You shot that glare at me.

Maybe you thought I was lowering your pride yesterday. That what most humans do at someone else they hated. But no, Yunho. I would never think of stripping away your self esteem. I would never think of hating you. Hence, I had no right to retort at your glare.

I smiled.

“Hello,” I said. Your glare hardened and I kept my smile upon. In your hand was my favorite coat I gave up to you and my transparent umbrella. I asked myself mentally whether you used them or not, because I loved you too much to lie about my imaginary ‘brother’.

“You damn pretty face,” you said. “Stop buttering me up!”

I tilted my head, faking a confusion. “Buttering? I was just giving you shelters.”

“Don’t up with me!” You banged my locker door with so much force I would be surprised once found it undamaged. “I told you I don’t need any of these trashes!” You threw my things onto the floor. I was pretty sure some people in the hallway saw us, weirdly.

But I loved you too much to make you stop.

“You look great today. Your hair’s burning a little and I can see red strains on them.” I smiled even more and you looked at me with even more hatred.

“I told you don’t up with me!”

You turned. You left me. In the hallway, with my coat and umbrella scattered on the floor. I didn’t mind the dirty dust that might stuck on it. It didn’t matter.

You’ve used them. Your yells told me.

~~~

Sometimes, when I read romance novels, I felt a tad bit jealous.

I also wanted to hold you in my arms. I wanted to kiss you into oblivion. I wanted to wipe away your tears as well as your sorrow.

Especially the last, yes the last.

I was reading a novel I just borrowed from the library while walking down in hallway towards the school’s exit.

Sometimes I fisted my hands in jealousy for not being able to love you properly just like what these protagonists do. I could only love you from afar, and our love was masked with your glares and my smiles.

I wanted to touch you, even just a fingertip. I might not be the first who had touched your most cherished parts, which made you feel special. Yes, I wasn’t the first. But mentally I asked you, through the thin air. Please save me the place for being the last.

The student council office opened, and you went out with a light pant. Your clothes were dishelmed, as if you wore them in rush. And your visible skin was shimmering with sweat. I tried not to rush on your direction and hold you in my arms, whispering comforting words, letting my shirt absorb your tears.

You turned at me and looked at me in slight surprise. Maybe you were wondering why on the earth I was still here, when the school had ended two hours ago. Why on the earth I would bother to stop, looking at your eyes.

But a piece of my mind hoping your thought would be, ‘is this fate?’

“Hello,” I said again. I offered a smile, and you narrowed your eyes. You turned away from me, and I knew, you were hiding your true feeling from showing up for me. You loved me.

And I would never stop loving you.

I couldn’t remember the last time you smiled and it was so beautiful to remember it again.

Your eyes would dart at me now and then when we were in the same class, younger and naïve.

And I would scribble your name on the back of my book until my pencil went dull or my pen ran out of ink.

You made me fell in love.

You, of all the beauties in the world.

You, the one who could not make me stop wondering.

Why, why me, Yunho ah?