The next morning when I woke up, I felt...perfect. Everything was perfect. Wu Fan had nestled his face in between my shoulder blades and my fingers were intertwined with his.

I was sore, but in a good way. It was early morning and the sun wasn't up yet. It was so early that most of nature hadn't awoken yet either. I was warm with him around me, I saw a dragon fly trying to find entry through our sheer canopy. I watched it for awhile. It kept buzzing and trying to get inside, poking and pushing. I found it amusing since there was no possible way it could get to us. It finally gave up, and I turned over to kiss my husband good morning.

He responded by turning me back around and putting us back in to our sleeping positions.

I whined and kicked, trying to turn back over. I could act like such a child when I was around him.

“Stop moving before I attack you.” he grumbled. I blushed, but still the idea excited me. I told him to go ahead and attack me, I wasn't afraid.

He wasn't as gentle like our first time. He used his mouth to prepare my entrance, he slipped in to me quicker and his s were deeper and stronger. I bit in to my pillow and shut my eyes tightly because it hurt again at first. I had to grip his hand tightly as he continued to in and out of me, not slowing down as he enjoyed himself. But just like the first time, with each that seemed to go deeper and deeper inside of me, my grunts of discomfort morphed in to moans of pleasure. He positioned me on all fours and ed erratically and fast. My back arched in tot he bed and I moved back to meet him, he felt so good inside of me and I wanted so much more.

I came, and he came right after, spilling in to me and I groaned at the feeling of being filled with his seed. We fell in to the sheets, he held me close to him like always.

“Was I too rough?” he asked in ragged breaths. I shook my head no, I was too out of breath to answer. I kissed me lazily before actually my lips and then pulled me out of bed so we could shower together. I liked showering with him. I got to take the soap and massage his back and chest, run my hands through his locks as I shampooed his hair. And he did the same for me. After the actual cleaning was done he didn't hesitate to shove his tongue in my mouth and kiss me like he was hungry for me.

We were able to change together now, and I blushed at the memory of our first night together. I couldn't even imagine that there had been a time when I'd asked him to leave so I could change.

We sauntered in to the kitchen, I had a smile on my face with no shame. He easily placed me in his lap to kiss me and cuddle me. I was so happy, so happy it must have been too good to be true.

Because everything started to change when Yixing came in for breakfast.

It all started with Yixing.

Wu Fan and I were still lost in our own world. He was pointing out a love mark he'd left on my neck that I was denying existed, we were laughing at one another, and then Yixing walked in.

“Good morning!” I chirped. Yixing turned to me with a smile, but then it faded away. With tight lips he still uttered a good morning back. He turned away and began to make food on the stove. I didn't think much about it, I thought maybe it was awkward to see me and Wu Fan like this.

And then Jongdae had walked in.

“Good morning you two! Looks like the knot has finally been tied!” he laughed. I blushed furiously and hid my face in Wu Fan's neck. This seemed to be all the answer Jongdae needed.

“I knew it! I knew that note meant you guys were doing it! See Yixing I told you!” he screamed in delight. I thought Yixing would at the very least turn around and swat Jongdae like he always did. But he didn't turn around from the stove. He stood there and blatantly ignored Jongdae. Jongdae's face fell, a sudden realization crossing his face. And he became extremely sad it made me want to hold him.

I found that odd. Had they had a fight? Was something bother Yixing?

Finally Luhan dragged himself inside, he of course didn't bother with greeting as he made straight for the hot water Yixing had put on and began to make his tea. Yixing finished with breakfast and we all began to eat. And then Yixing had said that sentence. The sentence that set off a million alarms in my head. He said it, and then things slowly began to fall down.

“Wu Fan, come talk with me outside.” he said in a gentle voice. Gentle, but dangerous. Wu Fan stayed still beneath me. I turned my head to look at him, his face had turned to stone.

“Now.” Yixing finished and stood up from the table. He didn't bother to see if Wu Fan was following, he walked outside and around the corner.

Wu Fan stayed completely still for a few more seconds. It wasn't until Luhan told him to hurry and go that he got up and went outside.

What was that about?

“Is everything okay?” I asked Jongdae and Luhan who where eating their food and drinking the morning beverages quietly. They exchanged a glance and I hated that.

Luhan looked at me with a mask for a face, “Everything's fine.” he quipped. He was lying. I turned to look at Jongdae and hopefully get some answers. He was staring at his food, purposefully not making eye contact with me. His happy smile from his first entrance has completely gone now.

