In which the saddest moment is when there is silence and no words. It is heart breaking, truly heartbreaking when the person who you love the most is silent and you are left with our heart shattering to small pieces…

I could feel it… I could feel it already long time ago and I was pushing it away, but still it came back even if I hid in the sheets of our bed. Silently it walked on our apartment’s floor in early mornings, hid in the darkest corners of our rooms and it looked like it wasn’t planning to go away…

On the days when you were not here, I was left to face it alone. I spend sleepless nights listening to noises it made, trying to cover my ears from those horrible sounds, but it seemed like they won’t disappear… They are planning to stay for a long time…

Day by day I watched that creature grow feeding on the feelings that I couldn’t defeat alone and even if I tried to tell you that someone else is living already with us, you pushed it away and turned to the other side of our bed, leaving me hopeless in the night’s shadows…

And it grew up... Grew up to be big and follow me around, even sometimes cling on my body and crawled under my skin. It was looking for something and I was afraid to know it… To know what it was searching for, afraid that maybe it could hurt you even more than it will hurt me…

I tried to get better… Believe me, I tried to do everything to be brave and face it, to push it away, but that thing wasn’t giving up. Its claws were already deeply inside of my skin, creating the wounds that won’t heal. It was already becoming part of me and my body…

Even on the days when the sun was shining and you were smiling with that warm smile, it didn’t go away. Even when I was in your arms and your skin was so close to mine, even our hands were touching, it was still there. Waiting for that dreadful moment to come…

And finally it happened…

Slowly it crawled in my heart and took over it with no choice for me to say something. The saddest part is that you even didn’t notice it. You didn’t see or hear anything…

And even now, when I have to muffle my cries with the sheets of our bed in the middle of the night, you are just lying there with your back turned to me. Calmly with no worries you are sleeping there, leaving me feeling so small and powerless to deal with the miserable pains of the breaking heart.

I am swallowing my pride in this dark night, hoping for the morning to come sooner. Hoping that maybe when you will see my teary eyes, your lips will say something before I gave up on you. Maybe in the daylight you will be finally able to see the broken me and accept that something is wrong with us.

But as the morning came, as the first rays of the sun escaped through the white curtains of our bedroom and our eyes met…

The silence greeted me…

Slowly enveloping me in its cold embrace and leaving me drowning in the sounds of something alive crashing to pieces…

As the doors of our apartment were closed and you were already not in my reach, I could hear that sound more clearly. Minute by minute it was becoming louder and louder. Taking over my body and echoing in my ears…

In this bright morning the world inside me didn’t see that bright at all…

Still lying in our bed I was already doing the thing I didn’t want to do at all…

I was giving up on us...

Giving up on you...

Authors note:

Maybe somebody can request scenario? it would be much easier for me to write something in my free time :)