My dad knew, how I've fallen so deeply in love with him; "the happiness in your face and the twinkling in your eyes and the pure fact that nearly most of the time your out late in the night, shows me everything that I needed to know, son" he told me after the 6th time I came home late, obviously from a meeting with Jjong. (Because a meeting is only another word for a date, righ?)

I couldn't deny it anymore, I knew he knew, so why try to hide it?

So one night I sat down with my dad and told him everything; the unsettling tingly feeling that seemed to explode inside of my, the uncertainty that never fails to leave me as well as the reason as to why I become so distant with everybody else; all he told me was that he knew, he's my father after all.

Told me he was happy and that it would be a pleasure to meet the person that opened my shell, a supposed shell; that's hard to break and yet Jonghyun did, without even braking a sweat.

I couldn't say no to my father because even Jonghyun has began to drop hints of wanting to meet the other.

"Okay, I'll let you meet him dad, but no funny business okay; I really like him and I don't-"

"Kibummie, don't you trust me? I'd never do anything odd; a part from making him swear in the name of the bible that he'll never hurt you or lay a finger on you without your consent, well then apart from that, everything will go on smoothly" he said with a wink and to be honest I wasn't so sure wether he was joking or being serious; I'd like to think that he was joking or else I can wave Jonghyun goodbye.

And Jonghyun, even with his usually cocky exterior that in time I've learnt to deal with (because to be honest it's not really cocky when there's truth behind it, right?) I realised that maybe Jonghyun wasn't as confident as he made himself out to be.

"Do you think he'll like me, I-I mean his your dad and all, plus-" he rambled on nervously, making me let out a chain of giggles. Stop it, you cute dinopup, I wanted to say but then again how can I?

"It's not like your going there to ask for my hand in marriage, so chill" I as my fits of giggle began to die down and the sight I saw after wards, just made me smile and blush.

He was standing there with a sheepish look, a small smile kissing his lips and a sheer yet still noticeable layer of pink tint covering his cheeks; mumbling something in the line of, "I'll have to ask you to be mine first", made the blush on my cheeks grow darker.

'Don't say things like that or else my heart might just explode'

Over the months that I've been spending with Jonghyun, I knew that falling in love with him was inevitable; 'bound to happen by fate', was what my dad said and I'm starting to believe and accept that maybe he is the one, like some sort of exception.

I decided to push all my doubts away and lock them up in dark cage along with some of the chains that used to cover my heart because this time I want to be able to trust him and everything that he says and does.

But, as far as try to push them the, thought of being left behind, like my father and not being good enough, lingered my mind, (maybe after 21 years of being afraid of trusting people; even someone as kind as Jonghyun would still prove to difficult) because as much as I tell myself that, Jonghyun deserve every single once of trust that I have given him, my brain still won't let go of the final chains that locked my heart all those years ago. Seperating me from being able to give the full trust that Jonghyun, deserves.

I wanted to believe, love and trust him with all my heart but... That's the thing, there is always a 'but' and I want to be with him when I can say all those things with out having any 'buts' in the end of every, 'I'll learn to trust you...'

He deserves to be loved without no doubts.

Through having Jonghyun and my father meet, I belive, was a step towards my personal goal of being able to fully trust Jonghyun unconditionally, in return for his.

So after a total of 5 months of knowing Jonghyun, it was decided that he will have the unfortunate pleasure, of finally meeting my father.

The meeting between them was surprisingly fun and entertaining, their personalities clicked almost instantly; joked and even goes as far as to share stories, but most of which were unsurprisingling all centred about me.

This new feeling of proudness rushed over me, I've never seen my dad so happy and what made me happier was the fact that he was happy because of me. Jonghyun, proved throughout that night just how deserving he is of my trust as well as my father's, "You're a good lad, Jonghyun. It makes me feel at ease knowing that our Kibummie here is in great hands".

Jonghyun; perfect because even with all his flaws, my heart still manages to skip a beat whenever his around, or magically stop beating all together because if one single lopsided smile.

