I could hear my parents whispering while they thought I was sleeping. Arguing in hushed voices about my future. There voices were so low my little brother didn't even stir. I heard every word though, no matter how low their voices were, I heard the many options, and one being decided.

My heart dropped to my stomach, wishing they wouldn't go through with it. And I held on to hope just for a little bit as my mother cried and disagreed. She wanted her baby to be with her always. But then all hope left when my father eventually convinced her. It was the best thing for the family, and so my future was decided. And my tears flowed down my face and I tried to shut my eyes against the glowing candlelight. I was thankful when my father finally blew it out and the darkness consumed me.

At first I'd wished I hadn't been awake to hear their plans for me. But in the morning, after my mother had served me my breakfast, I was a little bit thankful I had. Because when they finally told me the news, I was able to breath calmly. I didn't break down like I had the night before. Although my emotions seemed rigid and my face was pale, I was able to listen intently to everything my father said.

It was the best thing for the family.

It was the best thing for me.

I would have a better life.

They couldn't live like this anymore.

I was being the best son by doing this.

I could help the family by doing this.

I was going to do this, that was final.

I would have a happy life.

We were heading to the studio that evening to have my photo taken.

My emotions stayed rigid for quite a while. I didn't smile much like I loved to do, my face stayed pale through out the day. I could feel my heart beating, but it was off somewhere distant and it had abandoned me.

“Smile with happiness!” the man behind the camera said. I didn't though, I stared off in to my future that I was unsure of. The bright flash over my eyes didn't even make me blink. My future was decided, and I had no control over it.

The few weeks after my father had made his decision and my photo had been sent, I was given an envelope, it was thin and crumpled from traveling so far. Inside was a small photo and a frail letter.

“I like your eyes, they are innocent and pure.

I wish to look in to your eyes everyday, forever.

I look forward to meeting you,

I promise to do whatever it takes to make you happy

I promise to take care of you.

I can not wait to meet you.”

I gazed at the letter a little longer, the words knocking gently against my cold heart. He did not seem to be the nightmare I had imagined, he did not seem to be a terrible person. And I thought maybe I could survive this if he was as kind and honest as his words.

“He is handsome.” my little brother whispered, and handed me the photo. He was tall, and strong looking. He had dark hair that made his skin seem pale, his whole aura screamed distant and rage. But it was his eyes I found myself fond of. They were soft around the edges, and I could see the hint of affection that sparkled in the corner.

Even though I was still unsure of my future, I found myself writing back, a small letter to express myself in a simple way.

“Don't be afraid.” my mother cried in a small voice in to my ear. I held her tightly, my fingers digging in to her clothes as I tried desperately to hold on to this last moment. I kept my eyes shut as I inhaled with deep breaths, trying to remember what she smelled like, trying to remember how she felt in my arms. I didn't want to ever forget her. I needed to keep this woman, my caretaker and my protector, forever like this in my memory.

“I love you.” her tears wet my neck and my heart broke free from the ice molding it had created for the weeks past. I cried in a broken gasp and hid my face in her shoulder. I cried harder when her hand automatically petted my hair, shushing me even though she cried too.

My father was the one to pull us apart. Even though I wanted to be angry with him I immediately clung to him too. Doing the same memorizing as I had done to my mother. My father was much stronger than her though, he patted my bottom like he had since I was no taller than his hip and told me to stand up straight. I was going to be fine, have a safe trip, send them a letter.

My heart began to run widely in my chest and the panic shot through me so quickly and swiftly. I tugged against men who hauled me on to the large boat. I screamed out and struggled, until the boat was pushed away from the shore, and I could only whimper in defeat. I watched with a sinking heart, my family, my country, my home fade in to the distance. And the ice molding began to form again as I made my way to my soon to be husband.

Hawaii was a long journey from Korea. For the first few days it was filled with puffy eyes from all of my crying, on the next few days it was silent as every person on board slept soundly. The final days I watched the water with hollow eyes. If I wasn't so empty and sad inside, I would have enjoyed watching the deep ocean turn crystal clear and light. But I waited silently for the boat to reach shore. And when it did I have never been so afraid in my entire life.

I couldn't deny that the land was beautiful. It was healthy and lush with green mountains and tall trees. The sand looked smooth and the rocks were like jewels.

But my heart was too busy beating out of my chest in fear of what was about to come.

Me and the others who had the same fate as me, hauled our luggage from home on to the land, and were led to the building to wait for our husbands. They all nervously kept glancing down at the only pictures we had of them, and I did too. I kept trying to assure myself that his eyes would be the same, that he would be the man he sounded like in his letter. That I would be okay.

