It was raining outside. Himchan had stopped in front of Jongup’s house and was now standing under the pouring rain. His entire body was shaking and the tears on his face were mixed with the cold rain. He didn’t even know why he reacted like that, why he ran out and started crying. Was it because he didn’t want Yongguk to see his scars, or because he just needed a reason to cry? All he knew was that he did not want to go back inside.

He started walking out of the gateway. The streets were in darkness; only a few lampposts lit up the wet pavement and it made it difficult for Himchan to see were he was going. He walked aimlessly down the street, fondling his hands as he tried to hold back his tears. I’m such an idiot. Why must I always overreact? Yongguk must think I’m so stupid. His thoughts were interrupted by a warm hand grabbing his exposed and cold arm, making him flinch and turn around quickly to see who it was.

Yongguk.

His gazing eyes were staring right into Himchan’s teary eyes. His lips were trembling, as if he wanted to speak, but no words came out. He pulled Himchan towards himself and threw his arms around him, locking Himchan in his warm embrace with one hand firmly grabbing his shoulder and with the other one holding onto his waist. Himchan tried to remove himself from Yongguk’s grip, but it was useless. Yongguk was too strong and Himchan just had to accept the fact that he was not letting go.

Yongguk removed his grip from Himchan’s shoulder and the younger’s hair instead. His breath was heavier than before and he spoke with a trembling voice.

“Himchan… you idiot.”

I knew it. He hates me now. He thinks I’m an idiot. There was a silence. The sound of rain dropping in the pits in the street and Yongguk’s heavy breathing was all Himchan could hear. Yongguk took a deep breath before pushing Himchan away from himself, and only holding onto his shoulders.

“Don’t ever do that to yourself again!”

He almost screamed at Himchan in frustration. He didn’t mean to shout it out like that. A single tear rolled down Yongguk’s face. Himchan covered his arms again and looked at the ground, not replying to Yongguk. Yongguk removed his grip from Himchan’s shoulders and wiped away the tears and the rain on his face. He looked at the younger boy and he felt his heart ache. He wanted to help him. He wanted to make this boy, who was almost a stranger to him, happy.

Yongguk figured Himchan wasn’t going to get an answer, and he could see how uncomfortable and embarrassed he appeared.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to shout at you.” Yongguk carefully grabbed Himchan’s hand and used his other hand to lift up Himchan’s chin. He the other’s chin and wiped his tears away with his soft hands.

“You must be cold. Let’s go home to my place.” He gave Himchan a crooked smile. Himchan gave a slight nod in respond and Yongguk locked their fingers together and they both started walking down the dark street.

---

It took the two boys twenty minutes to walk to Yongguk’s apartment. It was a rather tall building located in the middle of Seoul. Himchan was astounded by the fact that Yongguk lived there, in the most expensive part of Seoul. He started to feel nervous about befriending him, because he was just a regular boy living in a small house with his mother and he was not wealthy at all.

Yongguk dragged Himchan along with him into the elevator and pressed the button for the tenth floor. They didn’t speak on their way up, and they strutted along the hallway towards Yongguk’s apartment in silence. Yongguk searched through his pockets for the keys and unlocked the door quietly. They both stumbled into the dark apartment and kicked off their shoes.

“We need to get you out of those wet clothes” Yongguk realised right away that it must have sounded very wrong to Himchan, and he noticed the startled look on the other’s face. He scratched the back of his head and chuckled nervously. “I mean…. You can’t walk around in wet clothes. You could catch a cold. You can borrow some of my clothes.”

Himchan gave him a slight nod and followed him to another dark room Himchan believed to be Yongguk’s bedroom. Yongguk went off to find the light switch, and when he turned the lights on Himchan saw that it was, in fact, his bedroom. Himchan’s eyes wandered around the room. He noticed the king-sized bed and he wondered why he needed such a big bed; did he have a girlfriend? A boyfriend?

It’s none of my business, he thought as he quickly snapped back to reality. Yongguk was searching through his closet to find some clothes for both of them. Himchan was so happy to be in his presence he had forgotten all about his wet clothes, but when he started to think about if he immediately started to shiver from the cold and wet clothes.

“Here, you can wear this.” Yongguk handed him a pair of comfortable, black sweatpants and a red hoodie. He gave Himchan a smile before he added: “The bathroom is out the door, and the first door to the right.”

“Thank you.” Himchan smiled weakly back at Yongguk and his heel to go to the bathroom. The first door to the right? Or was it left? Himchan felt a sudden stream of confusion hitting him. He couldn’t focus properly when he was with the older boy. Everything he did was just too distracting. He hesitated a bit, but decided to go to the right. Luckily, it was the correct way.

He entered the dark room and searched for the light switch. His hands travelled along the cold tiles on the wall, but he couldn’t feel any switch anywhere so he decided to check outside instead. It was there, right next to the door. He turned the light on and went back into the room.

At first he struggled a bit to take off his wet clothes, because they were sticking to his body, but he eventually got them off and put on the clothes Yongguk had given to him to borrow. The clothes smelled nice. They smelled like Yongguk. Himchan took a deep breath, inhaling his scent, and wrapped his arms around himself, pretending he was hugging Yongguk. He caught himself smiling, and felt a bit embarrassed by hugging himself.

When he came back to his senses, he quickly hung up the clothes to dry and exited the room. He went straight back to Yongguk’s room, but the sight he was met with made him jump back and immediately cover his eyes.