Then my insecurities can't help but kick in and roam all over my head, like an incurable plague, I find myself asking, 'what great thing have you done to deserve such a man, like Jonghyun?'

I really must have been the perfect being in the afterlife- an angel or the pope, to deserve a man- a friend as close to perfect as he is.

And I couldn't help but feel extremely flattered, that without even having to voice out how he feels, Jonghyun still makes the incredible effort to let me know, exactly how strong he feels; through numerous praises an compliments, even soft innocent caresses that makes my heart beat so quick and the blush on my cheeks a shade or two darker than they naturally are.

I'm not dense nor stupid, just scared and uncertain.

But I realised that maybe Jonghyun, cares about me more than what he makes himself ought to seem, because the day we finally realised and understood that the mutual agreement between the two of us, was no longer enough made understand, that he loved me more than words can ever say.

I remeber it, like it was just yesterday, so vivid and unforgettable.

It was around autumn that this happened, me and Jonghyun had just finished watching a movie in the local movie centre and was joking around, talking and laughing but once I got near to the front gate, there was this instinct inside of me- like I knew something even without completely knowing how something bad was bound to happen.

"Key, you okay? Want me to stay here, until your dad gets home?" Jonghyun kindly offered, which I happily nodded to, offering him my famous hot chocolate drink  in return.

Jonghyun told me, that he needed to park his car somewhere else and to wait for him inside the house, I said that it was totally fine and waved him off before taking my keys out of my jacket.

I never hated, being so right in my life, because there in the kitchen; my heart instantly broke into millions of pieces.

'Again, just when I thought everything was going just fine.'

I couldn't take it, I don't want to see nor witness my dad humiliate himselfany further, I thought that he and Minyoung was going smoothly, that everything was going all right; they were happy, laughing and he never looked so content, so why now?

My dad was too drunk in his own sorrow that I don't even think he cared about me, seeing him in such a disgraceful state, I thought men cared about their pride, apparently not when they're too heart broken.

"Key, where are yo-" I grabbed Jonghyun harshly by the hand before he could even see what has become of my father, the one he also came to admire and respect. I ran out with him behind me, closing the door as we left.

I was a crying, withering mess by the time we got into the streets, I was happy to know that Jonghyun didn't need to ask stupud needless questions or speak, to make me feel less useless than I already did; by just wrapping his strong arms around me and hushing me, whispering how everything will be alright that his always there to protect me, was all I need to feel secure.

"Jjong, take me away from here" I told him through the sobs which I tried to stop, looking at him with tear stained eyes, almost pleading.

He wiped away the tears that pooled around my red puffy eyes, "Let's go to the beach then, yeah?"

Times like those were the times when I can't help but be more aware of how amazing of a person Jonghyun really was and still is; he knew the perfect place that calmed me down, even at my worst state.

We decided that it was best to walk there, gives us the much needed fresh air that my lungs definitely lacked because of what seemed like endless rivers of tears.

I didn't even realise that the warmth that surrounded my hand were none other that the warmth being radiated by  Jonghyun's, I looked at him him through red hooded eyes before letting my eyes wonder of, to our interlocked hands, he gazed down to where my eyes have lingered down to making he smile sheepishly before tightening his hold around my hands, making me smile shyly in return.

'Today, is the day' I told myself, enthusiastically.

When we got to the beach we took our shoes of, holding them beside us, before sitting down in the dry part of the beach; cold and windy yet all I can feel was the warmth that's been radiated from Jonghyun.

After wiping the tears that stained my red flushed cheeks, I turned my face towards him; head still place protectively on my knees which was surrounded by my arms, "Can I, ask you a question, Jjong" I said in a low hoarse voice due to the sniffling.

He enveloped me with his warmth as he brought me closer into his chest, hands finding their way around my shoulders, "Of, course you can, Bummie. Ask away" he said with his infamous lopsided grin that began to sped up the beats of my heart.

Stop it, you puppy, I'm trying to be serious, here

'Please, don't make me regret what am about to do, Jjong. Don't make me regret it' I thought to myself, internally praying for my decisions to be perfectly right.