He was frowning.

When Wu Fan came back in, the great feeling of tension followed him. He was upset, and I immediately wanted to know what Yixing said to him. I became protective of him.

“What did you say to him? What's going on?” I questioned Yixing when he followed in. He didn't even look at me, a muttered reply, “It's nothing.”

I was become irritated. What was this? There was something going on, something they all knew about and were keeping me out of. I turned to my last hope. I held Wu Fan's hand and tried to gaze in to his eyes.

He looked away from me. He mumbled he would tell me about it later and to not worry.

They didn't speak to each other at all that morning. I tried once more to ask, but Wu Fan squeezed my hand, repeating that he'd tell me later.

They left to work that way. They left silently and with glares on their faces.

When the door closed behind Wu Fan the panic set in. I didn't understand this at all. What the hell was going on? What could Yixing have possibly said to Wu Fan to make him so upset so quickly?

A memory buzzed at my mind.

“She just...she's telling him what he should and shouldn't do...just stuff.” Yixing said.

“She's just being a mother. Trying to make me do things. It's not something I want to discuss right now.” he sighed against my forehead.

Did it have something to do with Ani? I couldn't help but think whatever Yixing had told Wu Fan was something similar to what Ani had said to back in her house. There was something she was trying to make Wu Fan do, and apparently he didn't want to and hadn't done it. My gut told me it was bad.

I tried to calm myself, I went to my private room to pray to my family and release my worries.

I still made them lunch, and they came in with the same mood set. Yixing didn't look at me, Luhan gave me a fake smile, Jongdae didn't make eye contact with me. Wu Fan came in and kissed me lightly.

They stayed silent. Dead silence that made my nerves freak out.

I questioned them again, that time getting a slightly different response.

Yixing had finally looked at me, he opened his mouth to speak...and then Wu Fan had jumped up and pulled me in to the living room so fast I almost tripped over my feet.

I didn't get a chance to speak again. He kissed me over and over again, he whispered his love for me, and he hugged me tightly.

They left again the same way. And they came back the same way. I noticed how Yixing seemed to constantly be annoyed, how Luhan looked stressed out. And Jongdae was very sad about something.

And I kept trying to ask Wu Fan what was going on, but I got the same answer, “I'll tell you later.”

After three days of this answer I became irritated. And who wouldn't? It was obvious Yixing had said something to Wu Fan, something important that was making everyone upset. And I was the only one left out. I was a part of this family now wasn't I? I was Wu Fan's husband wasn't I? Whatever this was, I had a right to know.

I was stubborn, I didn't relent. I wasn't going to let this go. I couldn't let this go. With every kiss Wu Fan gave me Yixing's face came closer to a permanent scowl.

I didn't know how to take this. I didn't understand. That was what kept going through my head. That I didn't understand. I didn't understand if this tension was my fault, if I could help, if this meant the breaking up of my new family. And that scared me the most. To think that the trio would leave and I would never see them again. I tried to hold on to any hope I had. That they were like brothers, they had been through so much together. Whatever this was they could overcome it.

But with each hour that I sat there with them in silence, that I watched them ignore one another during work, that I fell asleep staring at Wu Fan's back because for some reason he couldn't face, I began to lose hope. I just didn't understand how it was all so good one day, and literally the next it was completely wiped away.

With each day that went by Luhan and Jongdae slowly stopped talking to me.

With each day that went by Wu Fan and I became distant. There was something he was hiding from me, and every time I asked I got the same answer. We didn't hold each other in our sleep anymore.

And with each passing day Wu Fan and I were ostracized from the trio. They didn't do it out right. They didn't just begin to turn their back on me. No it was subtle. Like during meals they'd talk to one another quietly and not bother to include either me or Wu Fan. On the weekend they traveled to Ani's with out inviting us. They didn't bother to look our way anymore.

The mood was getting worse. And the more I asked questions, the more the ignored me and the more Wu Fan turned his back to me at night.

But what was a bad mood became worse. After letting them ignore me more and more I took the matter in to my own hands. I tried to normalize this situation, make them talk. We sat at the table together and they all were still quiet. Whenever Wu Fan leaned over to kiss my hand I saw Yixing shoot daggers at us. I finally turned my full attention to him and tried to ask him nicely,

“Yixing? Is everything okay? Did I do—“

“Minseok please don' talk to me.” he spat. My heart fell.

To keep me out of activities was one thing...Yixing was...really not going to talk to me?