“Kim Minseok.” a worker called my name. I stood up on wobbling legs, eyes sending sympathetic and anxious looks towards me, and I followed him in to the other room. I kept my eyes on the floor, so afraid to look up. And faintly heard a man telling me,

“Kim Minseok, this is your husband Wu Fan. Look at your picture to confirm.” my head slowly raised itself, and my eyes finally set their gaze on the man that was in front of me.

It was him. I didn't even need to look at the picture that was being creased by my swearing fingers, I recognized him instantly.

The eyes, they bore down on me silently. I stood frozen and unsure of what to do. He kept staring at me, and I stared back. He seemed to know me from my picture and nodded at me politely.

“Is it him?” the man beside us asked. I nodded, and we were dismissed.

I remember how he offered his hand to me, to guide me outside. My wrist shook as I took his hand, no doubt he felt how sweaty my palms were. Nevertheless he gripped it lightly and pulled me forward and outside of the building we went. Once outside he turned to me.

“Hello Minseok. It's nice to meet you.” his voice was low and rich. It could have scared me, and it probably scared most with how intense his gaze was. But I could tell he was trying his best to show kindness, I was grateful for that.

“Hello.” I said. My voice was much more quiet and the second I was able to look up at him, I looked back down. His eyes were so beautiful.

He took me to the church where all of the other couples were getting married also. I saw many faces that had traveled with me standing next to their new husbands. A few were couples like me and Wu Fan, both men. Others were women and men. Either way everyone was so tense.

The pastor told the husbands to take our hands, Wu Fan's warm fingers laced in to my smaller hand. The pastor said to kiss us on the lips, and he would announce us married under the church of God. I watched a few girls cringe away from their new husbands, a few boys like myself push away before their husbands gripped their face and forced them. A handful stood stone still as their husbands leaned in to place a chaste kiss on their cold lips.

I looked up to Wu Fan, and I did not cringe away, or push. His eyes were so kind. And I could tell he was just as nervous as I was. He was not a bad person. He was trying his best. I could try my best then.

I closed my eyes and tilted my head up, waiting patiently. I felt his long fingers hold my face tenderly. The smallest squeak of surprise escaped me when his lips quickly touched mine and then disappeared. I opened my eyes again, and found Wu Fan was staring down at me, his eyes wide and unsure.

I had to double check with my hands to my face to realize I was smiling. And for a while I forgot how sad I had been, how homesick I was.

“I have my own house. It is smaller, but it is for only us. The other workers and their spouses must house with everyone else. The small hut next to ours is where a few other workers stay, my friends, don't mind them too much. I hope you find it comfortable.” Wu Fan told me on our journey through tall fields. He had brought a horse to take me home with. It was a very handsome black one that knew how to sit down, so that I could get on easily and stood up for Wu Fan to get on. Wu Fan sat behind me and I in front. I held on tightly to the horse's mane, though it didn't seem to mind. The day had quickly turned in to night as we made our way to Wu Fan's home, I gazed fondly at the stars, they were just like the ones in Korea. And I thought happily that my family was looking up at the same sky as I was.

On the journey there Wu Fan had told me he worked in the fields to harvest sugar cane and rice, and once a month he and his friends made a two day journey back down to the shores to sell their crops and earn their money, that was the only time he would ever leave me alone.

He lived far in to the island, past a tall green mountain and alongside a river. The Wailuku river, he had said, and our home stood right over it.

“I think you will love it.” he murmured. I nodded, but stayed silent the whole trip. I liked listening to what he had to say. It pulled me away from my thoughts of fear and homesickness that had already settled in to my stomach. But eventually he fell silent also and we stayed that way until I finally saw a small patch of light in the distance. I sat up in surprise and my eyes widened. I pointed to it and turned around to ask my silent question to Wu Fan. He nodded, and I trained my eyes on that patch of light sharply. It was covered by some trees, so the yellow glow was contorted. But soon I found straight pieces of wood standing out from the thin tree trunks and a glass window from behind the tall grass.

Wu Fan helped me down from his horse and showed me to the front.

“I've built it up here so it is not torn away during the rain season. The river can be violent.” he talked as we made our way around. I didn't really pay attention to his words though, I was feasting my eyes on the house before me. It was much larger then I had pictured, and oddly shaped as well.

The roof was slanted and made out of some kind of metal, I could see it peaking from under the pile of branches that covered it. A few windows here and there, probably marking each room. And a small screen covered patio that donned a few tacky and mismatch lawn chairs and one or two large upside down pails, which we entered through. The house was lit by oil lanterns, it was hard to see at first but my eyes adjusted.

The front room was small. Two twin couch sat next to each other with loud ugly orange flower prints all over them. Many blanket were piled on top of them, and pillows galore. For a moment I wondered if I was supposed to sleep on those things.

