minutes later, he gave the results:

Kangjun: Not bad … You had 45 words to find in 25mn. On the 38 you did, 33 are good. Not bad!

Rome: What about yourself?

Kangjun: 50 words to complete in 20mn, I did them all. 2 are wrong.

Rome: I don’t believe you. He said pouting.

Kangjun: It’s just a question of focus. What were you thinking of instead?

Rome: Nothing …, Rome picked a book on the floor.

They were sitting on the floor, facing a small table and lying on the sofa behind them. It was Rome idea,  who always prefer staying on the floor that on his sofa.

At this moment, kangjun felt very weird, like if Rome was growing away from him … he needed to touch him … to make a contact with him.

Rome: Are we almost done? …I’m so tired. Rome close his eyes and laid his head against the sofa’s arm.

Kangjun: Don’t give up …

Rome: Have you ever thought of quitting everything?

Rome suddenly felt Kangjun’s fingers running through his hair, gently playing with every strand. Rome felt so good and relax:

‘’ Be strong, you’ll be fine! ‘’ he heard Kangjun saying before falling asleep.

………………………………………….

When he woke up, it was almost dark outside. He had a pillow behind his head:

‘’ This wasn’t there earlier!’’ , he turns his head, next to him, Kangjun was sleeping, lying on the floor, his arm covering his face. Because he removes his swatch, Rome could see them.  The scars on his wrist.

‘’ I hope you are okay now … don’t ever try this again.’’ He whispered placing the pillow behind kangjun’s head. He picks the book and starts to study. Kangjun was exhausted; it was not in his habit to sleep in the middle of the day like this. Specially, when they were supposed to study. The only thing he could do at his scale to help him was to work harder, like this the manager will not think that they wasted their time. And most of all, he wanted Kangjun to be proud of him.

 …………………….

 

‘’ Kangjun, wake up !  Time to eat. ‘’

Kangjun rubbed his eyes.

‘’ What … ‘’

Rome: It’s already 4pm … you have to come eat. We have a practice at 6pm.

Kangjun: Why did you let me fall asleep … we had to study … what time is it ?

He asked panicking.

Rome: Don’t worry ! I finished the exercises in the book, now come eat and then we will leave. The driver will be there at 5:30pm.

Kangjun: You did them all ?

Rome: Yes … let’s go!

He was smiling at him. Kangjun loves that smile. He was in love with him.

Rome: Are you okay ?

Kangjun: Yeah … I’m fine, He stood up, I will use the washroom first …

Rome: Ight !

In the washroom he took 2 pills , he felt so tired due to his lack of sleep but since he could not afford to sleep much, the pills would do the job.

Later he was eating with Rome in the kitchen, Rome was texting, smiling at whatever he was reading. Kangjun felt weird. Who was he chatting with ? Who was making him smile like this ? What were they talking about? Just thinking of it made him lose his appetite. He checked his own cell: he had 2 texts from Ray.

<< Hope you don’t miss us too much lolol >>

<< How did the study went ? See u in few hours ! Miss U ! I need my other half ^^ >> . This made him smile, he texted Ray back: << Oppa is coming back ! Be ready to scream for me.>>

He didn’t have to wait too long, Ray replied: << Yo b*tch, how do you want me to scream? >>.  This made Kangjun laughed hard , he replied:

<< I’ll make you scream my name ! And by the way : U r my B*tch ! >>

Ray replies : << Then you are the worst PIMP everrrrrrrrrrrr! U better bring me some candies ! kkkk >>

Kangjun replies :  << U ! U wanna taste my lollipop? Ight ! kkk >>

Rome: ENOUGH !!!! You are disgusting !!!

Kangjun: What ....

Rome: I was talking with Siwoo and he told me what you and Ray are texting to each other ... Maru is with him and can see your convo , he is underage ... shame on you !

Kangjun: Oh ... ooops !

<< We got caught ! Leader is MAD lolol TTYL ! >>

<< Ight ight ! C ya Kangjun! >>

Rome: You guys should grow up ...

Kangjun: We’re just joking around ...

Rome: Calling each other '' b*tch''  or  ''pimp'' ... so vulgar ...

Kangjun: Ray and me are just like that ... we always joke around.

Rome: You guys are too close ... watch what you are doing around Maru.

Kangjun: Are you jealous ?

Rome: What ? No ... why would I be ?

Kangjun: Yes you are ! He said laughing.

Rome: You guys could each other I couldn’t care less ...

Kangjun: We never slept together ... we kissed but that it.

Rome: You kissed ? You guys kissed ?

