You saw me.

I was fixing my messy jacket, just stepped out of the council president’s office. Even there were still some drops of sweats on my face.

And I knew, that you knew what I just done.

I made sure there was no saliva residue near my lip. At least I should show you some pride not to let you know although it was too late. We stared at each other for a few seconds. Your ebony eyes bore into my dirty ones.

I couldn’t believe I had to meet you, my first and forever love, like this.

“What?” I asked you, in harsh tone. Never in my life had I imagined talking in such way to you, but I had to. I couldn’t show you how weak I was. How wrong I was.

And yet, you just smiled and shook your head. A warm smile, equally warm as the long coat you wore.

My body acted on my pride. I turned away to leave this school. Fresh folds of money that so-called charismatic council president was enough to be the reason.

Then I heard rushed steps behind me, quickened right before I walked out of the school’s building.

“Wait!” you called. I didn’t stop walking. I wouldn’t want to. Not even when I heard sounds of rain outside. How—how I could face you after knowing such dirty side of me?

If it wasn’t for your hand grabbing my arm, I wouldn’t stop walking. I turned at you with a fake glare.

“What do you want?”

“It’s raining outside.”

“So what? I’m not a pretty spoiled boy who wailed for umbrella and coat!”

Yet you only smiled. You smiled, and I regretted my words earlier. I tried to keep my frown and scowl on, but they broke down as I watched you peeled your coat from yourself. Then you took out a folded umbrella from your messenger bag.

“My brother is picking me up today. Take these; you need these more than me.”

“What?”

You shoved your coat and umbrella to me. And I couldn’t believe what just happened. You smiled again and ran out, under the rain, towards the street to the direction where you usually enter this school.

You didn’t have a brother.

You lied me.

You gave me shelters saying that I, a dirty me, needed them more than you.

Why, why me? Why me, Kim Jaejoong?