A few pictures of hand drawn people were displayed on the walls, a small wooden coffee table, and a wooden made loveseat was placed behind it near a small window.

“Go in, look around.” his voice came from behind me. I nodded, and made my way all the way in. In front of me was a small hallway that turned to the right sharply. I followed it down, looking in every door I came to. There were three doors in total. The first was a bathroom with a shower, tub, toilet and sink. The shower was half-oval shaped with no screen or curtain. The tile was nice though, I noticed. It was a warm brown tile with the small silver drain towards the corner. The tub was classic white, wide and deep, I liked it because I was similar to my one at home. There was one large window that stood over the tub, but I didn't bother to look out of it, I continued my exploration to the next door.

The next door held the bedroom I was all to relieved to see. The couches were not what I wanted to sleep in, and I was too happy to find a king sized mattress donned with clean white sheets and a sheer white canopy covering it that hung from the ceiling. Wu Fan showed me the closet that we would share, and where the towels were. There was a door next to the bed I went toward, but Wu Fan promised to show me that room later.

The next door in the hall was a dining area with a kitchen. The basics, a fridge, stove and oven, cupboards and a preparation counter. Across the room was a round table with five chairs, which led me to thoughts of Wu Fan's friends. Even though they didn't seem to live here, did they eat here?

The house was just as oddly shaped on the outside as it was on the inside. It has simple and filled with just the basics, but it had a cozy atmosphere that I found myself settling in to. And just as the thoughts of becoming comfortable surrounded me, my homesickness panicked and shot forward. It reminded me where I was, and where I wanted to be.

He let me shower and left me for a while, telling me that he was heading over to the shack where his friends stayed for something and he would be back quickly.

The water was extremely hot, it burned for a second as I stepped under to let it lather my body.

While I was in the shower, I let my whole situation sink down on me.

It wasn't as bad as I had thought, thankfully Wu Fan seemed to be a good person overall. I noticed how he lingered over me while I made my way around. He didn't hover too close, but he watched me carefully and hopefully as I judged the house I would be staying in for the rest of my life. But that was when my thankfulness turned sour. I had to live here the rest of my life, in place I had never been with a person I had never known.

I still missed home, the small ache in my soul throbbed lightly and more violently with every minute I was here. All I could see in my mind was my mother's tear streaked face fading away. I cried again during that shower, I wished I was home. I let out small cries of grief as my overpowering wish to return home did not come true.

I wished I was home and not in this foreign land with this man who I only knew through a picture and a letter. I wished I had never come.

Wu Fan was back when I went in to the bedroom. He was changing in to a pair of pants when I walked in to the bedroom. I immediately covered my eyes from looking at him and at the same time made sure I was mostly covered.

“Sorry.” he mumbled and I waited a few moments before uncovering my eyes. I looked at what he was wearing and gave him a questioning gaze. He had changed from a neat collared shirt and jeans, to high waist black slacks and a white collared shirt with suspenders. His black hair was combed back nicely and he had dress shoes on.

“We're supposed to go to a small festival...or welcome ceremony in town.” he fiddled with his collar, “You should get ready. Did you bring dress clothes?” he motioned towards my luggage. I nodded yes, and went to pick out what I could wear. I pulled out my beige slacks and decided it would be safe to go with a white collar like Wu Fan had. I looked at him expectantly, and he stared back confused. I was still in a towel with wet hair, my clothes I wanted to wear laying on the bed. When he still didn't move, I had to utter in embarrassment,

“Please don't look.” I croaked, he rushed an apology and left the room with a pink face. I ignored my shame and quickly changed in to my new clothes. When I was ready he led me outside and we mounted his horse and made our way in to town.

It wasn't really a festival I found out. It was indeed a welcome ceremony for the newcomers of the island. I saw a few girls and boys that had traveled here with me standing next to their new husbands and looking around with the same expression I must've be wearing; doubtful, scared, and nervous. The little ceremony was held at the town square and was surrounded by small bakeries and food shops the couples were aloud to venture in to. Wu Fan tried to offer me a drink or a bite, and I shook my head. I didn't have an appetite, I still felt nauseous from my homesickness. I could tell I was hurting him a little by continuously denying everything he offered, but I was still upset. I was still worried about everything, and I wanted to go home. Eventually a man called everyone over for the main event. We joined all of the other couples and sat down in the rows of chairs.

“Ladies and gentlemen welcome to our little city! I am the mayor, Mr. Teuk and I am happy to welcome you to your new home!” the man sang in to the microphone. He told us about the dances and festivals that occurred during the year, and how everyone was welcome to attend. There were clubs like the knitting club, the book club, and the cooking club we were free to join. He welcomed us to socialize, get to know who lived nearby us and love our neighbors. There were city meetings every other Thursday, so if we had any helpful hints or complaints we could address them then. We should check out all of the food and drinks from the nearby shops after, the gifts shops had plenty of jewelry and perfumes to buy, and to not be afraid to go up to him and say hello.