What had I done wrong? Was this bad mood about me? I fell in to a silent panic. Yixing had become my friend, and didn't understand why he would be upset with me. Wu Fan began to speak harshly to him, but in Chinese. I could tell he was furious at Yixing for treating me that way though.

I told him it was nothing, that I was fine, and I tried to ask Luhan what was going on. Again I tried to ask nicely.

“Luhan, what is wrong? Why is everyone so—“

“Minseok, I would appreciate it if you didn't talk to me. Thank you.” his voice was light but straight to the point. I literally gasped out loud. They were going to blatantly ignore me now? All of them? I dared to turn and look at Jongdae.

He was actually looking at me. I opened my mouth to speak but he shook his head. Basically telling me not to bother. I was heartbroken.

These men that had become my close friend's and family were ignoring me for no good reason. A reason I didn't know about or understand. I remember crying before I even stood up to leave, I couldn't stop the tears from running down my cheeks. I was upset beyond anger. I pushed back from the table and stormed out of the room. I remember running in the bedroom, collapsing on to the bed and crying in to the pillow. I let out a few screams of frustration I'd been holding in. Why were they doing this?

And then I began to hear their voices. They were angry, upset, furious. And they were all yelling at Wu Fan. He fought back, screaming in his mother-tongue. Yixing was yelling at the top of his voice and Luhan joined in here and there. I never heard Jongdae's voice. But they yelled like that for a long time, strings of Mandarin I couldn't understand. I could only cry in confusion and frustration.

What had happened? They were so happy only a few days ago at Ani's house. Something had happened, I didn't know what but I was scared and angry.

They had been at it like this for over two weeks now. Two weeks of glares and ignoring me and Wu Fan. Two weeks of me trying to pry it out of my husband but getting his back and the same lousy excuse over and over again. I was almost on empty now, my energy low and spent. I had spent two weeks stressing over what in the hell I had done to make them outcast me not talk to me push me away.

I really couldn't take it anymore.

I stood up from the bed, a new surge of determination in me.

I furiously stomped in to the hallway, ready to unleash my anger on them and demand I get some answers. And I would have marched right through that door with out any hesitation.

Had it not been for a few words I'd overheard before I'd made it there.

“Tell him, or I will.” it was Yixing. He sounded like he was seething with anger. Tell who? Did he mean me? I was surprised they were speaking in Korean, but then I heard Jongdae speak and realized they probably didn't want to leave their brother out of this.

“Fannie he needs to know. It's not fair.” Jongdae's voice was shaking, like he was on the verge of tears. My heart was jumping with fearful anxiety. What was this that was tearing them a part?

“It's not about fairness Jongdae it's about what's right. It is absolutely wrong of you to keep this from him Wu Fan. He has a right to know.” Luhan's voice sounded much more mature, very strict and disciplined. He sounded like Ani had back when she'd scolded Wu Fan. Exactly like that.

“What did I tell you guys about minding your damn business?!” I lost my breath. Wu Fan was furious. He was raising his voice at them.

“He's apart of our family now, it's our business!” Luhan retorted. So they were talking about me. And I a pinch of annoyance stung me. What the hell was Wu Fan keeping from me?

“You waited a whole year to decide that?” Wu Fan hissed.

“We waited a whole year thinking you'd already told him!” I jumped back slightly at the sound of Yixing's loud roar. It had become silent, I could picture Wu Fan glaring at the floor the way he did when he knew he was wrong. Yixing didn't let anyone else get a word in, he continued on his rant,

“And we have to hear from Ani that you haven't? This whole time? Are you kidding me? Luhan's right. It's wrong Wu Fan. He needs to know. That's not something you keep to yourself. Especially when we've got these letters coming in. I'm warning you now. Either you tell him, or I—“

“I'll fire you! I said stay out of my life or I'll fire you! It's not any of your guy's business!” Wu Fan's voice was shaking with anger. And I couldn't take it anymore. I rushed forward and entered the kitchen.

All eyes were on me. Jongdae was still sad, Luhan still worried. Yixing was pissed off. And I had Wu Fan's back to me. He'd heard me enter I knew he had. His back muscles stilled. He was trying to breath evenly. I was trying to too. There was a build of rage boiling inside of me. I wasn't even sure what it was exactly they were talking about now, but it was about me. I was obviously being lied to. I had been lied to for the past year apparently. By the man who I had grown to trust, who had promised to love me. Love meant trust didn't it? I meant honesty? Yes it did. So I took a deep breath and asked in the calmest tone I could conjur.