Breathe in and breathe out, Key

"D-Do you think... being a rebel would suit me?" I stuttered out,hoping that what I've decided to do was for the best- for us. I knew all I was doing was cutting corners but I'm not the most assertive person out there, well at least not at time like this.

Jonghyun, stared at me for what felt like forever before tilting his head to one side, a hand flying to his chin, in a way that just screamed 'deep in thought' before smiling; "I'd think you'd make a wonderful rebel, a cute one at that" before picking my cheeks which I pouted and wrinkled my nose to, making him chuckle in return.

'Your such an idiot. This is far from a joke, Jonghyun.' I thought bitterly to myself.

"I want to be a rebel... and take the risk of getting hurt... I want to give us a chance, a-a chance to be t-together"

"Don't joke, Key. I might not voice out how I feel but I know that, you are completely aware of how strongly I feel about you, so plea-"

"You really think, I would joke about giving something as important as a piece of my heart? Because to me, that's not something I would ever joke about" I told him forcefully, wanting him to realise, that everything I've said was anything but a joke.

I let out, a huge build up of breathe, I didn't even know I was even holding, when I saw him start to realise, that yes; I was completely serious.

"Y-you mean, you're willing to become my... boyfriend" he said shocked, as he stared at me with wide eyes and a gaped mouth, eyes slightly watery, from the happiness?

I mentally took another deep breath, letting my mind replay, exactly what my father has told me- " not everyone is going to be like me and your mother", Jonghyun- he's different because he showed me that he can be trusted, he earned my trust, I hope I wasn't foolish enough to just give it away.

I nodded bringing my arms around his neck pulling him to a long and tight embrace, "I promise you, we won't end up like them, Key. Because I care too much to let it get to point were you could even consider in comparing us to them." Jonghyun told me as he cupped my cheeks in both his hands eyes looking straight at mine. I can feel it, see it in his eyes how he intends to keep that promise; how we'll never be like my parents, how we can make it work- make us work.

"Do you think your a trustworthy person who keeps promises" I asked him encouraging myself to look him in the eyes showing him just how hard it took for me to even bring up a topic so detached; like trust.

"I do think, I could be a person thats worth your trust Key, but I'm not perfect either. I won't make promises I know I won't be able to keep because I don't want to be a person that will disappoint you" he said to me as he looked right in my eyes, twinkling in happiness and satisfaction.

"Then can you promise me that, you'll never ever hurt me, because I'm trusting you not to" I said to him letting my head fall in the crooks of his neck as he envelops my shoulder into a warm embrace.

"Now, that's a promise I would be glad to keep" he said before kissing me so lovingly in the forehead as he caught my chin with his fingers turning my face to face his, loving eyes staring right at me.

'I'll trust you, because you've given me every reason to'

It was a mutual confession, we knew we liked each other and there was no use in telling each other how we felt because... we knew.

But for me... it was the exchange of trust that needed to be spoken of.

Don't you think, it's useless telling each other you love them, when there is not an once of trust that's shared between the two of you?

To me, that exchange of trust, was the most important thing; seeing how Jonghyun took full responsibility for the trust I've started to give him, he knew that what ever he choses to do with it; will affect me along with our new found relationship.

I went home with a smile on my face as my hands was intertwined with Jonghyun's.

"You don't know how happy, you've made me today, Kibum-ah" he said while making us stop in the middle of the pathway, circling his hands around my waist; looking so lovingly in my eyes.

'No, Jjong you don't know how happy, you've made me'.

I clasped my hands together around his neck, we shared smiles before I once again chose to betray my brain and what it's telling me, as found myself leaning closer toward Jonghyun's captivating lips and before I knew it, we we're joined in the most sweetest of lip locks, I've ever dreamt of experiencing.

The kiss was so in sync and in motion, that it left my mind flying every where; so sweet and addictive. No hunger or lust just pure love that bonded us together. But like the times when all I wanted was for time to freeze; I knew that the air that was slowly leaving our lungs were needed to be replaced and in time we parted for the lack of it, we exchange smiles, while I couldn't help but giggle at his cuteness; I quickly pecked him in the lips before enveloping him in a warm love filled embrace, "I love you, Jjong."