We were dismissed after that, and Wu Fan stood up and followed the wandering crowd. I quickly followed him. He tried over and over again to offer me gifts and food, and I continuously denied him.

We ended up at one of the many food counters where they were grilling meat and dressing the skewers with pineapple and peppers. Wu Fan once again offered, and I declined.

I noticed that time around how his face fell in defeat, a small hint of anger lining his jaw. I looked up at him with worry, hoping he wasn't too upset. He stayed quiet for a long time and it made my worry grow, wondering if I had been too much of brat and if I had seriously hurt him.

Finally he sighed heavily and turned his whole body away from me.

“I quit. Look around by yourself. I'll be sitting over somewhere if you need me.” I barely heard him grumble and trudge away from me.

I felt guilty right then. Of course I had been too much of a brat, of course I should have had some damn manners to accept at least one thing from him. All his efforts going to waste on me wasn't fair.

I pouted and became annoyed with myself, not sure of what to do.

“Would you like some shaved ice? Its on the house!” a happy voice chirped at me. I looked up and found somehow while I was mentally scolding myself I had ended up wandering around and ended up at a small dessert counter. An older lady was looking at me expectantly, motioning with her hands at colorful cones with mounds of ice in different shades.

I shook my head.

“Wouldn't it be nice to share with your loved one though?” she pushed. She actually had a point there, and in my situation it couldn't hurt. Maybe I could make Wu Fan a little less upset, and somehow apologize for my actions in the same way. I smiled slightly and asked for the blue one and she handed it over. She told me how that one had some ice cream at the bottom for me to enjoy and I set off to find Wu Fan with a small hop in my step.

It took me a while, but I finally spotted him, seated in the rows of chairs we had listened to the mayor speak in. He was seated back with his arms crossed over his chest, a glare set in place. I made my way over, anticipating his reaction with my mini-present.

He noticed when I sat down next to him and looked at me dubiously.

I held up my offering of peace; a paper cone with blue crystals heaped on top and two pink spoons sticking out.

I smiled a tiny bit when he chuckled and took my offering, scooping out a spoonful and offering me a bite. Remembering my purpose, I took it swiftly and was proud when he smiled. I had made him feel better. Goal accomplished.

After he finished his treat with me, he pulled me up and over to more shops. I still denied some things because they really weren't my taste, while others I accepted shyly.

We ended our journey in a perfume shop. I thought my heart would give away at that point.

It was just like the other shops, only with flowers hanging everywhere and small bottles of perfumes sitting on grand cases. At first we looked around with ordinary steps, not much thought in to it.

And then that scent caught my attention. It made me sigh in satisfaction and my skin buzzed to life. I tugged Wu Fan with excitement, following my nose around the shop and past the other glass bottles until I found it.

A simple round glass bottle with a beautiful flower nestled beside it. Plumeria it read. I confirmed what I'd smelt from far away, and for the first time since I'd left home I smiled brightly, looking up at Wu Fan with hopeful eyes. He smiled down at me, and I already knew what that meant. I felt like my old self again as I jumped like a child and squealed with glee. I ran up so quickly to the cashier to check it out, Wu Fan not far behind to help purchase it.

I woke with a start as the horse came to a halt. I had fallen asleep on Wu Fan's chest as we rode home, he was sitting behind me again with the reigns in hand. I moved my head around with sleepy eyes and made out the small house in front of me. I almost fell back as Wu Fan slid down first, but his hands caught me and helped me down. My feet felt like anchors, my head like a boulder and I couldn't stand up straight I was so exhausted. It was probably because I hadn't slept a wink of the journey from Korea to Hawaii at all, far too nervous and upset to do so. Now it seemed my need for rest had caught up with me. I leaned in to Wu Fan's frame while he tied the horse up.

“Minseok?” he called lightly, I mustered up enough energy to make a small sound in reply.

“Can you walk?” he asked, I shook my head the tiniest bit. Suddenly the floor was no longer beneath me and I was floating, and my body sank down and relaxed now that the strength needed to stand was no longer required. Wu Fan had picked me up, cradling me in his arms, and carried me inside. I snuggled in to his very warm chest until I was gently laid down on something much softer and the heavy weight of sleep began to drag away my consciousness.

“Goodnight Minseok.” I heard that deep voice whisper to me. I smiled lazily and pulled his form over me, not wanting to lose that comforting warmth I had been enjoying before.

“G'night Wu Fan.” I breathed. And my consciousness was finally dragged away.