“Tell me. Tell me right now what you've been lieing about.” I demanded. The rage was bubbling, quietly but nonetheless bubbling. My body temperature warmed slightly as Wu Fan sighed in frustration, but still didn't answer me.

“I said tell me! I didn't say stand there and stare at me! One of you better tell me what the hell is going on right now!” the heat in my core rose, the rage boiled more. Was my body shaking? Finally Wu Fan turned around to face me. And there it was. In his eyes I could see it.

The guilt was cowering behind the fear. But it was no use, the fear was falling apart and couldn't protect the guilt even if it wanted to.

“Minseok, please don't. Just leave it.” he begged. Leave it? Leave the lie the way it was? Oh no.

“Tell. Me. Now.” I growled. God the heat was burning my cheeks, it was so hot it was falling from my eyes and blurring my vision.

“I am sick and tired of staying in this house like this! What the hell is going on! I want to know now!” I yelled. I yelled at all of them. Jongdae was already in tears. Luhan's eyes were downcast to the floor. Yixing's face was stone. And Wu Fan's face was begging me not to. That was too bad.

“TELL ME!” I cried. It hurt, the rage was literally shaking my body now and I could not take this any longer. I heard Jongdae's small cry as he eased in to a dining chair. He laid his head down and silently sobbed. Yixing finally broke.

“I warned you Wu Fan. I'm telling him.” he took a step toward me. Wu Fan reacted immediately. He whipped around and grabbed Yixing by the collar, a loud cry leaving his throat.

“I said stay the out of my business! You don't get to tell him! I do!” my husband's voice blared in to Yixing's equally pissed off face.

“Tell me what?!” I screamed. Wu Fan was distracted by my voice, he turned to look at me. I could tell he was ready to give me some sorry excuse, beg me to not venture further. But he didn't get to. Yixing violently shoved Wu Fan to the ground with a loud thud. And then he looked me dead in the eye.

“Tell you that you're not Wu Fan's first marriage! He's been married before!” he cried to me. As each word left him, I saw the weight lifting off his shoulders. With each word I saw Wu Fan begin to crumble on the ground. With each word I felt my rage bubbling over, reaching its peak. But it wasn't done yet.

“What do you mean before? He's technically still married to the first. It never officially ended.” Luhan spat. It seemed he'd had enough of standing and watching Wu Fan and Yixing fight. He faced me now, his eyes cold and mean as he hissed the last words.

“He never ended his first marriage Minseok. He's still married to somebody else.” he confessed. With each word Luhan seemed to be able to breath better. With each word Wu Fan's knuckles turned a shade whiter and his face a shade redder.

With each word my heart went tumbling down. The rage had reached its peak. All I saw was red in my eyes. Angry and infuriated red. I wanted to tear down the walls around me, I wanted to scream my lungs out till they bled, I need to take life and destroy something. I opted for one of them. I heard myself shrieking in pain as I stormed out of the kitchen and in to the bedroom.

I didn't even know I was packing until I heard Wu Fan screaming at me.

“What the hell do you think you're doing?!” he charged at me and ripped the suitcase I had in my hands. I pulled back but he was stronger. He shoved me away from the luggage and then threw it down on to the floor. It spilled its contents and clothes flew out of it.

“I asked what the hell do you think you're doing Minseok?!” his gritted teeth and ablaze eyes should have had me cowering in fear. I shoved him back. My voice shook with menace and disasted.

“WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE YOU LIAR?!” I screamed in his face, “I'M LEAVING YOU!”

Minseok gasped and dropped the pen he'd been writing with.

His heart was shaking at the memory. The pain was sting just a bit. He remembered all that anger, all of the hurt that followed....

“Hey lovely.” a calm voice came from behind him. He looked up in shock. His husband stood over him, gazing at him with a silent quesition.

“Kris, you're home. I'm sorry I haven't started dinner yet.” Minseok quickly wiped face for any trace of emotion he'd been experiencing before. Kris only shrugged and told Minseok not to worry about it, instant noodles would be fine for one day. Kris hugged him gently and kissed him on the lips before heading in to their bedroom to shower the fish smell off of his body.

Everything felt better now that his husband was home. He quickly closed the journal and wrapped it, tossing back in to his son's room before heading back in to the kitchen.

But before he could even put some water on to boil, Minseok sank back in to his chair.

Sometimes he still wondered if he'd made the right decision.

But then Kris would come home to him. And he knew there was no mistake to be found.