chapter 2;  

                 kim  jongin

» Sweat poured down Kai’s handsome face as his body moved in sync with the music.  He executed each step and move with his usual perfection and unmistakable swag.  Anyone watching would be able to tell how much time and effort he put into this dance.  The determination in his eyes was evident, but so was his exhaustion.  But after almost a minute of dancing, his movements became less precise and offbeat.  

He stopped the rap song playing on his iPod and he sighed heavily.  A rush of anger ran through his body and he took the chair he used for the dance, and threw it at the wall.  The chair hit the wall with a loud cracking sound, but not hard enough to break it.  Kai let out a frustrated grunt. 

What the hell is wrong with me? he thought.  Why can’t I ever get this part right? 

The dance he was practicing wasn’t exceptionally complicated for him, but the end of it always threw him off.  In two weeks, he had to start practicing this duet with his partner Yixing, or Lay, as most people knew him by.  Kai hated Lay—he was the only guy around Kai’s age, who’s dancing could be compared to his, or even be considered better.  So he decided to partner up with him for only one reason: to find his weakness. 

He stuffed his hand into his back pocket and took out his “lucky” object that he went everywhere with.  He folded one of his long sleeves up, revealing the many cuts and bruises on his left arm.  He always wore long sleeve shirts and jackets, or else, everyone would know.  And if everyone knew, they would think that he was crazy and belonged in a mental hospital.  But I’m not crazy…

Kai hover his “lucky” pocket knife over his unsightly arm.  Slowly and gently, the blade ran through his skin.  He bit his lip, trying to hold back his scream.  If I just perfected the dance, then I wouldn’t have to go through this again, he thought.  Finally, he drew back the pocket knife and looked back and forth from the the blood covered blade to the new cut on his arm.

Kai put the “lucky” object back in his pocket.  I’ll clean it later.  Then he wrapped his left arm with his small towel.  I’ll properly treat it later.  He placed the almost broken chair back in its rightful spot.  Kai started the rap song over again and began dancing like nothing changed.  But something did change, he was more focused.

» “What would you like to order?  Excuse me?  Sir?”

“Yah, Kai, snap out of it,” said Kyungsoo, aka D.O., as he flicked his friend’s forehead.

“Ow!”  Kai rubbed his forehead and gave the waitress in front of them an apologetic smile.  “Mianhae, can I have the same thing he ordered?”  The waitress nodded and left.

“That hurt you know,” he said as he took a sip of his coke.

“I’m not the pabo who was daydreaming again,” D.O. teased.

Kai sheepishly grinned at him.  Whenever he wasn’t physically dancing, he was still always thinking or dreaming about dance.  The fact that he was always off in his own world, bothered many people.  He had few friends because of this, and because of his competiveness.  D.O. was one of those few people who didn’t mind Kai’s ways.  He too was a good dancer, but not enough to compete with Kai.  He was more of a singer anyway.

“School starts again in a week, ready for our third year of college?”

“Ne, I can’t wait to start my new dance classes,” Kai replied.

“Of course you’ll be the top student again,” said D.O.  That was another reason they were friends, he thought Kai was the best. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Kai asked arrogantly.

“By the way, did you finish learning that duet with Lay-sshi?  I wanna see it.”

Kai looked down at his left arm.  Even after getting “motivation” and practicing more, he still didn’t have it perfect.  It was better than before the “motivation” but still, it wasn’t perfect.  , he thought as he bit his lip again.  He had been so distracted about his dance, that he couldn’t feel the pain.  But now that he remembered, it was back. 

“Yah, are you okay?” D.O. asked with concern, he had always possessed a motherly quality.

“Ne, I’m fine,” Kai lied with a forced smile.

» Kai walked around the campus of Seoul University.  The pain in his arm was gone, but he had to endure through it during the lunch with D.O.  He could tell that his friend didn’t believe his lie, but he didn’t question Kai any further.  If D.O. every found out about Kai secret, he would freak out and probably faint.

His thoughts drifted off to his duet.  It pissed him off so much to know that he still didn’t have it perfect.  I bet Lay has it perfect, he thought.  That probability made him even madder.  How could I let this happen?  What will abeoji think of me now? He continued to think as he walked.  Suddenly, his body bumped into someone else’s and the other person fell forward.  He quickly grabbed the person’s shoulders.