Kangjun: Well ... it was like months ago ... it was just a stupid game.

Rome: Oh really? Tell me about it !

Just by the tone of his voice, Kangjun could tell how pissed Rome was.

Kangjun: Well ... he was bragging about his love life and said that he was a good kisser because he kissed 3 people in his life. I told him that I was a better kisser.

Rome: And ?

Kangjun: To prove my point I kissed him ... and he agreed that I was better than him.

Rome: Did you enjoy it ?

Kangjun: Yes but ... I enjoyed more kissing you.

Rome: Is he a better kisser than me ?

Kangjun: Oh my God ... are you serious ? You are so Childish Rome ...

Rome: Why don’t you answer?

Kangjun: I am a better kisser than both of you. Period !

Rome: I doubt it !

Kangjun: Don’t provoke me Rome ...

Rome: Whatever! I’m done eating.

He stood up and left the kitchen for his bedroom.

Rome was removing his shirt to change when he felt Kangjun hands on his hips and his lips kissing his neck. Rome jumped off.

Rome: Kangjun ? What are you doing ?

Kangjun: Told you to not provoke me..., he whispered.

Rome turned to face him, throwed him on the bed and they started to make out.

 

 

.................................

TK: How did you manage to be late ? Like seriously ... they even sent a driver to pick you up.

Kangjun: Sorry about that ...

Rome: But now we’re here ! Let’s go !

Kangjun didn’t feel right. Once again, he was not able to resist. They slept together ... again ... just thinking of it, his head was spinning, he was losing control, he needed to put an end to this before anybody find out.

<< Kangjun !>>

Kangjun: Yes ..., the voice brought him back to reality.

Coach: It’s already bad that you are late , but now you don’t even pay attention to what we are saying, I need you to focus Kangjun, you cannot afford to fool around, remember your place and focus. The agency paid a lot of money to get this choreographer who is really in demand, remember that.

Kangjun: I will and I am trully sorry. It will not happen again.

He said lowering his head.

Coach: Good ! Let’s start, Ray get the Ipad and show him the video.

Ray: Okay !

They were sitting in the corner and watching the video:

Ray: Our coach is way too strict.

Kangjun: No ... he is right ... it will not happened again.

Ray: Youa re always on time, you must had a good reason. No big deal.

Kangjun: Ray ....

Ray: Yes ? HE said looking at him, waiting for him to say something.

But no words came from Kangjun mouth, he felt a hole in his chest, he felt sick. He wanted to confess everything to Ray, he trusted Ray but he knew that it would not be able to help him, that was useless. He had to solve it on his own.

Kangjun: Nothing, I really like the new routine. He said with a smile.

Later he called Rome on the building rooftop, the sky was turning dark and the air the weather was hot but humide.

Rome: Everything is okay ?

Kangjun: Listen ... I know that this afternoon I am the one who went to you and ...

Rome: Wait ! Did I hurted you ? I know the first time we did it you were topping, and this time it was me , maybe I didn’t measure my strength, I am sorry ...

Kangjun: No, it’s not that. I ... am sorry,  I shouldn’t have seduce you in a first place, you and me it is impossible and it will not happen. From now on, I would like us to only keep a professionnal relation and that’s it. 

A silence followed his words, Rome was looking at him, his eyes were saying it all: he was dissapointed. Kangjun never felt that bad in his whole life ... he could not look at Rome anymore he looked away and waited. He was waiting for Rome to get mad, to punch him, to yell at him, to beg him, to ask if he loves him ... but instead, Rome only said with a voice full of emotions:

Rome: Kangjun ... maybe for you, all that was a game, maybe playing with others’s feelings is something fun but let me tell you one thing, one day you will regret it. You disguted me.

He said all of this without even screaming and then left. Kangjun remains there alone, he felt like he could not breath for 1 mn, he finally said in a whisper :

<< I am sorry ... >>

When he went back inside, everybody had already took of except for Ray who was sitting on the floor, playing a game on his phone and waiting for Kangjun:

Ray: Ready ? let’s go.

Kangjun: Where ?

Ray: Well ... Rome is having a small get together at his place, TK and him are already there, they are waiting for us. He stood up.

Kangjun: I am not really in the mood to party ...

Ray: It does not matter, we still have to go since you are sleeping over there.

Kangjun: About that ... I was thinking going back to the dorm ...

Ray: But Maru still sick.

Kangjun: Maybe I could take care of him ?

Ray: No need, Siwoo is doing it and specially after you being late this afternoon, if you go back, the manager will be not too happy.

Kangjun sighs, he was too stressed to think straight.

