Song that matches my mood: When I Miss You- B2st

I walk around with my friends acting as if nothing's wrong.

Everyone thinks that I have a perfect life; given everything I wanted, having a pretty decent school status, having good grades, etc.

But, does that make me happy go lucky inside?

That's the problem with us as humans, most of us judge from looking at the outside.

On the inside, I walk around feeling a heavy burden weighing me down.

Why?

Because I have a secret that no one knows of.

I always had a talent for hiding my secrets and feelings from others.

Now, it's suffocating me.

I live my life trying to forget someone.

That someone was my best friend, as well as my first crush.

I have known him for almost 5 years now.

Years past by, and things changed.

We don't talk to each other much, just distant friends or acquaintances.

I feel torn apart, but him?

I doubt he feels anything.

It's just a normal day that comes and goes.

Everything's forgotten and it's as if nothing happened.

That's a good thing, but yet it bothers me so much.

Did I mean that little to him?

I guess so.

I still think of these things, eventhough everything's done.

Two years have already gone by, but why is he still messing with my head, making me crazy and causing me to cry over things I wanted to forget.

I still remember every single one of our moments, does he remember too?

The memory I think of the most is when I let you go, wishing you luck and putting on a painful smile.

I said that I would help you with anything even as a friend.

How did we end up like this?

But I admit, it's not all your fault.

I'm guilty of many things as well.

As much as I want to hate you, I just can't.

I hate the fact that I still think of you.

I hate the fact that I still follow you on Instagram.

I hate how I still have your phone number and keep all of our text messages.

But the think that I despise the most is the fact that I still miss you. 

Nothing will change though.

And that's why I start bitterly smiling while crying.

I laugh at myself and let my tears silently slip down my face. 

I smirk and mock myself for being so gullible and stupid.

How could I fall inlove so deeply.

I guess that's why people say that your first love in one that you'll recall forever.

Many of my friends have their boyfriends with them and ask if I have someone in mind.

I just smile a plastic smile and say no.

Lies.

I still think of you, L.Joe.

And how I'm still trying to find all of the pieces to my heart that shattered like glass.

This year, 2013, really counts as the end, right?

This is our good bye for now, L.Joe.....

When I talk about "him," I'll just replace his name with L.Joe...