CHAPTER 4

                                                  Why is it when you love someone so much that you can never find

                                                                                   the right words to tell them?"

                                                                                                                            [TAEYANG]

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The next day, I woke up lazily hoping that I’ll never remember all my past and live without worry. But somehow, I couldn’t stop thinking about all the terrible things that had happened. And worst of all, I found myself reliving over and over again those last moments with Taeyang. What if things had changed between us? What if our friendship had been destroyed with a simple argument? I took bath before making my way to Top’s house. He is the best hyung ever. He could get things out of me just by being a good listener. When I arrived at his house, I was relieved to find that he was waiting for me at the door. I quickly came out from the car and hugged him.

“You must have something to share with me, right my baby panda,” he asked.

“Of course, hyung” I replied. “TOP, I love him and can’t bear to see him doing things that really irritating!” I started my conversation.

“Wow, do stop this, you are going too far,” TOP reply. “Just think positive and take things easy, he still loves you and he means that.”

“No, hyung. If he loves me he’d been always beside me, not down the pub going through every girl at the pub!” I said to him.

“Err… Maybe he was just looking for some comfort and joy.” He answered.

We talked over the same problems for an hour but I was more unsettled by my conversation with TOP. Then he came out with a new idea.

“I’ll prove that Taeyang is really care about you.” snorted TOP.

“Huh, but how? Oh boy, don’t tell me you’re up to your mad tricks again, hyung!” I said.

“Rely on me, maknae! I’ll call him and said you’re involved in an accident and were badly injured. OK?” he asked.

“Up to you,” I reply.

I just don’t know what to do but I believe in TOP.

                                TAEYANG:  Hello hyung, what’s up?

                                TOP          :   Seungri was severely injured because he was involved in an accident.

                                                      He just came out yesterday from the hospital. Hope you can

                                                     spend your time to visit him. He’ll stay with me for several days.

                                TAEYANG:   What? I am on my way to STAR KING Show but it’s ok. I’m coming

                                                      over to you house right now. Anyway, is he ok? Why

                                                      don’t  you tell me earlier?

                                 TOP           : I don’t think he’s ok!

                                 TAEYANG: Never mind, just stay there!

                                 TOP           : Ok, drive safe. Bye.

TUT………TUT………….TUT………

“You should have to listen to me! See, he has to escape himself from the show just to meet you!” TOP said.

“How if he knows  it is a prank! I’m totally dead…. I’ll drive him up the wall!” replying with thousands of worries.

“Don’t worry. I’m here to explain the situation.” He answered confidently.

Waiting for someone that you are not sure are the most freaking time ever. A minute feel like a year waiting for him. My whole being aching with dread and anguish every second gone by. Why is he taking so long? Each minute, each second is creeping by slowly.

Finally, there’s a knock on the door. TOP stood up gently and opened the door. To our surprise, it was not Taeyang but a strange man. He was middle-aged, with a very red, outdoor complexion, thinning hair and hard, strong looking muscles. He was breathless. His face was strained with anxiety and shock.

“Which one of you is Seungri?” he asked.

“I am. Why, sir. What’s going on?” I reply suddenly become so fearful.

“I am Inspector Lee Hyun Syik. Taeyang is in the hospital. He’s been in a road accident and he’s been rushed to the hospital. His car was totally crushed. We found his GPS which is still functioning and it shows the way to this house. That is why I’m  here.” he said. 

“How badly is he hurt?” TOP asked.

“Is he going to be ok?” I asked after him.

“I don’t know” the police said. “I just don’t know.”

And then he was gone. We had to get to the hospital and find out what had happened. I had to know the worst, even as I prayed he was going to be ok.  On the way to the hospital, I keep blaming myself.

“Because it’s my entire fault,” I burst out. “Whatever happens now, Taeyang’s accident is all because of me.”

“No, it’s not your fault, Seungri. Taeyang was driving. You weren’t there. It was nothing to do with you.” TOP consoled me while driving.

As soon as we arrived, I get off from the car. TOP had to go back home because he forgot to lock the front door. I felt abandoned and alone as I made my way past the ambulances and late-night visitors, up to the reception desk to ask where Taeyang was. I suppose the nurse had to be careful about all his fans. And after all, I wasn’t a relative. I wasn’t even his friend. NO!!! I’m his friend but a word more to describe me….. ASS. I am just a cruel friend who takes things for granted and never lose to my own ego. But somehow, maybe my face was so stricken with grief, the nurse led me through a maze of echoing corridors to a little waiting room. Kim Bon Hwa, my manager was sitting there with his head in his hands.

“What are you doing here?’ he snarled at once. “Haven’t you done enough damage for one’s life?”

“I- I’m sorry.” I said as meekly as I could. “I’m sorry for everything.”

“He had a nasty collision with a heavy good vehicle. He’s concussed quite badly and there are some broken ribs and a lot of bruising.” he said.

‘Oh My God! I wish I could turn back the clock. I wish I’d never done any of it!” I said.   

“Don’t dream of it. You think who you are to turn back the clock? The holy angels from heaven?” he reply with anger.

Deep in my heart, I wish that I have a chance to be the angel who brings happiness to people who I loved the most.

“Why are you still standing here? Who are you to him? Go to hell, bastard. He doesn’t want you in his life!” he said while pushing hard my shoulder.

But suddenly someone tapped me and said “No! Taeyang loves Seungri. His love is so hard to explain, so hard to define.”

I turned around and I could not stop myself from gasping.