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to look.” Yongguk was standing in the middle of the room, wearing only his underwear, with his pants on his knees. Astounded by the younger’s sudden entering, he quickly pulled up his pants, while blushing of embarrassment. Himchan was standing by the entrance, completely frozen, covering his eyes with his hands. Yongguk didn’t utter a single word, so Himchan decided to get out of the room as soon as possible to not make the situation any more awkward and uncomfortable. With his eyes closed shut, he opened the door and hastily walked out.

When am I going to stop embarrassing myself? I could’ve at least knocked.

Himchan didn’t have much time to think about the recent event, because not even a minute later, Yongguk came out of the room fully dressed with pants and a t-shirt. He was still blushing, but he gave Himchan a smile before grabbing his hand and dragging him with him to another room.

…

Himchan was sitting on the couch in the living room, fiddling with his fingers, and Yongguk was in the kitchen making tea for both of them. The kitchen was attached to the living room so they could see each other. They exchanged stares a few times, but neither of them spoke a word. They hadn’t talked since the incident in Yongguk’s bedroom, besides Yongguk asking if Himchan wanted tea, and he of course nodded and uttered a silent “Yes, thank you”.  

Yongguk returned with two cups of hot tea, and sat down beside Himchan. Both of them blew on their tea, but Himchan decided to put his cup down for now, it was too hot to drink yet anyway. It seemed Yongguk thought the same, because he put his cup down next to Himchan’s on the table in front of them. Himchan couldn’t take it any more. The silence just grew more and more awkward; he just had to start a conversation.

“So, do you live here alone?” Yongguk was startled at the sudden question, but he answered right away.

“Yes, I moved out from my parents’ house about 6 months ago.” He looked sad when he answered, and it upset Himchan.

“Are you okay? Your face suddenly looks so sad.” Himchan looked at Yongguk with a worried and slightly confused expression, and Yongguk quickly looked up at him and gave him a weak smile.

“Yeah… well, not really.” Yongguk looked at his own hands, trying to hold back the tears that were filling his eyes. This upset Himchan even more.

“What’s wrong?” Himchan lifted Yongguk’s chin and looked him in the eyes, while he laid his other hand on Yongguk’s hands.

Yongguk looked back down at his hands and sighed. He hesitated a bit before he spoke.

“I didn’t exactly move out of my own free will. My dad kicked me out. I managed to live a lie for so many years because I knew he would never accept me for who I was. He would never accept the fact that his son is gay.” There was a moment of silence. Himchan was speechless. He couldn’t believe someone could treat their own so like that. He could never possibly imagine how Yongguk felt, because his own parents had accepted him for who he was.

“One day I just decided I couldn’t live like that anymore. I couldn’t continue to live a lie, and keep my boyfriend a secret from everyone. So I told my mom and dad, I even brought my boyfriend, well he’s my ex-boyfriend now, but anyways. My mom started to cry.” He paused. A tear ran down his face, but he quickly wiped it away. “But my dad, he got furious. He screamed at me, saying I was a disgrace to the family, and that I had betrayed both him and my mother. Then he started hitting me. He hit me over and over, and once he was done with me he started yelling at my ex-boyfriend. He blamed him for making me like that.”

Himchan felt his heart ache. He was honestly lost for words and he didn’t know what to do. He tried his best to comfort the crying boy. He laid his arm around him and his back gently. Yongguk managed to stop his tears. He wiped away the remaining tears on his face and gave Himchan a faked smile before removing himself from Himchan’s embrace. He leaned forward and grabbed his cup and started sipping on the tea Himchan had forgot all about.

“I’m sorry about that.” Yongguk took another, slightly bigger, sip of his tea before he added, “I’m not usually like this.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s okay, I understand.” Himchan smiled at Yongguk who gave a little smile back. Himchan started to take small sips of his tea as well.  

“Can I ask you something?” Yongguk asked with a soft voice.

“Yes, of course.” Himchan replied and smiled at Yongguk.

“The scars on your arms. Did you do that to yourself?” Himchan’s eyes almost popped out of his head. He had forgotten that Yongguk had seen them earlier. He gazed down at his own feet, and hesitated a long while before he muttered out a silent, “Yes.”

“Why did you do that to yourself.” Yongguk spoke with a very calm and soft voice. He didn’t want to sound judgemental towards Himchan. Himchan stayed silent for a few minutes before he told Yongguk everything that had happened. He told him about his previous life, how many friends he had and how much attention he got. He also told him about the thing that made his life crash into a million pieces. He told him about how he was assaulted daily, both physically and verbally, and how he almost was , and how he ended up in hospital for trying to kill himself.

As soon as the tears started running down Himchan’s face, Yongguk pulled him in his arms. He wrapped his arms around him and caressed his back while telling him comforting words. Himchan was falling into the state of hysterical crying. He was unable to control his emotions, and Yongguk just held him even tighter, trying to calm him down. He sank down in the couch, bringing Himchan with him in a lying position. Himchan continued to cry on Yongguk’s shirt, and Yongguk continued to have Himchan in his warm embrace.

Eventually Yongguk felt Himchan’s body getting heavier, he had fallen asleep in Yongguk’s arms. He couldn’t help but smile at the perfect boy laying I his arms. He kissed Himchan’s forehead lovingly before he leaned over to his ear to whisper something.

“Stay with me, Kim Himchan.” 

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sorry it took so long agin. I have been having a writer's block this whole week. TT TT anyway, I hope you liked this chapter even though it is another sad one. Comments and votes are very much appreciated ^^ Thank you for reading my story <3