Ray: Are you okay ?

Kangjun: Yeah ... I am. Who will be there ?

Ray: Tao, the EXO dude and a friend of him.

Kangjun: Tao ..., he felt his heart beating faster, Tao and Rome already kissed, why was he inviting him over his place ...

Ray: Dude ! That kid looks creepy, from what I heard he is all over Rome.

Kangjun: Are you gonna sleep over or just come for the party ?

Ray: Depends, we will see. Let’s go.

 

...................................................................................

When the arrive, Rome was showing on his computer some of the dance he did in the past to Tao, with Tao sitting next to him on the sofa:

Tao: Oh God ! Rome you are such a great dancer.

Rome: Thanx ! HE said smiling at him.

Kangjun felt very sick, trying to not show it, he waves at TK who was on the balcony talking to a blond boy who seems bored as hell.

2pm song was playing from the speakers, kangjun head was spinning, he needed to sit.

Kangjun: let’s go in the kitchen, I need a drink.

They were drinking their beers in the kitchen, when the blonde boy appeared and took a beer from the fridge:

Ray: Hi !

He looked at him, then walked away, totally ignoring him.

Kangjun: okay ... what was that ?

Ray: Is it a Chinese thing to be that rude ?

Kangjun: No ... I have been to China and people were very warm. Don’t mind him.

At the same moment, Rome entered in the kitchen:

Rome: Sorry I could not really see you ...

Ray: Yeah ... someone was too busy ...., he said with a smile.

Rome: Yah ! Enough ! Are you guys hungry ? We ordered a pizza, should be there soon.

Tao: OPPA ! HE appeared behind Rome and wrapped his arms around his waist.

This made Rome laughed, he gently poked the Chinese boy’s head:

Rome: Someone is getting drunk.

Tao: Nahhh ... I am fine! Come show me how to dance. He answer gigling.

Rome: You are so cute. He said laughing.

Kangjun could not take it anymore, he stood up:

Kangjun: It’s so hot in here ... I will go on the balcony.

He left as fast as he could, Tk and the other left the balcony so he was alone there. He sat on the ground and closed his eyes, looking at Rome and Tao was too painful. Again he was feeling this hole in his chest. No matter how hard he tried to get rid of his feelings for Rome, it wasn’t working. At this moment, he never felt that sad and lonely. All the stress, the pain, the fear, the doubts he accumulated and tried to hide the past 2 years, everything was coming back, he could feel it. He was losing his mind, his faith ... just thinking of Rome made him feel depressed.

<< God ... please help me ... >> , He said opening his eyes and looking at the dark sky. No stars in the sky, no hope in his heart, at this moment he really felt lonely.

Ray: Why are you hiding here ?

Kangjun: I was just getting some fresh air.

Ray: Look what I have, he said sitting next to him, he place a bottle of wine and 2 cups in front of him.

Kangjun: I did not know you drank wine.

Ray: Only on special occasions.

Kangjun: Oh really ? And what is it tonight ?

Ray: Well , let see ... tonight I am having a hard time because I have feelings for someone who does not even see me ... but,  at the same time, every time I see this person smiling I cannot help but smile too and feel happy, loving someone from far is not that bad. And at the same time, I am there with my good friend, we are young, healthy, talented, we should cheer to that and enjoy life.

Kangjun: That exactly what I needed ... I agree with you. Let’s finish this bottle.

Ray: Cheers !

Kangjun: Cheers !

They both started to drink and eventually finished the bottle.

Inside, Rome was wondering where they were. He did not have to think more, they appeared gigling in each other arms, trying their best to not fall as they made their way to the living room.

TK: Are they drunk ?

Tao: Seems like it ! At least I am not the only one.

Kangjun: Sorry ... we were drinking ...

TK: No way Einstein ... we really cannot tell.

Ray ignored him and pushed Kangjun on the sofa. He then sat on his lap, both of them laughing at his action.

Rome: You know ... there is plenty of place on the sofa ...

Ray: Kangjun lap is more confortable plus, he is my so ... I own him.

Rome: Okay ...

Kangjun: Then you are my ?

Ray: Hush ... not in front of the kids.

They both laughed at this , TK shook his head looking at them:

TK: Unbelievable ...

Tao: Me too I wanna sit on your lap.

Before Rome could say anything, Tao climbed on him and was now sitting on his lap and facing him, he then pressed his lips and kissed Rome.

Kangjun turned pale,  he was drunk, but not drunk enough to ignored this, he had to escape again, this was too much, he needed his pills now, now, now or never ...