"I love you more, baby" he told me in a whisper, kissing my temples before we parted and started to walk back home, wide grin like smiles plastered happily in both our faces.

That, certainly was one of the most impulsive and spontaneous things, I've ever done in my life and to be honest, I don't think I'd ever regret doing that, because the kiss was heavenly.

Would it be too cliche to say that it felt like my hands and his were made for each other, to fit every single space and crevices, to hold each other like it was the last day on earth.

We came back to my house, he was so caring, he said to me that he would stay there for as longs as I needed him near me, making me smile in return.

I found my dad in the living room, sleeping soundly, probably waiting for me to go back home; it broke my heart to know that he cried himself to sleep as he cheeks were still stained with a fresh layer of tears.

"Jjong, I think I'm gonna be fine; thank you" I told him as I hugged him, already imagining how I'd miss his warmth.

"Okay, Key; call me okay, don't care when or what time, but call me when you need to. I'll see you tomorrow, baby" he instructed me, tightening his grip around my waist before pecking my forehead and waving goodbye. I kissed his cheeks before showing him to the door.

Aren't, I so sappy, missing him already like it was the last time I'd ever see him.

I sighed as I made my way to the living room, I crouched down in front of my dad, wiping away the tears that stained his cheeks, "You, old man, shouldn't be crying because of a woman..." I scolded the sleeping figure. "But I know you can't help it, so I can't blame you, dad."

"Dad, you know today was the happiest of my life, but do you know what would make me more happy; when you'll realise that you won't need a woman to make you happy because I'm here to love you unconditionally" I said before kissing my dad in the forehead, going upstairs to bring down a duvet for my sleeping father. I tucked him in before going back upstairs to greet my warm bed 'hello'.

The next day, I knew my dad would wake me up to say that he was sorry; like a sad routine that his learned whenever, events like yesterday would occur.

I told him everything that happened, from the moment when I opened the door and found him in hysterics, to the moment Jonghyun wrapped his arms around me as well as the time when I choose to take the risks to be with Jonghyun (hiding the little fact that I've also given my first kiss, to my first and hopefully last boyfriend.)

What made me even more ecstatic was the fact that my father accepted us, his opinion mattered because his my dad a person who I looked up to and I can never wish for any other father because he was all I needed.

"Kibum-ah, this relationship is something you will get judge on by strangers who you don't even know; a relationship which is said to be a disgrace to humanity...but son, as your father I only wish for your happiness something I could never give you, so I accept Jonghyun. I can see that he makes you happy and I'm happy to know that you are. I'm an old man, a man who's caused you to cry many tears because of my loneliness and selfishness, so if the time ever comes that he chooses to ask you to live with him, I want you to know that it's okay. That daddy's going to be fine, just visit me okay"

Hearing that from my father brought me to tears; the fact that he accepted me; our relationship and also how above everything else, it was my happiness that he always prioritised; though it did, scare me to think that maybe in the future, I'll have to leave my father someday to grow as person.

I never thought that being in a relationship could feel this safe, I feel as if I'm someone invincible, someone who can trust another being.

Yet it still puzzles me why it was so easy for my heart to accept him, like someone it's known for a thousand years just waiting to be found by me.

'Trust is something you must earn' I always told myself and thus I shut my heart in the fear of being able to trust, it terrifies me to know that giving away something as little as trust can lead to so much pain, like my father who has given everything yet gets nothing in return, not even an once of what he has selflessly given.

But then, again here you are earning them little by little with every, hug and haste kisses on the cheek as well as every complement or sweet nothing's you whisper in my ear when ever I feel down or blue.

I can't wait for the day, when I can proudly say that,I trust you.

Because I loving him was something I've stopped questioning a long time ago.

For the first, I've accepted that Jonghyun, would one day be the complete, death of me. (In a good... tingly, stomach butterflies and head spinning kind of way.)