I was in love. Burning love.

And my jealousy burned just as hot.

Perhaps even more.

Jessica and Siwon became closer to an actual couple everyday.

Siwon became more and more distant. We went on one date, and I did my best to treat him as well as he deserved.

He was so sweet to me, and when he was in front of me he tried so hard not to show his own dilemma.

He was conflicted. I knew he was drawn to Jessica, but I also knew that he cared about me enough to not want to break my heart.

I held onto him. I was selfish. I wanted him, because he made me feel normal. He made me feel loved.

And yet I spent so much time with Jessica.

One night, I couldn’t sleep. I decided to go visit her. We did this a lot, I would randomly go over to her house, since she practically lived alone. Besides, when her mother was home she didn’t mind. She was exhausted from her long hours.

It wasn’t horribly late, only around 9:30, so I decided I might as well. I changed quickly and set out on foot.

She didn’t live very far, which was convenient.

On the way there, illuminated only by the yellow glow of the street lights, I saw two shadowy figures standing in front of the apartment complex where she lived.

One smaller feminine figure with long hair. A tall male with wide shoulders.

Jessica. Siwon.

She slowly reached up a hand to his face. He wound his arms around her and they held each other. Her small hands pressed firmly against his broad back, and her eyes were closed as she leaned her head against his chest.

He gently placed his hand under her chin as she turned her head and they kissed.

Sweetly, beautifully kissed.

I slid behind a lamppost, my hand curled into my fingers and my thumb and the side of my fist against my mouth. I held in a sob and grabbed the thin fabric of my shirt over my heart. My fingers curled in and I gasped as tears ran down my face, falling like drops of rain.

It felt like all the tears I could every cry were flowing away from me onto the pavement. Surely I would drain. And then I could not feel this horrible, stabbing pain.

I was in love.

And my heart was breaking.