Kai stared at the pretty girl he just saved and she stared back at him.  She had big, round brown eyes and long black hair tied in a ponytail.  She wore a pair of black shorts, a light blue tee, and running shoes.

“Mianhae, are you okay?” he asked worriedly.  She looked at him for a little bit longer and then looked down and pushed his arms away.

“Yah!  Watch where you’re going okay?” she yelled at Kai.  He looked surprised at her sudden anger.  Who knew such a pretty girl could be so mean?

“Ne, mianhae,” he said as he quickly walked away. 

He wanted to get away from that girl as fast as possible without looking rude.  He headed towards the College of Fine Arts building and went to the third floor and entered the last dance studio down the hallway—his place.  Every dance major in Seoul University knew that they couldn’t enter that room unless he gave them permission to.  Kai wouldn’t let anyone watch him dance until he was perfect and he wouldn’t risk the possibility of someone seeing him mess up.

He took off his black hoodie and threw it on the floor, next to his backpack and two water bottles.  He stretched out his body before playing his iPod and practicing the dance again.  His moves were precise and fierce, but he still made mistakes at the end.

Oneureun dugaeui dari, dugae, dugaeui dari

Oneureun dugaeui, dugaeui dal, dal, dari tteuneun bam

No you’re not gonna shoulda woulda this and coulda woulda that

Cuz we’re never coming back to this trap

See those two full moons, you’re the chosen knight

Go and spread good news, cuz we got not time

It was around that part where he always made mistakes.  He practiced it a few more times and was able to improve a lot.  But he still messed up during the last chorus.  It still wasn’t perfect.

He stopped the music and looked at his left arm.  Since his right arm was still injured, he would “motivate” himself with his other one.  It was rare for him to have to do this twice, but he had to do what he had to do. 

He rolled his left arm’s sleeve up and examined the bruises and scars on his skin.  Kai’s arm was full of color, with different shades of red, blue, and purple.  His fingers ran down his skin and stopped at a part that had no bruises or cuts.  Then he wrapped his left hand around his arm and pressed his nails deeply into his skin.  He cringed at the pain and the sight of his blood.  An image of the pocket knife in his back pocket came into his mind. 

If I don't get this right soon, I'm gonna have to use it again, he thought as he rolled down his sleeve.

He suddenly remembered that he still had to clean the blood off of the blade and reached into his pocket to get it.  But nothing was there.  Instead of feeling the familiar touch of the smooth wooden handle, all he felt was air.  , where did I put it?

Kai frantically look around and his eyes landed on the mirror in front of him, they widened in horror.  In the reflection, there was a girl watching him from the doorway.  He had been so focused on dancing that he only noticed her now.

“What the hell are you doing?” he shouted, turning around to face her. 

His raised voice made the girl flinch.  No way, he thought.  It’s her, the girl that I bumped into earlier.  She looked at him with fear in her big doe eyes.  Anger rose inside of Kai and he harshly grabbed her arm and pulled her inside of the room.  Doesn’t she know she’s not supposed to be in here?  And she even tried to sneak up on me?  Did she see me mess up my dance?  She tried to escape from his grasp but he was much stronger and pinned her against the mirror.

“Answer me, what the hell are you doing here?” 

It was strange for him to see the girl who had just yelled at him and pushed him away, suddenly full of fear.  Almost like a total change of personality.  A thought came to his mind and his grip on the girl’s arm tightened.  Did she see me “motivate” myself?

“What are you doing here?” he asked again.  But this time his voice was full of panic and not rage.

“a-ah I-I… I…” she stuttered.  He leaned in closer to her.

“You what?”

“I-I… I ju-just wa… I just wanted to return it to you!”

“Return what?”

She looked down at her shorts.  Kai let go of her arm and stepped back.  The girl reached into her pocket and took out his “luck object.”  He quickly snatched it out of her hands.  Did she see the blood on the blade?

“H-how did you get this?”

“You dropped it,” she whispered, looking down.  His eyes followed her gaze and saw the red marks around her arm.

“Mianhae I-”  Kai tried to reach for her arm but she pulled away. 

“Get away from me you bastard!” she yelled, pushing him once again and running out of the dance studio.

He just stood there, frozen to his spot.

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Sorry for making you guys wait, but I hoped you enjoyed this chapter.  Now you know more about the two main characters, but how do you think they both ended up that way?  Thank you so much to my eleven subscribers, I really appreciate it.  ~Pyong!